The Josh and Kat Trilogy: A Bundle of Books 1-3

by Lauren Rowe

  “Utter brilliance,” Josh says when Henn and Hannah plop themselves down.

  “You’re definitely tied for best of the night with Josh and Kat,” Sarah agrees. “You both can actually sing.”

  “As opposed to me, is that what you’re saying?” Josh says, laughing.

  “No, that’s not what I’m saying. Your performance was brilliant, Joshy Woshy. You didn’t just sing your parts, you told the truth with every goddamned word.”

  Josh laughs and re-enacts his repeated “turn around” refrain from “Total Eclipse of the Heart,” which Josh and I performed together earlier in the night to raucous applause from the entire bar.

  “Hey, at least I’m a better singer than Jonas,” Josh says.

  “Josh,” Jonas pipes in. “Don’t congratulate yourself on being a better singer than me. I’m literally tone deaf—hence the reason you’ll never catch me doing karaoke.”

  “Love, what you lack in actual singing ability, you make up for with the heart of a lion,” Sarah says. “But yeah, the lead singer of our group’s boy-band is definitely Henny. I didn’t know you could sing, Henn.”

  “Yeah, I sang in an a cappella group at UCLA.”

  I exchange a smile with Josh. Why am I not surprised about that? That’s so damned Henn.

  “But I’m chopped liver compared to Hannah,” Henn continues. “I sing like a choir boy, but she’s got true soul. You should hear her singing Beyoncé in the shower. Sexy.”

  Hannah pushes up her glasses and busts out the chorus of “Say My Name.” “Queen Bey better watch her back, that’s all I’m sayin’,” she says. And then she snorts.

  “I love it when you sing,” Henn gushes. “You’re amazing.”

  I exchange a smiling look with Sarah. Oh man, that boy’s in love.

  Hannah giggles. “Henn. You think everything I do is amazing. I made you buttered toast the other day and you said it was the best toast you’d ever had.”

  “Well, it was—just the perfect amount of butter. It was even better than amazing—it was schmamazing.”

  We all laugh, though I personally have no idea what the hell that means.

  Henn looks at all of us with puppy-dog eyes. “And you should see how well she draws anime, too. And she makes the best chocolate chip cookies you’ve ever had. They melt in your mouth.”

  Oh my God. It’s all I can do not to leap across the table, grab Henn’s lapels and shake him like you’re not supposed to shake a baby. The boy’s in love! It makes me feel as gooey as a fresh-baked chocolate chip cookie.

  “Chocolate chip cookies, computer coding. Same-same,” Hannah says. “Both take equal amounts of genius.”

  “You can’t eat code, baby. I’ll take the cookies. Hey. There’s a hacker-pun in there somewhere, I’m sure of it.” He snickers. “So, anyhoo, we’ve already seen Josh and Kat’s spectacular rendition of ‘Total Eclipse of the Heart,’ which was legendary, by the way, guys, and now Banana and I have stopped the earth rotating on its axis for approximately four and a half minutes with what can only be described as sob-inducing spectacularity—so what are you two planning for our delight and entertainment?” Henn says, looking at Jonas and Sarah. “I’ll die a happy man if I get to witness you sing karaoke, big guy.”

  “I don’t do karaoke, like I said,” Jonas says evenly, swigging his Scotch. “I can’t sing for shit. I’m not in the business of embarrassing myself—at least not on purpose.”

  “Oh, baby,” Sarah purrs, stroking his forearm. “You have a beautiful voice.” She leans in and whispers something to Jonas and he grins broadly. He looks up and quickly catches the attention of the waitress across the room.

  I lean into Josh. “The countdown clock just started on Jonas singing tonight.”

  Josh leans his lips right into my ear. “What’s the over-under on how long it takes Sarah to get him up there?”

  Josh’s hand is on my bare thigh, making my skin buzz with every touch of his fingertips. His cologne smells divine. His eyes are a scorching blue. I feel intoxicated, though I’ve barely had a sip of alcohol. I feel drunk on Josh.

  “Come on, PG. Give me your prediction.”

  “I’m not gonna say an amount of time,” I say. “I’m gonna go with the number of Scotches, instead.”

  “Ooh, good call. How many?”

  “Two more tops, and then he’s gonna be singing like a tone-deaf canary.”

  “Two on the outside, huh? That’s pretty ambitious.”

  I shrug. “That’s the over-under. So you’re betting over, then?”

  Josh grins broadly and runs his hand up my thigh, right up to the hem of my mini-dress, making my skin erupt in goose bumps. “I’ve learned my lesson, babe. I’ll never bet against you as long as I live. If you say two Scotches is all it’s gonna take to get my brother up there, then that’s what it’ll take.”

  The “Living on a Prayer” guy leaves the stage and we’re treated to three adorably silly women launching into a heartfelt rendition of Wilson Phillips’ “Hold On.”

  The waitress approaches our table. “Hey, folks,” she says. “Another round?”

  Josh looks pointedly at everyone, gathering drink orders, and I shake my head, signaling I’m good. For some strange reason, alcohol just isn’t hitting the spot tonight.

  But Josh doesn’t seem to understand my headshake. “Yeah, sure,” Josh says absently to the waitress. “Another round. Plus Patron shots for everyone, too, please. With limes.”

  “And a club soda,” I add. “Please.”

  “And a couple bottles of champagne, too,” Jonas adds. “We’re celebrating tonight.”

  “Oh yeah?” the waitress asks. “What are we celebrating?”

  “Oh, just, you know,” Jonas says, pulling Sarah into him, his face bursting with pure happiness. “Life.”

  Oh, jeez, those two. I’ve never seen two people more madly in love. I wish so badly I could watch Jonas pop the question to Sarah next week in Greece. I’d bet dollars to doughnuts she’s gonna lose functionality in all four limbs and flop on the ground like a freshly caught trout.

  The waitress leaves and Josh leans back in his chair, adjusting his dick in his pants. God, he’s a sexy dude. Gotta love a man in a designer suit whose dick is so big, it won’t fit comfortably inside his pants.

  “Well, Jonas might be celebrating life,” Josh says, “but I’ve actually got a few specific things I’d like to celebrate tonight.” He raises his old-fashioned and the rest of us follow suit, holding up our various drinks. “First,” Josh begins, “I wanna celebrate Hannah officially joining our Ocean’s Eleven crew. Welcome, Hannah. You fit right in.”

  “Thank you,” she says, pushing up her glasses.

  “We all have our roles to play, Hannah,” Josh continues. “So now that you’re officially part of the crew, I’d like to christen you our cookie-baking Olivia Newton-John.”

  Hannah nods. “Wow. Thank you. I accept my role with humble gratitude. What’s everyone else’s roles?”

  “Well, he’s the asshole,” Josh says breezily, motioning to Jonas. “And also the comic relief, though hardly ever intentionally.”

  Sarah laughs.

  “Sarah’s our George Clooney—our fearless leader—and also Jonas’ handler. Without Sarah, Jonas becomes very, very cranky—so I’d like to take this moment to expressly thank Sarah Cruz for coming into my brother’s life. By doing so, you’ve made mine immeasurably better.” Josh beams a huge smile at his brother, and, much to my surprise, Jonas laughs heartily.

  “Thank you,” Sarah says, blushing. Jonas kisses her cheek and I swoon.

  “Henn’s our fucking genius, of course,” Josh continues. “I’m sure that’s not news to you, Hannah—plus, the guy’s heart has a ten-terabyte storage capacity.” He flashes Henn an adoring look.

  “Yes, I’m well aware of that,” Hannah says.

  The look on Henn’s face is priceless. Oh my effing God. He’s adorable.

  “And you and Kat?” Hannah asks. “
What are your roles in the crew?”

  “Well, unfortunately, I’m nothing but a playboy—just coasting on everyone’s coattails, pretty much—not particularly useful or smart—just the eye candy of the group.”

  We all laugh.

  “Don’t listen to him. He’s wise and powerful beyond measure,” I say.

  “Oh, well that’s true,” Josh agrees. “Hannah, you might as well learn it now: I’m wise and powerful beyond anything your feeble mind could possibly comprehend. Let me just say, in advance of whatever pearls of wisdom I’ll bestow upon you one day in the near future: you’re very welcome.”

  Hannah laughs. “Okay. Thank you, Josh, in advance. Wow, I’m honored to be in your presence.”

  “As you should be. Thank you. And Kat here—well, the list is too long to say it all right now, but I’ll give you the Cliff’s Notes version. She’s our secret weapon. The Party Girl with a Hyphen who also happens to be The Party Girl with the Heart of Gold. Plus, she’s a suicide bomber, a terrorist, and, sometimes, if you really rile her up, a very stubborn cat.”

  I giggle.

  Josh chuckles and squeezes my hand. “And, she’s got the best laugh you ever heard, as I’m sure you already know. The girl laughs like a dude.”

  “I’m well aware.”

  I giggle again.

  “Hey, I have an item for the toast,” Jonas says.

  “Hang on, bro,” Josh says. “I’m not done with Kat.” He looks into my eyes. “She’s loyal. And honest. A force of nature when she wants something. She loves her family. And her hair smells incredible.”

  I can’t breathe.

  Josh holds my gaze for a long beat. “There’s more, but we’d be here all night,” he says softly. He kisses me tenderly on the lips and my heart bursts out my chest cavity and zings around the bar.

  “I wanna salute Sarah for making it through her first year of law school...” Jonas is saying. But I’m only half-listening. I’m caught in an alternate universe with Josh. Yes, Sarah was absolutely right. He’s screaming his feelings for me from every mountaintop the best way he knows how. And that’s enough for me.

  “Well, jeez, don’t jinx me. I gotta get through my exams before I’m toast-worthy,” Sarah says.

  I manage to peel my eyes off Josh’s face and look at Jonas and Sarah, clasping Josh’s hand.

  “But you finished your classes yesterday,” Jonas says. “No reason not to celebrate that.” He grabs her hand and kisses the top of it and she melts.

  “Can I add an item to the toast-list, too?” Sarah asks. “I wanna toast Henn and Kat for officially becoming mill-i-on-aires this week. Congrats, guys.”

  “Didn’t you get your finder’s fee money this week, too?” Henn asks.

  “Yeah.” Sarah beams a smile at Jonas. “But I can’t even think what to do with it—I want for absolutely nothing these days.”

  Henn and I shoot a look at each other like that’s the stupidest thing either of us has ever heard. I’m glad Sarah’s googley-eyed in love and all, but who couldn’t use an extra million bucks, for crying out loud?

  “Yeah, congrats to all three of you,” Josh says. He grabs my hand and kisses it the way Jonas just kissed Sarah’s hand, making me swoon, and raises his drink to me. “Which reminds me of a biggie. To Kat. She officially took a leap of faith today and quit her job to start her own PR firm. Congrats, babe. Sky’s the limit.”

  Everyone expresses congratulations and excitement.

  “I’m so excited for you,” Hannah says. “Even though I’ll miss you terribly.” She sticks out her lower lip.

  Of course, I’m not blindsiding Hannah with this news—I told her about my plans earlier today at lunch, and she was full of congratulations and excitement then, too, but she also cried. “Working with you has been the best part of my job,” she said.

  “Well, like I said at lunch,” I say to Hannah, “the master plan is to bring you on as soon as humanly possible, Hannah Banana Montana Milliken,” I say. “As soon as I know what I’m doing, you’ll be my right-hand woman.”

  Hannah raises her drink. “Cheers to that. Just call me and I’ll come running, girl. Whatever you touch turns to gold, Kitty Kat—I have no doubt your new company will be golden, too.”

  “Thank you, honey.”

  The waitress returns with our new round of drinks, plus the shots and bottles of champagne, and we pour bubbly all around.

  “What are you gonna call your new company?” Henn asks.

  “PGPR?” I say without confidence—but even as I say it, it sounds pretty lame. “Short for Party Girl PR,” I add, hoping that clarification makes the name more palatable.

  Sarah scrunches her nose.

  “You don’t like it?” I ask.

  “Kinda stodgy, don’t you think? A little boring—and you’re anything but boring.”

  I twist my mouth, considering. She’s got a point.

  “It’s not an accounting firm, right?” Sarah asks. “It’s publicity. It’s gotta have some pizzazz.”

  “Yeah, at first I thought maybe Party Girl PR—but that sounds too much like an event planner.”

  “Yeah, you’re right—it kinda does. Hey, but you’re the Party Girl with the Heart of Gold, right? Hannah just said everything you touch turns to gold. Why not Golden PR? You could have a sexy golden-blonde avatar of yourself as your logo. That’d be adorable. Or, hey, better yet, maybe even Golden Kat PR and make your logo a sexy golden cat with long eyelashes.”

  I look at Josh and he nods enthusiastically. “Either one. Probably have more luck securing Golden Kat for trademark purposes.”

  “Great idea, Sarah,” I say. “I’ll look into that.”

  Sarah smiles. “You bet, baby. I got a million ideas.” She taps her temple. “I’m at your service, baby.”

  “Thank you.”

  We grin at each other.

  “Okay, everyone, get ’em up,” Josh says—and we all raise our glasses of champagne. “To Hannah and Henn, and to Sarah for finishing her first year of law school, and to three newly minted mill-i-on-aires, and, last but not least, to Kat and her new baby.” Josh looks at me, his blue eyes sparkling. “YOLO, Kat—I’m glad you’ve decided to go for it. May you climb and conquer.”

  “Hear, hear!” we all shout, bringing our champagne to our lips.

  “Wait!” Sarah blurts and we all stop. “Duh. We gotta toast Climb & Conquer!” She raises her shot of tequila. “This one we gotta do with Patron, in Joshy-Woshy’s honor.”

  Everyone raises a shot glass.

  “To Climb & Conquer,” Sarah says. “I can’t wait to watch the Faraday twins ‘climb and conquer’ every peak of their dreamscape.”

  Jonas and Josh share a look of unmistakable excitement.

  “Hear, hear,” everyone says, clinking glasses.

  “Please hire me soon, Kat,” Hannah adds and everyone laughs.

  “I’m so proud of you,” I whisper to Josh, squeezing his hand.

  “Thanks,” he says, his blue eyes sparkling. “I’ve never been so excited about anything in my life.”

  As everyone throws back his or her shots, I put my glass down, untouched. Just the smell of the tequila is making me kinda queasy. Maybe it’s something I ate?

  Josh kisses my cheek. “To new beginnings,” he says softly into my ear. He grabs my tequila and downs it for me, seemingly unfazed by my disinterest in it. “And to giant leaps of faith.” He kisses my lips and rubs my cheek with his thumb. “I missed you this week, PG. I was going out of my mind.”

  Boom.

  That’s it.

  Put a fork in me.

  My body can’t physically contain these feelings any longer. This sexy beast of a man’s got me hook, line, and sinker. I’m gonna tell him how I feel when we’re alone later tonight. I can’t take it anymore. I love him and I’ve got to tell him so, come what may.

  Sarah leaps up suddenly, pulling gently on Jonas’ muscled arm. “You ready, hunky monkey boyfriend?” she asks. “The alcohol
has started to kick in—it’s time for you to pay your debt.”

  Jonas grimaces—but Sarah’s persistent. She pulls on his arm again, flashing a seductive smile. “Come on, love,” she purrs. “You lost fair and square and you know it.” She leans into Jonas’ ear again and whispers something, and Jonas begrudgingly stands and lets her lead him toward the stage.

  Josh flashes me a look of pure astonishment. “You were right.”

  “Of course, I was. I’m always right when it comes to two things,” I say.

  Josh chuckles. “Men and PR, I know, Party Girl.” He gazes at his brother for a beat. “Look at him,” he says, motioning toward Jonas and Sarah taking the stage. “God, he must really love that girl.”

  Seventy-Eight

  Josh

  This is officially the most entertaining thing I’ve witnessed in my entire life.

  Jonas and Sarah are doing a God-awful rendition of “I Got You Babe” by Sonny and Cher. Sarah’s actually pretty good—she really comes alive up there. But Jonas is so fucking terrible, the entire bar is on its feet, cheering him on. But why am I surprised? Even when Jonas sucks at something, people love him for it. In fact, now that I think about it, I’m pretty sure people love Jonas especially when he sucks at something, not despite it.

  How Sarah gets my brother to do any of the shit she gets him to do is beyond me. But there he is, standing in front of strangers, singing this ridiculous song to her at the top of his off-key lungs. And, by God, he actually looks like he’s having fun. Well, fun mixed with pain—utter, tortured, unthinkable pain. But with Jonas, that’s just about the best anyone could ever hope for.

  I put my hand into my pocket and finger the edges of the poker chip sitting there. Now would be a fantastic time methinks. We’re all nice and loose. I look at my watch. We’re not due at the laser tag emporium for another hour. All is going perfectly according to plan.

  “Excuse me for a second,” I say, unclasping my hand from Kat’s. She doesn’t bat an eyelash—apparently too enthralled with the train wreck unfurling onstage to care about where the heck I’m going.