She pulled back first and pressed a hand to her lips.
I did my best to keep it PG after that and focused on getting through the event. I’d mostly avoided team social calls since Cindy. It was awkward as hell at first knowing all my teammates, hell, the whole organization, knew how I’d been stood up on my wedding day. The pity, the weird apology speeches some of the guys gave me. Everyone meant well, I think, but I’d just been too embarrassed about the whole thing to feel comfortable being around anyone.
Foster was the exception to that, of course. For as obnoxious as he could be making jokes and living life with this wild and carefree personality, he knew exactly who and what to be at the right moment. He was a bit of a chameleon like that.
But even he couldn’t make the moment Cindy and Martins joined our circle any less awful. My grip on Adele tightened causing her to look up and when she spotted Cindy, it was clear she knew my ex by sight.
“Hi guys,” Cindy said to the group.
No one spoke at first until Foster found manners for the lot of us. “Hey, Cindy. You look nice.”
“You too, Foster.” She looked to me. “Finn.”
I nodded as politely as I could manage.
I really had no intention of introducing them, but Cindy stepped forward and extended a hand. “Hi, I’m Cindy.”
“Adele.” She took Cindy’s hand looking as bad ass and beautiful as I’d ever seen her. I wanted to kiss her for rolling with it and not hunkering under Cindy’s intrusive gaze. She was just so… everything.
I wrapped a protective arm around her and then it was time to eat so we all sat down. Thank God for small miracles, Cindy and Martins were at a different table. Once we were situated with our drinks and food, my nerves eased up.
The food was delicious and the company even better. I draped an arm around the back of her chair and traced circles on her shoulder. The need to touch her and get closer was unreal.
Foster was carrying most of the conversation seeing as how I was too love-dumb to focus on anything else. I was starting to feel bad for the way I’d judged Lauren for being so into Foster. Guess neither of us could help it.
“Adele, are you coming to the games next week?” Foster asked Adele.
“Where are they?” She looked to me.
“New York. Wednesday and Saturday. I finally have a legit excuse to fly to see you.”
“I’d love to come.”
After dinner was dessert, though most of us passed. We had an entire evening ahead of us still, so we enjoyed the chill environment a little longer before someone from our media office announced it was time to head to the party area.
“Now the fun begins,” Foster joked and stood and helped Lauren to her feet.
“I’m gonna go to the ladies’ room,” Adele said.
Lauren dropped Foster’s hand. “Oooh, good idea. I’ll come with you.”
“Hurry back,” I told Adele with a wink.
She rolled her eyes. “I’m just going to pee.”
I followed Foster and the rest of the team out to the main room. As often happened at these events, I got caught up talking to the media and posing for a few photos. The atmosphere was pretty lax, but I kept an eye out for Adele just in case she got lost in the crowd.
When Lauren returned without her, I raised a brow. “Where’s Adele?”
“She said she wasn’t feeling well. She stepped out to get some air.”
Foster and I shared a worried glance. “Everything okay?” he asked.
Lauren gave a rueful smile and then twisted her lips in a guilty expression. “I offered her a bump and she got all weird.”
“A bump?” I asked.
Foster’s eyes went big. “You offered her coke?”
She shrugged. “I was just trying to be friendly.”
Bile rose in my throat. “Which way did she go?”
She pointed to the front entrance and I pushed through the crowd. My body felt like it had turned to stone, I couldn’t move fast enough, and my hearing was temporarily gone. I heard nothing but the vibration inside me.
I didn’t breathe until I spotted her coming back through the doors from outside.
“Oh, thank God,” I said on an exhale as I reached her. “Fuck, baby, I’m so sorry. Lauren told me what happened.”
She laughed, a brittle sound. “I’m okay. I just needed a minute. She caught me off guard.”
I pulled her into a hug, and she nuzzled into me for comfort.
“Hey, look at me.” I placed a hand under her chin and eased her face up to look at me. “Say the word and we’re out of here. Booze and coke, my ex-fiancé – so much for a fun night, huh?”
“You can’t leave.”
“I’ll tell them I had an emergency.”
She pulled back and straightened her shoulders. “No, I can do this.”
Re-entering the party, I had an awful feeling that I couldn’t shake. This whole night was just fucked.
“There you guys are,” Kenton said and opened up to let us into the circle with Foster and Lauren.
I felt awkward about joining them and equally as awkward not. I was annoyed at Lauren, but I did my best to avoid looking at her. I grabbed Adele’s hand tightly.
“They’re calling for us to take a photo in the new area,” Foster said, nodding toward a woman from the PR office. She was gathering the team and giving them instructions from the looks of it.
“Might as well get it over with,” Kenton said.
I stepped in front of Adele and leaned down. “Are you okay? It shouldn’t take but a few minutes. I’ll come back as soon as I can.”
She started to nod, but Kenton thrust a mixed drink at her. “Can you hold this for me while we take the photo?”
I waved him off. “Hold it your fucking self.”
“Come on, you know they won’t let me have it in the picture. It’s single malt. I don’t want to waste it.”
“I said fuck off,” I gritted. “She’s not holding it for you.”
“Dude, what the fuck is your problem?”
I spun on him, blood boiling and pulse throbbing at my temple. “She’s a fucking addict.”
There was a gasp at my outburst and then silence. People near us stared to see what the commotion was about. Kenton backed off, and I hung my head as I turned to face my girl.
Fuck. It was hard to look at her, to see the way her blue eyes pinned me with such hurt, but I forced myself not to look away because I’d put that pain there.
“Baby, I’m so sorry.”
Tears welled, but before they had a chance to fall, she glanced at my teammates. “Excuse me.” She took off, and I cursed my big ass mouth and this whole night as I went after her.
She didn’t slow down until she was outside the building. There were cameras and media still milling around and this was the last place I wanted to be having this conversation.
“I’m so sorry.” I ran a hand down her arm. “I didn’t mean to embarrass you.”
She started away from the building and I met her step for step.
“Stop. Please don’t follow me. I need to be alone.”
I didn’t. I couldn’t. I had to make it okay.
She faced me. “You know, I’m not embarrassed that I’m an addict. I prefer not having it called out in public places, and there are about a million more tactful ways you could have handled that, but I am who I am. I’ve accepted it and all the things that come with it. The anxiety before I go out, trying to prepare myself for anything, the uncomfortable moments when your friends look to you to make sure it’s okay they order a beer in front of you, and then eventually they stop inviting you altogether because it’s just easier.” She held her hands out to her side. “This is my life, but it’s not all that I am. I thought you saw beyond that. I thought you saw me.”
I was gutted.
“I do. You’re all I see, sweetheart. I handled tonight all wrong. This is new territory for me. I don’t know what to do or say in any of these situations.�
�
All the anger in her face turned to sadness. A single tear fell, and she let me brush it away with my thumb, leaning into my hand for just a second.
“Mr. McCash.” A woman with a cell phone clutched in her hands approached. “The team is waiting for you.”
“I’m not coming.”
“Sir—”
“I said no, dammit.”
The woman hurried off and I felt like an arse. How many people was I gonna treat like shit in one night?
Adele sighed. “Go back inside, Finn.”
“Not without you.” I held my hand out.
She shook her head from side to side. “I have to go. I shouldn’t have come. We live in two different worlds.”
“Let me take you home,” I begged as she walked away.
My mind reeled and I didn’t know if I should stop her or let her go. Something about the broken resolve in her expression kept me rooted to the spot. Fuck.
I watched her get into a cab and disappear from sight. I was parked in the back lot so I went back inside and weaved through the crowd as fast as I could. Each step to my truck felt like an eternity. She was running away again.
“She’s pretty.” Cindy appeared in front of me and thanks to the crowd I couldn’t easily just blow past her. “Image suicide, though. You get that, right? Making a scene at an event like this?” She tsked.
“Not now, Cindy.” I stepped to the side and so did she.
“I’m just looking out for you.”
“Don’t do that. Don’t pretend like you want to make nice.”
“You can choose to believe it or not, but it’s true. I still care about you.”
“You only care about people and things that can do something for you.”
“Oh, come on, you’re making me out to be some sort of monster, but you and I were a team not so long ago. We wanted the same things.”
“Yeah, until we didn’t. I don’t remember wanting you to go behind my back with my teammate.”
“I’ve been trying to apologize for months, but you won’t listen.”
“Because I don’t need it. I don’t care what you have to say. It doesn’t matter. The guy you want to apologize to is gone. I’m not the same person anymore. You can make it up to me by never speaking to me again.” She had the audacity to look offended. “I’m serious. I know we’re going to run into one another, and I can do civil, but I want no part of us acting like it never happened and being friends or some bullshit.”
“That’s really what you want?”
“It’s one hundred percent what I want.”
I waited for confirmation that she understood, and this was the last god-awful time we were going to have this conversation. All I got was a nod, but it was acknowledgment enough. Any unresolved shit I had with her seemed like pebbles in my shoe by comparison to my need to find Adele.
“Well, that looked painful.” Foster cut me off as I tried to flee the room. Goddamn was there no escape?
“It was.”
“You can’t leave. We’ve been waiting for you to do a team picture in the new space.”
“I don’t care about that. I need to go to Adele. She left.”
“Can’t say that I blame her, man. That was hard to watch. She looked pretty crushed by your calling it out in front of everyone.”
The same PR lady who’d come after me outside, tapped Foster on the arm and motioned for us to follow with an exasperated look.
“Come on. Let’s get this over with and then I’ll help you make it right. Whatever it takes.” His sincerity was the only reason I followed.
It was an hour before I could leave. I thanked Foster for the offer, but I knew it was something I needed to do on my own. I called her as I climbed into my truck, unsurprised when it went straight to voicemail. As I drove to my place, I thought through the night and tried to see it through her eyes. God, I’d really fucked up. Chance had warned me, and I hadn’t fucking listened.
I was supposed to keep her safe and I’d failed. Not only had I failed, I didn’t know what I could have done differently and that scared me.
I’d hoped she’d be at my place when I got there, if only to grab her stuff. Any excuse to see her and try and explain. I went straight for my room and breathed a sigh of relief when I saw her suitcase. But no Adele.
Where would she go?
The answer was so obvious I couldn’t believe I hadn’t thought to go there first. I scribbled a note and put it on the bed just in case she came back and then headed to Chance’s house.
Aubrey opened the door before I could knock. “Hey, Finn.”
“Hey, Aubrey. Is she here?”
Chance pulled the door wide and stepped in front of his wife. “Come in.”
He didn’t speak as he led me out the back of the house to the deck. He took a seat, but I wasn’t interested in sitting around talking. I needed to find Adele.
“Sit. She isn’t here.”
“Where is she?”
“On a plane back to New York. You won’t catch her, she was already boarding when I talked to her, so sit down and tell me what happened.”
She must have gone straight to LAX. Defeated, I sat and undid my bowtie. “I screwed up.”
“Gathered that.”
“I didn’t realize what it would be like for me or her. Sometimes, I swear, I forget she’s an addict altogether, but tonight? Fuck, everything that could go wrong, did. And now, God, as I look back. What an idiot I was. I have to talk to her.”
“She does a good job of hiding her struggle, mostly by not talking about it and living a pretty simple life. Since she met you, she’s pushed herself more and I thought it was good for her, but I think she reached her limit tonight. If you’d seen her five years ago, you’d understand why I have to tell you I think the best thing for her is to be with someone not so… you.”
“You can’t mean that. I refuse to accept that there’s anyone better for her than me.”
He shrugged. “Look, Adele called here an hour ago sobbing so hard I could barely understand her. I feel like it’s the only thing I can say.”
I nodded. What now? I respected Chance, but he was wrong. I’d have to figure this out on my own.
He stood and I followed suit. He put a hand on my shoulder and squeezed lightly.
“One last thing.”
“Yeah?”
We stood just outside the back door. I wasn’t expecting it so when he swung a fist at my jaw, I felt the impact in slow motion. He hadn’t hit me hard enough to land me on my ass, but damn near close. I put a hand to my already tender face.
Chance smiled sheepishly. “Sorry about that, mate, but I did warn you I’d have to punch you if you hurt her.”
Finn
The smell of Adele on my sheets was the first thing to grab my attention when I woke. Or maybe the second, someone was banging on my front door.
I stumbled out of bed and through the house, rubbing my eyes and wondering what time it was. By the sun coming in through the windows, I’d slept later than usual.
I pulled open the door.
“About damn time. I’ve been alternating calling and pounding on your door for thirty minutes.” Chance looked me over. “What the hell are you wearing, mate?”
Glancing down at my attire I should have been embarrassed, but if wearing every item in Adele’s suitcase was wrong then I didn’t want to be right. Panties looped around my wrist. The shirts I could get on all the way hit me somewhere in the midriff region and the ones that were too tight I had hung around my neck like necklaces. I’d even managed to get a pair of her leggings on – though they’d probably never be the same.
Sometime last night after she’d blocked my phone number, I’d had an urgent and manic need to be near her any way I could. And well, here we were.
I took off her shirts and discarded the panties as he entered my place.
“I’m here to get Adele’s stuff for her.” He raised both brows. “Really wishing I could erase this from my m
emory forever.”
“Give me just a minute.” In my room, I shoved her clothes in the suitcase and put on some of my own. I rolled out the suitcase. “Did she make it back to New York? I could send it to her or take it to her myself. The team plays in New York this week.”
“She’s asked me not to give you any information. I’m sorry.”
“Is she okay?”
“I think so.” He lifted the handle on the suitcase. “I know how you feel about her, but I need to ask you not to contact her anymore. Don’t try and see her or talk to her. I’m trusting her judgment on this and if she says it’s for the best then I need to honor that.”
“I can’t do that. I am what’s best for Adele. I screwed up, but I can fix this.”
Chance nodded and he headed to the door. His silence reeked of disapproval.
“Later, Finn.”
I knew he was trying to gracefully say goodbye, but I couldn’t accept that he was out of my life forever because that would mean so was Adele.
Wednesday before our game I went by Adele’s apartment. I hadn’t expected her to be home during a weekday, but I had hoped by some miracle she’d be inside. I dropped flowers and a card by her door and rushed off. I left tickets for her at will call. I wasn’t going to leave any possible avenue to get to me blocked.
She didn’t show. I went back to her place after the game to beg and plead through the door if necessary, but I was met with more silence and the flowers and card were still where I left them.
I followed the same routine for the next three days. I brought more flowers and more letters each day, but they just sat there mocking me day after day. We played New York again today and then it was back to California. So today I had to find her.
I went across the street to the café.
“Hey, handsome. Welcome back.”
Flo brought me coffee and a cinnamon roll as I was sitting down at my usual table.
“Just the coffee today. Got a game in a few hours.”
“I know. I’m hoping if I fill you with carbs and sugar, maybe you’ll take it easy on us today.”
“Us? You join the team since the last time I was in town?” She took a seat across from me. “I didn’t know you were a soccer fan.”
Jilted Jock : A Hero Club Novel Page 19