Heart of the High King (D'Vaire, Book 19)

by Jessamyn Kingley

  Dinner was awkward, but Kendrick was at least on speaking terms with Noirin, though the friction was obvious.

  “Noir’s pissed,” Aleksander said when they were alone in their suite.

  “Can’t blame her. Kendrick kept his shit a secret.”

  Aleksander lifted a dark brow. “You kept a secret from me, too.”

  “Yeah, well, it was for your own good. I needed to deal with Kendrick, not have you mow him down with dragon fire.”

  “Are you okay with everything now?”

  “Yeah, I can understand his point of view. I think he handled it shitty, but maybe in the future he’ll think before he says anything awful to someone.”

  “I hope you’ll remember that you don’t need to be his punching bag. Call him out if he messes with you again.”

  “I just froze,” Rafe confessed. “I feel like I’ve spent so much time overwhelmed by everything, and I couldn’t let a war start under our roof. Dra’Kaedan called my life a dumpster fire and he’s right.”

  There was a knock on the door, and Aleksander rose to answer it. “Yeah, just remember I’ll be your personal fireman anytime you want.”

  “Maybe we should get you a costume or something.”

  Rolling his eyes, Aleksander left the living area and Rafe lounged on the sofa prepared to relax with his mate when he returned with two people in tow. Both had red-rimmed eyes, but they appeared more in sync then when he’d last seen the pair. “Hey, guys,” Rafe offered to Noirin and Kendrick. “What’s up?”

  “After I groveled to get Noir to forgive me for being a vile fucking dick, we decided to go through the box of my mom’s stuff,” Kendrick said, handing Rafe a book that appeared to be a journal or diary. “I’ve never seen this before; I just grabbed everything and packed it.”

  “Why are you giving this to me?”

  “Open it.”

  Once Aleksander was seated next to him, he did as he was told and on the first page were the words “For Rafe” written in a beautiful cursive. His brows drew together with confusion. “I’m confused. What’s inside?” Rafe asked, not sure if he even wanted to know.

  “It’s not for me. I didn’t read it,” Kendrick answered.

  “Okay,” Rafe replied. A kiss landed on his temple as he flipped to the second page and found it was a letter. Deciding it was only fair, he patted the sofa and waited until Kendrick and Noirin were seated to start reading.

  October 12, 1906

  Dearest Rafe,

  I have packed my belongings and will be leaving in the morning, though I am forbidden from explaining it to you. I find myself writing this though I cannot imagine that you will ever lay eyes upon it. You see, I am expecting again. Just like the last time, it is Charlton’s baby. For all his faults, I must confess I love him though not the way I did in my youth. I was a mere teenager when we met, and he swept me off my feet with promises of a future despite us not being mates. I became pregnant. Hardly more than a child myself, I would’ve done anything to please Charlton.

  And what Charlton wanted most was to keep my unborn to himself and so afraid that I would not be invited back to his bed, I agreed. I kept my position in the castle and from afar watched my son grow up. I named him Rafferty though he was always Rafe to me.

  Rafe had to take a moment to let out a heavy, shuddering breath. All those years he’d wanted her for a mother, and she’d never told him. Aleksander wrapped an arm around his shoulder and tugged him close. Grateful for his mate, their love gave him the strength to keep going.

  You have my curls and some perverse part of me loves how much it annoys your father. That is one piece of me he cannot rob from you. You were such a darling child that never noticed how much Sullivan resented you for stealing his spotlight. Your interests were the same as his because that’s what Charlton insisted upon. That morning of your dragon shift, I finally convinced Charlton to reveal the truth. He promised me just as soon as you had your beast, you’d be strong enough to learn of your parentage. Only you shocked us by being the darkest in the court and it sealed your destiny. I couldn’t rob you of your dukedom and both Charlton and I knew it would forever change the way you fit in Court Kestle if you understood your mother was a lowly servant.

  But as a mother, when the centuries passed, I grew angry that Charlton and Sullivan had warped your mind. So kind and patient, you were also gullible and wanted to please them. I wanted you to see through their cunning, but you did not. When I found out I was carrying Charlton’s child again, I refused to watch another one of my babies call me Molly instead of Mom. I want to make sure my next child has the strength he or she needs to please themselves instead of everyone around them.

  I made a bargain with Charlton. If I never tell you the truth and if I keep your brother or sister ignorant of it as well, I can keep my baby. I leave knowing I’ve done the right thing and that although I’m sacrificing my relationship with you it will not ever be something I regret. I loved the boy that you were Rafe, and I wish I hadn’t allowed Charlton such sway over you but there is no way to rewrite the past.

  Good luck, my dear boy.

  With all my love, Mom

  Although there was probably more than one letter in the book, Rafe closed it and handed it to Kendrick. “I don’t want this.”

  “Fuck, at least no one will ask where I got my cold streak from. She was wrong Rafe, to trade you for me.”

  “Kendrick, she was a girl when she got pregnant. She thought she was doing the right thing. Her son would be raised in a castle with his father and given every advantage. It was a different time,” Noirin said gently. Taking the book from Kendrick, Rafe didn’t stop her as she silently read on.

  “Rafe, talk to me,” Aleksander said.

  His shoulders trembled as he was unable to keep from weeping. “I don’t know why I never realized she was my mother. She was right. I do have her curls. It didn’t matter what was going on in my life, she was always there…until she wasn’t. Molly was certainly never at Sullivan’s side for shit.”

  “How the fuck could she continue sleeping with him?” Kendrick demanded. “It’s like she’s blaming you for his manipulation that she allowed. You were an adult when she got pregnant with me. She couldn’t find a way to tell you what was going on without Charlton finding out? I mean come on, the guy’s not exactly the smartest one on the planet. We already know you would’ve kept her secret if she asked, Rafe. I don’t understand any of this.”

  Rafe rubbed his left eye with the heel of his hand, bumping his elbow on Aleksander’s chest. “I don’t either.”

  “She didn’t want to confront the fact that she was being manipulated by him, too,” Aleksander surmised. “It sounds like she had Charlton on a pedestal. It had to be your fault you liked Sullivan, though she clearly didn’t, even though you wouldn’t have had any reason to doubt the people around you, and she thinks somehow her being a servant would’ve affected your place in the court. That’s bullshit, your father was still king. He played her to get her into bed.”

  “There are only two letters in here,” Noirin confessed. “The one you read and another one written shortly before her death. I really think you should see this one, Rafe.”

  “I’m not sure I’m strong enough to handle anything else.”

  Noirin got up and sat on the coffee table so she was across from Rafe. Their eyes met, and her gaze was filled with compassion. “Trust me. You need this one.”

  “Aleksander, will you read it?”

  His mate took the book from Noirin and as Rafe wanted, he read it aloud.

  My dear Rafe,

  I made a bargain with the devil. When your brother, Kendrick, fought his way into this world, I was overwhelmed with being a single parent living alone. Charlton, of course, came knocking wondering when I would welcome him into bed again, but I was too busy to cater to his whims. And I was haunted by a single afternoon when my firstborn beat on the door to my small home begging me to speak to you. You wanted me to be your mother a
nd it broke my heart, but I’ve learned I was a coward for I did nothing but sit in a chair and cry until you left. It was at that moment I’d started to realize what a fool I am.

  When Charlton did not get his way, he became cruel and although I’d only traded you for Kendrick to get some peace from him, he lied to me. He kept coming around and he’d threaten constantly to take away Kendrick. I had no choice but to let his vile hands touch me again. I fought the first time, but he enjoyed it so much I learned to stay still as he took away my choices. The Charlton I thought I’d loved was nothing more than a mirage. As king, he made sure I only got enough work to put a roof above our heads, but I’ve found I’m resourceful. I saved and it took me a century, but I finally have the money to send Kendrick off to school. Now free, he doesn’t ever need to return to Court Kestle and I’ve set him up for success.

  I didn’t ask Charlton’s permission and I’ve committed the ultimate transgression by defying him. I know I will pay for it with my life. You see, I discovered his secret on a walk one day when I overheard him and Sullivan talking about all those missing dragons they’ve killed. Those idiots weren’t smart enough to make sure no one could listen to their foul conversation. I’m sure that’s exactly how his dear mate, Agnes, died as well. My youngest son has been liberated but there’s no way Charlton will ever let me have the same respite. And I find myself unable to even try because it would mean not having the chance to see you again.

  Yes Rafe, I may not be allowed to speak to you but that doesn’t mean I don’t watch you when I can. Each day I time my own so I might get a glimpse of you in the distance. My dear son, I wish I could tell you how much I regret the choices I’ve made. I beg you not to think of me harshly. I was so wrong to give Charlton and Sullivan unfettered control when it came to you. What choice did you have but to seek love from anywhere you could get it when you weren’t allowed to know the truth of your mother? I hope someday you will find this book and have enough of me inside you to believe my truths. Should this find its way into your hands, I beg you to find the same kind of escape as I managed for your brother. I’ve hidden it amongst my things knowing that Kendrick with his inquisitive nature will find it and bring it to you somehow when Charlton mails him what’s left of me.

  I love you Rafe, and I would give anything to hold my baby boy in my arms once again. Be well. Love strong and I beg Fate every day to bring you your mate. Give her everything that abounds in your beautiful and trusting heart.

  With love forever, Mom

  “All this crying is giving me a fucking headache,” Rafe complained when Aleksander shut the book carefully and set it on the table.

  Kendrick massaged his eyelids. “Thank fuck she redeemed herself.”

  “Why did your stupid ass go back to Court Kestle? Didn’t she tell you not to return?” Rafe demanded.

  His brother’s expression was sheepish. “I promised I wouldn’t go back, but she was my mom. I couldn’t just abandon her.”

  “You and I need to work our shit out.”

  “Yeah, she’s probably ready to reach across the veil and slap me for ever hurting her oldest son.”

  “In order to do that, you need to get everything off your chest,” Rafe insisted. “You don’t like me with Sander or what?”

  “I never said that. You’re the one that jumps away from him when I walk in the room like you’re still dealing with your sexuality.”

  “No, I don’t like touching him in front of you because you’re a judgmental asshat.”

  “Sullivan told me the twins were your kids. I thought you only liked women; that’s why I was glaring all the time. I thought you were sleeping with Aleksander because you liked the idea of being High King, not the way it should be with you legitimately wanting to be his mate.”

  Determined to erase every secret at D’Vaire, Rafe laid a hand on Aleksander’s thigh. “I was a virgin until Sander wooed me with champagne, roses, and silk sheets.”

  “I don’t remember this alleged incident,” Aleksander remarked.

  “That’s because it never happened.”

  “You’re still a virgin?” Kendrick asked. “Then why did you guys miss dinner twice this week?”

  “I’m definitely not a virgin,” Rafe assured him. “It’s just the rest of that stuff. Sander and I aren’t fancy, I guess.”

  “I really don’t want to know the ins and outs of your sex life, but I can assure you I’m not a homophobe,” Kendrick said. “Love on your mate, idiot, no matter who is around. I’m sorry, Rafe, I was a shithead. We’ve got eternity to spend together, I’d like to be friends. You’re the only blood relative I’m willing to claim.”

  “I’d like that, too.”

  “Tell your wolf not to eat me.”

  “You need to get over your fear of Mortis.”

  “Okay, I’ll try. Where are they, anyway?”

  “In their room. And no, I don’t want to know why,” Rafe responded quickly.

  “I’m going to grab a couple of beers and make some popcorn,” Aleksander said. “You guys want to play some cards?”

  Rafe pressed his lips to Aleksander’s. “Thanks, that sounds perfect.”

  “I gotta admit, it’s still kind of weird to see you kissing a guy,” Kendrick said.

  “Which one of them?” Noirin asked. “I thought Aleksander was straight for how many centuries?”

  “Yeah, you can both fuck off,” Rafe retorted, getting up to help his mate procure snacks.

  Chapter 73

  On Saturdays, there were Sorcery D’Vaire meetings, and although they’d been suspended while he’d slept for six damn weeks, Aleksander was happy to be attending them regularly again. Rafe’s spirits were steadily rising, and he’d taken the news about Molly well. It helped to have the answers and despite the decisions she’d made in her life, Rafe was comforted by the knowledge that she was his mother.

  It was bittersweet though, as he would’ve preferred to learn the news while she still walked the mortal plane. For Aleksander, he was gratified to see Rafe going out of his way to build a friendship with Kendrick, though if it’d been him, he might not have taken to the dragon so quickly after the nasty things he’d said to him, but perhaps he wasn’t as kindhearted.

  “Ready to start?” Rafe asked near his ear.

  “Yeah, go ahead.”

  Rafe glared. “Is this another of those empowerment moments like I need to be reminded that somehow I’m president too?”

  “Hey, I still haven’t figured out why I’m in charge so honestly, I was just being lazy.”

  Their lips met when Rafe leaned in for a kiss. “Okay,” he responded. “Huh.”

  “What?” Aleksander asked.

  “I think I just figured out why it’s magickind. I was going to say sorcerers and shifters but realized I would be excluding the dead guy and the blood-sucking one. Is that magic by the way? To need blood?”

  Grigori shrugged. “I can manipulate thoughts and teleport, though that can work as a skill, not always as sorcery.”

  “Trust me, that whole vampire bite deal is pure magic,” Delaney told him.

  “Again, why is it called the Council of Sorcery and Shifters? It’s excluding not only elves, but dead people, and vampires,” Renny demanded.

  “I told you, when we created it there were only five races and they were all sorcerers,” T’Eirick snapped.

  “Chand, why didn’t you change it?” Renny asked.

  “I told you before that I didn’t think of it. I’m sorry I’m not fucking perfect, Renny. I wasn’t hung up on names,” the Arch Lich and former ruler of the Council retorted.

  “I have this knack for starting fights,” Rafe said, blinking slowly.

  “No, we’re surrounded by crazy people,” Aleksander assured him. “Argue about it later or write a letter to Chrys or Elf.”

  Renny lifted a finger high over his head. “It’s going to be a damn long one.”

  “Would anyone like to discuss how we’re going to help my mate fi
nd his dragon?” Aleksander asked.

  Vadimas let out a breath. “I’m at a loss, Rafe. I don’t know how else we can help you. All I can suggest is that you keep working with Jeremiah, and perhaps in time you’ll get there.”

  “Is it possible that it will take a century just as if we were discussing a newborn drakeling?” Liam, Vadimas’s father asked. “That those connections once completely lost have to slowly be rebuilt instead of just yanking the dragon back as Marcus did?”

  “As frustrating as it would be to have to wait a hundred years to find out if you’re right, I might not have a choice. It does make sense. I’ll keep up my classes with Jeremiah and hopefully, I’ll feel my dragon again at some point. I think it’s a good theory, and I’m tired of it being the sole focus of Sorcery D’Vaire. What about a new project?”

  “I think we can keep scouring for any books that show up that might help us, but I’m open to starting something else,” Severin remarked.

  “Okay, cool, what?” Renny asked.

  Heads turned, shoulders shrugged, and eyebrows lifted but no one said a word.

  “I suggest we take a couple of days and jot down ideas. We can figure out which task we might feel is doable at our next meeting,” Aleksander suggested.

  “That works,” Idris responded. “Before you adjourn, I need to address Immortalis.”

  “Immortalis?” Liam asked.

  “Uh…Vadimas, did you forget to explain something to your father?” Aleksander inquired.

  “It’s a secret. I couldn’t very well spill the beans,” Vadimas barked.

  “Mew Mew.”

  “Yes, I agree, Emrys. Awkward,” Severin murmured in a whisper, earning him a stern glare from his other half.

  “Liam, our group was formed when Idris needed a project to become High Arcanist. He found an old scroll that spoke of a warlock spell called Immortalis. Together we created it and have used it for those we love and believe will keep our secret since the cost of it is too high to recreate it often, if at all. Idris is now the steward of the potion, and he selects candidates for us to vote on,” Dra’Kaedan explained.