My heart hammered in my chest. Maybe because of what happened with Darius, maybe because it was something I still had a hard time admitting outside of meetings, maybe because it felt a little like I could fall for another broken boy if I wasn’t careful.
I knew Finn was all wrong for me and I knew he’d never be interested in someone like me. It wasn’t a notion I entertained – being with Finn that is, but there was some part of me that couldn’t ignore the way I felt when he was around. It wasn’t always like, in fact more often than not it was frustration or annoyance that I felt toward him, but after living a life so devoid of conflict, even the bad was exciting. Especially the bad.
“And he did – see you I mean?”
I nodded. “I thought so. Although looking back I think it was probably the drugs he loved and I was just part of the high, ya know? Sex and drugs… rock stars keep writing songs about them for a reason. They go pretty great together.”
Finn’s body went rigid for a split second before he put the glass on the floor. I thought that was the end of it – that he’d gotten more than he could handle in my answer, but his deep baritone slid over my skin with more warmth and understanding than I’d expected.
“Do you miss it?”
“The man or the high?”
“Both, I guess.”
“No and yes. I think I always will, but I fear it more than I miss it now.”
“What happened to him… the guy? Did he stop seeing you?”
“I doubt he ever really did. Let’s just say he didn’t see me when I needed him to. Maybe he didn’t realize how his actions would impact me or if he did, he just couldn’t protect me. I guess I can’t fault his judgment when my own was so terrible.”
“What do you mean he couldn’t protect you?” Finn’s eyes darkened and he pinned me with a hard gaze that felt heavy on my skin.
I looked away, surveying the empty boxes, torn paper, and many gifts laid out on my floor. “He pissed off another dealer and I was payback. He raped and beat me to get back at Darius.”
I heard his sharp inhale and it felt like the room was devoid of air.
“It was a long time ago and not something I talk about often.”
“I’m so sorry.” His fingers found mine on the hardwood floor and just the very ends lay over the tips of my fingers in a comforting gesture.
“Thank you.” I smiled the best I could. This night had taken a turn I never could have predicted. “We’re quite a sad pair, huh?”
He didn’t smile back, which was somehow comforting. He wasn’t putting on a happy face for me.
“This is an impressive haul. What are you going to do with all of it?” I moved my hand from his and picked up a dainty champagne glass and held it up to the light. Someday at my wedding, I’d have to fill the flutes with sparkling juice or some alternative, but I’d survived and at least now I’d get one. If I’d stayed on the path I’d been on with Darius who knows where I’d be – it sure wouldn’t be living happily ever after.
“Put it all back in the boxes and donate it. Now that you can’t tell it’s the remnants of a broken relationship, someone might actually take it.”
Kitty woke up from her nap and having found the paper and bows perked right up for playtime. I picked up a ribbon and held it up for her to bat. I enjoyed how determined she was. On her third attempt, she went for my hand instead of the ribbon, clawing and biting me. It didn’t really hurt that much, but it shocked me, and I winced instinctively.
“Shit, are you okay?” Finn was beside me in a flash. He took my hand in his and inspected the small scratch. My pulse raced at his warm, gentle touch. Soft and caring.
“I’m fine. It’s just a tiny scratch.”
His thumb traced just below it. His blue eyes, the same shade as the wall behind him, bore into me. So close I could see the genuine concern and something else too – desire maybe, but that didn’t make any sense. Maybe it was the unwrapping of presents and the broken heart. All that talk about being seen. I’d blame it on my big mouth later. Because right now it felt like he saw me in a way I hadn’t been seen in years.
“Adele?”
“Hmm?”
It was only after Finn dropped my hand and stood abruptly that I realized the voice that had called my name belonged to Richard.
Awkwardly I got to my feet. Richard looked between Finn and me and then the destruction of my living room. The lines around his eyes fanned out as his brows pulled together. I didn’t know if he was upset about being woken or finally putting a face to the name. He’d made no effort to hide his dislike for the whole situation – Finn staying with me and just… Finn.
“You must be the boyfriend.” Finn extended a hand good-naturedly and some of the displeasure on Richard’s face disappeared. He was too much of a gentleman to be outright rude. I’m pretty sure Finn could tell the difference though.
“Richard, this is Finn McCash.”
“Pleasure to meet you,” Richard said, shaking Finn’s hand.
“Likewise. You’ve got a great girl.”
“Adele’s the best.”
They gripped hands for longer than I thought necessary, Finn stepping back first. “Well, I should clean this up and get to bed. Thanks for your help.”
“Uh, yeah, you’re welcome.” I stood next to Richard and he placed a hand at my hip in a decidedly uncharacteristically possessive move. I lifted my gaze to him and smiled, placed a hand on his chest reassuring him. “I’ll be right there.”
He lingered a moment longer before nodding.
When my bedroom door closed, I brought my gaze to Finn’s. His lips twisted into a half smile.
“Do you want some help boxing everything back up?”
“No, I got it. Go enjoy time with your man.”
“Alright. Well, good night, Finn.”
“’Night.” I let out a shaky breath and reached out for the door handle.
He said my name quietly. “Adele?”
“Yes?”
“I don’t know your ex, hell, I barely know you, but I know that if he didn’t see you – if he made you feel like you didn’t deserve to be seen or protected, then he was blind. I saw you the first time we met – drunker than I’ve ever been. A woman like you… she doesn’t disappear for a temporary high.”
Adele
Richard and I went out for breakfast at his favorite little café in Hermosa Beach.
“Have you given it any more thought?” he asked after we’d placed our orders.
All I’d done was think. Thoughts were overrated and I was hoping the biscuits and gravy I’d ordered with a side of cheesy grits were going to put me in a food coma that made thinking impossible.
“Yes.”
“And?” He looked so hopeful.
“It’s a big decision. Can I have a few days to think about it?”
“Of course,” he said, but then he dove right into all the amazing things about New York and us living together.
My head spun with indecision when the waitress finally delivered my food. My plan for the food coma was thwarted by a loss of appetite.
“What do you want to do today?” I asked and then an idea came to me. “Hey, let’s spend the day walking around town like tourists.”
“Actually, I need to go into the office for a few hours.” He grabbed the check. “But tonight, I was thinking we could rent a room at the Hilton, order room service, and stay in bed all night. What do you think?”
A night in with overpriced food at the touch of a button sounded amazing and I told him as much.
After breakfast, Richard went to the office and I bypassed home and went to my brother’s house instead. I might have been avoiding Finn. I needed a clear head and to only allow myself to think about Richard and the amazing proposition he’d made. Also, I needed some girl time.
“I wondered when you’d sneak over so we could talk.” Aubrey brought a plate of muffins to the table after forcing me into a chair and putting a mug filled with coffee in front
of me.
“Chance gone?”
“Yeah, he took CJ to the park.”
“What did he say?”
Aubrey gave me a puzzled look.
“Don’t give me that, I know you two talked about it after we left last night.”
She smiled uneasily. “We might have chatted briefly about it.”
I raised an eyebrow and pursed my lips as I brought the mug to my lips.
“Okay fine we stayed up until two in the morning and then CJ got up an hour early so we’re both basically zombies today.”
I snorted.
“Is my brother freaking out?”
“Actually, no. He was surprised. We always assumed Richard would move back here.”
“That was the plan.”
“But he’s a nice guy and you seem good.” She reached out and squeezed my hand. “But our opinion doesn’t matter. What do you think? Do you want to move to New York?”
“I don’t know. Maybe. Richard thinks he can help me find a job there and I have been thinking more and more about becoming a bookkeeper or even going back to school part time to become an accountant. Even with my bachelor’s degree, I’d need some more accounting-specific coursework before I could take the CPA exam.”
Aubrey smiled. “That’s great.”
I nodded. “But I could have done that here and haven’t.”
“Better late than never.”
“Yeah, I know. It’s not really about the job. I always pictured my life here. I love how close I am to you guys, watching CJ grow up, girls’ night with you, seeing how insanely in love you and my brother are. It fills a part of me that I thought I lost after my parents died.”
“You already know how much I love having you close by, but we’d find ways to make new traditions. You could come back and visit, we’d visit you, we’d Facetime… if it’s what you want then we’ll make it work. The question is, do you want the insanely in love more than you want to stay here?”
I didn’t think it was that simple, but I knew she had a point.
CJ busted through the front door, sweaty and dirty, and climbed into Aubrey’s lap. Watching them together, thinking about not being here to witness these moments was a little hard to swallow, but my sister-in-law was right, we’d find new ways to make memories.
“Where’s Daddy?” Aubrey asked just before Chance and Finn appeared in the doorway.
“What are you doing here?” I asked, surprised to see Finn.
“I was invited.”
Chance leaned down and placed a kiss on Aubrey’s lips and then grabbed two waters and handed one to Finn. “We took little man to the park. If he’s going pro, we gotta start the training early. Mum and Dad want to retire nicely.” My brother winked at Aubrey and then held his hand up for CJ to high five. “Plus, the kid is a great wingman. You should have seen the women eyeing us.”
Aubrey narrowed her gaze, not even trying to hide her jealousy.
“Don’t worry, princess, I’ve only got eyes for you.” He twisted the top off his water bottle and took a long drink and Finn did the same. They were so much alike, and it all felt so familiar and comforting. It never felt this easy when Richard came with me. He and Chance just didn’t share as many interests. I hated that, but also accepted no one person was going to fit perfectly into my life.
Finn used the bottom of his shirt to wipe his face and I watched the sweat dripping down the rivets of his muscles. Aaand that was my cue to leave.
“Well, I should get back to my boyfriend.” I stood, ruffled CJ’s hair and then headed to the door.
Chance called after me. “We need to talk about your moving across the country with Dick.”
I shook my head at him and rolled my eyes, not that he could see me. “You sound more like Dad every day.”
Later that night after room service, after my boyfriend made love to me on the massive King bed overlooking the Pacific, I stayed awake staring out into the water. What was I waiting for? I wanted someone who made me feel like Finn but was as good for me as Richard and that wasn’t fair. Not to myself and not to Richard.
I climbed back into the bed and cuddled up next to Richard. “Are you awake?” I whispered.
“Mmm.”
“I’ll do it. I’ll move to New York with you.” My heart did a funny half flip – a plop, really. A weird jolt of pleasure stilted with disappointment that made no sense.
His eyes flew open and I forgot to breathe as guilt slammed into me seeing how happy he was. He was so certain of this and I felt awful for my hesitation. Wasn’t it a risk for him as much as it was for me? Why was he so certain and I wasn’t?
He kissed me, pulled back, and then rolled on top of me. “You’re going to love it. We’re going to be so happy. You’ll see.”
We didn’t check out of the hotel until late Sunday afternoon and then I went with Richard to the office. He’d just wanted to stop by to check on a few things, but thirty minutes later he was in deep conversation about the New York office with his boss and it didn’t appear that they were going to finish up anytime soon.
I pulled out my phone and scrolled through my emails stopping when I saw a new one pop up from [email protected]. Finn.
I clicked on it eagerly and the photo of my now empty entryway greeted me. He’d gotten rid of his wedding presents. It made me feel lighter. Maybe it was the Feng Shui I was certain would be improved or maybe I was just hoping it had lightened him.
I’d been so quick to look at the image it wasn’t until I scrolled back up that I noticed the words he’d written.
November 13, 1:21 p.m.
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: Feng Shui Restored
Boxes are gone. Thanks for your help.
Finn
I responded immediately, absolutely no chill and no second thoughts.
November 13, 1:22 p.m.
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Reply Subject: Feng Shui Restored
You can thank me properly by naming the cat. She deserves a name.
Adele
P.S. How did you get my email address?
Finn was gone when Richard and I finally made it home. Kitty greeted us at the door, and I picked her up and carried her into the bedroom with us. As soon as I put her down, she meowed and circled my legs.
“She’s not going to sleep in here, is she?” Richard eyed the cat warily.
“She’s lonely.”
“You need some love, don’t you?” I asked and picked her back up. I carried her in one arm while I got ready for bed. I moved my hand up to her neck to scratch around her collar, but it was gone. No more diamonds for kitty. Hmmm. I wonder if he’d donated it with everything else.
Kitty purred and settled right in like she was greedy for any attention. She didn’t even flinch while I washed my face, dripping water on her adorable head. It made me wonder how long Finn had been gone. Had he gone out to the bar? Did he go home with some random girl?
I didn’t like the way the possible answers to those questions made me feel, but Finn was a grown ass man who could make his own bad decisions. If he thought sleeping with all of Hermosa Beach was going to cure his broken heart, then far be it from me to stop him. Some things you just have to learn on your own. I’d made enough mistakes to know that.
We went to bed with the door shut, kitty curled up at my feet. We were both still awake when Finn got home – kitty and me, I mean. The open and close of the front door and his footsteps growing closer and then retreating made it so I could envision him walking through the living room and down the hall to the spare room. Kitty hopped off the bed and sat at my door.
“Traitor,” I whispered before getting her and bringing her back to bed with me. Was it petty that I wanted to keep his cat from him because he’d been out drinking and possibly banging his way through his broken heart?
The answer to that was yes. It was bey
ond petty. Still, I didn’t let go of kitty until my phone vibrated with a new email alert.
November 13, 10:49 p.m.
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: Thief
Did you steal my cat?
I smiled and tapped out a reply.
November 13, 10:49 p.m.
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Reply Subject: Thief
Steal? No. I took her in after you abandoned her.
As I hit send, I heard footsteps near my door. I held my breath even knowing Finn wasn’t enough of an asshole to barge in unannounced. Kitty perked up staring at the door and meowed.
November 13, 10:50 p.m.
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Reply Subject: Thief
Give me my cat, I can hear her meowing.
I glanced over at a sleeping Richard and then stood and walked to Kitty. I picked her up and then opened the door revealing a bare-chested Finn wearing those gray sweatpants and a smirk.
“There’s my beautiful girl,” he cooed at the cat, but I blushed like he’d meant me.
I stepped out and closed the door behind me so we wouldn’t wake Richard.
The cat practically leaped into his arms and that had Finn’s smile growing larger as he cradled her to him and petted her head.
“She was lonely. I didn’t know if you’d be coming home tonight.” I hated the jealous tone in my voice. “And how did you get my email address?”
He cocked a brow but didn’t say anything until I stepped back and reached for the door handle.
“You’ve got your whole life in that gratitude notebook – email, passwords, menstrual cycle.”
Jilted Jock : A Hero Club Novel Page 7