by Erin Osborne
By now, everyone knows I spend my time at the compound. No one knows why and if I’m going to be going on more runs then I’m going to need to have the guys keep an eye on Vanessa and the kids. She’s going to hide away if I’m not here and I know it’s the truth. So, before heading out today, I’ll talk to Renegade and Psycho about the situation.
Looking in the common room, I find the brothers eating breakfast together at a table. I join them and accept the coffee from Rusty when she brings it over to me. After taking a sip of it, I look at the men sitting before me.
“Need to talk to you,” I say.
“What’s goin’ on?” Renegade asks.
“I’ll take more runs, but I need somethin’ in return for it,” I tell them.
I never ask the club for anything and everyone knows this.
“What do you need?” Psycho asks.
“I need to know someone’s gonna keep eyes on Vanessa and the kids when I’m gone,” I tell them.
“Who’s Vanessa?” Psycho asks, shoving another forkful of food in his mouth.
“She’s one of the women at the compound. Her story isn’t pretty, and I know she’s just startin’ to put herself out there for the classes. Hell, I don’t even know her full story and I know it’s bad,” I say.
“Why do you want eyes on her?” Renegade asks, sitting back in his chair.
“Because one day she’s gonna be my ol’ lady,” I tell them.
Psycho and Renegade look at me with shock on their faces. I’ve always said I’d never have an ol’ lady. And kids were always definitely out of the question for me. Now, I don’t want to think of my life without Vanessa, Tyler, Kayla, and any other kids we have in the future.
“This a new development? Or is this why you’ve been spendin’ all your time there?” Renegade asks me.
“Not new. She’s got two kids and she’s been hidin’ out at the house they live in. She just started takin’ advantage of the classes yesterday. I just want to make sure she’s not in any danger if I’m not here to help her,” I say.
“Are you sure about gettin’ involved with someone from the compound?” Psycho asks.
“Yeah, I am. She’s stronger than she knows, and I see a fire in her she doesn’t see in herself. I’ve never felt about someone the way I feel about her,” I say to the men sitting before me. “I just don’t want to have her ex or anyone else fuck with her if I’m not in town. Can you help me out with this?”
“You know we will. Just want to see where your head’s at. You’ve never been about more than a variety of pussy before,” Psycho answers.
“You were the same way until you met Hadliegh,” I say, looking at the man sitting next to me.
“Point taken,” he says, a smile on his face. “Wouldn’t trade her or the kids for the world.”
“Then you get it,” I say. “I have to go. Just wanted to touch base before headin’ over there.”
“Why so early?” Renegade asks, looking at me.
“I watch the kids while she’s in class,” I answer, standing up and walking away.
This is the most I’ve talked about Vanessa and the kids before. Renegade and Psycho will keep it to themselves because they know I don’t talk about my personal business to anyone. If anyone else asks why they need to watch over the small family, my family, they’ll be given some bullshit reason. And, Renegade can deal with them because they’ll be questioning him, not me.
Walking outside, I get on my bike and quickly make my way to the compound. Hawk and Chains are already there as Bishop lets me through the gate. I wave to my brothers and make my way to Vanessa’s house.
Since they aren’t outside, I make my way to the door. Vanessa opens it to showcase utter chaos. Tyler is in the middle of a meltdown while Kayla is sitting on the couch with her little pink bear in her lap. I’m not sure what’s going on, but Vanessa looks stressed the fuck out right now.
“What’s wrong?” I ask, bending down in front of Tyler.
“B-b-bear,” he murmurs around tears sliding down his face.
“Tyler had an accident at breakfast and spilled his cereal on the bear you got him. It’s in the washer and he won’t take a nap without it,” Vanessa tells me.
“Oh,” I say, turning to face Tyler again. “It’s okay, buddy. We all need to get washed up, yeah? It’s just your bear’s turn to get a bath. He’ll be good as new once he’s dry. Can you hang tight until then?”
Tyler nods his head and walks over to sit with his sister on the couch. Silent tears still trail down his little face, but he’s not screaming anymore. I look at Vanessa and she has a look of wonder on her face.
“Thank you. I’ve been trying to calm him down for almost ten minutes now,” she says, looking at the floor.
“Hey, don’t do that,” I tell her.
“What?” she asks.
“Don’t feel bad because I got him to calm down. Vanessa, you’re his mom. Tyler isn’t always goin’ to listen to you or give in to your wants. I’m still new to him and he’s goin’ to want to make me happy. He’s three,” I tell her gently, placing a hand on her cheek. “Together we’ll get through it and find a balance that works for us.”
“Why do you even care?” Nessa asks.
“Because there’s somethin’ between us. You feel it just as much as I do. One day, you’ll be ready to move on and we will. Together. Until then, we’ll spend the time getting to know one another and have a steady foundation to move forward in the future,” I tell her honestly.
“I’m so damaged, Grave. And you’ll be bored realizing what it means to be tied down to a woman with kids. Young kids at that. What you walked in on today is just the tip of the iceberg. And I’m used to doing everything on my own with the kids,” she tells me, keeping her face hidden from me.
“Not anymore you’re not. I’ll be there every step of the way. Besides, do I look like a man who doesn’t go after what he wants? Or does anythin’ I don’t want to do?” I ask her.
“No. But, you’ll see. I’m going to protect us the best I can from you. I have to,” she says, walking over to the kids. “You two behave for Grave. I’ll see you guys later.”
I lock the doors after Vanessa leaves. Tyler and Kayla are still sitting on the couch watching some cartoon. So, I sit down and wait for them to decide they want to do something else. I’m hoping we go outside soon to do something. It’s nice out and I want to spend as much time out there as I can before the weather turns to shit.
At the same time, I’m counting down the minutes until Vanessa gets home. Not because I don’t want to be here with the kids. I want to have dinner with them. Like I do every night I’m here. Today, they’re making meatloaf, mashed potatoes, and a vegetable. I don’t care what it is, I’ll be eating here with them before I head back to the clubhouse.
I’ll have to talk to Natasha and find out how she’s doing in the classes. The cooking and baking class is a no brainer for Vanessa. It’s the finance class I’m worried about for her. I know she’s never been allowed to have her own money. Or try to figure out how to pay bills on her own. When she becomes mine, officially, I want her to know I’ll have her back and let her do what she needs to do. I’m not her boss or her jailer— I’m the man who will be by her side every step of the way.
Hawk is another one I’ll have to talk to. I want to know how she’s doing with everything. Vanessa isn’t sure about taking his class for computers, but I’m going to talk to her about it again. She should at least know the basics. After that, I don’t care what she does.
I already know I’ll be teaching more of the self-defense classes too because I want her to learn to protect herself and the kids. Plus, I think it will help with her confidence level. If she knows she’s not anyone’s victim, she’ll start to open up and venture out of her comfort zone more than what she’s already doing. At least that’s my hope.
Once she’s used to the class with me, I want to have her go to a class Chains teaches so she can see it’s okay. That
she doesn’t have to be afraid of other men. I’ve worked my way into her life and didn’t give her a choice but to accept it. I won’t do that with anyone else. And if one of the guys tries to do the same thing, they’ll meet my fist. If it’s not a member of the club, they’ll learn real quick why I’m called Grave.
Chapter Six
Vanessa
I LOVE THIS cooking class. I’m not learning new skills exactly, but I have tons of new recipes to try. Grave bought me some index cards and a beautiful tin box with butterflies all over it for me to write down all my new recipes and keep them safe. The class takes place three days a week right now and Natasha is thinking of adding a fourth day on where we can each prepare our own dishes for the class to try.
I’ve spent some time in the computer lab looking up new recipes I want to try making. I never knew there were so many sites to find good food. I print out enough copies for the entire class in case Natasha decides she wants to make one of the dishes I want to try making on my own. Or in case one of the women wants to make one when Natasha implements the day we can each make our own thing.
If the recipe we decide to make on Thursday is one a lady feels is her specialty she will take the lead and help everyone else. So far I have been asked to help make my lasagna and caramel brownies. Today the class heard I made nachos for Grave to take to Renegade and Natasha’s house for poker one night.
I begin setting out the ingredients we need and start frying the hamburger and shredding the chicken I made at home to save time. While I was in the computer lab, I made copies of the recipe to print out for the girls and put together some of the ingredients for them to take home with them if they want to try making it on their own. There is no way I’m going to make enough for everyone to take home for their families or I’d be here all night.
The ladies gather around the stove and block island we have to prep our meals on. I begin by explaining how I made the chicken and what spices I used, before I allowed it to bake for forty-five minutes. Then I asked if Lydia, one of the ladies in the class, could finish browning the hamburger while I added the spices and got everything else ready.
At the same time, the other ladies seemed to enjoy helping getting the chips on the trays, while others got the beans ready. Two ladies shred the blocks of cheese we are using for this class, even though usually I just get the mexi blend bag. Once the meat is done, I show them how to layer the nachos to get the meat and beans and queso over all the chips. Then topping it with the shredded cheese and putting it in the oven until the cheese is melted. When it’s ready to come out of the oven, we add salsa, sour cream, and homemade guacamole everyone seems to love.
There is no talking when we sit down to eat. Everyone has looks of bliss on their faces as we eat every single chip. We all began to laugh when Renegade walks into the kitchen and starts pouting when he finds out it’s all gone. Natasha and I are teasing him as he goes running to Cassidy’s office when he finds out I put the two pans I made at home in there for him, Hawk, and Chains.
All the ladies have headed home, with their bags of supplies to make nachos themselves, and I am finishing up cleaning from today. I don’t mind staying as it lets me settle myself down from being around so many people. While loading the dishwasher, I think about the conversation I had with Lydia while she was browning the meat.
She was telling me how she had never been in a kitchen because she was always forced to go score weed or meth for her mother when she was growing up, and no one cooked at her house. They always had prepackaged meals. Lydia said she was nineteen before she had ever been to a restaurant that served a meal. When she got married, her husband would just bring home sandwiches from a deli or drive through. She seems to love trying new foods and is so happy when she makes a meal for her kids that is not from a box.
I can see Natasha and Cassidy really are helping the ladies who are here. They have taught me so much. My dreams of opening a restaurant have changed and now its teaching others how to survive. Teaching cooking and other Home Ec classes, like sewing, would be so amazing. I would split the classes between cooking and baking, and how to repair clothing or even make some clothes. There could be crafting classes, and even a stain removal group. This is not something I would ever share with Cassidy or Natasha for fear they might think I was trying to be bossy. When we move away from here, I may look into finding someplace to help others.
After saying bye to Cassidy, I head home. I need to get dinner started for Grave and the kids. It has become something we do every day I have class, although Grave does stop by other nights to visit and ends up staying for dinner. He is so nice to my kids and seems to like the food I make. I’m very lucky to have him as a friend.
Tonight, I’m making fried chicken with mashed potatoes and gravy and homemade rolls. The bread was finishing up its last rise while I was in class and I had the chicken sitting in a buttermilk mixture in the fridge so it’ll be ready to flour and fry. I even peeled the potatoes before class so that everything is ready to go when I get home.
Tyler and Kayla meet me at the door with hugs and kisses. They tell me all the fun things they did with Grave. The poor man seems to be their personal jungle gym. He gets the kids settled on the couch watching a movie and sits at the kitchen table to keep me company while I cook. While I’m cooking dinner, he keeps a steady conversation going.
“Are you still likin’ the class?” Grave asks me.
“Yes,” I say honestly, “It’s amazing. I’m still nervous when it’s my turn to lead, but everyone seems to like whatever I cook.”
“They wouldn’t have any taste if they didn’t,” he laughs.
“I never dreamed of having so many recipes,” I tell him. “Cooking is something I was told to do as a little kid. There was no teaching, just doing. Having so many choices on what to make for dinner is fun but a bit overwhelming.”
“If you want, just start at the front of your file and we can try them all,” he says with a wink. “I’m always willin’ to try anythin’ you make. So far it has all been amazin’. My favorite is still the lasagna but the enchiladas are a close second.”
“You know to just tell me if you want something specific right?” I ask hesitantly.
I turn back to the stove to stir the potatoes and flip the chicken. When I set the tongs for the chicken down I miss the counter and they drop to the floor along with a plate that was sitting on the counter for when the chicken was done. I drop to the floor quickly to clean up the broken plate before anyone can grab the pieces to use in my punishment for making a mess.
I’m shaking so bad I drop several of the pieces before they make it into the trash can. Grave gets up and grabs the broom and dustpan without saying a word. I wish he would just yell and scream and get it over with. If he’s gonna cut me with the plate or hit me with his belt he needs to do it. Putting it off always makes it worse in the end.
After the mess is cleaned up, Grave walks back to the table and sits down. I wash the tongs and get a new plate. I’m shaking so bad the plate almost falls again. Unable to take it any longer, I face him tears are now streaming silently down my face.
“Please just get it over with,” I cry. “I can’t wait anymore.”
“Get what over with?” he asks with concern on his face.
“Whatever punishment you feel is deserved,” I tell him quietly
“Why would I punish you?” Grave asks as he walks over and pulls me into a hug. “It was an accident. Besides, this is your house, if you want to break the plates, that’s your choice. I would hope you didn’t throw them at me, but even then, all I would do is leave. I’ll never hurt you intentionally. You didn’t get cut by the plate, did you?”
I shake my head no and continue to cry into his chest. No one has ever comforted me. I like how it feels being in his arms. All too soon, he is pulling back and handing me a tissue. He reaches over to the stove and turns the chicken while I clean myself up. Telling him thank you, I begin getting the food off the stove, while Gr
ave sets the table.
Once everyone is seated and eating, I whisper a secret to Grave.
“I made caramel brownies for dessert.”
“Really?” he asks with big eyes.
“I even made an extra pan for you to take home.”
Grave reaches over and picks up my hand kissing the back of it. My giggles set off the kids' laughter. His smile is so big it warms me to my core. Feelings that were so beaten down and buried stir with a tingle.
With dinner done and the kitchen cleaned, Grave heads out to his bike after telling us goodnight. He has his brownies secure in his saddlebag, and swears that his brothers will not get a single crumb which makes me laugh. I’m sure if Hawk and Chains or even Renegade find out he has them they’ll try to get some or ask their ol’ ladies to beg me to make more. I lock the door behind him and head to bed, knowing Grave already took a minute to check the windows before he left.
I settle the kid into their beds, and get into mine. My mind plays the whole plate incident over in my mind until I drift off to sleep with a smile on my face.
Chapter Seven
Grave
I’M SCHEDULED TO head out on another run with Psycho, Ink, Chains, Smokey, and Bentley today. I really don’t want to go on this one. I’ve had a gut feeling since waking up and I’m not sure what it’s about. All I know is I’m uneasy and I don’t know if it has to deal with Vanessa and the kids or about the run we’re leaving on.
Pulling Psycho aside, I wait to make sure no one’s around before I start talking.
“I’m not feelin’ this. I’ve got a bad feelin’ in my gut and I don’t know what it’s about,” I tell him.