by Ivy Kovacs
- That's how you can reach me. In case you need it. I live a few blocks away but I spend most of my time at Max's apartment. That's even closer. – He assured me while I looked at the new contact saved on my phone. Dylan. Simple but sweet.
- Dylan? – He was already putting on his black leather jacket near the door but he stopped when he heard me calling his name. He stood there waiting for me to say something. – Could you stay? Just until I fall asleep. We could watch a movie. - My voice sounded desperate but I really didn't want to be alone. My doctor said that I could get seriously injured if a seizure would get to me in a bad moment. I was lucky enough that someone was always around when they happened.
But that wasn’t exactly why I wanted him here. Death would mean peace for me. I wasn’t scared of it anymore. I tasted it, I felt it closely. It just didn't want me yet.
I felt safe around Dylan. I didn't know why but this feeling was too good.
He agreed quietly and took his jacket off, settling next to me. I scooted closer to him and placed the other half of the blanket over his lower body.
My head leaned over his shoulder and he placed his arm around me, letting me lay on his chest instead. His shirt smelled nice. It was a mix of cologne and fabric softener. My eyes felt heavy and closed as soon as he started a movie on Netflix.
Twelve Dylan
After Grace ran out of my car I didn't know what to do. I remembered that she said she was going to be alone all weekend but someone was probably home... A loud bang was followed by a scream. Grace was screaming. I didn't even bother to stop the car before I ran inside the small house.
She was lying on the floor screaming and gasping for air. I knelt down next to her and held her head against my lap trying to calm her down. I left the door open and the passers-by looked inside. I had to assure them that she was going to be fine to make them leave. She would be fine, right? Whatever was going on with her... She was screaming for about five minutes and then she remained silent. I was frightened at first and thought she died, but after I felt her small body move as she breathed, my worry eased. I picked her up and laid her on the couch, tucking her under the blanket I found on the armchair.
Should I leave? I couldn't leave her like this. What if she hurt herself? I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if something would happen to her after I left. I usually didn't care about anyone except my little brother. He grew up in America and he believed that idiot Steve was his father. I had to gag every time I heard him call him dad. My mom said if I was going to tell him the truth she'd send me away to God knows where.
I only left her for a minute to park in their driveway and stop my car. I looked at their bookshelf and found Hemingway's novel so I grabbed it and started reading. When she woke up I lied to her. She wasn't just lying on the floor. She was having a panic attack or something because her skin was cold and pale. Her eyes were shut but tears gushed out of them. Her screams scared me. They sounded so painful. I didn't know what happened to her or made her this broken but I wasn’t going to force her into saying anything.
She asked me to stay. I didn't have anything to do except go back to Max's place where they were having their conventional party. The house is full of weed smoke and drunk girls. I wasn’t paying anything to him in exchange for my stay, I just agreed to clean up after each party they had.
I hadn't slept at home in a year. After my mother forced me to lie to my brother I couldn't stay in that hell hole. Max's parents were rich so they bought him an apartment and have been sending him money every week. He didn't mind and even if he did, I could find another place to crash at.
It was seven more months until I’d leave for college. I didn't know which one but as long as it was far from Atlanta it was fine by me.
Her head rested against my shoulder and it made me surprised. She trusted me even though I've only spent a day with her. I was surprised that I opened up to her, but I felt like if I was honest about myself she would be honest too. Obviously, I didn't know that she was this troubled.
I allowed her to scoot closer to me by placing my arm around her. She buried herself into my chest and her hands gripped on my white shirt. Her makeup was smudged but she still looked beautiful. I tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and felt her breathing slow down. I stayed there for a few hours and watched her sleep peacefully.
When I left I closed the door after myself. It was 2 am. I was tired but I knew that the house would be full of drunken teenage girls craving dick. I took advantage of some of them when I was drunk but I didn't even remember their names. They were only good to get my mind off my problems.
I drove back to the apartment and pulled out a cigarette placing it between my lips and searched for my lighter. The flame made the paper smolder and I inhaled. The smoke-filled my lungs, burning them and I waited a few seconds before I puffed it all out.
I placed it back in between my lips as I took my phone out and opened Instagram. I typed in Grace's name and scrolled through her posts. Pictures of her smiling on the beach with her friends, mirror selfies, coffee pictures. There was a picture of a woman smiling through her tears as she held up a canvas. The art wasn't seeable but I had a gut feeling that Grace made it. She looked a lot like her. She must be her mom.
A drunken girl stumbled next to me and spilled her muck on my shirt. – Bitch! – I growled at her but she stumbled away, giggling. I threw the stub away and rushed up to the apartment, pushing my way through the crowd. I pushed away the couple making out against my door and they stumbled.
- Bro. I thought you weren't gonna come home. Well, my home not yours. You're just a hobo. – Max came up to me holding a red plastic cup in his hand. Like I wasn’t pissed off enough.
- Fuck off. – He laughed at my words and handed me his cup.
- Come on have a drink. –
- I said no. What the fuck were you doing with Grace today anyway? – I wasn’t a typical bad guy like they were but they always got this side out of me. Max's eyes were red from the alcohol he poured into his body. It was how they spent every weekend except the weekends when his parents were visiting.
- I picked her up because she was walking alone. Chill, man. – He paused and downed his cup. - She's hot. I wonder what those lips could do. –
The disgusting smirk on his face made me feel sick to my stomach. I wasn’t jealous, I had nothing to be jealous of, but the way they treated girls was disgusting. I wouldn't let them take advantage of Grace too.
I had sex with a lot of girls, just like them but only because they were hitting on me. I would never throw myself on someone like they did.
After what I saw today, I knew she wouldn't be able to handle them. At least she was friends with that nerd Dom so she didn't come near us, only when Deb forced her to. I'd have to talk to her. – Shut the fuck up! Go screw a bitch. There are plenty of them around. – I pointed around the room with my arm and he rolled his eyes.
- You're no fun. – He threw his empty cup at me and left. Thank God he did. I slipped inside my room and closed the door with the key I had for it. Privacy was a word these people didn't understand, and if any of them were to come into my room I would have to switch rooms to the one where everyone had sex. It was also where Max's parents stayed when they visited him. Again: disgusting.
Thirteen Grace
I woke up on the couch again. It was surprisingly comfortable. I tried to remember the things that happened yesterday but some memories were faint.
Dylan and I ate lunch and spent the afternoon together then I started crying. The next thing I remembered was the smell of his shirt and the warmth of his body. My eyes searched for him in the small area but he wasn't here. He probably left because I made him feel uncomfortable.
I didn't know why I asked him to stay or why he stayed, I just needed to feel the closeness of someone and he was here. I should text him to thank everything. Or should I wait a few more days and thank him in person?
A notification popped up on my phone. It was 9 am alrea
dy. I slept in late.
Good morning.
That was all he sent. Did he remember last night? He might've been drunk. It would be better if he was.
Morning. My fingers typed in the message. Thank you for last night. God, this sounded like we slept together. There was no going back, it was sent and he just read it.
I'll pick you up in an hour.
What? Why? I started hyperventilating and threw my phone on the couch. – No. Grace just say no. – I was biting the skin around my nails as I thought through every possible scenario that could happen. Bad habit but I did it every time I got nervous.
I picked the phone up from the couch and sent an 'okay'.
I tossed my phone back on the couch and ran upstairs to shower. Ten minutes later I was already done showering and my hair was up in a ponytail. I just had to get dressed and eat something. It was colder today, not by a lot but I could bear longer pants.
All of my jeans were in the washing machine. Cool. In Florida, I lived in yoga pants. They were more comfortable than jeans in my opinion. Since I moved to Atlanta I've only worn joggers at home and shorts to school.
I decided on a black leggings and an oversized shirt that was too long on my body so I tied it on the front.
I quickly forced some cereal down my throat and my phone buzzed on the couch. I peeked through the curtains and saw that his black car was in front of the house.
I grabbed my phone from the couch, threw my backpack over my shoulder, and closed the door after myself. He was watching me walk towards his car.
– Hi. – I said with an unsure smile and he put his car in drive. – Where are we going? – My eyes traveled up and down on his body. He was wearing black jeans and a black shirt. I liked black but he looked better in a blue or green shirt. It made his eye color pop.
- Just trust me. – He said and looked over at me. He had a grin on his face as he checked me out before looking at the road again. – Do you trust me, Grace? –
Did I trust him? I guess I did, though I probably shouldn't trust him this easily. He was not a typical good guy and he treated girls like toys. Even though Madison deserved what she got.
I didn't answer his question, instead I watched the trees pass by.
His phone was connected to the car and he was playing a song from Maluma. I giggled quietly because I had no idea what the song lyrics were about but he did and I found that very adorable. We passed a sign that said ‘no entrance’ and I glared at him. Maybe he was just going to drive through the road.
I was wrong: he parked his car next to a wooden house. It was small but still bigger than my grandma's house. He got out and I watched him from the car. His muscles tightened as he ran his hand through his messy curly hair.
I took a deep breath and got out of the car to follow him. He peeked at me to make sure I was following as we walked through the trees that have grown the house around.
The scenery was really peaceful: the birds were tweeting and there was only a soft breeze. Some of the trees have started changing their colors.
He checked on me a few times before he stopped. I glanced over his shoulder and saw a small lake. It was connected to the house and there was a small boat floating on the surface, tied to a tree. – Wow... – My eyes examined every detail of the outstanding nature. – Wh...who lives here? – I was speechless.
- This. – He pointed around with his arm. – This is my family's wood house. We usually come here in summers but I prefer it during autumn. –
- This is beautiful, Dylan. You must love staying here. – I walked on the pier and sat down on the edge of it. My legs almost touched the water's surface.
- I would if it would be on my name. But it's not a Torres property. – He stood behind me, watching the water glistening. – I only come here when I'm certain that I'll be alone. –
- Should I take this as a sign? – I glared up at him and he chuckled shaking his head. Then to my surprise, he sat down next to me. – I'm sorry that you had to see that... – I kept my look down.
- Don't apologize. I'm glad you're okay. – He looked over at me. The green little spots were barely visible to average people but for me, they made his eyes look very special. I felt like I could stare into them all day.
- I'm not... - I took a deep breath and looked away again. – I haven't been okay for months. – I glanced back at him. He listened to every word that came out of my mouth.
- You don't have to... – He began but I hushed him.
- I do. – My hands ran through my hair and tightened my ponytail before taking a deep breath again.
Fourteen
- I've told you that my father left when I was three. His mother took us in for a few years. I was so little I don't remember any of it. My mom started working two jobs to spare some money so we could afford a smaller house. But not in Georgia: we moved to Florida and started a new life. My mom still worked two jobs and we were only able to pay the necessary bills. All the extras I got were from my uncle or my grandmother. -
- Funny thing is that they are both my father's relatives. I started working when I was the legal age to help out. She tried to give me everything. She bought me new clothes while she wore the same things she had for a decade, and she never ever complained. –
- She's a great person. – Dylan looked at me and I agreed smiling a graceful smile.
- She was. - I inhaled and exhaled slowly to calm myself. I could feel the hole in my chest trying to rip me apart, but the antidepressants wouldn’t let it. – One day we went on a trip to pick some strawberries. It's my favorite and she wanted to make jam out of it. -
- I nagged her to let me drive on the way there. Everything was fine. We picked strawberries all afternoon and complained about the sunburn we got. – I had to take a few breaks between my sentences because it felt impossible to say what I had to say out loud.
- She didn't let me drive back home. It was getting dark already and she didn't trust me enough... – My eyes were burning from the tears that filled them.
- Grace... – I didn't let him continue.
- A stupid bird decided to fly into the windshield. We couldn't see and cars honked. She pulled on the steering wheel and the car drove off the cliff. We fell about 150 feet before our car crashed against a rock. Her head was covered in blood and her body stuck between the steering wheel and her seat. It crushed her lower body. Me on the other hand had a glass shard stuck in my stomach. She ensured me not to take it out. In her last moments, she gave me her necklace. – I was holding the cross necklace that was hanging from my neck. - She made sure that I was going to live. Her last words were: I love you. You're my only grace. I passed out before the car crushed her body entirely. – My hands lifted my shirt up and pulled the pants lower to expose the scar remaining on my lower abdomen. His eyes were glossy as he touched my hand to pull the shirt back down.
- I'm so sorry, Grace... – He shook his head slightly and looked away. – I'm sorry you had to go through this. – He lifted my chin up to make me look at him. – You're the strongest person I know. – His thumb gently brushed against my cheek, wiping a warm teardrop away.
- I'm not. If I would've lowered her seat she would be alive now but the stupid glass didn't allow me to. I could've saved her. – I turned my face the other way but he pulled it back, forcing me to look at him.
- You were dying yourself. Don't beat yourself up. – My head shook and I sniffled. He came closer and placed a gentle peck on my forehead before he wrapped his arms around me.
We sat there silently, watching the sun reflect on the water's surface. He didn't say anything and honestly, I liked the silence.
The sun started settling when we decided to stand up and walk back to his car. The wind blew heavier and colder, signing the upcoming storm.
We got inside and he started driving. On the way back we talked about his plans for the future. He said he wanted to go far away from here so he didn't have to see his mother. He considered moving back to Spain but h
e knew that he could have a better life here.
He asked about my plans and I started thinking. I didn't have time to consider what I'd want to study or where I’d want to go yet. I would have to look at universities and colleges soon.
When he dropped me off, we said our goodbyes and he drove away.
Sunday passed quickly. I studied forward for the upcoming week and face timed Mia, my best friend who lived in Florida. We talked for an hour when grandma arrived from her trip. We watched a movie together after dinner and headed to sleep. I checked my phone every hour to see if there were any messages from Dylan, but there weren't.
Monday started off the same way, as always. Seb and Lily picked me up and drove me to school. They invited me over dinner, but I kindly declined their offer and told them that I was busy today, which I was because Dom and I were going to do the project work.
The classes were okay even though I felt like I was going to fall asleep during Chemistry.
I changed into my uniform and headed out to the field. Deb and I talked about the upcoming match and she told me about her weekend with Nathan. Nathan was her crush and they'd been flirting but he hadn't asked her out yet. We rehearsed the first choreography and started stretching after we finished.
Dylan hadn't come up to me all day so I decided to do it instead and say hi. When I walked closer to him I couldn't believe my eyes.
Fifteen Dylan
Sophie came onto me after practice and in true Dylan fashion, I didn't hesitate. The alcohol was missing from my system but it was alright. I was pushing her against the wall, my body covered hers so no one could see what we were doing.
I heard a small gasp from behind and decided to check who was interrupting. I didn't have a chance to say anything, she just ran off after apologizing. I knew I fucked up.