For Noah.
This is Ted.
And this is Nancy.
ike a lot of foxes, they lived in a big city.
Nancy was the bravest and boldest fox Ted had ever known. He couldn’t remember having a mum or a dad, but he had always had Nancy. She made sure he had food and somewhere warm to sleep.
As well as looking after Ted, Nancy liked to mooch around the city with her friends. She knew every street, every dark alley, every bin and every hiding place. Nancy was TOUGH. She had no time for laughing or sniffing flowers or reading comics. But Nancy didn’t need those things, oh no.
Ted, on the other hand, was a sweet little fox cub. He liked staying close to the den, which was hidden inside some spiky holly bushes in the corner of a huge park. Ted liked to roll around on the grass in the sunshine, snuffle through twigs and leaves, and lick up dropped ice-cream cones. Every now and then Nancy would trot by and drop off a snack for him.
Delicious…
Nancy preferred coffee. It kept her
Though sometimes, if she drank too much, she would shake and bark and Ted would have to sit on her head to calm her down.
‘Chill out, Nancy.'
‘Thanks, bro.’
Yes, Ted and Nancy were a great pair of foxes, and they had everything they needed. Well, almost everything. Lately, Ted had noticed a weird, achy feeling in his chest. He had it whenever he watched Nancy trot away, leaving him alone in the den. He had it when he saw her chatting with her fox friends, Bin and Hedge. He had it when he saw the cute little humans in the park holding hands with their big humans. Sometimes he would have it at night, when he would sit on top of a large rock, look up at the big, dark sky and give a heavy sigh.
One afternoon, Ted was curled up in the den when he heard music. Someone was playing the guitar. And then a high, reedy little voice began to sing a gentle song.
Oh, hello, my great big pal
Oh, hello, my sweet amigo
I never feel alone
When my best friend comes to town
Won’t you hold my hand and smile
And together you and me
Will laugh and sing and dance and skip
And never be lonelyyyy…
Ted scrambled out of the den.
‘That’s it!’ he cried. ‘I’m LONELY! I need friends.’
He looked at the grasshopper who had sung the song.
‘Hello! Will YOU be my friend, little grasshopper?’ he asked. ‘You like to sing, I like to sing – we have a lot in common!’
‘Get lost,’ said the grasshopper, boinging away.
Ted’s tail drooped, but then he rubbed his paws together. At least now he knew what the achy feeling in his heart was, he could set about fixing it. And there was no time like the present.
Just then, he heard a noise coming from the bin.
‘COO… COO… COO…
IS THERE ANY KETCHUP IN THERE?’
‘COO… COO… CAN’T SEE ANY.
OOH, WHAT ABOUT MAYO?’
‘THAT’ LL HAVE TO DO, I SUPPOSE…
COO… COO…’
Two pigeons were perched on the edge of the bin, pecking out crumbs of crisps and apple and goodness knows what.
‘Hello!’ said Ted. He’d seen these pigeons before. One of them only had one foot, and the other was wearing sunglasses.
‘Go away,’ said the one-footed pigeon.
‘My name’s Ted. I recognize you!’ said Ted.
The pigeon glared at him.
‘I bet you do,’ said the pigeon wearing sunglasses. ‘Your sister bit his foot off.’
Ted blushed. ‘Oh…’ he said. ‘I’m so sorry.’
‘What do you want, kid?’ said the one-footed pigeon.
‘Well,’ said Ted shyly. ‘It’s just that I’ve seen you guys around and I get a bit lonely all on my own in the den. I was wondering, um… would you like to be my friends?’
The pigeons shook their heads.
‘You must be joking, pal,’ said the one-footed pigeon. ‘I’d like to keep my other foot, thank you.’
And they hopped and fluttered off to another bin far, far away.
‘Oh well,’ said Ted, patting himself on the head. ‘At least you tried. That’s the main thing.’
He was about to make up a song about it when he spotted two shadowy figures perched on a park bench. They had whiskers! They had tails! Ted’s nose twitched in fear. CATS! One of them was draining a can of something into its mouth, while the other one was licking itself somewhere rude. Both of them stopped every now and then to do some evil yowling.
Ted whimpered and tried to creep away. He lifted one paw and put it down gently… and lifted another paw and put it down gently… and lifted another paw and—
‘AWOOOGA! Let’s party!’
Ted had accidentally stepped on Sharon the Party Crow.
‘SHHHHHHH!’ shhhh’d Ted.
‘Party time – ACTIVATED!’
said Sharon, who then blew a kazoo extremely loudly.
The cats jolted upright and glared at Ted with scary yellow eyes.
‘Hissss,’ they hissed.
'AAAARGH!' aaaargh’d Ted.
He ran back to the den as quick as his furry little legs could carry him.
* * *
Nancy was in the den with her pals, Bin and Hedge. They were pulling silly faces and taking photos of each other on their phones.
Ted dived into the den, wide-eyed and panting.
‘What’s up with you?’ said Nancy.
He pointed behind him, whimpering and jumping up and down on the spot.
Nancy grabbed Ted’s ears and slowly stroked them until he calmed down.
‘C-c-c-cats!’ he eventually gasped.
‘Was it HER?’ asked Nancy sharply.
Ted shook his head.
‘Well, don’t freak out then! The other cats ain’t gonna do nothin’ to you, Ted.’
Ted sighed and shuffled over to his corner of the den.
Nancy rolled her eyes at Bin and Hedge. She and Ted were going to have to have a chat.
‘See you later, yeah?’ she said.
‘All right, Nance, later,’ said Bin.
* * *
Nancy sat next to Ted, who was curled up in a corner cuddling Slipper, which was an old slipper with a smiley face drawn onto it. He’d had it since he was a tiny cub.
‘When are Mum and Dad coming home, Nancy?’ Ted said.
Nancy sighed.
‘I dunno, Ted,’ she replied. ‘They never said.’
‘But… they are coming back, aren’t they? I’d love to know what they look like.’
Nancy didn’t answer. She just gazed into space while Ted sat quietly, listening to the patter of the rain and the distant thrum of traffic.
After a while, he spoke again.
‘Nance, why do the cats hate us so much?’
Nancy curled her bushy tail around Ted.
‘They don’t all hate us,’ she said. ‘Just some of them. And you know why that is, don’t you?’
‘Is it because of that really horrible cat?’ said Ted.
‘Yeah,’ said Nancy. ‘It’s because of that really horrible cat.’
This is Princess Buttons.
She was a cat. A really horrible cat.
he story goes that a few years ago, Princess Buttons lived in a huge mansion. Her owner was a rich old lady who wore very fancy clothes, even if she was just going to the corner shop to buy some of the posh cat food her pampered pet liked. Princess Buttons went everywhere with her, carried around in a large purple handbag so that she never got her precious paws dirty. Her life was perfect.
But then one day, the old lady choked on a gherkin and was taken away in an ambulance. Princess Buttons lay on the satin sheets of the old l
ady’s bed and yowled. Many days passed, and eventually she knew in her bones that the old lady was never coming back. Princess Buttons would have to make her own way in the big, bad world.
She roamed the streets, hungry and lost. But then one day she sniffed a waft of something fabulous. ‘Gnnnnnnnnf!’ said Princess Buttons, and she licked her lips. She trotted towards the smell, expecting to see a grand department store, or maybe a fancy restaurant. But instead she found…
Well. It certainly wasn’t fancy, but to Princess Buttons it looked like heaven. She darted down the alley next to the shop, her tummy rumbling. She scaled the brick wall, tumbled over the top and saw…
Foxes. So many foxes.
They were tearing apart the Speedy Chicken bin bags that had been piled high throughout the day, snaffling all the greasy, gooey food inside. Princess Buttons could just about make out three massive bins, each the size of a small car. Cats, rats, pigeons and mice were hopping around too, chewing on bits of gristle and half-eaten pitta bread.
Princess Buttons skulked along the ground and pounced on some leftover fried chicken. Oh, it was delicious! She’d never tasted anything like it, and she gnawed the bones clean in seconds.
‘Ooh, may I?’ said another cat, pointing at the leftover bones.
‘What?’ snapped Princess Buttons.
‘Don’t you want the bones?’ asked the cat gently.
‘No,’ said Princess Buttons, who was used to eating soft, delicate morsels of meat.
‘Great!’ said the other cat, who began to suck and chew on the chicken bones.
‘You must be new around here,’ he said cheerfully, after a while. ‘I’m Bingo! Nice to meet you. Word of advice – you don’t wanna let anything go to waste. There’s just about enough food to go around. But only just. There’s a system, you see.’
And he returned to his bone-crunching.
Princess Buttons frowned.
‘What do you mean… “a system”?’ she asked.
‘Well,’ said Bingo, licking his lips. ‘It’s simple really. There are three bins. The foxes eat out of the blue one, the cats have the green one, and the rats, pigeons, mice and everyone else have the red one.’
Princess Buttons wrinkled her nose.
‘You… you mean you share?’ she said, barely managing to get the word out.
‘MMmm-hmm!’ nodded Bingo.
Princess Buttons felt her hackles rising. SHARE? She had never had to share a thing in her life. She growled and wrinkled her nose. It all sounded VERY WRONG. Something would have to be done.
Over the next few weeks, Princess Buttons scoffed as much food from Speedy Chicken as she could get her paws on. Night after night, she sat by the green bin, waiting for the bags of leftovers to arrive, and HISSED at anyone who dared to get too close. She got greasier and grottier. Very soon, everyone in the Big City knew who she was.
‘Why are you lot so soft?’ she said to the other cats one evening. ‘You let those filthy FOXES take all the best bits.’
Some of the cats murmured in agreement, though many just carried on licking their bottoms.
‘We cats need to stand up for ourselves!’ hooted Princess Buttons, who was by now gathering a small crowd. ‘For too long we’ve had to sit by and watch the foxes eat up every last bit of food around here…’
Bingo stopped licking his bottom and raised his paw to remind everyone about the bin-sharing system, but nobody seemed interested in listening to him.
‘It’s time to take back control of our bins!’ yelled Princess Buttons, raising a clenched paw in the air.
Most of the cats rolled their eyes and sauntered away. But some of them cheered.
‘Take back our bins!’ they shouted. ‘Kick out the foxes!’
Princess Buttons waited until the group of cats fell silent. She stared at them with her beady little eyes, then bellowed, ‘We will not rest until all the bins are ours!’
The cats cheered even louder. Some of them even started banging tin cans together.
‘Let battle commence,’ snarled Princess Buttons, and angrily bit the end off a sausage.
Well, she seems like a total nightmare, doesn’t she?
All this fuss over some bins. She’d never even met a bin until a couple of months ago. What a weirdo.
iserable old Princess Buttons couldn’t stand any of the foxes, but the fox she hated the most was Nancy – because Nancy was brave, and clever, and not at all scared of her. Princess Buttons tried scheme after wicked scheme to get rid of the foxes. But even if she spooked Ted from time to time, she couldn’t outsmart Nancy. And it was sending her bananas.
‘She’s something else, that cat,’ said Nancy. She and Ted had just arrived back at the den after a run-in with Princess Buttons at the bins, where she had pelted them with rotten bananas. ‘Shoulda stayed in her posho house instead of coming down here and trying to cause trouble.’
‘She won’t hurt us, will she, Nance?’ asked Ted, peeling a bit of banana skin off his fur.
‘Not while I’m around,’ said Nancy. ‘Just don’t go down to the bins by yourself, OK?’
Lot of bananas around here, guys.
Ted was a good little banana fox and he tried very hard to do what Nancy told him. But the ache in his chest hadn’t gone away. He felt it most strongly when Nancy was out chasing cars with Bin and Hedge while he sat all alone, staring at the stars. And that’s how Ted found himself one fateful night. He was bored, lonely… and so hungry. He really fancied a hot dog. He closed his eyes, but even then all he could see was dancing hot dogs singing, ‘Eat me!’ He moaned and patted his stomach. Even a good little fox like Ted couldn’t ignore a grumbling tummy.
Ted crept out of the den and made his way to Speedy Chicken, keeping his eyes open for Princess Buttons and her gang of horrible cats. His heart was beating wildly as he scrambled over the wall. He checked that the coast was clear, then scampered over to the edge of the fox bin, where he sat and watched a group of rodents exercising. The one-footed pigeon was pecking away at a tray of salad, while his friend was trying to complete a newspaper crossword. It seemed to Ted that everyone he saw had a friend, except him. Princess Buttons, meanwhile, was nowhere to be seen.
Ted turned his attention to the bin. One bag had already been torn open, and there, lying on top of a pile of banana skins (ewwww, thought Ted), was a great big, fat, juicy hot dog. Mmmmmm, thought Ted. It looked almost as good as the hot dogs of his dreams. A delicious smoky sausage, dripping with ketchup and mustard, nestled inside a white, soft, fluffy bun.
He picked it up, shut his eyes and chomped.
‘YEEEEEOOOOOOWWW!’
‘MMMfffgnnaaargh!’
yelled Ted.
He looked down, and in his paws saw a thick, stubby cat tail stuffed inside the hot-dog roll.
Ted panicked. He clutched the hot dog (and the tail) to his chest and leapt from the bin.
Princess Buttons had slunk out from under a pile of rubbish and was yowling in agony. The other cats began to circle her.
‘Now you’re in trouble, you little squirt!’ one of them hissed at Ted, baring its teeth.
Ted’s heart was thumping and he felt like he might cry.
‘Oh yeah? Says who?’ growled a voice from the shadows.
‘Nancy!’ yelped Ted.
Nancy, Bin and Hedge formed a circle around Ted.
‘It was an accident!’ Ted whimpered. ‘I didn’t know she was there!’
Princess Buttons had staggered to her feet.
‘That’s it,’ she growled, and pointed at Ted. ‘You’re dead, little foxy.’
Everything happened very quickly after that.
Nancy glanced at Bin and Hedge, who both gave her a nod. Then she grabbed Ted by the scruff of the neck, and leapt over the Speedy Chicken wall.
'RUN,'
said Nancy, putting him down.
They ran and ran and ran until they were back at the den.
‘I think we’re going to have to find somewhere else
to live for a while,’ said Nancy, panting heavily.
‘No!’ cried Ted.
Nancy kicked a can in frustration. It bounced off a bin and hit an unsuspecting snail in the face.
‘We can’t leave! I thought we were going to wait for Mum and Dad to come back!’ cried Ted. ‘You said that one day they would come back!’
Nancy looked at her scruffy baby brother. He had big, trusting brown eyes and a little tuft of hair that stuck up between his ears. When he looked sad it made her heart hurt. She sighed.
‘Listen. I promised them I’d always keep you safe. But I don’t know if we’re going to be safe here any more. I mean, you’ve just bitten Princess Buttons’ tail off, Ted!’
‘I didn’t mean to,’ Ted sniffled. He picked up the scraggly thing and waved it about.
‘What should I do with it, Nance?’
‘Just shove it in your bag,’ she snapped. Nancy rubbed at her head. ‘Buttons is gonna be furious – we need to lie low. Pack up your stuff. Soon enough she’ll have told all the cats in the Big City, and we’ll have nowhere to hide.’
‘B-b-but where will we go?’ whimpered Ted.
‘I dunno yet. I’m thinking. Look, you can leave Mum and Dad a note just in case, OK?’
Oh gosh, it’s already so EMOTIONAL, isn’t it?
Ted was struggling to walk under the weight of his rucksack. Nancy was frowning and chewing her lip as they trudged on. She can’t be worried, thought Ted. Nancy is never worried.
Then something bonked Ted on the head.
‘Ow!‘
It was an empty fizzy-drink can.
‘Many apologies!’ came a voice from behind him. ‘Over here!’
Ted rubbed his head and looked behind him. He saw a little brown furry thing huffing and puffing towards him. As it got closer he could see it was a rat. And as it got even closer, he could see it was a rat wearing a T-shirt with a smiley face on it.
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