by Lauren Rowe
I cover my face with my hands.
Jonas laughs again. “Aw, come on, Kat. It’s just me—and I’m a huge fan of bathroom fuckery, believe me. Besides, what do you care what I think? I’m Blane. I’m the boring guy you’ll never see again.”
I laugh and look out my car window for a long moment, letting the blush in my cheeks subside. “So where are we going, Blane?”
“A bar near my house called The Pine Box. Are you familiar with it?” He’s got a wicked grin on his face.
“Yeah, as a matter of fact, I am. My best friend and I once went to The Pine Box to spy on this guy she really liked.”
“You spied on him, huh? What was he doing?”
“Hitting on another girl.”
“Ooph. Sounds like an asshole.”
“Yeah, that’s what I thought. But I’ve since learned he’s a total sweetheart. Best guy, ever. And a perfect match for my best friend, too. I couldn’t be happier for them.”
I look over at Jonas and he’s absolutely beaming with joy. God, he’s such a cutie, I can’t stand it. I wanna roll him in glitter and glue and hang him on my fridge.
He looks at me, his face bursting with happiness. “You’re definitely way cooler than your online profile, Kat.”
Seventy-Four
Josh
I don’t know what to do with myself, so I pick up a dishrag and wipe off the top of the bar for a long minute. I’m so amped to finally see Kat again, I can barely breathe. A week has never felt so long. Fuck. I look at my watch. Jonas should be here with her any minute now. Fuck. I’m leaping out of my skin. Fuck. I haven’t been able to get that woman out of my head all fucking week, despite how busy I’ve been with work. The smell of her. The softness of her skin. The way she laughs like a dude. That electricity that courses between us when we have sex, nice and slow. What the fuck is that? It’s gonna be the death of me.
“Hey, bartender,” a guy in a charcoal three-piece suit calls to me.
I nod to the guy. It’s been a long time since anyone’s called me “bartender” in an actual bar. Sure, I’m always “bartender” at parties with my friends, but there’s a special kind of jolt to being the guy who’s large and in charge in an actual bar. I’d forgotten how much I love that feeling.
I glance at Tim to my left, the actual bartender at The Pine Box, seeking permission to assist the guy in the suit and Tim motions for me to go right ahead. He’s not just being nice, of course—I’ve paid him and his boss (the owner of the bar) handsomely for the privilege. But, still, I can’t help feeling giddy to be doing this again after all these years.
“Hey there, man.” I say to the dude in the suit, sauntering to him. “What can I do you for, sir?”
“A Manhattan,” the guy says. He motions to a cute brunette standing just behind him. “And a Chardonnay.”
“Absolutely. Guess what? Great news. Tonight just so happens to be Dudes In Charcoal Suits Drink For Free Night.” I slide two cocktail napkins onto the bar in front of him. “Your drinks are on the house, man.”
The guy looks surprised. “Really?”
“Yep. They’re on me.” I flash him a huge smile. “Tip included.”
When I contacted The Pine Box (at Jonas’ recommendation) and asked the owner if I might help tend bar for an hour tonight (because, I said, I was trying to decide if I wanted to quit my fancy job and go back to my college job), he wasn’t the least bit open to the idea. As usual, though, money made the guy change his mind and decide to help a brother out. “But you can’t handle any customers’ money,” the owner warned. “Leave that to Tim.” “No problem,” I assured him. “How about this: I’ll pay for every single drink in the place, all night long. And I’ll serve all premium liquor the whole time I’m there—you’ll make a mint, bro.”
“Whoa,” the guy in the charcoal suit says, stuffing his wallet back into his pocket. “A random act of kindness. Thanks.”
“Something like that,” I say. “So check this out, bro. I’m gonna make your Manhattan with a little extra kick, okay? I’m gonna use a premium rye whiskey—maybe Overholt?—plus, I’m gonna go off the rails and use orange bitters.”
The guy raises his eyebrows. “You’re going rogue, huh?”
I laugh. “I know what you’re thinking—is he mad? Just roll with it. If you don’t absolutely love it, I’ll make you one the traditional way. But you’ll see. The rye whiskey’s gonna really offset the flavor of the bitters nicely.”
“Okay. Cool. Thanks, man. Awesome.”
I look at the adorable brunette behind the guy. “Are you in the mood to try something besides Chardonnay tonight? I’ve got a Purple Rain recipe I’m dying to make for a lucky lady tonight. Also completely on me, of course. If you like gin, you’ll love it.”
“I love gin,” she says, her face lighting up. “I’ll give it a whirl.”
I glance at the door. Jonas should have been here already. Maybe Kat kept him waiting when he came to pick her up. Kat didn’t know Jonas was coming, after all. She probably made him sit and wait while she put on makeup or changed her clothes. That girl is never fucking on time for a goddamned thing. I smile broadly. And she’s always worth the fucking wait.
I push the drinks across the bar to the dude and his date.
“Whoa,” the guy says. “Best Manhattan I’ve ever had.”
“Love it,” his date says. “What’s in it besides gin?”
I tell her and she praises me for being fucking amazing, which, I must admit when it comes to making drinks, I am. “When you’re ready for round two, lemme know. I’ll keep my tab open for you all night long.”
“Thanks. Wow. You’re the man.”
Damn, I should totally do this once a week, just for kicks. This is fun.
A smoking hot brunette comes into the place alone, sits at the bar, and motions to me that she wants to order something. I glance at Tim on the other end of the bar and he motions to me like, “She’s all yours, man.”
I saunter down to her. “Hey, beautiful,” I say. “What can I do for you?”
She raises her eyebrow. “Answering that question with a drink order seems like such a shame.”
Oh. Well. I glance at the door. I’d forgotten about how much women hit on the bartender. That was always one of the best perks of tending bar.
I smile at her. “You here alone, sweetheart?”
“Waiting for a friend. She just texted she’s running late.” She makes a sad face.
“Well, no one gets lonely when I’m tending bar. That’s the rule. What can I get you? It’s on me.”
Her eyes blaze. “Oh, thank you. That’s awfully sweet of you.”
I look at the door. No Jonas. No Kat.
“Um,” she says. “Do you have a recommendation for me? I feel like going outside my usual tonight. Maybe taking a walk on the wild side.” She levels her dark eyes at me.
Oh man. This woman’s not fucking around.
“Hmm. Well, would you like a screaming orgasm, perhaps?”
“You read my mind.”
“Coming right up.” I flash her my most lascivious look.
“And what do you recommend to drink?” she adds.
I laugh. “What’s your name, beautiful?” I ask.
“Lucy.” She puts out her hand and I shake it.
“Hi, Lucy. Love the name. I’m Josh. Pleased to meet you.”
“You’re new here?”
“Yeah. Just on a trial basis. Just for tonight.”
“Oh, well, lucky I came in tonight, then. I’d be happy to tell the owner to hire you. You’re the best bartender, ever.”
“I haven’t made your drink yet.”
She flashes a flirtatious smile. “It doesn’t matter.” She licks her lips.
I run my hand through my hair. Shit, have women gotten more aggressive since I used to do this in college? “Well, Lucy. Thanks for the vote of—” I glance down at the other end of the bar and I’m met with two eyes of blue steel boring holes into the back of m
y skull like a fucking Gamma Ray. Kat. In full Jealous Bitch mode. My heart and dick both leap at the sight of her. How is it possible she’s even more beautiful than she was last week?
I wink at her and her eyes flicker.
She grits her teeth.
It’s all I can do not to burst out laughing. Fuck, I love Jealous Kat. She’s never sexier than when she’s plotting a murder.
I quickly turn my attention back to my new brunette admirer. My gut tells me letting Jealous Kat simmer for a little while longer will only make this porno hotter in the end. Plus, I’m not one hundred percent sure how this particular porno’s supposed to play itself out. I know Kat’s on a date with Boring Blane and I’m the hot bartender who catches her eye. That part is clear. But the rest is kind of nebulous. I’m pretty sure she’s gonna slip me a note. Yeah, that’s it. She’s supposed to slip me a napkin with a note scribbled on it. And then we fuck in the bathroom. And then she returns to her date like nothing even happened. Fucking hot.
“Sorry, Lucy,” I say. “I got distracted there for a second. Thanks for the vote of confidence. Yeah, if you could tell the owner you want me to get the job, I’d be grateful. Seems like a cool place.”
“Sure, Josh. My friends and I come in here about once a week after work. You’d be a sight for sore eyes after a long day, that’s for sure.”
I flash her my most charming smile. “Thanks. You’re a sweetheart.”
She throws her head back and laughs. “Oh, my. You’re adorable.” She bites her lip. “Absolutely adorable.” She leans in. “How late are you working tonight?”
I lean in. “I’m not sure yet.”
“Well, let me know when you find out,” she whispers.
I grin. “First things first, lemme get you that screaming orgasm.”
“If I get my way, that’ll be first things first. Second things second. And third things third.”
Oh shit. This woman is a fucking carnivore. Were women this savage when I was tending bar at twenty-two? Shit, if they were, I don’t remember it quite this way. If I weren’t here to deliver a porno-fantasy to the woman of my dreams tonight, I’d no doubt be banging this woman to within an inch of her life an hour from now. Jesus God.
“Just a second, Lucy. I’ve got a customer flagging me down at the other end of the bar. Your screaming orgasm will be coming right up.” I wink.
As I walk the length of the bar toward Kat, I feel like a man walking a gangplank. She looks literally homicidal. Damn, she’s gorgeous. Especially when she’s in terrorist mode. I have the sudden impulse to leap over the bar and take her into my arms and kiss the hell out of her, but this slow burn is way too hot to fuck with. Kat’s got fantasy-pornos playing in her head? Well, I guess it turns out I do, too. She’s jealous of the man-eater down at the other end of the bar? Well, good. It’ll only make sex in the bathroom that much better.
I come to a halt immediately across the bar from Jonas and Kat. My brother looks like he wants to throttle me and Kat looks like she wants to filet me and cut off my balls.
“Hey, guys,” I say. “Welcome to The Pine Box.” I push two napkins in front of them, my eyes fixed on Kat. “Hey, beautiful,” I whisper. “Man, are you a sight for lonely eyes. I haven’t stopped thinking about you all week, babe.”
Kat bites her lip. Her chest is rising and falling visibly. (And, damn, what a fine looking chest it is, especially in the cleavage-baring blouse she’s got on.)
“Hey, bartender,” Kat says, her voice tight. She clenches her jaw. “I’ve been dying to see you, too.” Her cheeks flush. “Surprised to see you working the crowd so well.”
I shrug. “It’s what bartenders do, babe. Can’t keep a fish from swimming.”
She practically snarls.
“So, you two on a date tonight? Lemme guess. Did you two kids meet online?”
Jonas rolls his eyes, clearly not willing to play along.
I laugh. “What can I get you? Drinks are on me.”
“What are you having, Jonas?” Kat asks.
“I’d like the most complicated and annoying drink you can possibly imagine. Something that literally pains you to make because it’s so fucking involved. I don’t normally drink because I’m a professional baseball player and I’m highly disciplined during the season, mind you, but for some reason now that I’m seeing you here, acting like a total douchebag”—he motions to the other end of the bar—“all I wanna do is cause you maximum pain.”
I glance down the bar in the direction Jonas has indicated. Lucy is biting her fingertip, watching me, her eyes burning like hot coals.
I clear my throat. “Hey, bro. No problemo. I know exactly what to make you. I’ve got the perfect drink for you.” I look at Kat. “And you, miss? What can I do for you? My wish is your command.”
I can almost hear Kat’s heart beating from here.
She’s so fucking gorgeous, she’s causing me pain.
I shouldn’t do it—I know I shouldn’t—it’s obviously not part of the role-play—but I can’t resist. I’ve missed her too much not to feed my addiction right fucking now.
I reach across the bar and touch that hot little cleft in her chin.
At my touch, Kat parts her lips and exhales a shaky breath.
And just like that, I’m rock hard.
“What can I get you?” I breathe. “Name it. It’s yours. Anything at all, babe.”
She swallows hard. “I want a douchebag,” she says.
There’s a long beat. I can’t decide if that’s a drink order or if she’s referring to me.
“Crown Royal and a splash of Coke,” she clarifies, solving the mystery for me.
“Really? Is that really a thing?”
She nods. “Look it up. It’s a real thing. And I want one—I want one bad.”
I smirk. “Okay, then. A douchebag it is. With pleasure.” I look at Jonas. “And for you, sir, I’ll be making something called The Dork. White rum, Pisang Ambon, Licor 43, lemon juice and pineapple juice—served in a highball glass. Hope you enjoy it.”
Jonas makes a face of pure disgust.
I laugh and slide a Heineken across the bar.
He grins despite himself.
My eyes flicker back to Kat. “I’ll be right back to serve up your douchebag, gorgeous. I gotta go give that brunette down there a screaming orgasm first.” I motion to my admirer down at the other end of the bar. “While I’m gone, enjoy your date. This guy seems super interesting. Have fun, you two.”
Kat’s eyes flash wickedly at me, but I turn my back on her and traipse on down to the other end of the bar, my cock tingling.
“Sorry for the delay, Lucy. Got to chatting with a couple down there. They’re on a blind date. Cutest couple ever.”
“No problem. Tim came over and offered to give me a screaming orgasm, but I told him I only want one from you.”
“Aw, shucks, Lucy. That’s awfully sweet of you. That makes me feel so special.” I glance at Kat on the other end of the bar. Her eyes are trained on me like a sniper. She looks ready to jump on top of the bar and leap on this woman like a cheetah downing an impala. “Well, then, I guess I’d better get moving, huh? Don’t worry, it only takes me a couple minutes to give most women the best screaming orgasm of their life. You’re only minutes away from complete satisfaction, sweetheart.”
She shifts in her chair and makes a sexual sound.
I steal a quick look at Kat—and she’s about to lose her fucking mind.
I turn around and grab the ingredients I need for Lucy’s drink, laughing to myself about what a stroke of luck it was to unexpectedly have this hot little tamale on my tip right in front of Kat. I couldn’t have planned it better if I’d tried.
I serve up Lucy’s drink to her and she takes a greedy sip.
“Orgasmic. Thank you. And thank you for buying it for me.”
“My pleasure,” I say.
“Excuse me,” Kat’s voice says from behind Lucy’s shoulder. She’s standing literally right behind
Lucy, her hands on her hips, her nostrils flaring. I straighten up to get an unimpeded view and I’m met with Kat’s blazing face in full Jealous Bitch mode.
“Oh, hey, miss,” I say, trying not to grin too broadly. “Your douchebag is coming right up. I’m sorry I’m kinda slow. I’m new. I was just giving Lucy here a screaming orgasm.”
“Forget about making me a drink,” she says. “I want a douchebag.” She elbows her way to the edge of the bar, right next to Lucy, completely invading the other woman’s personal space. Much to my surprise, she turns her head and smiles with full teeth at Lucy, the way a great white shark smiles at a sea lion. Oh shit. I’ve never seen her look more like a murderer than right now. “I’m on a blind date with that guy down there,” she says breezily. She points to Jonas.
Lucy cranes her neck and catches sight of my brother in all his magical glory—and, not unexpectedly, the woman’s eyes pop out of her head. “Oh my God, honey. You’re on a blind date with him? Jackpot.”
“Yeah. His name is Blane.” Kat rolls her eyes.
Lucy squints at Jonas and then looks at me. “He looks a lot like you, actually. Are you two related?”
I crane my neck and look at Jonas. “Hey, yeah, he does kinda look like me. Huh.” I shake my head. “Nope, never seen that guy before in my life.”
“Wow. He’s your doppelgänger.”
“You think?”
Kat leans in and whispers. “He’s so boring I wanna gouge my eyes out. He’s a professional baseball player and he keeps talking about Plato.” Kat makes a sound like she’s snoring.
I laugh.
“He’s a professional baseball player?” Lucy steals another look. “Honey, if it were me, I’d let that man talk about anything he wanted to, whether it’s Plato or Play-Doh. Good lord, girl. You better get back over there. Don’t let some other woman swoop in and make a move on him.” She cranes her neck to look at Jonas again—a move I’ve seen women in bars perform more times than I can count. “Holy hot damn. Go.”
Kat sniffs and trains her eyes on me. Oh man, she’s absolutely on fire. “Eh. He’s okay, I guess. The problem is, while I was sitting over there with that guy, I kept getting distracted by another guy—a smoking hot bartender to be exact.” Kat leans over the bar, notably edging Lucy out of the pocket (and giving me a fabulous view of her pretty titties in her low-cut blouse). She lowers her voice to barely above a whisper. “This bartender I’ve been watching all night has so much swagger, I figure it can only mean one thing.”