‘Hallo!’ said the rat, holding out a friendly paw. ‘I’m Sven! So good to meet you!’
‘Erm… hullo,’ said Ted, waving at the chubby rodent panting at his feet. ‘Don’t I know you?’
‘Yes, I am always at the Speedy Chicken bins doing my exercises!’ said the rat. ‘I am a super-duper keep-fit rat. Behold!’
The rat suddenly dropped to the ground and did three really fast push-ups. Then he did a couple that were a little slower. And then he did one which took absolutely ages, but Ted pretended not to notice.
When Sven finally finished his press-up, he turned to Ted. ‘Listen up, foxy, you’ve always seemed like a nice kid,’ he said.
‘TED!‘ barked Nancy. She had stopped under a streetlight and was glaring down the path at him. ‘HURRY UP.‘
‘I saw what happened at the bins earlier. I know you guys need to hide out somewhere for a while,’ said Sven. ‘So here. Take this.’
The little rat pushed a bit of crumpled-up paper into Ted’s paws.
‘What is it?’ asked Ted.
‘A map,’ said Sven. ‘It’ll take you somewhere safe, far away from here. A beautiful, magical forest.’
I feel like this is an important bit, guys.
Ted’s ears pricked up.
‘A forest? A real-life forest? With leaves and grass and mud and stuff?’
Sven smiled. ‘Sure, yes, a forest! Full of animals being wild and free, and no nasty cats or dustbins or any of that stuff. Exactly the kind of place a fox should be.’
Ted hopped from foot to foot. This sounded brilliant. He’d always wanted to live like a proper fox, running and digging about in the wild, getting muddy paws and freaking out bunnies.
Ted looked at the map.
‘Grimwood?’ he said, looking down at Sven.
‘Yep,’ said Sven. He had a faraway, misty look in his eyes. ‘Grimwood. My home.’
‘Why did you move to the Big City?’ asked Ted.
Sven looked dreamily into the distance.
‘For love,’ he said mysteriously. Then he shut his eyes and screamed, ‘BELINDA! WHY????’ into the air, before dabbing at his eyes with a tiny handkerchief.
‘Sorry about that,’ said Sven, collecting himself. ‘Anyway, yes, Grimwood! You must go.’
‘And you’re sure we won’t get eaten?’ said Ted.
‘Um… no! I mean yes. I mean no. OK, maybe,’ said Sven. ‘First, you must find a rat called Binky Snuffhausen. He knows who I am. Tell him who you are, and then you will be safe! Well, probably.’
‘Wow!’ said Ted. ‘Thanks, Sven.’
And he bent down to shake the little rat’s paw. But Sven had already strapped on his rollerblades and was zooming away, back towards Speedy Chicken.
‘No worries, kid!’ he called back. ‘Good luck. And, remember – whatever you do, find BINKY SNUFFHAUSEN! That’s BINKY SNUFFHAUSEN!!!
h, what a beautiful morning!’ said Binky Snuffhausen, whizzing open the curtains and beaming at the world outside his window. He felt like the happiest rat. He’d had a brilliant breakfast of pancakes topped with whipped cream, sliced bananas and lashings of golden syrup. Yesterday, his girlfriend, Sonia, had told him that she loved him. And he’d finally finished his thousand-piece jigsaw puzzle of the Eiffel Tower, which had taken absolutely ages. Binky checked out his reflection in the mirror.
‘Looking good, Binkster!’ he said, giving himself the thumbs up. He was having a really good hair day, which is often difficult for a rat.
There was a FLUP sound by his front door, and Binky noticed that a letter had flopped onto his doormat. ‘How exciting!’ he squealed, because it was always fun to get post. ‘Letter, letter, letter!’ he trilled, trotting over to the doormat.
‘Letter, letter, letter,’ he whispered, tearing open the envelope.
He unfolded the paper inside and gasped.
CONGRATULATIONS!
Dear Mr Bonky Sniffhausen,
You have won £3,500,000 for absolutely no reason at all! Simply take this letter to Grimwood Bank and present it to the manager who will give you bundles of cash immediately. Go on, then. Right now, OK? Thanks, byeeee!
Yours sincerely,
The Grimwood Bank Manager
Binky clutched the letter to his chest. It really was the best day of his life!
He put on his smartest hat and boots, stuffed the letter into his waistcoat pocket and opened the door of his cardboard box. He stepped out into the glorious sunshine and took a big, deep breath of fresh air.
‘How I love living in wonderful Grimwood!’ he said. ‘It’s just a perfect day! Nothing, but nothing, could go wrong on a day as beautiful as this.’
And he was just about to start whistling a cheerful song when his head was bitten off by a massive eagle.
amela (who was the massive eagle) flew back to her nest and dabbed at her beak with a handkerchief. ‘Oh, Binky,’ she said. ‘You were just as tasty as I hoped you’d be.’ She ruffled her feathers, did a delicate burp and settled down at her typewriter to write another fake letter to deliver to tomorrow’s victim.
A large owl silently swooped down next to her.
‘That was very mean,’ said Frank, who had a noble owly face and eyebrows like giant caterpillars. ‘Binky was a lovely chap.’
‘A bird has to eat.’ Pamela shrugged. ‘Anyway, I only took his head. He’s still got his arms and legs, it’s not all bad.’
Frank was about to reply when he noticed something strange. Extremely strange. So strange that he actually said, ‘How strange!’ out loud.
Something mysterious was moving around in the leaves below. He flew next to Pamela and silenced her typewriter with a firm claw.
‘Look, Pamela.’ He nodded. ‘Down there. Something’s moving.’
A patch of grass beneath the oak tree was shifting, as if something huge was digging up to the surface from deep underground.
‘It’s the GIANT MOLE OF BRATISLAVA*!’ said Pamela, who was given to panic. ‘Or the worms! The worms have finally turned! I knew it would happen one day! They’ve come together from miles around to form a WORM ARMY!!!’
*Please note, as far as we know there is no such thing as the Giant Mole of Bratislava.
‘Calm down, Pamela,’ said Frank, his eyes narrowing. He was getting ready to swoop.
Suddenly there was a volcano of soil and leaves.
‘THE WOORRRRRRMS!’ screamed Pamela, unhelpfully.
Frank watched as two figures crawled out of the ground. He squinted but he couldn’t identify the mysterious creatures.
‘I’m going to fetch Titus,’ he said, and swooped up into the sky.
The foxes looked around as they got their breath back. They had been digging for ages and their paws were tired and sore.
‘Is this it?’ said Ted, wiping mud from his eyes.
Nancy removed a worm from her nose and looked around some more.
‘Hmm,’ she said.
She looked at Sven’s map and turned it around a few times.
‘Well?’ said Ted. ‘What do you think, sis? Did the map work? Are we in the right place?’
‘Hmm,’ she said again.
She gave the map a sniff. It was annoying her. She ate the map.
‘Nancy!’ cried Ted.
‘It was looking at me funny,’ said Nancy.
The foxes gazed at their new surroundings for a while. Ted took some deep breaths. The air was so different. He couldn’t smell cars, or humans, or fried chicken shops. And the trees! They towered high above his curious little foxy head.
‘The branches look like a giant spider’s web dancing across the sky,’ he whispered, clutching his paws together. He felt like writing a poem about it, but before he could ask Nancy for a pen she’d bonged him on the head with her phone.
‘I can’t get any stupid signal!’ she barked. ‘Nightmare! Have you got any?’
‘I don’t have a phone, Nance,’ said Ted, rubbing his head. ‘You said I’m not allowed one until I�
�m older.’
‘Oh yeah,’ she said. ‘Hey, bend down for a second.’
She climbed onto Ted’s back and held her phone as high as she could, waving it around trying to find a signal.
All of a sudden there was a
as something swooped down from the sky and grabbed Nancy’s phone.
Ted dived behind a log.
‘Oi!’ shouted Nancy. ‘Come back, you thievin’ rotter!’
But Pamela the eagle (for she was the thievin’ rotter) zoomed merrily into the sky. She did an evil cackle and a loop-de-loop before disappearing into the trees.
Ted slowly peeked out from behind the log.
‘Wh… what was that?’ he whimpered.
‘A massive bird!’ growled Nancy. ‘And it’s taken my phone! It’s gonna regret it, the stupid beakface.’
‘I think we should start looking for Binky,’ said Ted.
‘Who?’
‘Binky Snuffhausen! The rat Sven told us about. He’ll be able to tell us what to do.’
Nancy scowled.
‘We don’t need anyone to tell us what to do,’ she snapped. ‘We’re in some rubbish forest in the middle of nowhere. We just need to lie low for a while.’
‘But what will we eat?’ said Ted. ‘I can’t smell any chicken shops, or bins, or burger vans.’
Nancy had to admit her brother had a point. All she’d ever known was the Big City. On the crowded and noisy streets, she knew how to handle herself. But now Nancy had an unfamiliar feeling in her tummy. It was a quiet, churning sensation, as if there were a washing machine in her belly.
‘Fancy a ginger nut, Nance?’ asked Ted gently. ‘I’ve just found some at the bottom of my rucksack.’
‘Cheers, Ted,’ said Nancy.
‘What shall I do with this?’ asked Ted, unfurling Princess Buttons’ tail.
Nancy snorted. ‘Make a hat out of it for all I care,’ she said, stretching and yawning.
The foxes lay down on a fallen tree trunk and munched thoughtfully on their biscuits.
After a while Ted gave a contented sigh.
‘It’s peaceful here, isn’t it, sis?’ he said. The foxes were still dirty from the journey, but the midday heat was drying up the mud. Pleasing clumps of it crumbled off their fur onto the ground.
‘It’s too quiet if you ask me,’ said Nancy.
They had been travelling all night, and now that they were lying down, the foxes couldn’t help but doze off into a deep, deep sleep.
* * *
Meanwhile, Frank the owl had flown halfway across Grimwood to find Titus, the mayor. Nobody could quite remember exactly why and how Titus had become mayor, but he was old and wise and everybody liked him.
Frank had to hammer his beak on the door of Titus’s campervan for a good ten minutes before he got an answer.
‘WAKE UP, SIR!’ he shouted.
‘Frank! Sho shorry…’ mumbled Titus, opening the door. His eyes were half shut, and a bit of paper had stuck to his face with dribble.
‘Sorry to wake you, sir,’ said Frank. ‘But there’s serious business afoot.’
‘Oh, I wasn’t asleep, oh no! I was busy doing some… paperwork… things. Come in, come in.’
‘No time,’ said Frank. ‘Follow me. We’ve got visitors.’
* * *
The first thing Ted saw when he opened his eyes was a massive pair of hairy nostrils.
‘Arrgh!’ he screamed.
Titus (for the nostrils belonged to him) staggered back.
‘I’m sorry, little fellow, I didn’t mean to startle you. Now… who’s this on my head?’
On hearing Ted’s scream, Nancy’s eyes had opened instantly. Without thinking, she had flung herself onto Titus’s antlers.
‘Pick on someone your own size, you… you giant horse!’ she yelled.
Titus stood up to his full height and shook his great big antlers from side to side until Nancy was flung through the air like a pancake.
‘I’m so sorry,’ said Titus, looking down at her. ‘It’s just, you were hurting my antlers.’
Nancy hopped back up on her feet and started shouting and snarling. Ted hid behind the log and closed his eyes.
‘Leave us alone, he‘s just a kid! Get your stupid nose holes out of our faces. We ain‘t doing nuffink. Get away from us, you weirdo!‘ screamed Nancy.
Titus blinked.
‘Hello there, young foxes! My name is Titus. Nice to meet you.’
And he stretched out a hoof in greeting.
‘She’s definitely the feistier of the two,’ said Frank, landing on Titus’s antler and nodding at Nancy.
‘Oi!’ shouted Nancy. ‘You stole my phone, bird!’
‘That wasn’t me.’ Frank shrugged.
Titus looked up at his old friend.
‘Oh, honestly, has Pamela been at it again?’ he sighed.
Frank gave a weary nod.
‘She’s a law unto herself, Titus. Her nest looks like a rubbish dump. It’s an absolute nightmare.’
Ted opened his eyes a little. He took a deep breath.
‘My name’s Ted!’ he squeaked, peeking over the top of log. ‘And she’s Nancy!’ He pointed a shaking paw towards his sister.
Titus regarded the foxes. They looked tired, hungry and dirty. And he could smell that they were from the Big City. In fact – and it sounds a bit rude, but it was true – they absolutely stank. He could make out cars, buses, fried chicken, humans, bins and pizza boxes. The poor little scamps must have been travelling for hours, he thought to himself.
‘Well, Ted and Nancy,’ he said, trying again with the whole shaking hooves thing. ‘Welcome to Grimwood! I’m the mayor, Titus Crazyhorns.’
‘Oh, Nancy, we’ve made it! Grimwood! The map was right!’ yelped Ted, forgetting to be scared and jumping up from behind the log. ‘We’re looking for someone,’ he said to Titus. ‘A rat, a rat called… Bonky Sniff… Snuff… something. Oh, what was it?’
Frank looked awkwardly at his feet.
‘I don’t suppose it was Binky Snuffhausen, was it?’ he said.
‘Yes!’ said Ted, leaping into the air. ‘It WAS! Oh, hooray hooray! Please can we talk to Binky Snuffhausen?!’
Frank gave an embarrassed cough. He mumbled something very quietly.
‘Eh? What was that, Frank?’ said Titus, raising his big floppy ears.
Frank sighed.
‘I said… I’m afraid Pamela bit Binky’s head off this morning.’
‘No!’ said Ted.
‘Brutal,’ said Nancy, giving a low whistle.
‘Oh, poor Binky!’ cried Titus. ‘Is he all right?’
Frank blinked a couple of times.
‘Um… no. He’s dead.’
‘Oh NO!’ said Titus. ‘Oh, Binky. He was such a cheerful fellow.’
The stag bowed his head. Then there was a great big HONK as he blew his nose on a passing butterfly.
‘We must give his body the burial it deserves. Where is the rest of poor little Binky Snuffhausen, Frank? Any idea?’
‘Nope,’ said Frank quietly. ‘No idea.’
Then he burped very loudly, and quickly covered his beak with his wing.
‘What are we gonna do, Nance?’ said Ted. ‘They’re gonna eat us up for sure!’
‘Nobody’s eating anybody, little fox,’ said Titus kindly (which made Frank do another sheepish cough).
Ted gulped. ‘A rat called Sven drew a map for us! I’d show it to you but… but Nancy ate it. Anyway, Sven said his friend Binky would make sure we were safe. But… but now Binky’s dead and we’ve got nowhere else to go!’
Ted put his face in his paws and started to sob.
‘Buck up, Ted!’ hissed Nancy, and then bared her teeth at Titus and Frank.
Titus looked at the scruffy pair. He could see that talking wasn’t going to get them very far.
‘Frank,’ he said, looking up at his friend and his large, powerful talons. ‘Let’s go.’
And before the foxes had a chanc
e to protest, Frank spread his magnificent wings, hopped down from Titus’s antlers, grabbed each fox by the scruff of the neck and swooped into the air.
‘AaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAARRRRRGH!‘
The foxes swung back and forth in Frank’s talons as he swooped high over the tops of the tall, spiky trees. At one point they even flew through the clouds, which made their fur go chilly and damp.
THUNK
Frank dropped the foxes onto the ground.
‘Sorry about that,’ said Titus, trotting casually out from the undergrowth. ‘It was the easiest way to get you here.’
Nancy sniffed the air.
‘Foxes,’ she murmured. ‘I can smell… other foxes. Where are they?’
‘Ah,’ said Titus. ‘You are a smart thing. Yes, apparently there used to be some foxes here in Grimwood. No idea where they are now, but their den is still here. You may as well have it before someone else starts using it as a holiday home.’
‘Pamela was thinking about storing her foot spa here,’ muttered Frank, examining his talons.
‘Well, she’ll have to find somewhere else,’ said Titus. ‘Ooh, I almost forgot – I swung by my place and brought you a few snacks!’
And he held out a wicker basket which was piled high with all sorts of tasty-looking things.
‘Cor!’ said Ted, who was suddenly too hungry to be scared. ‘Thank you!’
He scampered over to the food. There were sandwiches, apples, carrots, grapes and sticky buns. Nancy’s tummy was rumbling so loudly everyone could hear it, but she didn’t go near the basket. She was frowning at Titus and Frank.
‘We can’t give you anything for the food,’ she said.
‘You don’t need to give me anything,’ said Titus gently. He took a few steps back. ‘Come on, Frank. Let’s leave them to get settled.’ Frank turned his beady gaze away from the foxes and swooped after Titus.
Grimwood Page 2