by Erin Osborne
“What do you mean?” he asks.
We’ve all learned to listen to our gut feelings if we get them. If we don’t, it could mean the difference between life and death. So, I’m taking mine seriously and I’ll make sure the guys all know to be vigilant tonight. And that Vanessa has someone on her in case something happens there.
“Since I got up, I’ve just had a bad feelin’. Like I said, I’m not sure if it has to do with the run or Vanessa and the kids. Somethin’ is gonna happen though and I don’t know what,” I tell him.
“Okay. I’ll alert the guys and we’ll head out before we planned on it. Try to get there and back as soon as we can. You find Renegade and talk to him about Vanessa,” Psycho tells me, heading out to find the guys leaving with us in a little bit.
With us moving the time up, I don’t have time to go see Vanessa. So, I pull my phone out so I can send her a message.
Me: Leavin’ early. Be careful while I’m gone. If you need me, call me.
Putting my phone back in my pocket, I head in search of Prez. I finally find him in his office going over paperwork.
“Got a minute?” I ask when he calls for me to enter.
“Yeah. What’s up?” he asks, sitting back to give me his full attention.
“Already talked to Psycho. Got a bad gut feelin’. I’m not sure if it’s the run or Vanessa and the kids, but somethin’ isn’t right. Can you make sure someone’s on them?” I ask, knowing it’s a lot.
“Yeah. You know I got your back in this. Psycho does too,” he answers me.
“I know, and I appreciate it. Not ready to talk to anyone else about her yet. It’s all mine— ours,” I say.
“You don’t have to explain yourself to me. I’d take your place, but Natasha is ready to have the baby any day now. If she weren’t pregnant or not so close to her due date, I’d let you stay here with your woman,” Renegade tells me.
“I know. Appreciate it, but I wanna earn my money. It’s not the same just bein’ handed a cut because I’m an officer of the club. Besides, Vanessa needs time to learn I’m goin’ to have to head out sometimes,” I say to him.
“Okay. What did Psycho say?” he asks.
“We’re headin’ out early. He’s roundin’ up the rest of the guys,” I answer.
“Sounds good. Keep in touch. If anythin’ happens here, I’ll let you know,” he says.
Standing from the chair, I pull my phone out and see a message from Vanessa.
Vanessa: You’re the one heading out. I’ll be the same I always am. Don’t worry about me. Please.
Me: Not possible, Nessa. Just call if you need to. I’ve got Bluetooth in my helmet now and can answer you if you call.
I slide my phone away and head to my room. Rusty is cleaning up the common room as I walk through. She gives me a small smile as I walk past. In the beginning, I thought we’d have problems with her, but she’s turning out to be a welcome addition to the babes. She always helps out anyone who needs it, and if the ol’ ladies are here, she makes sure they have what they want and need. Especially for the kids.
Walking in my room, I grab my bag and stuff clothes, deodorant, and any other essentials I need there. Once it’s ready to go, I change my tee-shirt for a long-sleeve thermal for the ride. It’s going to be a cold ass ride tonight and I’m not taking any chances. I also grab my leather coat with the club’s colors on it. It will fit in my saddle bags until I absolutely need it. For now, I should be fine the way I’m dressed.
Once I make sure I have what I need, I head out and lock my door. The rest of the guys are already waiting in the common room for me. I make sure my phone is charged and head out. Bentley runs to the van we’ll be using for this run as we all place our bags and coats in our bikes. Before I know it, we’re ready to head out.
We’ve met up with Stitch and his guys at the pickup location. They haven’t had any problems either. So, I’m not sure exactly what I’m feeling right now. But the feeling hasn’t gone away. If anything, it’s gotten worse. I want to call Vanessa, but I need to keep my head in the game until we get home.
Before we can head out, Psycho’s phone rings. My heart stops in my chest as I wait to find out what’s going on. The only thing running through my mind is something happened to Vanessa. Or one of the kids. So, I walk closer with my fists to my side as I wait for him to get off the phone. When he does, he’s got a huge smile on his face.
“Natasha is havin’ the baby. They’ve been at the hospital for a little while now,” Psycho tells us.
Everyone celebrates and wants to get home, but we can’t just yet. This run is a little different for us. We picked up a load of guns from Stitch and his suppliers. Now, we’re taking them to another buyer. It’s not something we’ve ever done before and I know it has nothing to do with the feeling I have.
I straddle my bike again and get ready to head out. We’re going to ride for a few more hours before pulling over again. As I wait for the rest of the guys to load up, I pull out my phone and try calling Vanessa. It rings several times before going to voicemail. Instead of leaving a message, I hang up as the feeling in my gut ramps up even more. Something is going on with my woman and I’m nowhere near her.
Hell, I can’t even call Renegade to send someone over to check on her right now. Everyone back home will be at the hospital with them while they wait for Natasha to have the baby. The Prospect will be there, but they can’t leave the gate. I can’t even try to get ahold of Cassidy because she’s at the hospital too. Fuck!
We head out for the next few hours as panic starts to set in. I’m not sure what’s going on with Vanessa because she still hasn’t answered the phone. It just goes to voicemail when I try to call her. At this point, I’m ready to leave the guys alone and head home. But I know I can’t do that. I have to finish this run and hope I get back before irreparable damage is done to her or my kids. Yes, they are all mine.
It’s been hours on the bike and I’m ready for dinner, a hot as fuck shower, and bed. Plus, I want to get in touch with Vanessa and hear her voice. I need to hear her voice to ensure she’s okay. Tyler and Kayla are on my mind too. One of them could be sick or have gotten hurt outside.
Psycho and Bentley go in the office of the motel we’re staying for the night to pay for our rooms and get keys. Bentley will stay up for a while tonight to make sure no one touches the van or the bikes while we’re sleeping. One of us will get up in a few hours to switch out with him. He needs to be on his game when we take off too.
After getting my key, I head to my room and make sure my bike is parked in front of my room before locking myself away. We’re all going to take a shower before we head out to find dinner. I’m sure the rest of the guys will head out to the bar or something while Psycho, Bentley, and myself are here. Bentley will eat here, and we’ll bring him something back from wherever we choose to eat.
I’ve eaten, watched mindless TV, and still been trying to get ahold of Vanessa. Instead of just calling her, I’ve tried to send messages and nothing. The feeling in my gut has intensified and I know it’s not going to get better until I hear from my girl.
I’m drifting off to sleep when I hear my phone go off.
Vanessa: I’m okay. Just been a long day. Heading to bed.
Me: Are you sure you’re okay?
Vanessa: We’re all good here. Good night Grave.
Me: Good night sweet Nessa.
Psycho: Natasha had two healthy babies. A son named Bo Jonathan and Tabitha Elizabeth.
Me: What? Didn’t they know they were havin’ twins?
Psycho: Nope. Tabby was always hidin’ behind Bo. It’s a complete shock to both of them.
I place my phone back on the nightstand and roll over. Thoughts of Vanessa and the kids fill my mind as I drift off to sleep. I’m sure I would know something is wrong for sure if I’d heard her voice. That’s why she hasn’t answered my calls or anything. Vanessa is smart enough to know I can see through her.
Sleep finally claims me as I toss
and turn in bed. Tomorrow is going to suck as we haul ass to our next destination. Psycho is going to want to get home sooner knowing Natasha had the twins. We all want to celebrate with Renegade and his ol’ lady.
Chapter Eight
Vanessa
IT’S A BEAUTIFUL day outside, so I decide Tyler, Kayla, and myself should go for a walk around the compound. My thought is the kids will run off some of the never-ending energy before my cooking class this afternoon. The daycare will appreciate them not bouncing off the walls since Grave isn’t here to watch them today. We are headed to the center to get any mail that may have come to us. There shouldn’t be anything except junk, because no one has my address. But I don’t want to clutter Cassidy’s office with my junk.
Kayla runs straight to Cassidy once we’re inside the center. She barley heeds my call to walk and not run before yelling Cassidy’s name. Tyler is trying to be a man like Grave says and walks at my side. It’s so cute to see him trying to be like Grave. At least he is not like his sperm donor.
I knock on the open door to let Cassidy know we’re here, even though Kayla is sitting on her lap getting snuggles. Hawk and Chains are sitting in chairs across from them listening to my daughter tell them every single thing she saw on the walk here.
“Sorry to bother you,” I tell them all, “We just came to pick up any mail that might be for us as well as run out some energy before the cooking class today.”
“There are a few items here for you,” Cassidy says with a laugh. “Kayla, can you go get the mail out of cubby number three for your mom?”
“Yes, ma’am,” my sweet girl replies as she scurries to the cubbies where all the mail is sorted. There is one post office box for everyone.
A club member runs to the post office every few days and picks it up for Cassidy to sort into each lady’s cubby. For our safety, no one has the physical address for the compound, so anyone who needs to send us mail is given a post office box and then it comes here for us.
Kayla brings the stack of mail over to me. We all say our goodbyes and head outside to walk back to our house. It’s only a couple hours before the class, so I want to get the kids settled down for a nap before taking them to the daycare since Grave is out on a run for the club.
Today we’re making glazed pork chops, with scalloped potatoes, and garlic cheese biscuits. I’ve started bringing everything I need to make each meal so that I can just take it home to Grave and the kids rather than cooking in the class and then cooking again once I get home. It makes things so much easier on me and I end up cooking whatever the class is cooking that day along with what I’m going to make for dinner.
Once the kids are settled down for their nap, I look through the mail we picked up. There’s a manila envelope with no return address. Setting it aside for the moment, I quickly look through the rest and throw it in the trash. Grabbing a drink to sit at the table to open the envelope, my heart races and panic almost overwhelms me as I read the note inside.
You thought you could hide from me. I found you and I’m coming to get you and my kids!
Who would have thought nineteen words would destroy the calm I have built for myself. Quickly jumping up, I race around the house making sure every window is still locked and the doors are tripled locked. I close all the blinds and make sure the lights are low. There is no way I’m going anywhere for a while.
It’s a good thing Grave went to the store before he left and filled the pantry and fridge. There’s nothing I’ll need to leave the house for in the next few days while I figure out what to do. I can probably stay inside for the next month without needing anything, but hopefully I can make a plan by then. A tiny voice inside me says I should call Grave or Cassidy and tell them about the note, but I need to learn to stand on my own at some point and stop letting other people fix things for me. Hiding inside may not be the best plan, but it’s the one I have for now.
I decide to fix dinner early so the kids can eat and we can all snuggle in my bed and watch a movie after dinner. While I’m cooking, old memories flood my mind. I know if Ray gets his hands on us, there will be no getting away again. Hell, he’ll probably kill us.
Once the sounds of the kids waking up reach me, I take them to the living room to play with their toys while I finish up dinner. Asking them to help pick up their toys, we’re able to quickly get washed up for dinner.
“If you eat all your dinner,” I say as they begin pushing the food around on their plates, “you can have some ice cream and watch a movie in mommy’s room tonight.”
They both start eating their food. Ice cream seems to be the magic food to make everything else disappear. I know it’s bribing my kids to eat, but there’s no way they’ll be picky eaters as adults. While the kids eat their ice cream, I clean up the dishes leaving room in the dishwasher for the two bowls and spoons.
Tyler needs a bath after dinner since he has ice cream everywhere including his hair. How that boy manages to get food everywhere is beyond me. Kayla never gets a drop of food anywhere but her mouth. Twins can be so different.
Both kids get a quick bath, and then into their pajamas. They pick out a movie about animals who put on a talent show, the singing gorilla is so funny but the elephant is my favorite. Kayla is snoring softly before the ending credits roll, while Tyler asks if he can watch cartoons for just a little bit longer. Since we’re not going to be leaving the house for a few days, I don’t see any reason to deny him.
My phone rings, making me jump. I look at the caller ID and see Cassidy’s name. She’s probably calling to see why I missed class today, but I’m sure she’ll be able to tell something is wrong by my voice and I’m just not ready to tell anyone about the letter. I’m just gonna ignore the call.
About an hour later she calls again. Hoping if I don’t answer she’ll assume we’re asleep and not call again. Grabbing my Kindle my hope is that reading will either distract me or make me fall asleep. It’s not until I wake up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, I notice a missed call from Grave as well.
Making coffee the next morning, while the kids are still sleeping, I hear a soft knock on the door. I can see through the crack of the blinds. Cassidy’s car is in the driveway. Hoping she goes away, I sit on the floor of the kitchen, praying the kids stay asleep just a little bit longer. When I don’t answer the door, she finally leaves. My breath rushes out of me as I pour my coffee and hurry back to my room, grabbing pop tarts for the kids on my way.
It’s not the most nutritious breakfast, but I don’t want to be in the kitchen or living room for extended periods of time right now. All I want is to snuggle my babies in my bed and forget the outside world exists, to forget all about the note from Ray and that he’s on his way here.
I’m not sure how he figured out where we are, but I’ll find out eventually. He’ll rub it in my face when he gets us and won’t let me make the same mistake twice. I’ll never be able to leave him again and I know I was dumb for thinking he wouldn’t find me this time.
While I’m waiting for the kids to wake up, memories of my parents and Ray flood my mind. How I was treated and made to feel less than a human being. Thoughts of the beatings and rape fill me as terror fills my body to the point I’m shaking and can’t stop. It’s been a while since I’ve felt this way and I don’t like it at all.
Tyler is the first one awake as I hand him his pop tart after making sure he goes to the bathroom and washes his hands. Once Kayla’s awake and has gone through her morning routine, I grab the kids their milk and then help them brush their teeth. We relax in my room and watch some more movies.
I try to push thoughts of Ray out of my head as I turn all of my attention on the kids. They deserve me to be here a hundred percent for them, and I’m not going to let their sperm donor rob that from them. My only hope is they don’t remember him and I can ensure they grow up without the knowledge of what our lives used to be like.
However, with the threat looming over my head, I’m not sure I’m going to
make it happen. Ray will make me pay for leaving him with my children. I’ll be beaten, tortured, and more than likely worse. He won’t leave them alone either. It’s not like they helped me make the decision to leave, but he won’t care about that. All he cares about is that I escaped and took them with me.
Ray doesn’t like to be shown up and I did that the second I managed to get away and hide for as long as I have. Now, he’ll be out for revenge and it’s not going to be pretty. In fact, the beatings and other things I’ve suffered through in the past will look like child’s play up until he gets his hands on us again. I know enough about my husband to know this.
So, I mentally prepare to keep the kids inside the house and distract them from wanting to go outside or to the daycare. They’re making friends there and I don’t want to keep them away, but there’s no other option at this point. I’m doing the best I can with what little resources I have.
Yes, I know I should let Cassidy know what’s going on, but I still can’t bring myself to talk to her about the situation. She’s in charge of the compound and I really don’t want to endanger anyone else here. They’ve all been through their own versions of hell. However, Grave is the only one who knows the most about my past and he’ll know how to handle the situation.
My only other thought is not wanting to bring Grave into my mess. He doesn’t need to get hurt or something trying to make sure Ray doesn’t get his hands on us. Grave is a good man, better than I’ve ever known. He’s the type who will step in and ensure our safety without me even asking him to. Plus, he has the backing of the club and I don’t want to bring trouble to them when they’ve been so generous in helping the kids and me.
It seems as if I’m on a never-ending loop of thoughts as I watch movies with the kids and we play in my room. I lay down with them at nap time and let the thoughts once again consume me. Terror is becoming my best friend again and it chills me to my core when I think about all the things that could go wrong.