CAGE’S RUIN

by Elise , Simone

  I knew after my time inside, I was tainted, things weren’t black and white. I knew after my second stint in prison that my life was settled, and I was standing on the opposite side of upholding the law.

  I inhaled on my cigarette watching Autumn interact with members and their women. She seemed like her normal self, and I knew that wasn’t possible.

  I finally couldn’t take not touching her for another second and got up. Just as I did, I watched Lit grab her arm and pull her to the side. He was concerned about her. He was the one that would throw it in my face that I hadn’t visited her.

  I couldn’t go against her wishes.

  I watched them talk. Hell. Tonight, it felt like all I did was watch. I weaved out of the crowd and headed for them.

  As soon as they realized I was coming, they shut their mouths.

  I put my hand up at the prospect for another beer, wrapping my hand around it, standing next to Autumn and Lit.

  “You two caught up?” I asked.

  Autumn smiled, and I knew immediately it was fake.

  She then spun around and I saw her with the rolled up hundred dollar bill and the traces of speed on the bar. Since when did she do hard drugs? I looked between her and the drugs. She saw the judgement in my eyes—and in reply she just smiled at me.

  Autumn then threw back two shots off the bar and now I realized what she was doing. She was trying to numb the feeling that comes when freedom is given back to you.

  She is trying to numb the doubt that comes when you are freed. That feeling like a piece of you is still locked behind those doors, and that you can’t get back.

  That feeling like no one really knew who you were now.

  That feeling like everything you had is now gone and you are starting from the beginning.

  “Autumn?” I put a hand on her hip. “You keep doing that shit and you won’t sleep for days.”

  Her eyes locked with mine, and I saw the distance in them. She was here but most of her, was still back in that prison.

  I didn’t know what part scared me more. Seeing the hollowness in her eyes, or seeing the distance mixed with desperation—to feel something—anything.

  AUTUMN

  A squeal escaped my lips as I sat bolt upright in bed. Nightmares. My heart was beating. It had taken me forever to fall asleep—I was used to noise. Not dead silence.

  “Shit Autumn, you okay?”

  I glanced at Cage. “Fuck. Sorry I didn’t mean to wake you.”

  His hand went to my back. “Ya covered in sweat babe,” He stated a fact. “Nightmare?”

  No. It wasn’t really a nightmare. It was a memory. That haunted me—still “Yeah.” I lied. And his eyes hardened on me.

  I had been out for a week. Barely had slept in that time.

  “Is this about your mom?”

  I threw the blankets back, getting up. “No,” and yes. “I’m just not used to the quietness of this place.” What did he expect? I had barely been back a week. “It’s warm, it’s quiet. It feels safe. My guard needs to come down. But I’m waiting for any second for something to happen.”

  Cage looked at me with understanding, and flicked the light on. “You know when I got out from my first stint I didn’t sleep for days. Till I got these,” He opened the drawer and then grabbed a bottle, throwing it in my direction. “I know you frown upon drugs. But trust me they help.”

  I looked at the drug name. “These are roofies?”

  “Yeah. The date rape drug.”

  I looked at him. “So you would willingly roofie yourself for sleep?”

  “No sleep leads to poor decisions. Can’t make poor decisions around the club.” He was so matter of fact.

  I nodded my head. “Hon?” I paused before getting back in bed. “Where is Hawk and Jacob?”

  He paused, I think me calling him a pet name, threw him off. God it had been over a year since we had a conversation and we hadn’t really had one.

  “Hawk hasn’t taken ya mom’s death well and Jacob disappeared at the same time you went in.”

  “And no one went looking for him!” I was automatically concerned about my brother. “You have eyes everywhere, why couldn’t you track him down?”

  “Because when a man has lost purpose, he sure as fuck can disappear and that was what happened. I’ve been trying to keep shit together here.”

  “So the club is more important than my family?” The judgement in my voice was clear.

  “I’m not their babysitter Autumn.” His words had a cruel twist to them. “You’re forgetting you didn’t just shut me out, you shut them out as well. Not to mention,” And he got up, throwing the blankets back. “You didn’t let anyone see you. I understand it but fuck it frustrated me. I had to get updates from Lydia.”

  What did he want me to say? My eyes ran over his tattooed body, which was more decorated now with even more tattoos. I finally realized what had changed about him while I was inside.

  It wasn’t just his physical appearance. His hair being a bit longer, his muscles being that little bit more defined. But also, as I looked into his jet black eyes now—I knew a part of him had been locked up with me, inside.

  I guess when it came down to it, a part of us died. That part that loved each other, that would do anything for each other, that part died inside. Sure we still had feelings for each other, but the future we had planned—wasn’t there anymore.

  I walked towards him, stopping just in front of him. My hand going to his cheek. “I’m sorry.” I now saw all the pain I had caused him. But even though I was seeing it. I didn’t know what else to say apart from sorry.

  His lips brushed mine. “I let you down Autumn. I told you I would take the fall for those steroids and I couldn’t do it. You shouldn’t have gotten caught up in that side of the lifestyle.”

  I wanted to argue. I wanted to point out that it was my failed business. But instead I remained quiet. And that quietness stayed because I knew then, that Cage was never going to accept the business I was about to start up. Nor would he accept what I was willing to risk, to be a kingpin in the drug world.

  6

  Autumn

  When life gives you two options, one option is always safe and the other is always riskier. I knew that. Here I was with a decision to make. Do I go straight by being a biker’s old lady. That was if Cage and I stayed together. Or do I risk everything and take a gamble on the knowledge Lydia had given me, as well as the opportunity.

  I was chain smoking out the front of Hawk’s house. I was determined to get my family back together. Starting with, getting my father back at the club.

  It was pouring outside, and the rain whipped my body as I stepped out in it. Breaking into a run towards the family house. I couldn’t tell anyone how many memories this house held to me.

  All with my mom and Hawk.

  Mom.

  My thoughts twisted bitterly at the thought. I knocked on the door and knowing he wasn’t about to answer, I opened it—going in.

  “Dad?” I sung out, and memories of playing in this hall at a younger age flooded my body. As I walked up it. Memories flashed through my mind as I rounded the corner and walked into the lounge. I saw my father, passed out on the couch. Beer cans shattered the room and I knew my choice of ending my mother’s life as well as her betraying us—had sent him into this state.

  I lowered to my knees, seeing the track marks up his arms. He was using. He needed help. How many times had he put my life before his? I knew rehab was the only option. We didn’t have that sort of money, but I could cook up that sort of money.

  I frowned. He would do it for me. I need the money. Hawk needs to get clean. I then began to clean up the house knowing we were in for a difficult conversation when he came to.

  Rehab was the only option.

  I threw a few empty beer cans in the recycling bin. And pulled out my phone. Scrolling through to the number that would change my life if I dialed it. My finger hovered over it. If I called this connection, it was a life c
hanging decision. If I didn’t, and I glanced back into the lounge room, I could lose both parents. I couldn’t lose my dad. So I hit the number.

  I couldn’t lose Hawk. He needed rehab and I knew the club wouldn’t cover it. So I dialed the number—I didn’t even think that I was about to cook more of the same product as was the reason Hawk was in this state to begin with.

  CAGE

  With Hawk out of the picture, the club was left on my shoulders alone. It wasn’t exactly new that Hawk had stepped away on his bender. However—now he was in rehab, he wasn’t coming back any time soon.

  My mind went to Autumn, she had been distant since she forced Hawk into rehab. Even though I was in church, surrounded by members, all of which wanted my attention. My attention was taken to Autumn.

  How she was coping with Hawk’s treatment. He had frozen her out. Wouldn’t let her visit. I knew she wasn’t taking it well. But fucked if I could get a hold of her. I was beginning to think she was battling a demon that I didn’t know about—her depression must be back. It had to be.

  I frowned. How do I reach someone that wants to be unreachable? She kept telling me she was looking for Jacob. It made sense. But it wasn’t sitting right with me.

  Business at the club was sorted. Our rebirthing business had taken off. Opening our own garage and car yard, which we sold the rebirthed vehicles from.

  Our drug business was a float. The growth houses were another big investment. Which brought me to the reason we had called this meeting.

  “So does anyone know who it is that is setting up in town?” I said, lighting up a cigarette. Scanning the table of men shrugging their shoulders.

  “Just heard it has to do with Meth.” Lit said. “But rumors are they aren’t dealing on the streets.”

  “So it shouldn’t affect our business?” I moved in the chair. “Meth has never been our earner but if territory is crossed we have to deal with the blow back. Can’t have them earning on our territory.”

  The boys all grunted and nodded their heads.

  I brought the meeting to a close, with the hammer and got up. I wanted to track Autumn down and have an actual conversation with her. Lately it was hard to think we were in a relationship, when all she did was ghost me.

  I walked out into the clubhouse, scanning the empty room. I pulled my phone out, calling her.

  AUTUMN

  My eyes ran over the abandoned factory. It was out of the way in the industry suburb. It was the last place you would expect a Meth Lab. But always the first because it had all the requirements.

  My pseudo supplier had arrived. It was Lydia’s brother. He was the other half of her operation and was going to be my first contact. He was the man I called the other night, to get the ball rolling.

  He had agreed to work with me. Tracked down this factory, on top of that he had organized the pseudo needed.

  Ash got out of the car. Crisp suit, cufflinks, sunglasses, looked like he had just stepped off the cover of a magazine. He looked like the man who ran an operation for the Cartel.

  “Autumn?” He went to shake my hand.

  “You must be Ash.” I shook his hand.

  “Lydia has spoken a lot about you,” Ash said, and looked me up and down. “Here I was accepting to deal with a butch woman. Not a—how old are you?”

  “Old enough to know what I’m getting in to.” I kept my voice in control. I knew I didn’t look intimidating. I was built small, had the looks that would make you think I was goldie locks, and everyone always said my eyes could capture souls. I wasn’t your stereotypical leader.

  “Lydia, said you know your shit. But you’ve never cooked before?”

  I nodded my head.

  “Which is where I’m at risk.” He added and I knew he was going to go for percentages. “I think it only fair that because it’s my reputation we are risking, we talk percentages.”

  “How about instead, we pause that conversation and have it after I do my first batch. You sample it. If it’s good, then we talk about percentages.” I wasn’t stupid. I was brought up around the club I knew exactly what he was after, and I was going to stand tall.

  He smirked in response. “Fair enough. How long till you can do your first batch?”

  “Give me a few days.” I gave him a time frame and then went on to make sure that this factory had correct ventilation. Also checking where the drugs were being stored. I wanted this operation to run as smoothly and as professional as possible.

  7

  Autumn

  I had never felt so much pressure as I stood and waited, watching Ash test the first batch of Meth. Ash looked at me with this puzzled expression, like he was seeing me for the first time.

  “Fuck that’s good stuff, how did you do it?” He looked at me amazed.

  To be honest with myself, I didn’t think I was going to be able to pull it off, now I had—I was just thankful that it had worked. All the pressure Lydia had put on me, had turned out okay.

  “So about those percentages,” Ash said, “I’ll go fifty, fifty with you if this is the sort of product I’ll be moving. Can’t even say that Lydia product was this strong and good.”

  “Thank you.” I wasn’t sure what else to say. Lydia was my mentor.

  Ash then explained what the Cartel would expect of me.

  “So Autumn,” He butted a cigarette out. “How deep are you willing to get?”

  How deep was I willing to get? I hesitated. Not having an answer. Because I knew I would always be one foot in, one foot out—a part of me would always be loyal to the bikers. If there was one thing I knew, it was the Cartel and the bikers tolerated each other—but hated each other at the core.

  * * *

  “Where have you been?”

  I blinked, squinting in the dark. Seeing Cage, sitting in the armchair chain smoking.

  “You basically disappeared for days,” He added, and the annoyance was clear in his voice. “These came for you.” He handed me opened envelopes. “You’ve been sent to the debt collector.”

  His intense stare met my eyes.

  “I’ve got the bills covered.” I said, but I saw the legal bills which hadn’t been paid for my appeal. I wanted to groan. I was drowning in debt. I saw the bill there for Hawk’s rehab treatment as well.

  “So where have you been?” He asked, and I couldn’t give him a real answer.

  “Friends.” I lied, well somewhat lied.

  “Autumn,” His tone made me look at him. “Are you in this relationship or not? And don’t use that weak excuse that you aren’t the same person.”

  I couldn’t have the meth trade and him at the same time. “Cage, the girl you loved died a long time ago. Before prison. When I pulled that trigger. That is when the girl you loved died.”

  He scoffed, running his hand down his face—out of complete frustration. “Yeah,” He got up. “You’re right. She did die.” He then handed me something else, “Because the woman I loved wouldn’t be seen with men like him.”

  I looked down on the pictures of Ash and I—at breakfast after my first cook.

  “You’ve been watching me?” I hissed out, my eyes ripping off the photos on to him. What else had he seen? What else did he know about the other life I was living. “What else have you seen!” I demanded to know.

  “Enough to know you’ve changed.” He smiled dimly. “In some ways I’m happy you’ve gotten out.” He looked up, our eyes locking. “But it fucking hurts, that it wasn’t with me.” The pain so clear in his voice—as he thought he had lost me to the millionaire known as Ashley. When really Ash was in with the Cartel.

  How untrue was that fact. I hadn’t gotten out. I had gotten in deeper. Cage walked around me. I knew then that our stained relationship was over. And tears flooded my eyes. I knew deep down. I couldn’t keep Cage and the business.

  But I wanted Cage more. If only I had another way to pay the bills.

  I wanted to tell him I loved him. I wanted to tell him that I was his forever and nothing could
tear me from him. But I needed this money. But could I really lose the only thing that was keeping me sane? Keeping me from losing myself fully to the lifestyle.

  Ash’s question went through my head again. How deep was I willing to get? Now all of a sudden I had no reason not to sink deep into the lifestyle.

  Because the only reason I had not to—just walked out the door.

  8

  Autumn

  Three Weeks Later

  Seeing Cage move on was hard. Seeing the woman that replaced me—was harder. Yet I got through it, by swearing off men. Men caused nothing but heartbreak.

  I knew she was a club woman. But still it felt like he has basically dropped me and replaced me within a month.

  Getting Ash’s message about a party here, I decided it was a good idea to keep face with the boss. So here I was. At the beach, scanning the crowd for Ash. My bikini wasn’t leaving much to the imagination.

  When I felt a hand on my lower back, I nearly jump only to turn around and see Ash standing.

  “Didn’t think you’d make it?” he gave me a smile, and I was reminded how good looking Ash was. He was twenty five, rich, but that had nothing on his physical appearance. He was tall, no tattoos that I knew of, and deep chocolate eyes.

  “I said I’d come.” I replied and helped myself to his drink. He gave me a knee buckling grin.

  “I see it's like that, is it?”

  “What is yours is mine,” I flirted back, and then finished his drink. “So where is the liquor at this annual beach party of yours?”

  The bonfire on the beach was casting light across his face, and I swear I saw his eyes were tinted with lust.

  “I’ll show you. Seeing as I don’t want you stealing my drinks all night.” He put a hand out for me to take and I felt like I was flirting with fire again, and would get burnt. But what is one night on the liquor?