Rearview Mirror

by B L Clark

  “You’re probably right.” Amber laughed, knowing they could indeed be swayed.

  She hugged him again before Nicole joined them.

  “She’s in good hands, I promise.” Nicole wrapped an arm around Amber’s waist, careful to avoid the bandage.

  “I trust that you’ll look out for her.” Zach hugged Nicole. “Thank you.”

  “You don’t need to thank me, I should be thanking you. You’ve kept her safe for the past ten years.”

  “I have, but the memory of you has kept her strong. Give her more memories to reinforce that strength.”

  Nicole pulled back and smiled at Zach. When he first arrived, she wanted to hate him. He had been there when she couldn’t. He had Amber’s trust and love. Now having gotten to know him, she cared about him and understood why he and Amber were close and that she didn’t have to feel threatened. He wasn’t there to take Amber from her.

  They watched Zach go through security, and then Jill drove them back to Nicole’s. Amber was feeling tired, so Jill and Heather left, and Nicole got Amber upstairs and gave her another pain pill. Nicole helped Amber change into a T-shirt and her panties before situating her in bed.

  “Nic, will you stay with me until I fall asleep?” Amber asked, not wanting to be left alone.

  “I’ll stay with you until you wake up.” Nicole smiled before getting changed herself and into the bed and feeling Amber cuddle up to her. To say that her heart and mind were calm would be an understatement. She felt complete and relaxed whenever Amber touched her.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Common Concerns

  “Hey, Jill? Can we talk?” Heather asked after they helped Nicole get Amber situated.

  “Sure, Squirt. Let’s go back to my house, and we’ll make dinner and talk.”

  “Great, thanks,” Heather said as she fidgeted in the seat next to Jill.

  The drive to Jill’s house took two minutes. Once inside, Jill pulled two steaks out of the refrigerator and prepped them with salt and pepper, adding a bit of garlic powder. Jill then prepped a garlic butter to put on the steaks when they were done and resting. Heather prepared vegetables for grilling. She cut them up, added herbs, and crushed up fresh garlic to add in for flavor. She then grabbed the aluminum foil and created veggie tents, as her mom had always called them, to put on the grill to cook them along with the steaks.

  “So, what’s up?” Jill sat on the couch with a beer while the grill was warming.

  “What do you think is going on with Nicole and Amber?”

  “I honestly don’t know. I mean, it seems like they’re getting pretty close. They obviously slept together, so their old chemistry is still there. It isn’t like Nic to just sleep with someone on a whim, even if it is Amber. Why? What has you concerned?”

  “I’m afraid of what’s going to happen to Nicole when Amber gets the all-clear to head back to New York. If they’re rebuilding a relationship, Amber obviously has a pretty promising career in New York. She isn’t going to just give that up to come back here. Even if it is for Nicole.”

  “So, you’re afraid that Nicole is going to get hurt or she’s going to leave, aren’t you?”

  “Yeah, basically.” Heather sighed deeply and took a long drink of her beer.

  “Well, that’s something Nicole and Amber are going to have to talk about, little sister. We can only support them in their decisions. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want Nicole leaving, but I agree that Amber isn’t going to move back here with the opportunity she has right now with that art show.”

  “I’ve missed Amber a lot. I didn’t realize how much because I was so pissed at her. Now that I know how much I missed her, I’m afraid she’s going to go back to New York and forget all about us again.”

  “She didn’t forget about us to begin with. I don’t think she’s going to stop talking to us and being a part of our lives now. Things are different. We’re all different than we were back then. We have cellphones and Facebook to use to stay in touch now.”

  “Yeah, and time changes us all. What if she hurts Nicole? After everything she has been through…”

  “That’s between them,” Jill said sternly.

  “I know,” Heather said in defeat. “I don’t have to like or accept it willingly, though.”

  Jill got up and put her hand on Heather’s shoulder. “It’ll work out if it’s meant to.”

  Jill went into the kitchen, grabbed the steaks and veggies, and put them on the grill. She went back into the house and saw Heather lost in her thoughts. She knew Heather had always cared about Nicole and Amber. They were her best friends, and she knew that whatever happened would have a profound impact on Heather. Good or bad, that remained to be seen.

  “I know it’s hard because you care about them both. You need to remember, though, whatever happens, we’ll always be here for them.”

  “I’ll try to remember that.” Heather hugged Jill and took another drink of her beer.

  “Nicole is smart, she’ll make the right choices, I believe in her for that.”

  “I know she is, but Amber has always been her kryptonite. As Nicole is Amber’s. I just don’t want either to get hurt or to lose either of them. I understand what you said about it being their choice, but part of me wants to make sure that it turns out best for both of them and for, well, all of us.”

  “I get that, I truly do. Unfortunately, we just have to sit back and watch how this plays out.”

  After a while, Jill went out and checked on dinner while Heather turned on the TV and found a movie for them to watch.

  Jill returned with two plates of food and handed one to Heather as they ate and watched the movie. As the night wore on, they avoided the subject of Nicole and Amber, knowing that they had no control over things.

  “Well, I should be getting home, I have an early morning,” Heather said, yawning.

  “All right. Hang in there, and we’ll talk more as time gets closer to Amber getting approval to go home.”

  “Thanks for listening, Jill.”

  “Anytime.” Jill watched Heather walk across the street and down three houses to her own place.

  After their mother had died and they received the insurance money, the two women knew they couldn’t live together. These two houses were far enough apart that they wouldn’t get in each other’s way, but close enough that they knew the other was just a minute away. Heather then used her part to pay for college and buy the hotel. Jill put herself through school and the academy to become an officer. She then opted to invest her leftovers and had been lucky in the market to have made more than she had lost.

  Nicole awoke to find that she and Amber were still in the same position they had fallen asleep in. Looking at the clock, Nicole saw she had slept for about three hours. She knew the pain pills Amber had taken before their nap would be wearing off shortly. Nicole was debating on waking Amber. It was good for her to rest, but if she stayed in one place too long, she was going to be sore, plus it was close to time to take care of the bandage again. She decided that she should wake Amber up.

  “Baby.” Nicole kissed the top of Amber’s head that was resting on her shoulder. “Sweetie…”

  “I’m so sorry I hurt you, Nicole. I love you…please don’t hate me anymore,” Amber mumbled sleepily. “I know you don’t know why I left, but even from here, I can feel your hurt. I’ll never let myself forget what I did to you.”

  “Amber,” Nicole said a bit louder as she moved her hand to rub Amber’s back.

  “Huh?” Amber woke up and became aware of her surroundings.

  “It’s time to wake up. We slept for about three hours,” Nicole said, unsure if she should tell Amber what she heard.

  “I was having a bad dream.” Amber clung to Nicole tighter.

  “I could tell. You were talking in your sleep.” Nicole pressed her lips into Amber’s hair.

  “I’m so sorry, sweetie. D-did I wake you?”

  “No, you didn’t start until I tried to wake you up.”<
br />
  “I hope I didn’t say anything bad.” Amber was embarrassed and wondered what she said.

  “You were apologizing for hurting me, you told me you loved me, then you asked me to stop hating you.”

  “Oh, that dream.”

  “Is that common?” Nicole’s heart broke at the thought that the woman she loved had been tormenting herself like this for years.

  “If I said no, would you believe me?” Amber quickly glanced up at Nicole before returning to her spot on Nicole’s shoulder.

  “No.” Nicole smiled, and she again kissed the top of Amber’s head. “But I would like to hear about it. If you’re willing to tell me.”

  “I’ll tell you about it after you take care of my bandage.”

  “You’re afraid to tell me before, thinking I’ll hurt you…”

  “Yup.” Amber laughed, squeezing Nicole close.

  “Fine, lay on your back and lift your shirt, and I’ll go get the bandages and medicine.” Nicole laughed along.

  Amber lay back and pulled her shirt up, exposing her stomach. Nicole came back into the room and saw her lying there, and her breath caught.

  Goddess, she’s so beautiful, Nicole thought, her lips curling up in a smile.

  “Like something you see?” Amber asked seductively. Nicole could only nod as she moved toward the bed.

  Nicole set the bandage and antibiotic cream on the bed and leaned over and kissed Amber deeply and soundly. They both groaned into the kiss, feeling the closeness, the surge of excitement. This was something neither had felt in years. Not since they were last together ten years ago.

  “You are so beautiful,” Nicole said as she pulled back from the kiss, the love and devotion she had for Amber shining in her eyes.

  “You still leave me breathless.” Amber panted, still trying to believe that this woman really did love her and want her.

  “We should get that bandage changed.” Nicole pulled back from where she was leaning over Amber.

  Nicole removed the old bandage and used a warm damp cloth to clean the area and then used the antibiotic cream, causing Amber to inhale deeply.

  “Did I hurt you?” Nicole asked.

  “No, it was just cold,” Amber said, smiling.

  Nicole put the new bandage on, then leaned forward and kissed the wound through the bandage, making sure not to put any pressure on the wound.

  “Thank you,” Amber said. “I’m sure a Nicole kiss is definitely what I need for it to heal quicker.”

  “Maybe if you play your cards right, I will see if Nicole kisses help your shoulder and collarbone.”

  “Mmm, as long as I can get that without clothes,” Amber said seductively.

  Nicole closed her eyes and took a deep breath, reminding herself that Amber was injured, and they needed to take it easy.

  “Not fair,” Nicole mumbled, clenching her thighs together, as well as her fists.

  “Sorry, sweetie.” Amber smiled innocently.

  “Now what do you say we go downstairs and get something to eat and you can tell me about the disturbing dream you had?”

  “Okay.” Amber knew she wouldn’t be able to get out of this conversation. Nicole helped Amber get up and stabilized her as gravity worked its magic on her shoulder. “I never knew just standing up could hurt like that. I can feel it pulling on my shoulder even with the sling on.”

  “I can adjust the sling for you. You might just need it to hold your arm a bit higher.” Nicole carefully undid the Velcro on the sling and moved it a little and then tightened the strap so that it was higher, supporting more of Amber’s arm’s weight.

  “That feels a lot better, thanks,” she said and leaned over and kissed Nicole.

  They went downstairs, and Nicole put some fruit salad in two bowls for them, and they moved to the living room. As they ate, Amber told Nicole about when she heard from Lucinda about her art being put in the next show. It was the day before she had left to come back.

  “So, you had no idea that she was even watching your art?” Nicole asked.

  “Not really. We had talked about it a couple of times, but there are so many artists affiliated with the gallery, and there are the artists that work there. I didn’t realize she had kept an eye on things. I think my supervisor may have something to do with it. He has worked with me over the years to find new techniques and points of view. He comes across as a real gruff person, but he’s just a big teddy bear.”

  “That sounds amazing. I hope I get to see more of your work.” Nicole put their empty bowls on the coffee table.

  “I’d love to show it to you. Maybe you can come to New York and see it in person.” Amber glanced at Nicole out of the corner of her eye. She didn’t think she could bring herself to fully make eye contact.

  “I’d love that.” Nicole smiled.

  They adjusted on the couch so that Nicole was sitting with her back against the arm of the couch with her legs wrapped around Amber as she leaned against her on her good side.

  “So, the dream. I’ve had it and other similar nightmares for years. The dream is always the same. My therapist thinks I need closure. Who knows, telling you may help me gain that. You aren’t going to like this, I can guarantee that. Are you sure you want to know?”

  “Yes, please.” Nicole kissed the side of Amber’s head.

  “The dream starts the night that my dad and Jeffrey beat me, and I left. I see them attacking me from above, like an out-of-body experience. Then it flashes to me standing outside your window that night, and I’m apologizing for hurting you and telling you that I have to leave. After that, it shows you standing over my gravestone, crying. You look older, so I think it’s been several years. You’re still breathtakingly beautiful. Then I come up next to you while you’re crying. That’s when I tell you, ‘I’m so sorry for hurting you. I love you.’ I see the pain and anguish in your face, and all I can do is ask you to ‘please don’t hate me anymore. I know you don’t know why I left, but even from here, I can feel your hurt.’ You start to cry harder, and I tell you, ‘I will never let myself forget what I did to you,’ and then I see Jill and Erik come up and you place roses on my gravestone and turn and leave.”

  Nicole’s heart broke as Amber told her about her dream. She placed her lips against Amber’s head and kissed her as tears silently rolled down her face.

  “How often do you have that dream?”

  “That specific dream? A couple of times per month. This type of dream, three or four times per month,” she said softly.

  “Oh, baby.” Nicole carefully pulled Amber closer.

  They lay there holding each other for a long time. Amber was afraid to move or speak. She knew that by revealing this, it would again show how broken she truly was. In her mind, the more she revealed, the more she proved to Nicole that she was better off without her in her bed or in her life.

  “Amber, I won’t lie to you and tell you that your leaving didn’t hurt and that I didn’t like you much at times. I never hated you. I hate your father and brother, but I’ve never hated you. You need to forgive yourself. Baby, I can tell how much it’s hurting you, tormenting you. I do not, nor would I ever, want you hurting like this.”

  “Nicole…” Amber interrupted.

  “No, baby, let me finish. Had I known what you went through that night and for all those years, I would have done everything I could to help you. That you know, but I’m so amazed by you and your strength to leave and stay away. I know it hasn’t been easy for either of us, but I need you to tell me you honestly believe that I never hated you.”

  “I’m trying. Hearing you say it helps, but it’s going to take me some time. I’m so ashamed, and, god, I don’t know how to explain things.”

  “You don’t have to explain them now. Just promise me that you’ll think about what I’ve said and how amazing it feels at this moment with our bodies touching, you in my arms.”

  “It feels like heaven. Even when I get the pain in my side or shoulder, it isn’t as bad when you’
re holding me.”

  “Good. I like hearing that,” Nicole said. They fell into silence, enjoying the feel of each other, each lost in her own thoughts.

  Erik was out walking around trying to clear his head. Since Amber’s shooting, he had spent a lot of his time working or avoiding locations where she or the others would be. It wasn’t that he was unhappy that Amber was back, it was that he was concerned for Nicole. He had watched Nicole struggle all those years without Amber. She was finally in a stable spot. What was she going to do if Amber didn’t stay? How could she survive after all they had shared since Amber’s return?

  Erik was about to walk into the firehouse when he saw Jill’s sheriff’s cruiser pull up. About a minute later, she got out of the car.

  “Erik, my man! Where have you been hiding?” Jill asked as she hugged him.

  “I’ve been around,” he replied, knowing this wouldn’t satisfy her but hoping it might get her to back off a little.

  “I assumed you’ve been around, but you haven’t been by more than a couple of times to see Amber.”

  “I’ve just had some things to think about,” Erik vaguely said.

  “Want to tell me about it?”

  “Can we walk and talk?”

  “Sure, let me just grab my radio.”

  Jill opened the passenger side door and leaned in to grab her radio. She quickly called dispatch to let them know she didn’t want to be disturbed unless it was an emergency. She locked the car door, and she and Erik headed down the street.

  “So, what’s up?”

  “Do you think it’s a good idea to have Amber and Nicole spending so much time together?”

  “Why wouldn’t I?” Jill was confused about where this was coming from.

  “I’m just trying to look out for Nicole. Amber is going back to New York as soon as she’s given the okay. I just think that with Nicole being as fragile as she has been over the years that them spending time together isn’t going to help her.”

  “You know Amber’s staying at Nicole’s while she heals, right?”