Honor and Redemption

by A. C. Bextor

  The scar caused from the beating he gave Tyrant, the man who killed two of our own, and nearly taking me down in the process, stands out—puffy, and still pink. The stitches are long gone, but the horrifying memories will never go away.

  Sooner or later, these hands will protect another woman. She’ll get the gentle parts of him that I had. Leglas has so much love to give, he just needs to find a woman worthy to give it to.

  I wasn’t that for him.

  “What will you do now?” I question. “You’ll be bored without me.”

  Leglas laughs, loudly. My body shakes on his lap, and I can’t help but smile. “I don’t know. Probably get myself into trouble.”

  Tears spring to my eyes, hope spurring in my chest, that Leglas finds something, someone soon to occupy his time.

  “I’m going to miss you,” I tell him.

  He sighs, running his thumb over my chin as he frowns. “I’m gonna miss you, too, my blue eyed girl.”

  “I know about her,” I admit. As if fingers were snapped in front of his face, his eyes flash to mine.

  “Say that again?”

  “I know about Isabelle.”

  “The fuck?”

  “I found her picture in your room,” I tattle on myself. “A long time ago.”

  “Right,” he returns with bite.

  “That’s her name, right?” I press. “But you call her Belle?”

  Whispering, he moves his eyes to my lap. “I’m the only person who calls her Belle.”

  Pressing forward, I observe, “She’s very pretty.”

  “That picture was taken a long time ago,” he notes. “She’s prettier now.”

  “So, you really have found her. You had Abram find her for you.”

  A cruel smile masks his face, and he pins me with a knowing stare. “Been hiding in corners again?”

  I can’t deny he’s right. That’s what I do. But a few days ago, my thoughts and worries over Leglas and Vante’s newly-found comradery came together. Leglas and Vante were at the Zalesky’s, having a meet with Abram. I put two and two together, and without knowing, Leglas has just confirmed it.

  Shrugging off the accusation, I choose my words wisely. “You deserve to be happy.”

  “Cricket—”

  “Please, listen,” I beg, turning to straddle his lap. When I place my hands on his chest, Leglas looks down at the connection—chest to chest, my body wrapped in his arms. “Whether you believe this or not, you deserve everything the world has to give you.”

  “Blue eyes, I—”

  My hand comes up to cover his mouth. “You deserve a woman who would bleed for you.”

  When his gaze lifts to mine, I know he’s heard me. Shaking off my hand, he sneers, “Shut up.”

  I power forward. “You deserve a woman, who while you’re working yourself into the ground, would worship all your efforts in keeping her safe and loved.”

  Any other emotion drops from his face, and anger takes hold. “I told you to shut your mouth, Cricket.”

  Cricket, not Blue Eyes. His patience is waning. I’m almost out of time.

  “You deserve a woman who accepts who you are and would set the world on fire if that person ever changed.”

  With his eyes closed, Leglas leans his forehead against mine, rolling it from one side to the other.

  If Leglas ever thinks of what we had again, I need him to remember, “I love you, Leglas. Until the day I die, I’ll be thankful for knowing you.”

  “Son of a bitch, baby,” he rasps out, his voice breaking. “God damn it, you’re killin’ me.”

  Telling him what he so brazenly told me at the time he ended us, I remind, “If she’s the one who owns your heart, you have to give it back.”

  Leglas growls, his chest reverberating against mine.

  “And if the life you’re meant to live isn’t here, you have to go and find it.”

  Gripping me tightly in his arms, Leglas positions his face in my neck and inhales.

  Thoughts culminate, reminding me of where Leglas and I once began. I close my eyes, wrapping my arms over his shoulders, and surrender to our memories together.

  I’ll take care of you, he promised. If you want this, I’ll give you what you need.

  Leglas gave me life after I’d been only existing without Gypsy.

  I’ll give you what you deserve, he told me. For as long as I can, Blue Eyes.

  Visions of him standing on the forecourt of that warehouse as my father held that gun to my head. With just his presence, I was coaxed to silence so my life would once again be saved.

  Baby, be still.

  “Who will protect me now?” I ask his chest, holding back a sob.

  “Bad guys are all gone, Cricket,” he insists. “And no one will hurt you where you’re goin’.”

  Digging in to get closer, I hug him harder, inhaling all that he’s ever been.

  My friend. My lover. My guardian.

  I shiver at the familiarity, safety, and respect he’s always given me. When he tries to end our struggle by moving away, I protest. I’m not ready.

  So, instead, I beg, “Don’t let me go.”

  Leglas squeezes tightly. “Have mercy, Cricket,” he pleads, his voice unsteady.

  Seconds pass before he grabs my arms and forces me upright. He uses the backs of his fingers to wipe the sadness from my eyes. His hands come up to cup my cheeks and he shakes his head.

  When he rests his forehead back to mine, he takes in a breath. “He better make you fuckin’ happy.”

  “He will.”

  “He better make sure you have everything you ever want.”

  “He already does.”

  Righting his head, Leglas’s lips brush mine. I taste my tears and his final promise. Leglas will be with me no matter where I go or who I’m with. He’ll come for me if I call.

  Sitting back, he drops his hands to my waist. His lips draw tight and his grip on my hips nearly burns. I don’t understand until he insists, “You need to go before I change my mind.”

  “I don’t want to leave you alone,” I whisper.

  “Baby, I’m tellin’ you to get gone,” he grinds out in warning. “I’m still a man with a beautiful woman sittin’ astride my cock, and it’s been an age since the damn thing’s been wet.”

  Gross. But so Leglas.

  I giggle when he grabs beneath my arms and starts to shift me from his lap. The clearing of a throat at the door causes both our heads to turn.

  Gypsy holds the handle tightly, his expression murderous. “If you two are finished, we have an early morning.”

  “Mama Mia, you’re not even gonna think about it?” Ziah exaggerates, standing with his back to me as I round the corner and enter the kitchen.

  His neck is tilted up. With his hands to his hips, his determined stance holds firm directly in front of Mia. Whatever I’ve just walked in to, Mama Mia doesn’t appear too fucking happy about it.

  Elevent stands behind her, his tatted arm wrapped around her waist and his chin resting on her shoulder. Quietly, he’s watching their exchange. He’s probably deciding whether to weigh in and call Ziah off, or enjoy watching Mia get spun up. When Mia gets on a terror, it’s a sight to see. Elevent enjoys this more than any of us. Mostly because he gets to bring her to heel his way.

  Mia’s long dark hair falls forward when she squares her gaze to Ziah’s.

  I have to hand it to the kid. He may be young, and he may live around rough and ready bikers who drink like fish and howl at the moon, yet he’s got more charm than all of us combined.

  “No,” Mia returns pointedly. “Hamlet is a dog. A very big, handful of a dog. He doesn’t need friends when he has all of us.”

  They’re arguing over Ziah’s mutt, something so normal, so trivial as a pet.

  Three weeks ago, with all the shit going down with that Russian cunt, I’d have given years of my life to witness a scene like this one. Glad to see that other than the strained absence of Gypsy and Cricket, we’ve all gone ba
ck to normal.

  “But Hamlet doesn’t have a sister is what I’m sayin’,” Ziah negotiates, setting up for the kill. “He doesn’t have his own family.”

  “He doesn’t need a sister,” Mia exasperates. “Or family. He has us!”

  “But you don’t—”

  “Mia said no, Z,” Elevent interrupts. “You lost this one. You’re not gettin’ another dog. Now stop arguin’ before you send her into a goddamn tizzy.”

  Hearing this, Mia’s back straightens. She looks straight ahead to the wall over my shoulder. “Did you just say a tizzy?”

  “Fuck,” Elevent utters, looking down to Ziah and scowling. “I didn’t say you were in a tizzy. I said before you get into a tizzy.”

  The word ‘tizzy’ rolling off the tongue of the one true brother I have isn’t funny. It’s fucking hilarious.

  Turning in his arms, Mia flattens her hands on Elevent’s chest. The engagement ring he’d put on her finger shines beneath the kitchen light, reminding me of another milestone. A wedding. A celebration. And soon.

  Rearing her head back, Mia threatens, “You haven’t seen me in a tizzy, James Scott, and I’ll remind you—”

  Cut off by Elevent’s mouth slamming down onto hers, she accepts the hard, punishing kiss. Ziah takes a step back and turns where I’m standing near the fridge.

  I wanted to come down here and do this quick and quiet, a private conversation between Elevent and I. A subtle goodbye for now, with the promise that I’d return as soon as I’m able. However, there aren’t many times outside official business when Mia or Ziah are far out from Elevent’s reach.

  His choice, not theirs.

  “Leglas?” Ziah calls I as grab a cold one from the fridge. Using my foot to shut the steel door, I look down to see he’s made his way to me. He’s standing close. Curiously, almost desperately, he asks, “Is that your bag? Are you goin’ somewhere?”

  Fuck.

  With the anxiousness marring the young boy’s face, I concur I was right to take this with ease. This is definitely a conversation that should be had between Elevent and I alone.

  Too late for that.

  Saying goodbye to Cricket was shit. I hated every goddamn second. Saying goodbye to Elevent will be worse.

  “Who’s leaving?” Mia snaps harshly. Lifting my gaze to hers, I take a deep breath and feel my lips form a frown.

  Mia holds her attention on the duffle bag I’d set out by the back door when I came looking for Elevent.

  “Brother?” Elevent prompts next.

  Looking at Ziah still standing close, I lift my chin to the door. “Can you give us a minute?”

  Ziah’s expression isn’t lost on me. It’s everything he must be feeling. He lost Pyke for good, then Cricket day to day. There’s no question I’m not his favorite in this crew of crazies. Still, I imagine he’s worried that if I leave, I’ll never come back.

  Bending at the knees, I settle his gaze to mine. “I am leavin’,” I tell him honestly. “For a bit.”

  “What?” Mia presses in again, her word lost to a whisper. She walks herself out of Elevent’s hold and insists, “You’re not leaving!”

  Ignoring her tone and looking into the now shiny, dark brown eyes staring back at me, I keep this man to man and promise, “Ziah, I’m comin’ back.”

  Curiously, he prods, “Where you goin’?”

  “Somewhere I gotta go alone.”

  “But you’re not leavin’ for good?” he rallies in return.

  “I’m not leaving for good.”

  Ziah takes a second to decide if I’m telling the truth. Once he figures I am, he raises one hand. I finish our high-five and stand straight.

  “Maybe by that time, Hamlet will have himself somethin’ special at home.” Leaning toward me, he wiggles his brows. “You know what I mean.”

  The little shit is looking after his best canine friend in the most carnal of ways. Definitely a boy raised by a bunch of burley bikers and their women.

  “Ziah!” Mia cries out.

  The dirty talk from an eleven-year-old kid would be funny if Elevent’s face wasn’t set in stone hearing the confirmation that I’m taking off. It would also be funny if Mia’s expression didn’t match my brother’s.

  Hurt, fear, and doubt penetrate the space left between the three of us.

  Taking his cue, Ziah holds his hand in a fist to mine, and I grant him a knuckle pound before he takes off to do as he’s been told.

  Elevent grabs Mia and positions her at his side. He rests his ass on the counter, his hands at either side, gripping the edge tightly.

  “What in the world is he talking about you leaving?” Mia walks in my direction, her eyes never leaving mine. “Where are you going? There’s no ride out for another three weeks. Elevent said. You all agreed.”

  “I know, Mia,” I placate.

  When it dawns on her that I’m leaving of my own accord, she whispers, “What is happening?” Shaking my head, I let silence answer. She doesn’t take to this well, as her eyes swell with tears. “You’re leaving to get her.”

  Fuck.

  Do these women ever mind shut the hell up?

  “Angel,” Elevent calls, and Mia comes back to the moment, turning only her head.

  Elevent nods toward the other room, expecting her to obey. Again, this would be funny if she did, considering half the women in this goddamn crew never just do as they’re told.

  Turning back to me, Mia smiles, but it’s sad. “I hate to sound bitchy or cliché, but please, if you’re doing what I think you’re doing, do it in a way you mean it.”

  “You serious?” I return, trying my damnedest not to laugh. “Decision’s already been made. You’re a little late to give advice.”

  Mia is having none of my denial. “You’re a good man, Leglas. You deserve to be happy.”

  My throat gets tight hearing her say exactly what I need to hear. A chance to be as happy as she and Elevent, Gypsy and Cricket, and Sty and Sunny are. Something for me for fucking once.

  “So, take my advice?” she prods.

  “Yeah?”

  “Don’t come on too strong. Don’t, you know…”

  “What?”

  “Don’t, well… Maybe don’t come off as too overbearing.” I lift my brows, waiting for her to stop, but she doesn’t. “Don’t be physical. You tend to, um… toss people around.”

  “You are serious with this shit,” I observe.

  “Well, I mean, especially women and—”

  “You’re sayin’ don’t be me,” I finish for her. “Don’t be myself.”

  Slapping her hands on my shoulders, and having to use her tiptoes to do it, she exclaims, “Yes! See? I’m so glad we had this talk!”

  “Jesus Christ,” Elevent utters, lifting his head to study the ceiling. My brother does this so much, it’s a wonder if he’s expecting it to answer.

  “Be good,” I tell Mia when she wraps her arms around my middle, leaving her cheek to press hard against my chest. Kissing the top of her head, I give my own advice. “And think about gettin’ little Z another dog.”

  Cutting to the quick in an agitated tone, she snips, “No more dogs.”

  “All right. Maybe a cat.”

  Mia giggles. When she doesn’t let me go, I shake her in my arms as Elevent asserts, “Angel, I need a word with him, too.”

  Mia drops her arms, leaving her hands at my waist. Standing on her toes, she kisses my cheek, but inches up to get to my ear.

  Once there, she whispers, “I hope I get the chance to meet the girl who tamed the wild one.”

  Not only do women never shut the fuck up, they also don’t know when to stop pushing.

  I shove her away and do it harshly. In play, but also warning. Taking my hint, she turns to Elevent and smiles. He does the same in return before she takes off, leaving my brother and I alone.

  Finally.

  Elevent stands, makes his way to me, and opens the fridge. He grabs a beer, opens the top, and tosses the cap in the
sink. It lands with a clink.

  Eye to eye, Elevent opens his mouth to say something, but stops. He gives me his back, walking to the small kitchen table where he pulls a chair and takes a seat. With his booted foot, he scoots another toward me.

  I sit, unsure of his reaction.

  I’m leaving Saint’s, sure, but only for a while. My loyalty to these men, this organization and its growth, is steadfast and firm. I said what I said to Ziah because I meant it. I’ll be back.

  “Do you have any idea what you’re doin’?” Elevent starts, his voice poised for argument.

  “I know where she is.”

  Taken aback by this, Elevent straightens in his chair. Setting his bottle on the table, he leans in. “Is this about the woman?”

  “Her name is Isabelle… or it used to be.”

  “Used to be?”

  “Shit happened, forced her to make choices I’m sure weren’t easy to make. She’s been in the wind, disappeared completely.”

  “And now, after all this time, all of a sudden you know where she is?”

  “I do,” I give, not lending to the fact that Abram Wiles has become my greatest hero, and if this plays the way I hope it does, his Russian name will honor my firstborn son.

  Not to mention, Vante, who I now not only consider a club brother, but a friend, had a hand in this as well.

  Elevent’s nowhere near on board with any of it. His expression shows more doubt than his words ever could.

  Thinking, he runs his finger over his bottom lip and studies the tabletop.

  “She’s always been the one for me,” I confess for the first time to anyone, including myself. “Maybe it’s time I get on with seein’ if I’ve always been for her.”

  Elevent arches a dark brow as he asks, “I have to ask, Leglas. But what if you’re not?”

  The thought sickens, twisting my gut with doubt. Elevent doesn’t know what I know, what Vante and Abram know. Belle’s not where she should be, and even if she feels she’s not where she should be with me, I’ll do all I can to get her where she needs to go and do this with care.

  “If I’m not, then I’m not,” I tell him.

  “How long you gone?”

  “Days,” I give on a shrug. “Weeks. Months.”

  “Fuck, brother,” he rages, eyes narrowed. “Are we losin’ you?”