The Case of the Itinerant Ibizan

by B R Snow

  “Thanks so much. You guys are the best,” Jenny said. “You ready to go home, Sugar?”

  “Love the name,” Josie said, nodding.

  We watched her head out the back door using a leash the dog didn’t need and waved as she drove off. We headed into reception and found Mrs. Sawyer sitting with her daughter and grandson. She smiled at me but gave Josie a cautious look, unsure of the reception she was going to receive from her.

  “Hi, Mrs. Sawyer,” I said, then glanced at her grandson. “You must be Billy.”

  “That’s me,” he said, bouncing excitedly on his chair.

  “We have someone very special for you,” I said.

  “I can’t wait,” the boy said, literally starting to bounce off his chair.

  I was glad to see how much energy the boy had. He was going to need every bit of it to keep up with the Beezer.

  “Hello, Josie,” Mrs. Sawyer said.

  “Hi, Mrs. Sawyer,” Josie said, giving nothing away. “It’s nice to see that you could get away for a while.”

  “What’s that, dear? Oh, yes. I wouldn’t have missed this.”

  “Of course,” Josie said, giving her a small smile. “And I’m sure your fingers could use the rest.”

  “I’m sorry, Josie,” she said, managing a nervous chuckle. “But it was so clever, I couldn’t resist. You have to admit that it was one of the funniest practical jokes you’ve ever seen.”

  “I’ll admit to nothing,” Josie said, then cracked a genuine smile. “Don’t worry, Mrs. Sawyer. Any and all retribution will be directed at the evil woman standing next to me.”

  “Now I’m evil?”

  “On a good day,” she said, then turned to the boy. “Why don’t you and your mom come with me? There’s somebody who’s dying to meet you.”

  I watched them head toward the condos then sat down next to Mrs. Sawyer.

  “She’s still mad, isn’t she?”

  “A little,” I said. “But it pales in comparison to how happy she is to be eating again.”

  “What do you think she’s going to do?”

  “I have no idea,” I said, laughing. “I imagine she’ll take her time, and just when I think she’s forgotten all about it, she’ll strike. Like a cobra.”

  “I swear, you two,” she said, shaking her head. “Do you have any special instructions about the dog?”

  “Josie is covering all that with them right now,” I said. “But just make sure that your grandson and the dog spend as much time together as possible the first several days. The dog’s been through a lot and is going to be disoriented until he gets used to being around the farm. But as soon as he bonds with your grandson, he won’t want to leave his side. Remember though, the breed loves to run and can really jump. With the size of your farm, I doubt very much if he’s going to take off and get lost. As long as your grandson makes that bond happen. Don’t feel bad about reminding him about that for as long as you need to.”

  “I’ll do that,” Mrs. Sawyer said.

  Soon, the grandson came through the door holding the end of a leash. The Beezer was excited and definitely ready to get outside. Josie gave the boy’s mother a few final instructions, then we waved goodbye. Josie gave Mrs. Sawyer a hug on her way out and whispered something in her ear.

  “What did you say to her?” I said after they had left.

  “None of your business.”

  “Don’t you dare do anything to her.”

  “Relax,” Josie said, gently punching me on the arm. “I would never to do anything to that sweet woman.”

  “Good. I wouldn’t want her to be a victim of whatever you decide to do.”

  “Victim? Never. Try to think of her as more of an accomplice.”

  She headed to her next appointment with a big grin on her face that made me nervous. Then I shrugged.

  “It was still worth it.”

  Chapter 27

  It was late, at least two-thirty in the morning, and was I sitting in the lounge at C’s chatting with Doc and listening to Summerman work his way through an intricate piece of music I couldn’t have mastered if I had eight hands and a lifetime to practice.

  “How does he do that?” I said to Doc.

  “I have no idea. It’s a world I’m not familiar with.”

  Doc felt my stare and glanced over at me.

  “I’m talking about the music world. Not the other thing.”

  “Got it,” I said, nodding. “Thanks for agreeing to talk to Tommy Nostril today.”

  “No problem. The Nostril and I go way back.”

  “How does he seem now compared with the way you remember him from the old days?”

  “Old, and in the way,” Doc said, shrugging.

  “Funny,” I said, glancing over at him. “That’s a little harsh, wouldn’t you say?”

  “No.”

  “Was he surprised to see you?”

  “Oh, yeah,” Doc said, grinning. “He certainly was. And I’ve always made him nervous.”

  “Do you enjoy making people nervous?”

  “Only people like the Nostril.”

  “Did he ask why you just happened to show up unannounced?”

  “No, over the years he’s learned not to ask me that question.”

  “Because he’s afraid of what you might do to him, right?”

  “Do you show up with a list of prepared questions, or do they just come to you?” he said, shaking his head.

  “What do you think?” I deadpanned. That got a small grin out of him. “Did he buy your story?”

  “Of course, he bought it,” Doc said, frowning at me. “I do this stuff for a living, and I’m very good at it.”

  “There’s no need to get snarky. I was just asking,” I said, focusing on the music. Then I couldn’t help myself. “So, I was right about the Feds pretty much forgetting about Carl and Jolene?”

  “Yes, it looks like you were,” Doc said. “It happens from time to time. One of his handlers retired. Then the DEA made some changes to the way they were structured and what various sections were responsible for. Another agency he was snitching for had him flagged in their database as dead. Over time, everybody just sort of forgot about the Nostril. And when they did, it appears that Tommy decided to seize the day and start moving a lot of product,” Doc chuckled. “And like most informants, Tommy never felt the need to reach out to them to update them on his whereabouts.”

  “Sounds pretty incompetent,” I said, yawning as I sat back in my seat.

  “Not necessarily,” Doc said. “The bureaucracy is huge and often impossible to navigate. And they’re trying to keep track of millions of people. That creates a lot of opportunities.”

  “I’m not following you.”

  “If the government didn’t have some things they couldn’t do themselves, people like me would be out of work.”

  “What exactly do you do for the government, Doc?” I said, raising an eyebrow at him.

  “I just told you. Pretty much anything they can’t do by themselves without a lot of people asking questions they don’t want to answer.”

  “Gee, thanks, Doc. That narrows it down. Plausible deniability, right?”

  “Yeah, that’s the term they like to use,” Doc said, shrugging. “I don’t know why. Nobody ever believes them when they do.”

  I laughed and sipped my Limoncello then tucked my legs under me. I pushed my hair back from my face, then caught him staring at me. My face flushed red, and I blamed the two glasses of wine I’d had with dinner. I continued to watch his stare out of the corner of my eye, then turned to him.

  “What?”

  “I was just sitting here thinking about what a great addition you’d be to our little team,” Doc said.

  “That’s all you were thinking?”

  “That’s all I’m going to admit to for the moment.”

  I turned an even deeper shade of red and set my Limoncello down on the table in front of me.

  “Your idea of reaching out to the Nostril was bri
lliant,” Doc said, raising his glass in salute.

  “Thanks,” I said, focusing on my breathing. “So, he was surprised to see you?”

  “You’re starting to repeat yourself. Yeah, he was surprised at first. But I have a tendency to pop in on people when they least expect it, so he got over it in a hurry.”

  “Were you able to work what we talked about into your conversation?” I said.

  “You mean the part about how the local cops were starting to zero in on him?”

  “Yeah.”

  “I did mention it in passing,” Doc said, grinning. “Then I gently suggested that he might want to find a new place to set up shop after his next shipment arrives.”

  “He didn’t happen to mention when that was scheduled for, did he?”

  “No, he didn’t. But I suppose I could help you find out.”

  “No, you’ve done a lot to help, but you need to back out. You can’t be around when this goes down.”

  “When it goes down?” he said, frowning.

  “Yeah, I watch a ton of cop shows,” I said, shrugging. “If you were around, Chief Abrams would start asking a lot of questions that could lead back to Summerman’s situation. And I gave him my word.”

  “Okay, I get that. But you need to be careful. The Nostril might be a total crank head, but he’s still dangerous.”

  “Sure, sure. How did the Nostril react when you told him that the police had turned over the hundred grand to Carl?”

  “Not well,” Doc said, enjoying the memory. “He grabbed his fork so hard it bent in half, then his eyes started rolling around in his head. I imagine he’ll be reaching out to Carl soon to schedule a meeting.”

  “I’m sure he won’t have any problem getting Carl to agree,” I said, giving him a coy smile.

  “What did you do, Suzy?”

  “I asked Chief Abrams to call Carl today and tell him that he was able to track down the guy whose initials were on the envelope. Carl did everything he could to get Chief to divulge the name, but he wouldn’t do it. But Chief sprinkled a ton of hints about who it was that will be easier to follow than a trail of breadcrumbs.”

  “And you think that Carl is worried the police are going to give the money to the mysterious TN?”

  “Yes, I do. I imagine it’s very much on his mind these days.”

  “I’m impressed,” Doc said. “What about Jolene?”

  “What about her?” I said.

  “Aren’t you going to concoct a story to get her attention?”

  “No, I don’t think we need to do that. I’m afraid she’s on her last legs, and she’s so incoherent at the moment, I don’t want to confuse her any more than she already is. The way I see it, Tommy is going to reach out to her and tell her that Carl has the hundred grand. Then when she confronts Carl about it, thinking he’s cutting her out of the deal, Carl is going to deny it and tell her that the cops told him that Tommy is about to get his hands on the money. Either way, Jolene’s going to be convinced that one of them is lying to her.”

  “But both of them will be telling her the truth, at least what they think is the truth.”

  “Yeah, that’s one of my favorite parts,” I said, allowing myself another sip of Limoncello.

  “And if you can get the three of them together talking about it, all you need is some witnesses, preferably the law enforcement kind, to overhear it.”

  “Yeah, that’s pretty much it,” I said, nodding. “What do you think?”

  “Well, I probably wouldn’t go to all that trouble. I’d just shoot them,” he said, shrugging. “But that’s just me. And you think that’s the way you’re going to figure out who killed Jolene’s father?”

  “Oh, I’ve already figured out how he died,” I said. “My biggest concern is putting a stop to them running drugs through those woods. If I don’t, my mother is gonna kill me.”

  “Your mother?”

  “Yeah. And we need to get them out of there so we can start working on the zoo,” I said, flashing him a quick smile.

  “Zoo,” Doc said, flatly. “You know, Suzy, every time I start thinking I’d like to ask you out, you…”

  “Say something weird?”

  “Weird might be a bit harsh, but, yeah.”

  “I should probably start working on that,” I said, nervously crunching on an ice cube. “You really want to ask me out?”

  “I said I was starting to think about it,” Doc said. “But I’m worried about being too old for you.”

  “In case you’re wondering, I’m somewhere north of twenty,” I said, glancing over at him.

  “How about that? Me too.”

  “Just like the Arctic Circle is somewhere north of the equator?” I deadpanned.

  “Funny.”

  Chapter 28

  I parked near the edge of the woods about a quarter-mile downwind from Jolene and Carl’s place and opened the driver side window and the sunroof. I took a deep breath, only got a heavy dose of pine, then relaxed into my seat. After three nights of what Josie and Chef Claire were calling utter nonsense, I had to admit that I was beginning to wonder if they might be right.

  But, to me, my logic remained unassailable. Working backward from the problem, I had ended up parked amid the pines, defending myself against hordes of mosquitos and the occasional curious skunk, sniffing the air for telltale signs of meth being cooked. The way I saw it, the final confrontation in the woods would have to happen soon. Based on everything Doc had told me, the Nostril wouldn’t leave the area until he got his hands on the final shipment. And he couldn’t do that until Carl did some serious cooking. As soon as the meth was cooked, Tommy and Carl, who were both dying to get their hands on the hundred grand, would want to do the exchange as soon as possible. And Jolene, desperate to find out which one of the two men in her life was trying to screw her on the deal, would definitely be coming along for the ride. Convinced that we’d planted more than enough seeds to sow some serious contempt among the three of them, all we needed to do was figure out when the cash for crystal deal was going to happen. But because the number of mosquitos in the woods behind the Inn outnumbered the ones I was currently dealing with by at least ten to one, Chief Abrams and I weren’t about to begin our stakeout until we were sure the new shipment had been cooked.

  Chief Abrams and I were convinced that, as long as we were careful, we’d be able to handle the three crank heads. We weren’t concerned about the possibility of Larry the Landscaper showing up. He was still in the hospital wearing a horse collar around his neck and drinking his meals through a straw.

  I stuck my head out the window and took another deep breath. All I got was another heavy hit of pine.

  And a hint of chicken.

  I’d been expecting Josie to wait awhile before she sought revenge, but I’d misread her. Knowing of my fondness for taking really hot showers, Josie had somehow managed to stuff several bouillon cubes inside my shower head. And when I got in the shower earlier today, I soon found myself soaping up amid a steamy chicken broth that, while easy to wash off my body, had proved impossible to get out of my hair. I’d eventually managed to share a fake laugh with her about it, then I immediately headed to the kitchen to bake a batch of chocolate cupcakes stuffed with a delightful beet-yogurt filling I invented on the spot. I’d left the cupcakes in her office and headed out before she found them.

  I congratulated myself for being incredibly clever and decided to celebrate with a snack while I waited for the smell of cat urine to start wafting in through the open sunroof. I rummaged through my backpack for the bag of Double Stuffed Oreos that was still half full. I took a sip of water then popped one of the Oreos into my mouth. I chewed hard, got a heavy dose of a familiar but unpleasant flavor, then spit all over my steering wheel. I climbed out of the car and spent the next few minutes taking sips of water and spitting on the ground until the taste of toothpaste subsided. Knowing when I was in over my head, I decided calling a truce with Josie would be the first item on our agenda at tomorrow
morning’s staff meeting.

  My phone buzzed, and I climbed back in the car, set the phone in its dashboard holder, and started wiping down my steering wheel.

  “Hey, Chief.”

  “What are you doing?”

  “Apparently discovering new ways to brush my teeth.”

  “What?”

  “Nothing. What’s up?”

  “Just checking in. Any signs of them cooking yet?”

  “No, but it’s still early,” I said. “As soon as I do, I’ll give you a call.”

  “Great. If it’s not too late by then, I’ll give Jolene a call and ask her to stop my office in the morning. I’d like you to be there. How does your day look?”

  “I’ve got a meeting with one of our sales reps at nine, but I should be able to slip out after that.”

  “You sure this is the way you want to go?” he said. “We could just go ahead and arrest her on the spot.”

  “We’ve waited this long, so let’s see if we can wrap the whole thing up in one shot.”

  “I guess.”

  “You sound troubled, Chief.”

  “I’m just not used to holding off on making arrests this long. It makes me nervous.”

  “You just don’t want to sit in the woods all night and get eaten alive,” I said, laughing, then cocked my head. “Hang on a sec.” I took a deep breath and caught a heavy whiff of something that smelled like a dozen cats had been trapped inside a confined space for several days. “Bingo.”

  “You smell something?”

  “I do. I’m getting a heavy dose of cat pee…and a touch of chicken and Colgate.”

  “What?”

  “Long story,” I said, closing the sunroof and the window. “Okay, they’re definitely cooking. Go ahead and give Jolene a call. Have her come in around ten. I should be able to get there by then.”

  “Okay, will do. Now, why don’t you head home and get some sleep?” Then he laughed into the phone. “Maybe take a nice long hot shower.”

  “She told you?”

  “She did. With great delight.”

  “That shrew.”

  “You might want to let it go. You’re pretty relentless when you put your mind to it, but she’s tenacious,” he said, still laughing. “But now that I think about it, perhaps you should share the experience with others. Who knows, maybe you’ll get a Chicken Soup for the Soul book deal out of it.”