The Josh and Kat Trilogy: A Bundle of Books 1-3

by Lauren Rowe

Kat grins at Henn. “Hear that, Josh? You’re a terrible influence on me.” She laughs. “Do I have time to take a quick shower, Henny?” She sits up and the bed sheet slides off her torso—clearly revealing the outline of her nipples under her thin, white tank top.

  Oh shit. I don’t think she’s ever looked sexier than she does right now.

  “I think you’d better just throw on your clothes and be ready in five, just in case,” Henn says, averting his eyes from Kat’s skimpy tank top. He looks at his watch. “The minute banking hours are over here in Vegas, then we’ll be off the hook ’til tomorrow morning and you can shower and all that. But, in theory, Jonas could call literally any time now so we’ve got to be ready to move on a dime.”

  “Okay,” Kat says, rubbing her face. “Sorry, Henny. We’ll pull our shit together and get our heads in the game from now on. Right, Josh?”

  “Absolutely,” I say. Holy fuck, Kat’s nipples look amazing in that tank top. I look away, my cock tingling.

  Kat picks up her phone. “Oh, I’ve got a text from Sarah. She says one of the guys in the meeting looks like he could stuff her into the trunk of his car and she’d never be heard from again.” Kat chuckles to herself. “Oh, shoot, I’ve got another missed call from my friend Hannah. I should give her a quick call. She’s probably got a question on this big account she’s handling for me at work. Do I have time to make a quick call? Super-duper quick?” She bats her eyelashes.

  Henn nods. “Yeah, really quick. But you might have to get off if Jonas calls and gives us the signal.”

  “Okay. Like lightning.”

  I can’t peel my eyes off her. I’ve never seen her first thing in the morning before. She’s turning me on. Especially after what happened last night: after reading my application, she opened her door, wordlessly hugged me, and led me to her bed; then, without a word, the two of us lay down together, our bodies pressed close, our arms wrapped around each other, and quickly drifted off to sleep.

  It was such a simple interaction, but I have no idea how to put into words how much it meant to me. The woman had just read my sick-fuck fantasies and she serenely fell asleep in my arms. Whatever she plans to say to me about that application at some point in the future will be icing. The way she fell asleep in my arms last night? That was the cake.

  Kat dials Hannah’s number and presses the phone to her ear.

  Her eyes drift to me as she waits for Hannah to pick up.

  “How’d you sleep, babe?” she asks softly, the phone pressed to her ear.

  My entire body buzzes. Has Kat called me ‘babe’ before? I don’t think so. But if so, she’s never said it quite like that.

  “Good,” I say, my skin electrifying. “You?”

  “Good.” She beams a smile at me. “Really, really good.”

  Holy shit. I feel high. With one brief and seemingly innocuous exchange, the woman just confirmed exactly what’s going on inside her head: she doesn’t think I’m a sick fuck.

  Kat’s attention is drawn to her phone. “Hi, Hannah Banana Montana Milliken,” she says. “So what’s up?” She listens for a minute. “Oh, no worries. Just tell them we’ll do a Twitter campaign instead—that’s their demographic, anyway. We’ll make lemonade out of lemons. No problem. We can set up a live chat with a hashtag.” She pauses. “Oh, I dunno, how ’bout hashtag-I’ve-got-your-pulled-pork-right-here?” She winks at me. “And then we’ll select a winner,” she continues. “I’d say a gift card. Yeah. That sounds good. But I can talk to them if you prefer—I’ll probably be free later today to chat.” She laughs. “Aw, anytime. Thanks for picking up all the slack while I’ve been gone.”

  Henn and I look at each other. The woman’s a PR badass; there’s no doubt about it. I love seeing her like this, kicking ass and taking names.

  “Yeah, I am, as a matter of fact,” Kat says into the phone, her eyes drifting to me. “Mmm hmm. Actually, yeah, he is.” She beams a huge smile at me.

  Henn rolls his eyes and shoots me a smirk.

  “Funny you should ask that, Banana,” Kat says, her eyes leaving me and landing on Henn. “He does. And he’s the coolest guy you’ll ever meet. Actually, he’s a fucking genius.”

  Henn shifts his weight.

  Kat suddenly extends her phone toward Henn. “Henn, my adorable and funny friend Hannah Millikin wants very much to say hello to you.”

  “To me?” Henn asks, his face turning red.

  Kat laughs. “Yup. Come on, Henn. YOLO.” She holds out the phone again, insisting he take it. “Hannah’s the coolest girl you’ll ever talk to, I promise. A total goofball. Loyal. Smart. Cute. Funny. The list goes on and on. Nothing to lose by just saying hi.”

  Henn waffles.

  “Oh, and did I mention?” Kat says. “She got brown hair and glasses.” She winks.

  Henn takes the phone, his cheeks rising with color. “Well, this isn’t awks or anything,” he says into the phone. “Hello, Hannah Millikin. I’m Peter Hennessey—but everyone just calls me Henn.” He pauses to let Hannah talk and then chuckles. “Yeah, she did kinda make it sound like your idea, actually.” He laughs again. “She’s a sneaky one, for sure.” He pauses. “Um, you know, just working... I’m a computer specialist—a freelance programmer.” He clears his throat and listens for a moment. “L.A., New York, Toronto, Denver—I go wherever the job takes me, and I can work from anywhere, so I travel a lot, but I mostly live in L.A. in a crappy-ass apartment. Where are you? Oh, yeah, duh. Kat just said she works with you. Yeah, sure, I get up there sometimes—I love it there. Good salmon.” He pauses. “Me, too,” he finally says. “Indubitably.” He grins broadly at something Hannah’s saying. “Yeah, I hope so. Thanks.” He blushes and hands the phone back to Kat. “Here you go.”

  “Not so awks after all, huh?” Kat says playfully.

  Henn flashes a shy smile. “Not nearly as awks as it could have been,” he agrees. “She made it easy.”

  Kat grins and grabs the phone. “Hey, girl. Isn’t he the cutest? I know, right? Sure, I’ll send you a picture.” She lowers her voice. “Word on the street is he’s a phenomenal kisser, too.” She beams a smile at Henn and giggles. “Yeah, I will. Okay, bye, Banana. Thanks again.”

  Kat puts her phone down, grins devilishly, and steeples her fingers like a cartoon villain. “Oh, my darling Henny, I have a feeling.”

  “About what?”

  “About you and my dear friend Hannah Banana Montana Millikin. What’s your sign?”

  “My sign? Sagittarius.”

  Kat’s face lights up. “Ah, the explorer. Well, that makes perfect sense. And super-duper perfect with Leo.”

  “Hannah’s a Leo?” I ask.

  Kat nods. “And Sag-Leo is a fabulous combo. Maybe when we’re done saving the world all four of us can go out to dinner some time?”

  “I’d be up for that,” I say.

  Henn shrugs and makes a face like he’s got nothing to lose. “Um. Sure.”

  Kat scrolls through the photos on her phone for a moment. When she finds what she’s looking for, she hands her phone to Henn. “That’s Hannah,” she says.

  Henn looks at the phone. “Wow. She’s super cute.” He blushes. “Yeah, I’d totally be up for dinner. Sounds great.”

  “Awesome.” Kat’s eyes are positively sparkling. She plops her phone onto the bed next to her. “Okay, boys. I’m gonna brush my teeth and wash my face and then, voila, I’ll be Oksana Belenko for as long needed.”

  With that, she hops out of bed in her itty-bitty G-string and barely-there tank top and sashays to the bathroom on her long, toned legs, her blonde hair falling down her back—completely unaware of, or not giving a shit about, the male shrapnel she’s leaving behind in her glorious wake.

  Fifty-Two

  Kat

  I’m practically peeing myself with laughter.

  Josh, Henn, and Reed are telling the story of how Josh wound up with “YOLO” inked onto his ass, and Will, Carmen, and I are laughing so hard, we can barely keep ourselves upright a
t the table.

  As it turned out, Josh, Henn and I weren’t called upon to make the money transfers today. At around four o’ clock our time, Sarah and Jonas called to tell us we were free until eight tomorrow morning, at which time they wanted us to station ourselves outside the first bank on our agenda, ready to go at their signal. Which meant that after Josh, Henn, and I did a little shopping for clothes befitting the wealthy pimpstress Oksana Belenko, we decided to let off a little steam and have a great meal together.

  “Let’s call Reed,” Josh suggested. “Get the band back together.”

  As it turned out, Reed was on his way to the airport with Will and Carmen when Josh called, but at his friend’s invitation to dinner, he turned his car around. And now Josh, Henn, Reed, Will, Carmen and I are sitting together in a five-star restaurant, half-way through our amazing meal, laughing ’til tears pour down our faces.

  “You knew I had the quote wrong the whole time?” Josh shouts at Reed, incredulous. “After ten years, this is the first time I’m hearing this part of the story.”

  Reed is laughing so hard, he’s crying. “Of course, I knew. You were dead in the water, bro. Everyone knew it. It wasn’t even close.”

  “Then why the hell did you goad me on like that?”

  “And miss watching you to get ‘YOLO’ tattooed onto your ass?”

  Josh can’t believe his ears. “For all these years, I thought you didn’t know. I thought you were being fair and impartial.”

  Reed shakes his head, laughing. “Hell no. I was Team Henn all the way. It served you right, bro. You were being a total dick about it.”

  Henn is howling with laughter. “You’re demented, Reed.”

  “Hey, all in good fun.”

  “Fun for you, maybe,” Josh says. “You’re not the one with YOLO tattooed on his ass.”

  “Aw, bad tattoos happen to the best of us,” Will says, slapping Josh on the shoulder. “Look at this.” Will rolls up his sleeve and shows Josh a tattoo on his forearm—and I immediately slap my hand over my mouth at the sight of it. Oh my God, no. Will’s got a dragon on his arm—one of the tattoos on my so-called list of no-no’s.

  “Oh, look, a dragon,” Josh says, smiling, his facial expression morphing into one of pure glee. “Do you see that, Kitty Kat?”

  My cheeks burst into flames. Holy crap. Why the heck did I name dragon tattoos as one of the items on my “social suicide” list? I was talking out my butt—pulling it out of thin air. Why the heck did I say that?

  Josh looks at me and smirks wickedly and I shoot him a look that begs him for mercy.

  “I got the heart first,” Will says, oblivious to the nonverbal exchange happening between Josh and me. Will points to a prominent heart on his dragon’s chest. “My ex-girlfriend and I got matching hearts.”

  Josh’s face lights up at Will’s use of the word “ex-girlfriend.”

  Oh no. No. This can’t be happening.

  “Oh, so you got the heart with your girlfriend, did you?” Josh asks Will. “Who’s now your ex-girlfriend?”

  “Yeah, I was sure we’d be together forever. But then she slept with my best friend, so I had to get the dragon to camouflage it.”

  The smile on Josh’s face is positively merciless. “Hey, Kat. Did you catch that? Will’s got both a dragon tattoo and an ex-girlfriend tattoo.” Josh can barely contain his giddiness. “Imagine that.”

  My cheeks are on fire. Why, oh why, did I say all that stuff to Josh about prohibited tattoos? I was just being snarky. I had no idea what I was saying.

  “What’s so funny?” Will asks, looking confused. “Why do I feel like I’m missing the joke?”

  Oh, God, please, no. This can’t be happening. I cover my face with my hands.

  “Are you feeling like crawling into a hole about now, PG?” Josh asks.

  I nod from behind my hands and Josh hoots with laughter.

  “Well, Will,” Josh begins like he’s teaching a lesson to a grade-schooler. “Kat here’s got a very specific list of tattoos that she’s decided in her infinite wisdom are cliché and stupid and therefore tantamount to committing ‘social suicide,’ as she so colorfully puts it.”

  “And dragons and hearts are both on Kat’s list?” Will asks.

  “No, not hearts, surprisingly. Just dragon and girlfriend tattoos.” Josh chuckles happily. “Social suicide, both of them, Will, I’m sorry to inform you—but they’re simply not allowed. I guess you’ll have to get that shit lasered, huh?”

  “Oh, shit,” Will says. “Yeah, this is a catastrophe. I’ve got two prohibited tattoos? Damn that Stubborn Kat. She won’t do anything you want her to do and she thinks your tattoos are stupid.”

  I’m dying. I’m physically dying. “No, Will, I...” I begin, but I can’t speak. I’ve never been so frickin’ mortified in my life.

  “And guess what else is on Stubborn Kat’s list?” Josh continues, beaming.

  Will shrugs. “I dunno. Flowers? I’ve got flowers for my momma, too.”

  Josh shakes his head. “Nope. Flowers are allowed. Guess again. I’ll give you a hint: it’s on my ass.”

  The entire table erupts with laughter.

  “Well, I can’t blame Stubborn Kat for that one,” Will says.

  “Neither can I,” Reed says. “She probably took one look at your ass and added it to the list.”

  “Oh no,” Josh says, laughing. “That’s the best part. Stubborn Kat came up with this list before she’d seen a single one of my tattoos.”

  The table erupts again. Everyone but me is laughing so hard, they can’t breathe.

  “Before?” Will says. “Oh shit. And you hadn’t even told her about any of ’em?”

  Josh is laughing too hard to speak, so he simply shakes his head.

  I look at Henn, desperate for an ally, and he flashes me a sympathetic frownie-face. “Hang in there, Kitty Kat,” he says above the fray.

  Josh places his forehead down on the table, apparently spent from laughing so hard.

  “Hey, at least you’ve only got one tattoo on the prohibited list,” Will says. “I’m the loser with two.”

  I open my mouth to apologize profusely, but nothing comes out. This is the most embarrassing moment of my life.

  “Oh shit, hang on,” Josh says, trying to catch his breath from laughing. He raises his head from the table, and with great flourish, rolls up his sleeve to display the dragon tattoo on his beautiful, bulging bicep.

  The whole table loses it again.

  And I want to die. I truly want to die.

  “YOLO and a dragon,” Will says. “Tsk, tsk.”

  Josh wipes his eyes.

  “And she said all that shit before she knew any of your tattoos? Aw, come on someone must have told her. She was just fucking with you.” Will looks at me. “Please tell me you were just fucking with him, Stubborn Kat.”

  I shake my head, an apologetic look on my face. “I was just talking out my butt, being a total smart-ass.”

  Will hits his forehead with his palm. “Truth is stranger than fiction, man. This is the best story, ever.”

  Josh nods. “I seriously couldn’t believe it. We were texting and I just stared at my screen, like ‘oh my fucking God, I’ve hit the mother lode.’”

  “Gosh darn it, Stubborn Kat,” Will says, putting on his cartoon voice. “She sniffs out your stupid tattoos and nails you to the wall with ’em.”

  “Kinda the way some cats curl up with dying people at a nursing home,” Reed says, and everyone laughs. “Why didn’t you just tell her, man?” Reed asks Josh.

  “No fucking way I was gonna tell her,” Josh says. “I figured I’d let her find out the good old fashioned way—by seeing my ass.” He winks and Reed and Will clink their glasses against Josh’s.

  “Atta boy,” Reed says.

  I’m peeking at the group from behind my hands, afraid to come out. My eyes drift to Henn again and he makes a face that tells me he feels my pain.

  “Hey, Stubborn Kat,” Josh says
. “Why don’t you tell the group all of your amazing rules. Enlighten us. Amaze us with what a hip whippersnapper you are.”

  “I believe a hip whippersnapper’s actually called a ‘hippersnapper,’” Will says.

  Everyone at the table (except for me) laughs. I can’t stop hiding behind my hands. This is sheer pain right here.

  “Aw, come on, babe. ‘You don’t make The Rules, you just enforce ’em.’ Remember?”

  I shake my head. “There’s no way I’m making any declarations about what’s cool and what’s not in this crowd. Every man at this table could tattoo Bert and Ernie onto his forehead and make it look cool,” I say.

  Will picks up his napkin and rubs it forcefully against his forehead. “Well, I guess now would be the time to remove this makeup on my forehead and show you...”

  Everyone laughs, yet again.

  “You’re not gonna enlighten us about all The Rules for Being Cool, Stubborn Kat?” Josh asks.

  I shake my head.

  “She’s normally not so shy, I swear,” he says.

  “Come on, Stubborn Kat,” Will says. “What else is on the list? We’ve got dragons, YOLO, girlfriends that didn’t work out, and what? I’ve got two so far—I’m hoping to rack up some more points before the night is over.”

  I put my head on the table and bury my head with my arms. “Make it stop,” I mumble.

  Will laughs.

  “Come on, guys,” Henn says. “Make fun of me for a while, as usual. How ’bout I dance for you?”

  “Oh, yeah. Let’s make Henny dance—my favorite thing!” Reed says, suddenly giddy. He bangs on the table. “Dance puppet-boy, dance!”

  Henn grumbles.

  “We’ll definitely have to hit my club after dinner.”

  Everyone agrees.

  “But back to Kat’s list,” Will says. “Come on. What else is on it, Stubborn Kat? I bet I’ve got at least some of the stuff on the list, whatever it is.”

  Josh grabs my hand and kisses it. “You’re not gonna tell him?”

  I shake my head. “I’m never gonna say anything about anyone’s tattoos ever again, as long as I live.”