by Erin Osborne
“Let’s give you an exam and make sure nothing else is going on,” she tells me.
I get up on the exam table and lay back as Doctor Wilt gives me an exam and asks me all sorts of questions. It doesn’t take long thankfully as I get back up and listen to her give me the names of several obstetricians in the surrounding area and let me know she’ll call in a script for prenatal vitamins before I can get in to see one.
Happiness fills me as I realize the baby I’m carrying this time is one made from Grave and me. This baby isn’t going to be born because a man decided to rape me. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t regret Tyler or Kayla at all. They’re the best thing to ever happen to me. But, I want to love the man I have children with. And I do love Grave with all my heart.
I don’t just love him because he’s stood by my side and been patient while I recover from my past. It’s because he has taken on the three of us with no questions asked. He helps me with the kids and loves them as if they’re his own blood. I’ve never known a man could be like that with someone else’s children. Hell, all the men in the club are patient and love the kids that come into the club’s fold. It doesn’t matter if they’re related by blood to the parents or not— each man in the club is an uncle to every child there. It’s awesome to see how these men react to the children and want to love and protect them.
As I leave the office, my thoughts turn to whether or not Grave will be happy about the baby. Instead of the happiness I felt moments ago, I feel a heavy dread settle in my gut. It’s the worst thing I’ve ever felt because I’m so unsure. At least with every other aspect in my life I’ve always known what to expect and how people were going to react. Now, I’m not sure of anything at all, including how Kayla and Tyler will feel about being a big brother and sister.
Tears fill my eyes as I drive to the pharmacy to get my script filled. Bishop follows me and once again waits on his bike as I park in front of the small storefront. Heading inside, I make my way to the back counter and wait in the small line. It’s not long before I get to the front and give the clerk my name. She hands me my prescription and I pay the co-pay before leaving the store.
The tears haven’t left me as I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket. Pulling it out, I see a message from Grave.
Grave: Took the kids to the clubhouse. If you want to just head home, we’ll be back there in a little bit. Talking to Hadliegh about a few things real quick. Love you.
Me: Okay. I’m just going to go home. I’m tired and want to lay down a bit before making dinner. Love you always.
Grave: Don’t worry about dinner. I’ll get takeout tonight. You rest.
Putting my phone away, I climb in the SUV and make my way to the house. Bishop follows me as far as the clubhouse. As I round the side of the clubhouse, I make the short trip to the house and park in front. Walking inside, I lay down on the couch and let the tears fall silently. Before I know it, I’m sound asleep.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Grave
HADLIEGH CALLED AND wanted me to meet her at the clubhouse after Nessa called to tell me she was going to the doctor. I’m not sure what Hadliegh wants, but I’m taking the kids over with me. They love being at the clubhouse, especially Tyler. All the guys love them and play with them whenever they’re there with us.
I know Vanessa hasn’t been feeling good. She’s been tired as hell and just not feeling right. I haven’t said anything because she hasn’t. But, I wasn’t going to let it go on for much longer. Especially with the kids in the house. The only reason Renegade has let her continue working is because she’s usually in the office alone. If she’s contagious, no one is around to catch it.
But, I also have a feeling I know why she’s not feeling good. It’s not like we’ve been careful when we have sex. I don’t think I’ve used a single condom with Nessa and she’s already said she’s not on birth control. So, I’m wondering if she’s pregnant and doesn’t realize it. The thought of her carrying my baby excites me and fills me with fear because of everything that can happen. But, I’m not going to say anything until she tells me what’s wrong with her.
As the kids and I walk into the clubhouse, I can hear the commotion from the back hallway. There’s yelling, joking, laughter, and music playing. The babes aren’t in sight so I’m sure Hadliegh scared them away. She has a habit of doing that. I don’t really care where they are as long as they leave me alone.
“Hadliegh, what’s goin’ on?” I ask as we enter the common room.
“I want to have a party for Vanessa. She’s not at the compound any longer and she’s gotten a job. It’s time to celebrate something good in her life because from the sounds of it she hasn’t had a lot of reason to celebrate anything. Or the chance,” she tells me.
“That sounds good. When are you thinkin’ of havin’ it? And where?” I ask her, sitting down at the table as the kids go off to the corner with the other kids.
“I want to have it here. We can disguise it as a family cookout so she doesn’t know what’s going on. Then, we can make sure she has cake and everything else she’s never gotten a chance to have before,” Hadliegh says getting excited. “Do you know when her birthday is? We could add that in too.”
“No, I’m not sure. Ask Hawk, he’s run her information for the compound,” I answer, adding it to the list of things I need to know about my ol’ lady.
We work out a few more details before I gather up the kids and head home. I’m sure Vanessa is home by now and I want to find out what the doctor said. So, we make the short trek back to the house and I let the kids inside.
We’re all quiet because I’m not sure where Vanessa is resting. If she’s already asleep, I don’t want to wake her up. She always wants to sleep these days and doesn’t because she puts the kids, me, and work before taking care of herself. So, we tiptoe inside and I find her sleeping on the couch.
There’s fresh tear tracks on her cheeks and I wonder what the heck is going on to make her cry in her sleep. Ushering the kids away, we head upstairs as they go in Tyler’s room to play while I call in dinner. Bishop will pick it up for us and drop it off when it’s ready. I did remember to talk to him about that before I left the clubhouse. And he has no clue what’s going on with Vanessa other than she had to stop at the pharmacy before coming home.
So, she’s been put on medicine. I know when the ol’ ladies around here were pregnant, they had to take pills daily. It’s still possible she’s pregnant and I honestly don’t want to think of anything else going on with her. If she’s sick, I’ll take care of her as much as she lets me. But, I really hope she’s pregnant.
I want to watch Vanessa get round with my child in her belly. And I want to go through every aspect of the pregnancy with her. I’ve never experienced anything like the gift of a child and I don’t want to miss any of it. It’s not realistic because I’ll have to take runs and things like that, but I want to be here as much as possible with my woman. And I know we’ll be married before the baby gets here. There’s no way in hell I want my family to have different last names. I want all of us to have the same last name, including Tyler and Kayla.
After leaving the kids in the room and calling our order in, I head back downstairs. I want to cover Vanessa up and make sure she doesn’t need anything before I get the table set for dinner. She won’t need to do a thing tonight other than relax and try to get to bed early.
Other than bathing the kids and getting them ready for bed. I know Vanessa won’t miss out on that. She wants to be there every second she can with them. It’s awesome to see how much she loves them when she could feel very differently about them because of how they were conceived.
“You’re up,” I murmur as I pull the blanket off the back of the couch and drape it over her.
“I am. I just needed a quick nap,” she tells me.
“Wanna tell me why you were cryin’ in your sleep?” I ask her, kneeling down in front of the couch and placing a kiss on her forehead.
“Well, I found out wh
at’s wrong with me. Just not sure how you’re gonna feel about it,” she answers evasively.
“What do you mean?” I ask her.
“I’m pregnant, Grave,” she finally whispers.
For a second, I don’t say a word. Excitement once again fills me as I realize my dream is coming true— I’m going to have a family of my own.
As I remain quiet, I can feel Vanessa pulling back. She doesn’t think I’m happy about this. And I’m sure she’s already got a plan formed in her head about what to do about it. It’s not gonna happen, but she can think of what to do all she wants. I know the top thing on the list of hers is to run if I’m not happy about the baby, but they’ll all be staying right under this roof. It’s our home and I’ve told her more than once I want to have as many children with her as she’ll give me. I wasn’t lying when I told her that and I’m going to prove it to her every fucking day.
“Baby, you’ve made me the happiest man ever. I told you I wanted kids with you and I meant it. We’re just makin’ that happen sooner than either of us thought we would,” I tell her, placing a kiss against her lips.
“Are you sure?” she asks quietly when she pulls back from me.
“Abso-fuckin-lutely,” I tell her.
Before we can talk about it anymore, there’s a knock on the door. That was really fucking quick to get our dinner if it’s Bishop. I’m not gonna complain because it just means more time for Vanessa to rest and the kids and I can join her in bed for a while. We’ll watch movies and hang out until it’s time to get them ready for bed. Or they can camp out in our room for the night.
I open the door and find Bishop standing there. He’s holding several bags in his hand. Taking them from him, I hand over the cash he just spent to get our food.
“Thanks, Bishop. Is that enough?” I ask him.
“Yeah. Any time you need me, just let me know,” he answers, turning to leave the porch.
“Hang on a second,” I call out.
Setting the bags down on the small table, I take out one of the containers and look at it before handing it over. Yeah, I made sure to get Bishop dinner when I ordered ours. I’m not completely fucking heartless.
“You didn’t have to get me anythin’,” he says taking the container for me.
“Don’t worry about it,” I say.
“Thank you, Grave. For everythin’,” he tells me.
Bishop leaves as I walk back inside. After calling the kids down, I get the plates filled with our food and set out our drinks. We’re all having milk tonight. Not my usual choice, but I’ll do what I can to make sure the kids don’t whine about having to drink it when Vanessa and I drink other things, I know she’s going to need the milk too.
Vanessa joins us at the table as we all sit down. This is one of my favorite parts of the day. We’re all together at the table and there’s nothing interrupting us or having us rush out the door. We can take our time and talk and spend time together.
“How was your day?” Vanessa asks me.
“It was good. We had fun, didn’t we kids?” I ask them.
“Yeah,” they both call out.
“What did you guys do?” she asks, looking at all of us.
“We played and went to the clubhouse,” Tyler answers, taking a bite of his nuggets.
“That sounds really fun,” Vanessa answers.
“I’ve got church tomorrow. But it shouldn’t take long. It’s just goin’ over normal business,” I tell her. “Are you goin’ in to work tomorrow?”
“Yeah. I’ve gotta finish working on the computer,” I tell him. “You’re not gonna get all protective and stuff now are you?”
“I might. Can’t help it,” I answer with a smile on my face.
We eat the rest of our dinner and talk about nonsense. The kids help carry the plates to the dishwasher and load it. Vanessa and I haven’t asked them to do this, they just started doing it once we moved here. They’re such good kids.
After dinner Vanessa decides to change up the routine a little bit. Instead of going outside and playing, we give them their baths and then head to our room. Once the kids’ beds are made on the floor, they pick a movie and we all hang out and watch it. I run down to make popcorn and get some drinks for us while Vanessa changes the movie over.
As I slide back in bed with her, she turns to look at me.
“Can I ask a favor?” she asks me.
“Always.”
“Can we keep this to ourselves for right now? I don’t want anyone to know in case something happens,” she tells me.
“Yeah. We can do that. We’ll have to keep it from the kids too. They’ll tell our news before we can,” I answer with a laugh.
“Yeah they will,” she agrees with her own laugh.
“How are you feelin’?” I ask her.
“Okay. Just tired. It will get better,” she assures me.
“No gettin’ sick yet?” I ask her.
“Not yet. I didn’t really get sick with the twins so I’m not sure if I will,” she answers.
“You know I want to be a part of this every step of the way,” I begin. “I know there’s times I’m gonna be gone on a run, but I want to go to all appointments and be there for it all.”
“I know, Grave,” she says. “And I want you here. Do you know what I was thinking when I found out?”
“No. What’s that?” I ask her.
“I was thinking about how happy I am carrying yours. I wouldn’t trade the other two for anything in the world. They’re my entire world along with you and the new one. But, I’m in love with you and it makes a difference. The circumstances are completely different and I’m happy you’re going to be here for this,” she says completely flooring me.
“I love you with everythin’ I am, Nessa. Tyler and Kayla too. This new one is just a part of us that’s goin’ to add to our family and make it even better,” I say. “You lay down and get some rest. I’ll make sure the kids don’t stay up too late.”
Vanessa nods her head as she stifles a yawn. After rolling to her side and getting comfortable, I move in closer to her and wrap her up in my arms. Tyler and Kayla are already passed out in their makeshift beds on the floor. I look at my family in one room and take a deep breath. There’s nothing I won’t do to make sure every single day is better than the previous one. I want to see smiles on their faces and feel the happiness radiating from these three.
Resting my hand on Vanessa’s stomach, I cradle our new little one in the palm of my hand. You can’t even tell she’s pregnant yet, but soon we’ll be able to tell. I can’t wait to see our little one and meet them. I want to teach them and love them with all my heart. This is how I fall asleep, with my woman carrying our new addition in my arms and our other two children close by our sides.
Chapter Thirty
Vanessa
GRAVE HAS BEEN up my ass since finding out I’m pregnant. We’re still not going to say a word to anyone until I’m further along. Which means we’re not telling the kids because they can’t keep a secret. I love them to death but they let the word out about everything.
Today, after work I’m going to the store to get things for dinner. It’s the first time I’ll be out alone since Ray died. I’m not worried about going out alone because he can’t hurt me any further. There’s no way he can get to us and do any damage to my kids.
So, I let Grave know this morning I’d be going there after I get out of work. I’m not going to let my nerves get the better of me. I’ll get in and get what we need and then head home. I’m still tired as hell, but I’m used to it and it will fade the further along I get in the pregnancy.
At work, I’ve gotten through two more boxes of paperwork. Not only am I putting it in the computer, I’m putting it together by job and year. It will be easier if anything happens and we have to do this again. I’m not going to have to sort through a ton of papers to put the information in again.
I’ve actually been at the warehouse alone all day. Once the guys came in to have thei
r morning meeting about the jobs they were going out on today, everyone vanished. Including Renegade and Psycho. I’m not going to complain one bit. It’s peaceful here and I can play my music as loud as I want to.
And I already know I’m going to be in front of the computer for the remainder of the day. All I’ll be doing is putting this stuff in the computer program so I can get things in order. It’s tedious as hell and I’m ready for it to be over with, but I’m the one that suggested this to Renegade to make things easier so I’m going to finish what I’ve started.
Work is done and I’m heading to the store now. I’ve got my list in hand, well in my purse, and I’m ready to get this done. I’m not nervous about doing this right now. I’m confident in going to the store and getting everything we need. It’s not a long list and it shouldn’t take me that long to get everything and get back home for the day. Then I’m going to relax and take the night to myself.
As I pull into the parking lot, I find a spot close to the store and make my way inside to get the groceries we’ll need for a few days. Grabbing a cart, I pull the list out and then my phone to make sure Grave didn’t need to add anything to the list before I check out. He hasn’t messaged me so I put my phone away and take the list in hand. As I begin to head through the aisles, I hear a couple talking loudly and know I want to stay away from them.
They’re arguing and as I get closer, their voices sound vaguely familiar. I’m not sure what to make of this as I stop at the end of the aisle and peek around. There in the middle of the aisle are my parents. My mom is up in my dad’s face and I know it’s just a matter of time before they realize they have an audience. They won’t care, but they’ll see me and it’s the last thing I want.
I practically run through the rest of the store to get what I need and check out in one of the self-checkout lanes so I can get the hell out of here. As soon as I get the groceries in the car and get in myself, I call Grave. He needs to know what’s going on. If my parents are in town, there’s a reason for it.