Take Ten II
Page 21
SAL: Easy Sara, easy.
SARA: I'm breathing Sal, I'm breathing. Mom … what? Sal is my new friend. He's the barrier between me and total insanity and you know what Mom, he sang to me … that's right, sang to me. I don't know … Sal, my mother wants to know if you're gay?
SAL: Straight.
SARA: Mom, Mom … hello, hello! Dead.
SAL: Your mother?
SARA: The phone.
SAL: Sara, Sara, I thought you looked beautiful in your blue suit.
SARA: You did? Thanks Sal. (Pause.) Sal.
SAL: Yes.
SARA: You can see me?
SAL: Yes. You're a beautiful woman Sara, even more so out of the suit.
SARA: I go to the gym four times a week.
SAL: It shows.
SARA: Where's the camera?
SAL: To your left.
(SARA blows SAL a kiss.)
SARA: You'll get a real one when we meet.
SAL: We've got a date for pasta remember?
SARA: I'm getting hungry…. Sal, what's that?
SAL: The rescue team is here. You're caught between floors. They're trying to get your elevator to a floor so they can get you out.
SARA: Rescued? I need to be rescued. Sal!
SAL: It won't be long now Sara … hang in there.
SARA: I'm still breathing Sal.
SAL: Good girl. (Pause.) Sara.
SARA: WHAT?
SAL: They may have to rescue you from above.
SARA: Above, below, sideways, who cares just GET ME OUT OF HERE!
SAL: Listen to me Sara … they have to turn the generator that feeds the lights and intercom off in order to get to you.
SARA: I'll be in the dark?
SAL: Only for a short time.
SARA: And … and I'll lose you?
SAL: Never. Sing Sara, sing. I'm coming to get you.
(Lights go out. SARA is in total darkness.)
SARA: Oh God, no … Okay, Sal, okay. (SARA starts to sing.) I—I—I— wish they all-could be California—(Hear noise, trapdoor on elevator ceiling opens … see a flash of light. Ladder drops down, hand reaches out to SARA.) Sal!
SAL: COME SARA, COME.
(SARA starts to climb out of elevator. SARA grabs SAL'S hand.) I've got you Sara, I've got you!
(Fade.)
TABLE 5 AT EMPIRE SZECHWAN
FIVE SCENES OF DINNER
Alexander Woo
Table 5 at Empire Szechwan premiered February 15, 2000, at the Sacred Fools Theater in Los Angeles, California, directed by David Holcomb, produced by Gerald McClanahan. The cast was as follows:
ALEX Martin Yu
WAITER Ho-Kwan
MARION Laurie Searle
ERICA Jessie Thompson
HOLLY Lizzie Peet
CHENG pi Jennifer Avelyn Wu
SARAH Ryann Davis
ONE
(Table 5. The WAITER hands menus to a white woman, MARION, and an Asian man, ALEX:)
WAITER: And our special tonight is attitude.
MARION Attitude.
WAITER: Yes, fresh attitude.
MARION How is it—
WAITER: It's served cold.
(WAITER: exits.)
MARION Well, I don't need any of that. (Looking at the menu.) Oh!
(ALEX: looks up.)
No, nothing. (Pause.) The awkward tension sounds good for STAR ters, don't you think?
(ALEX: smiles.)
I know, I can never resist it myself. Oh, this sounds unusual— sexual disappointment—(She looks at him.) Oh, did you just have that for lunch?
(ALEX: looks away.)
Mmm, okay. (Pause.) Well, what are you getting? Wait—let me guess… the spicy memories of ex-girlfriend, with bitter aftertaste?
(ALEX: makes an uncertain gesture.)
No? Hmm … how 'bout the simmered insecurity smothered in possessiveness?
(ALEX: makes another uncertain gesture.)
Oh, I know—the self-esteem, filleted, skewered, then seared over hot coals.
(ALEX: acknowledges.)
I knew it. You've had it before, I see. (ALEX looks away.)
Hmm, well I usually get the mindless, irresponsible intercourse. It's not very filling, but it does the job. (They look at each other.) But with you, I think I'll have something different. I think I'll have the strained, unconsummated teasing followed by the frosty, unreturned phone calls and finally the blanched look of recognition when I'm out with someone else.
(ALEX: smiles weakly.)
Oh, and I'd love to have the cream fellatio for dessert. (They look at each other for a moment. She looks back at the menu.) Oh, I'm sorry, you can't afford it. (Pause.) You know what's funny, I've had all of this before! I mean, I'd never gone for Chinese before, I thought the menu would be totally different, but it's not. (Pause.) It's a little disappointing, actually. (Pause.) I like getting to choose from the columns, though. (Pause. She calls.) Waiter?
WAITER: (entering) Yes?
MARION We'd like some bread, please. What kind is it?
WAITER: Date nut bread.
MARION Perfect.
(The WAITER: leads another white woman, ERICA, and ALEX: in.)
WAITER: (to ERICA) Enjoy. (To ALEX.) Nice to see you. Again. (The WAITER: exits.)
ERICA Are you a regular here? (ALEX: gives a half-acknowledging nod.)
Oh, I like this place. It's very authentic. It reminds me of Kowloon. Have you been to Hong Kong?
(ALEX: shakes his head.)
You have to go. Especially during the dragon boat festival. The nightlife in Lan Kwai Fong is sooo wonderful. I was there last summer with my ex, Marty. We had the best time. I bought the most adorable hapi coat there—I should have worn it tonight, it would have added to the experience, don't you think?
(ALEX: shrugs.)
And look—oh my God, real ebony chopsticks! (Pause.) I haven't seen ebony chopsticks since I was in Japan three years ago. We went to this amazing kaiseki place in Roppongi with the lacquer bowls and the tatami mats and the most beautiful ebony chopsticks, just like these. Have you been to Japan?
(ALEX: shakes his head.)
You really should. It's so important to experience other cultures. Yoshi showed me all over Japan—and the little village his family's from. Did you know they lived there for over three hundred generations? I was going to move back there with him, but he STAR ted losing his teeth and we broke up.
(The WAITER: appears with hot towels, which he hands to ERICA and ALEX with a pair of tongs.)
WAITER: Towels?
ERICA (taking one) Oh, yes, thank you! Um goy nai. [“Thank you.”]
WAITER (to ERICA) Um sai. [“No problem.”]
(ALEX: takes a towel.)
(To ALEX.) Thanks. (The WAITER: exits.)
ERICA This is just like the banquet halls on Orchard Road in Singapore. They always give you a little towel to wipe your hands with before your meal. I had the most wonderful time there five years ago. That's where I met Nap Chong. He's Thai, but that's the beautiful thing about Singapore—people from all different cultures living together in the same place— Thai, Malay, Indonesian, Japanese, Chinese, Indian, everything. Not like here, where everyone's AmERICA n. Ugh. (Pause.) Have you been to Singapore?
(ALEX: shakes his head.)
Of course not. You're missing out. I guess I'm just an adventurous kind of person. All the guys I've dated have been from really different backgrounds. Let's see—I've gone out with guys from India … Japan … Thailand … Hong Kong … Korea … Vietnam … Laos … Myanmar … Cambodia … Papua New Guinea … all over. I mean, Marty used to always say to me—Yang yang du you see ha la. [“You gotta try everything.”]
(The WAITER: enters.)
ERICA Ah! Gum yut yuw mut yeh ho sik ah? [“What's good today?”]
WAITER: Oh, dee bow yee ho sang seen. [“The abalone is very fresh.”]
ERICA Bow yee? [“The abalone?”]
WAITER: Hai. [“Yep.”]
ERICA H
o la. [“Okey-doke.”]
(The WAITER: exits. Long pause as ERICA turns back to ALEX:)
Ah, ngaw hai Hong Kong mai jaw nee tiew quon- ho laing ah! Ngow bai nai tai ha jung umjum lee la- ho ma? Na- hai nee do ah. [“I bought the loveliest dress in Hong Kong. I'll show you—see if you like it, okay? It's right here.”] (ERICA removes her dress to reveal a long Chinese cheongsam underneath. She con tinues to speak as she puts her hair up, holding it in place with the chopsticks.) Hai um hai ah? Ho laing ah. Jakgun nee tiew quon-gnow sang chang go … [“Didn't I tell you? Gorgeous! This dress makes me feel like singing …”]
(Chinese opera music STAR ts in. Lights change. ERICA lip-syncs as she begins to perform an elaborate scene from the opera. Pause. ALEX signals to the waiterfor the check.)
THREE
(ALEX: and another white woman, HOLLY, at the table.)
HOLLY: YOU know, I could kill you with my bare hands. (Pause.) I'm not saying I will. I could. (Pause.) All I need is one free limb, and right now I've got four. (Pause.) Just watch it is all I'm saying. (Pause.) You don't talk much, do you? (Pause. Silence.) Oh, you're a winner. (Calling.) WAITER! (Pause.) Where the hell is he?
(The WAITER: enters.)
Do you speak English? (Pause.) WAITER: Yes.
HOLLY: (Pause.) Good for you. I have no idea what your friend here speaks. I have no idea if he speaks.
(ALEX: begins to say something, then stops.) WAITER: How did you two meet?
HOLLY: YOU ask too many questions. Just take my order. Do you know how to do that?
WAITER: Yes.
HOLLY: Good. We'll STAR t with a couple of hot dog things.
WAITER: (writing) Pork buns.
HOLLY: Gimme that extra-crispy fried chicken—
WAITER: (writing) Peking duck—
HOLLY And a burrito.
WAITER: (writing) Egg roll.
HOLLY Whatever.
WAITER: Fine. And a fork as well?
HOLLY (pause) Do I look like a cripple?
WAITER: (to ALEX) At least she can use chopsticks.
(The WAITER exits. Pause.)
HOLLY DO you only come here with white women?
FOUR
(ALEX at the table with a Chinese woman, CHENG PI. They sit in silence for several moments.)
(CHENG PI STAR ts to say something then stops.)
(ALEX gives a questioning look.)
(CHENG PI shakes her head.)
(They eat for several moments.)
(CHENG PI gestures toward the Happy Family [chef 's special recommen dation #5].)
(ALEX hands it to her.)
(CHENG PI smiles at ALEX.)
(ALEX gives a weak smile.)
(They eat for several moments.)
(ALEX begins to try to say something, but must finish chewing.)
(CHENG PI continues to watch ALEX patiently.)
(ALEX keeps trying to finish chewing. He chews for several moments.)
(ALEX feels something stuck in his throat.)
(CHENG PI gestures for the WAITER)
(The WAITER enters. Seeing ALEX, he quickly goes to give him the Heimlich maneuver.)
(After several moments, ALEX spits out a microcasette, like those used in answering machines.)
(The WAITER picks it up. He wipes it dry with a napkin.)
(TheWAITER places the microcasette into a handheld player)
(The WAITER plays the tape. We hear:)
CHENG PI: (on tape) Thanks for bringing me here tonight. I'm really enjoying myself.
ALEX: (on tape) I'm having a wonderful time too. You look very beautiful tonight.
CHENG PI: (on tape) Oh, thank you. You're so sweet.
ALEX: (on tape) I hope I can take you out again sometime.
CHENG PI: (on tape) I'd like that.
(The WAITER stops the tape. ALEX and CHENG PI look embarrassed.)
(The WAITER begins to say something, then stops.)
(ALEX and CHENG PI give the WAITER a questioning look.)
(The WAITER shakes his head as if it weren 't important, then exits.)
(They eat for several moments.)
(They look at each other.)
(They continue to eat.)
FIVE
(The WAITER, now a patron, sitting at dinner with another white woman, SARAH.
SARAH: (rapt) Oh my God, no!
WAITER: Yes.
SARAH: No!
WAITER: Really.
SARAH: Get out!
WAITER: It's true.
SARAH: I don't believe it!
WAITER: And you know what else?
SARAH NO, what?
(The WAITER opens his mouth and makes a long, neutral noise for sev eral moments.)
(Pause.) No, you're kidding me!
WAITER: It's true.
SARAH: I can't believe that!
WAITER: Honest.
SARAH: HOW can that be possible?
WAITER: I'm just an interesting guy.
SARAH: You're so interesting!
WAITER: I'm really interesting.
SARAH: We have so much to talk about! WAITER: So much to talk about!
(They make neutral noises to each other for several moments, as though in conversation.)
SARAH: WOW.
WAITER: Yeah.
SARAH: Yeah.
WAITER: Wow.
(They continue to make neutral noises to each other. As they converse, ALEX enters, dressed as a waiter. He crosses to them to take their order. He begins to speak, but seeing them in conversation, thinks the better of it, and decides to leave.)
TWENTY DOLLAR DRINKS
Joe Pintauro
Twenty Dollar Drinks was first presented in What I Did for Love, an evening of short plays about “life upon the wicked stage,” at the John Drew Theatre at Guild Hall, East Hampton, New York, in July 2002. It was produced by Josh Gladstone, with original music by Margaret Pine; the cellist was Jason Dobranski. The costume design was by Gail Cooper-Hecht; lighting design was by Holger; casting was by Irene Stockton, CSA. Robert Kalfin directed the cast, which included Larry Pine, Stephan Wolfert, as well as Catherine Curtin and Patricia Randell, who STAR red in Twenty Dollar Drinks.
CHARACTERS
STAR
BETTY
(A drinks table at the Russian Tea Room.)
STAR: Someone handed me this golden statue, this naked man with no penis and remember how Larry used to get us up in class and make us do our Academy Award speeches, which was cruel but there I was for real and it felt like the Academy Awards must have been crap all along because there I was, crap on toast, getting the thing? And like all of a sudden it was less than pedestrian. I was in hell…. doing all in my power to act like I was an Academy Award-winning STAR, you know? Which I was. But who can really believe that? So I pretended I was my mother who is an accomplished actor and then I thought but she never won an Academy Award. I was like suddenly above her? And it made me this sort of dissociative experience to be like above her? So I pretended I was Jean Harlow just to like act that big and not crawl under the podium and at one point, don't ask me but I was doing Joan Crawford and that, wow, so freaked me. And afterwards before the press? I was in the skin of every STAR I could think of, Vivien Leigh, Catherine Da Vue. How do you say it?
BETTY: Deneuve.
STAR: And they were buying it but it was out of body for me. I'm possessed by some crazed imposter and my real self was in some sewer in Queens because I had to act like some STAR. But that's what I've become, a STAR, not for those eleven minutes there but forever, like suddenly I'm the Oracle of Delphi.
BETTY: You're no oracle of anything.
STAR: … and real movie STAR s are coming up to kiss me like they know me. Jack Nicholson and Nicolas Cage both at once like two large billboards falling on my face and suddenly it's like I went to high school in Australia with Nicole Kidman or something while the sweat is Niagara Falls between my butt cheeks down to my shoes. I loved it.
BETTY: The only STAR s I care about are the S
TAR s on my kid's report card.
STAR: Oh. How is he … uh …?
BETTY: You forgot his name.
STAR: Jonathan.
BETTY: Try again.
STAR: Jesse?
BETTY: Yes, but you forgot before you remembered. Just the way you saw me the other night at Cynthia's and ham that you are you so badly pretended not to see me.
STAR: I saw you at Cynthia's?
BETTY: You pretended not to but so badly, as if you never read a word of Jerzy Grotowski.
STAR: Who's Jerry Zakowski? I was surrounded by twenty sycophantic moving mouths.
BETTY: Congratulations! Congratulations! But meantime we waited on your leash for you to say hi.
STAR: I had to go to another party, I was late. I waved but you cut out in front of me. BETTY talk about your son. If I remember correctly, that calms you.
BETTY: Thanks. He got into Trinity.
STAR: A church?
BETTY: A school.
STAR: So that's some kind of big deal?
BETTY: In my world it is.
STAR: Well, that's nice, isn't it?
BETTY: Till my money runs out. And don't you interpret that as I got you here to ask for a handout.
STAR: What? Well, here's to Jesse.
BETTY: That I'll drink to.
STAR: The drinks here are twenty bucks? What's the world coming to?
BETTY: Me, invite a STAR to a no-class joint?
STAR: Let me pick up the check.
BETTY: Well thank you.
STAR: Is Buchwald getting you any voice-overs? Are they any good?
BETTY: I booked a denture spot.
STAR: You didn't.
BETTY: Old people are getting younger every day.
STAR: One of the papers said you were up for a Pinter play?
BETTY: Didn't get it.
STAR: Is that why you look tired?
BETTY: No. I am pissed and when pissed I apparently look tired.
STAR: Pissed at Harold Pinter? Well I mean, at what?
BETTY: My parents for dying, the dying was bad enough but leaving me shit … My husband for being a drunk …
STAR: Oh dear. What time is it?
BETTY: Don't say you've got to go.
STAR: No, go on … your husband?
BETTY: I went and fell in love with an actor who hates himself, what else is new, except this one's a drunk so I go ahead and have his kid.
STAR: You're talkin'about… Whatsizname Jesse. BETTY: A terrific kid, knock wood.