by Ivy Kovacs
- Jackson street 32. – I kept staring into his eyes and wondered how a blue shirt would look on him. It would match his eye color.
- You're lucky I'm driving you. Jackson Street is a 30-minute walk from here. – He said breaking the staring contest we had and revved the engine. He had an old Volkswagen and it was surprisingly very comfortable.
- Where did you move from? – He asked when we turned into the next street.
- Florida. - I was looking outside the window and watched the buildings pass by.
- Why did you move here? –
- Why do you ask so many questions? – I looked at him and he grinned. That stupid grin annoyed me. – What about you? Have you lived here your whole life? –
- No. – He replied curtly and kept his eyes on the road. He wasn’t a bad driver. He was better than me. I studied his face as he drove, and didn't reply just stared out of the window again. – I moved here from Spain when I was little. – He broke the silence after a few minutes. He opened up. Did this mean that I had to open up as well?
- I've always wanted to go there. – I added trying to avoid his upcoming question about my life. I've only known him for 48 hours and I'm not ready to tell anyone yet.
- Why did you move, Grace? – He questioned again as he turned into our street.
- I had to. – That's all I was going to say for now. He stopped in front of our house and I took a deep breath after thanking him for the ride. I reached for the handle but then stopped and turned to him. – I'm sorry about my mistake today. –
- Why? –
- I don't know... I thought... – I said and he cut me off.
- What did you think, Grace Smith? – How did he know my full name? Instagram... His voice was smooth and his eyes were staring deep into my soul. It should’ve made me uncomfortable but it didn't.
- I thought that because you were tongue wrestling yesterday, you must be together. I misunderstood. – I looked lower and studied his chest area. A tattoo peeked through his shirt but I could only see the edge of the design.
- Tongue wrestling? Is that how they call making out in Florida? – He laughed. His smile was so adorable!
What happened was happening to me? I couldn’t be this stupid!
- No, but normal people don't make out in front of everyone. – I was being feisty.
- Well, she's not my girlfriend. I'd rather cut my dick off than listen to her whiny voice every day. –
I laughed. I laughed? What was this boy doing to me? I stopped laughing and looked at him again. – Thanks for taking me home, Dylan. – He nodded and I got out walking inside the house.
- Gracie! – Grandma greeted me. I could tell how happy she was after she got my message that I wouldn’t be coming home straight from school. – How was your day sweetheart? I made you some pancakes! – She said and placed a pile of them in front of me as I sat down at the counter.
- It was good. – I replied and drank some water from my glass. – I didn't think about her, nana. – I just realized that this was the first day in four months that I didn't think about her. It made me want to cry. Only four months in and I forget about her because of a boy and some new friends? I was such a bad daughter!
- Honey. I know you feel guilty now, but don't. Your mom would want you to live your life to its fullest. You're eighteen. You've already spent the last four months inside. It's time for you to get back into reality and live a healthy life with more people in it. – She always knew what to say and I knew she was right. Deep down. But it was still too soon.
- I can't forget about her this easily. I should be carrying the weight of her death with me for the rest of my life! – I snapped and I could feel my eyes burning from the tears that have flooded them.
- No, no, no. Baby. - She said coming up to me and hugging me tightly. – You are not a bad daughter and you shouldn't carry that weight. You know she wouldn't want that for you. –
- And just because you don't think about her every second it doesn't mean you forgot about her. She's always with you. – She pointed at the necklace hanging from my neck. It was a gold chain with a tiny cross pendant. Mom got it for her baptism and always had it around her neck. When we were dying she put it in my hand and told me to wear it. I haven't taken it off since then and I never will. – I love you so much, Gracie. – I heard her voice tremble and my muscles tightened.
I hated when she cried and she cried a lot because of me. Not because I did something to her but because it hurt her to see me like this.
We sat there for minutes that felt like hours: burying my face into her shoulder while she was stroking my back delicately. I haven't had a break down like this since the beginning of August. Back then these were regular. She would wake up to my screams at nights, trying so hard to silence them and ease my pain.
During the day nobody could tell that I suffered from depression. But at night, my screams had probably awakened the whole street. Seb and Rebecca wanted to get me a therapist but I refused. I didn't want the pain to be gone. It was the only reminder that she'd existed.
Nine
I didn't remember going upstairs to my room last night but when my eyes opened I saw the white lacey curtains first. 5.23 am. My alarm goes off an hour later but I couldn't go back to sleep, instead I stayed in bed staring at the blank white ceiling.
While I was getting ready, I texted Seb telling him that I was going to walk to school today. The weather was colder than in Florida and I was glad it was Friday already. After I got dressed I packed my books and headed out, plugging my ears in, and started my usual playlist.
Halfway there, a car honked at me and I quickly unplugged my ears to hear what happened.
– What song are you blasting? – That perfectly white smile brightened my day already. When he ducked lower I realized that it wasn't Dylan. It was his friend, Max. – Hop in I can give you a ride. – I hesitated for a while but my legs made the move and walked towards the black Ford Raptor. His parents must be rich.
- Thanks. - I said as I was putting my seatbelt on.
- So are you gonna tell me what song you were listening to? – Max looked scarier than he actually was. His black hair was slicked back. His nose piercing wiggled as he talked. The tattoos were almost covering every inch of his left arm.
- Beach House. Do you know them? – I got a text message from my grandma but I focused on Max's reply.
- I do. They are okay, I've listened to them when I got drunk and emotional. I prefer something with more bass. – Of course, he did. He was the definition of a bad guy. I didn't understand how he'd ever get emotional.
He parked down in front of the school and I got out of his car, thanking him for the ride.
- Anytime, sweet Grace. – He winked at me before he disappeared into the crowd.
I put my earpods into my backpack and someone appeared in front of me. I jumped before realizing it was Dylan.
- You have to stop scaring me. – My smile didn't ease his mood. Was he angry? I hoped he wasn’t, I didn't want to cry at school but if he’ll yell at me, I probably will.
- What were you doing with Max? – His eyes were darker than usual. If I hadn't known I'd think he was annoyed.
- I was walking to school and he offered to give me a ride. I thought you were friends. – I was more confused.
- What did he say? – He asked, his voice demanding. I felt like I was being interrogated.
- We talked about music. Then he said "sweet Grace" and left. It's funny now that I think about it. – A chuckle escaped my mouth but he still didn't laugh. – Why? What's wrong? – Now I was more worried than confused.
- Nothing. – He looked away and started walking inside. – Just don't trust him. He's up to no good, believe me. – I swallowed the lump in my throat. He seemed serious and it scared me. – Besides you should never get into a car with a stranger. –
- Like how I got into your car? – I was starting to get pissed. We barely knew each other!
- I'm n
ot a stranger. You know me. – His voice sounded emotionless.
- I know you just as much as I know him or any of your friends for that matter. – I've had enough of this conversation. My Friday couldn't have started better. I walked past him and straight to my first class which was Math. My mind was spiraling over the interrogation I've just went through. What was the motive? Why did I feel like he was trying to protect me?
After I walked into the classroom my eyes spotted Dom in the middle row. – Good morning Sir. May I sit? – I joked. On Wednesday a girl from our class was very eager to be the teacher's pet. We laughed about it all day and mimicked her talking.
- Miss Smith. It's very good to have you here. Please do join me. – Dom and I laughed and started talking. A few minutes after the bell Dylan walked in giving me annoyed looks. I looked back at him and turned back to my friend who sat next to me. – What was that? – His voice interrupted my thoughts and I shrugged.
- It's just Dylan being Dylan. But you know him better than I do. – Dom was trying to say something when the teacher walked in.
- Morning class. Today we're going to start with geometry. – The teacher was a middle-aged man. His hair was already turning white and he was wearing glasses. He was the first teacher who didn't introduce me and I was glad he didn't make a big deal out of me joining the class. I've been in the center all week and I would like to keep myself in the shadows.
- Now I remember why I hated Maths. – Dom said as we exited the classroom and I cackled with him. Friday was a shorter day, without cheer practice. Grandma left for a weekend trip with her friends so the house was mine all weekend. I decided to grab some lunch on the way home so after I said goodbye to Dom and Debby I walked out of school.
To my surprise, Dylan was standing on the stairs waiting.
- Where are you going? – He had his arms folded and his legs crossed the as he leaned against the brick wall.
- I think it's none of your business. – I walked past him and towards the parking lot.
- I'll drive you home. – He shouted after me so I stopped and turned around.
- I'm not going home. – I was going to eat lunch because I was starving.
- Then I'll drive you where you want to go. – If he was so eager to be my Uber then so be it. I nodded and he led me to his car. – Where are you going? – He had his eyes on me as I put my seatbelt on.
- To grab lunch. I'm home alone this weekend so I'd like to eat something warm at least today. –
- There's a great place near your house. –
- Okay. – He waited for me to say something else but I remained silent.
- Are you hot? – He asked after a few minutes and I shook my head. The rest of the drive was quiet.
He cut the engine in the parking lot and I got out of his car, thanking him for the ride. I should get a part-time job to buy myself a car so I wouldn’t have to accept rides from everyone.
A small bell above the door rang as I entered and a lady greeted me in a white apron.
Ten
- Table for two? –
- Oh, no... – I started explaining myself.
- Yes. Thank you. – Dylan was standing behind me and when I looked back at him the waitress was already gone.
- What are you doing? – I asked quietly as I sat down at the table.
- I'm eating lunch. – He grabbed the menu and started reading it.
- No. What are you really doing? – I opened the menu too but I kept my eyes on him.
- I told you. I'm eating lunch. I'm hungry. – The waitress walked up to us again.
- Two glasses of water, please. And I'll have the alfredo pasta. – His accent was more noticeable as he ordered his food. It sounded really sexy.
I haven't had the time to observe him today. He was in a black V-neck and his tattoo peaked through his short sleeve. He didn't have as much as Max but he still had a few here and there.
- And for the lady? – The waitress's voice shook me back to reality.
- I'll take the grilled chicken breast with fries. – She nodded politely and left us alone again.
- Grilled chicken? Your meal taste matches your music taste. – He closed the menu and set it aside.
- First of all, what's your problem with grilled chicken? And second of all, how do you know about my music taste? – I raised my eyebrows at the sarcastic boy sitting in front of me.
- There're so many options on this menu and you chose the most simple. I heard it through your ear pods. Beach House, really? At least there was a Coldplay song on that thing. – He pointed at my iPhone SE lying on the table.
- What's your problem with my phone? It's a classic. – I grabbed it and put it away into my back pocket.
- It's old. –
- Well, some of us don't have mommy and daddy buying them everything. – I snapped at him. Seeing his facial expression distort, I suddenly felt very guilty. – I'm sorry. – I looked down on the table and started playing with my fork.
- My mom married a douche. He owns a company near the school. That's why I'm studying here. –
- I'm sorry, Dylan. I didn't know. – I was trying to excuse myself but my behavior was not acceptable. I couldn't judge people without knowing their back story.
- My dad stayed in Sevilla after my mother cheated on him with this American dude. He sent me away with mom, saying that I'll have a better chance at life if I live in the US. That was 12 years ago. – Dylan started poking his pasta with his fork.
- I'm so stupid. I shouldn't have judged you. I just... –
- It's fine. – He took a bite from the pasta and I looked down taking a piece of French fry into my mouth. – What about you? You're really mysterious. –
- My dad left when I was three and we moved to Florida with my mom. – I took a sip of water after my reply. – Does this mean you speak Spanish? – I tried to change the subject and smiled at him.
- Hablo español pero eso es todo lo que obtienes.* – I chuckled and shook my head. His Spanish was so good and now I could hear his accent better. (*Translation: I speak Spanish but that's all you get.)
- Maybe you could teach me once. – I was smiling like a fool but I couldn't help it. He cheered me up.
- I don't do nerds. – He said jokingly and I kicked his leg under the table which made us both laugh. The lunch was delicious and I'm glad I didn't have to eat alone.
Dylan forced me to let him pay for it and I agreed because he allowed me to buy him ice cream on the way home. We stopped at Dairy Queen and filled our cups with ice cream. I topped mine with Reese's Cups and M&M's, he only put gummy bears on his. After I nagged him he tried mine. He felt defeated when he had to admit that mine was better, even though he didn't like peanut butter. By the time we arrived in front of my house, it was 4 pm.
Eleven
- Thanks for today. – I haven't felt this relaxed or laughed so much since I was a normal teenager with a healthy mother. – You have no idea how thankful I am. – Words escaped my mouth and I excused myself.
- Are you okay? – Dylan questioned with his eyebrows slightly raised. A warm teardrop dripped off from my chin and my hand wiped it away. I gave him a humorless chuckle excusing myself again. – Are you that broken? – His words hit me like a bullet fired from a gun.
I watched my mother die. The woman who was the only person for me in my whole life. She was my everything. She still is. His hands reached to wipe a tear away from my face. I opened the car door and ran inside the house. I didn't know what hurt more: the fact that I just lost a possible new friend or the unbearable pain that I felt in my chest. I was way too familiar with this feeling. It was like drowning in a pitch-black ocean, screaming for help but no one was able to hear. I've lived with this pain for a month, then my doctor prescribed me a medicine for depression. My body went numb from it and the only pain I felt was during the night, in my dreams.
My knees hit the hard tiles of the kitchen. I felt like I couldn't breathe again. It was like my body
didn't let the oxygen fill my lungs. A strong arm held me and pulled me into their lap. It was warmer than the marble flooring.
My eyes opened and I saw the chandelier in the living room. It was dark outside and the only light was coming from the small reading lamp across the room next to the armchair. I was lying on the couch tucked under my grandma's knitted blanket. I adjusted to the situation and raised my head to look around. I didn't remember what happened. My eyes spotted Dylan sitting in the armchair, reading a book. I watched his eyes follow along the lines then our eyes met when he looked up from the pages.
- What happened? How are you here? – I shook the blanket off of me and sat up on the couch. I didn't remember anything.
- You ran out of my car crying and I heard a loud thud. When I came inside you were lying on the floor. I laid you there after you fell asleep. – I was watching his lips move as he spoke. My hands ran through my hair and I took a deep breath.
My head hurt but the numbness was back. The pills probably affected while I was asleep. – Do you want some water? – His voice made me look up from my hands and I nodded. My mouth was dry, probably because of the crying.
He came back with a glass of water and sat down on the other end of the couch. – Was that all you saw? – I truly hoped he didn't see the whole thing. I could never fully remember it. Grandma said that it was like I was choking on nothing and tears are gushing out of my eyes.
- Are you feeling better? – He was avoiding my question. Great. He probably saw everything. Why did he stay? We didn't even know each other well.
One week in Atlanta and I already let someone see my true self: the girl who is utterly broken and beyond repair.
I nodded and took small sips of the water he gave me. He picked my phone up from the coffee table and I gave him weird looks.
- What are you doing? – I tried to get it out of his hands but he held it away from me. I just realized that I was on top of him. Our faces were just a few inches away. I gulped and pulled away sitting back down. – Can you give me my phone back, please? – He started typing something on it. I should have it locked by a PIN.