Searching for Disaster

by Jennifer Probst

  "Come for me, Isabella."

  His command propelled her forward, the climax seizing every muscle as she bucked and cried out, his hands holding her tightly to the mattress in a delicious bond of restraint.

  The sound of a ripping wrapper hit the air. He reared up, looking into her face, pausing at her dripping entrance.

  "Again."

  He surged forward, inch by inch, filling her completely. The stretching of interior muscles, the burning heat of him, the bruises on her hips as he held her tight for his invasion--all of it blew through her mind and scattered to the wind under the sheer intensity of his claiming.

  Izzy studied his gorgeous face. Jaw tight with tension, biceps flexed, skin damp with sweat, he fucked her with a merciless beauty she knew she'd never forget. He owned her in that moment like no man before, and Izzy had a stream of startling thoughts right before the second climax exploded through her.

  Rightness.

  Belonging.

  Silence.

  Then she closed her eyes and let go.

  IZZY HAD SEX in order to stop the chaos.

  But sex with Liam was different.

  She was used to parting quickly afterward. Rarely did she stay the night to sleep or spend too long cuddling. She lacked a part of intimacy most women seemed to be built with and preferred to go off on her own after her satisfaction, usually falling into a deep, pleasant slumber.

  This time she found herself wrapped around him. Head on chest. Leg squeezed between his thighs. Arm draped over his shoulder. How long had passed in comfortable silence? Fifteen minutes? Half an hour? She didn't know. Instead of inane conversation or comments about how good it had been or a speedy exit, they just lay together, not speaking.

  "Whose room is this?"

  His voice was a whisper in her ear. She smiled in the dark. "A girl named Tammy. I just met her, but she let me use her room."

  "So there are no crazy boyfriends stalking you, ready to beat my ass?"

  Izzy didn't do boyfriends.

  Until now.

  Not that she was getting caught up in the great sex or anything. It was more of a feeling inside than a physical urge. Something had shifted. Liam seemed able to quiet all those messy tendrils of unsettlement.

  "No. I move around too much to drag a man with me."

  "What's next on your itinerary?"

  She loved the way he spoke--elegant and cultured, as if he weren't naked in bed with her and hadn't done dirty, delicious things to make her scream. "Not sure. Probably get a job for a while. Save some money."

  "Manhattan has tons of opportunity for work."

  She stiffened but kept her voice casual. "Manhattan, huh?"

  "Yep. I'm heading there next week for the academy. Lined up a decent place. There's plenty of culture, and restaurants, and . . . dancing opportunities."

  She couldn't help it. She laughed, then twisted around to meet his gaze. "We just met, screwed, and now you're asking me to follow you to the city while you train to be a cop?"

  He winced. "I don't like the word screw."

  "Where did you come from, Liam?"

  He sighed. "That's what my brother asks me a lot."

  "Inviting a strange woman into your life can be dangerous."

  His full lips parted in a smile as she used his own words against him. "Maybe I'm a dangerous type of guy. Maybe I'm ready for my own adventure." His finger traced the curve of her cheek, the line of her jaw. His blue eyes filled with a tenderness she hadn't seen in a very long time. This man had a heart and soul to give some lucky woman. He didn't realize how broken she was. How trouble stuck to her very aura like static cling.

  But oh, how her heart suddenly leaped in her chest. To be with him for as long as it lasted. Or at least a little while longer. "I'm not good at commitments."

  "Not asking for one."

  "What are you asking for, then?"

  "Time."

  Yes. Time. What a perfect answer to satisfy both of them. Time to explore, grow closer, grow apart. She'd talk to Raven. Her friend had been getting itchy herself lately--looking to settle down into a more permanent job. Maybe this would be a good opportunity. "I've been wanting to spend some time working on my comedy routines. They have tons of clubs there ripe for a new stint."

  He blinked. "Are you funny?"

  She sighed. "Not really. But it's been on my bucket list."

  His smile reminded her of sunshine and rainbows after a hard rain. "Then I'll sit in the audience of the improv and arrest anyone who tries to throw rotten apples at you."

  She giggled. Izzy hadn't known she had any giggles left from her childhood. Somehow he'd wrested one out of her. His eyes blazed blue flames and he lowered his head to kiss her again.

  A loud banging filled the air. "Izzy! Open up; it's Rick. Got something for you."

  "Hang on a sec." She looked around for something to cover herself with, finally grabbing a ratty blue blanket and wrapping it tightly around her body. She opened the door a few inches and peeked out.

  Rick grinned. His ginger hair, pale skin, and black-framed glasses made him look more like a professor than a student. "Hey, Izzy. Bunch of people been looking for you."

  "Sorry, I'm tied up. Does Tammy need me? Or Raven?"

  His gaze probed the empty space, then he gave a knowing laugh. "Ah, got it. When you're done being tied up, come to room 3A. Tammy wants to hang with you. For now, here's a start-up. Consider it a freebie."

  He shoved the brown paper bag at her.

  She grabbed it.

  Then trembled. Her fingers clutched it with sheer possessiveness but she tried to fight the impulse. "Umm, I don't need this right now. Thanks anyway."

  The knowledge in his eyes held no mockery or judgment. "Sure you don't. Like I said, it's just a gift. For now."

  "But--"

  He turned and walked away, leaving the bag behind.

  Izzy shut the door and dropped the package on the table. Stared at it for a moment. She didn't have to open it. It wasn't a big deal that she happened to like some weed now and then like most of the population. Sure, she'd done some coke, too, but she had things under control. Wasn't like she was a meth head, and hell knows she didn't shoot anything up. Needles were a deal breaker.

  Freebie.

  Her fingers shook slightly as she removed the contents and registered what she held. The small vial of pure-white powder beckoned. Not now, of course. She'd wait till the bad stuff crept in her head again, and a simple sniff would push it all away for a long time. Was it so terrible to need a bit of help to cope?

  And afterward, she not only coped. She excelled. She was smarter and clearer and happy. People used drugs all the time, whether it be antidepressants, or weed, or over-the-counter cold meds. Some drank. She took a bit of cocaine now and then. No big deal.

  "Isabella? Are you okay?"

  She shoved the vial back and turned with a smile. "Sorry, just some friends checking on me."

  "What's in the bag?"

  She tossed it toward the back of the table and dropped the blanket. "Not important. I'm sorry we got interrupted." Knowing she had a wonderful secret that was waiting for her, she was hungry for more of him. Hungry for his mouth and skin, to tumble back to the mattress and embrace the way he filled her up. She dropped one knee on the bed.

  Instead of pulling her close, he sat up with a frown. His mussed hair gave bed head a sexy new image. "You look different. What's in the bag?"

  She paused. Studied him. What was he doing? Why was he obsessing over her personal business? Her voice became edged with razor sharpness. "It's nothing, Liam. Forget it. Why are you making such a big deal out of a bag?"

  "If it's not a big deal, why don't you tell me what's in it?"

  The world narrowed. Resentment slithered like snakes within her. She hated people ordering her around and telling her what was good and what wasn't. She'd earned a right to do what she wanted without answering questions. Izzy backed away from the bed and rewrapped the blanket a
round her. Warning bells clanged loudly in her head. "Because it's not your business. We may have had sex, but you haven't earned the right to pry. What's really going on?"

  His stare shredded her barriers and buried deep. Her heart beat as loudly as the warning bells. How did this man seem to know her so well when they had just met? As if he sensed she was nearing a precipice and he'd decided to yank her back.

  "Are there drugs in the bag?"

  She raised her chin, blood chilling in her veins. "Back off, Liam."

  "I don't do drugs, and I don't surround myself with people who do. I've seen firsthand how that stuff ruins lives and turns people into monsters."

  Izzy forced a laugh but her throat was bone-dry, and it came out a bit rattled. "'Monsters'? Don't you think you're taking this law enforcement thing a bit too far? You're telling me you never did a bit of weed in high school or college? Drank underage? Stolen a cig before you were eighteen? Must be nice to be perfect."

  His jaw tightened. "I wouldn't know; I'm not perfect. I'm also not about to gamble with my life either. Listen, just get rid of the bag. You don't need it."

  "You don't have the right to tell me what to do."

  His gaze burned. "Maybe not, but I'm asking. Something happened between us tonight. I'm not into magic and bullshit, but there's a connection I feel with you I want to explore. I can't do that if the stuff in that bag is more important than me. Toss it, Izzy. I'm asking."

  The tiny room tilted around her as shock hit. She had just met him, and he was asking her for a sacrifice. Wasn't it really just a way to control her? Shouldn't he be willing and able to accept her exactly the way she was? After all, she wasn't a druggie. She liked to take an occasional hit of coke. Why was that so wrong?

  As she stared at him, the room filled with a rising tension and inner battle of wills. The bag behind her became a symbol of what path to choose. Yes, she'd never experienced such a physical encounter, one that seemed to raise sex to a higher level into the mental and emotional. But she refused to allow him to set rules. She could get rid of the bag if she wanted to. That wasn't a problem. The bag had no power over her.

  But she didn't want to.

  Izzy stepped back, as if to protect the item she'd sacrificed the unknown for. "No, Liam. I'm asking you to let it go. Just trust me--it isn't a big deal."

  Slowly, the knowledge that she'd already chosen leaked into his eyes. He jerked away, a flash of pain carved in his face before it was quickly smoothed over by a distant expression. He nodded. Rose from the bed. And dressed.

  "I'm not going down this road, Isabella," he said softly. "I'm not built for it, and I'm not about to watch what happens next." He paused, hand on the knob. "See ya."

  He left.

  Izzy stood still in the empty, silent room. Slowly, the bitter rage swept in from deep inside and caught her in its vicious grip. It might be the enemy but it was what she'd known and lived with her entire life. In a way, it was safe, so she embraced the violent emotions with zeal.

  How dare he give her ultimatums. He was like all the others. Judgmental. Arrogant. Only able to make decisions based on logic rather than accept the unknown chaos life demanded, and she was better than that.

  Better than him.

  Filled with righteous rage, she tore open the bag and grabbed the vial. The blindingly white powder beckoned and promised forgetfulness. Justice.

  Silence.

  Izzy unscrewed the vial.

  chapter one

  "KINNECTIONS MATCHMAKING AGENCY. May I help you?"

  Gulping, feminine sounds burst from the other end of the phone. Grabbing her pen, Izzy scribbled down notes, making soothing noises and quickly bringing up the woman's profile on the computer.

  "Yes, Hailey, I have your screen profile right here. You had a date with Gary last night and--oh, he didn't pick up the check? No, I agree there's no excuse. Did you offer to pay? Well, if you offered and he agreed, it wasn't a deliberate ploy to force you to take care of him. Gary is a people pleaser, so he may have thought you were intent on showing him you're completely independent."

  As the client rambled on about gigolos and being taken advantage of, Izzy smiled at the tall blonde who walked in, looking nervous and excited. The second and third phone lines lit up and the fax machine shuddered, spitting out page after page of profiles.

  "I don't think you should be hasty, Hailey," she said in her best soothing tone. "We matched you with Gary after an extensive profiling, and he already called to let us know he can't wait to call you for another date. Said you were beautiful and charming." The startled pause on the line told her she'd hit the real problem. Hailey's confidence had been shattered by a previous breakup. Arilyn had been working with her in therapy, but first dates were extremely difficult for her.

  The tone of the conversation immediately changed. Hailey burst into a detailed description of the date and how she really liked Gary and would give him another chance to pay. Izzy made a note on the chart, wrapped up the phone call, took care of the other messages, and motioned the new client over.

  "Welcome to Kinnections. Are you here to see Kate?"

  The woman nodded. "Yes. I have a session scheduled."

  "We're so happy you're here. Can I get you some coffee or tea? Water?"

  "No, thank you. I'm too nervous."

  Izzy smiled with encouragement. "Nerves are good. It reminds us we're alive and taking a step toward changing our life." She glanced at the schedule. "Shelby, right?"

  "Yes. I like that philosophy. Makes me feel more empowered."

  "Our mental state is the most important obstacle in dating and relationships." Izzy buzzed Kate, then handed the client a clipboard with a lengthy questionnaire. "You're in good hands with Kinnections."

  "My friend was matched here and she's so happy. I just feel, well, I'm ready, you know? Ready to find someone to share things with."

  "I know exactly what you mean." Izzy kept the smile on her face, but inside she ached. How long had it been since a man held her? Touched her? Hell, even taken her to dinner or the movies?

  Too long.

  Yet maybe not long enough.

  The click of heels made her turn. Kate stood next to her desk dressed in her usual black pantsuit, her silver hair swinging under her chin in a smart, sleek bob. She was the epitome of a polished businesswoman, yet warmth infused her voice. Kate was one of the three owners of Kinnections, and Izzy was consistently impressed with Kate's ability to balance the high emotions intrinsic to a matchmaking business with the practical ability to make rational decisions.

  "Good to see you again, Shelby. I'm looking forward to the beginning of your journey with Kinnections. We'll be going into the first room on the left. Why don't you take a seat, start on the questionnaire, and I'll be right there?"

  Shelby nodded and disappeared.

  "How are you doing, Izzy? I feel like we didn't even get to say good morning to each other."

  Izzy grinned. "Because the moment nine a.m. comes, we're slammed. Ever since Kinnections was dubbed the "love fix" in Cosmopolitan magazine, there's no such thing as downtime. I don't know how you three are managing."

  "Ugh, I really hate that term they stuck on us, but Kennedy said it was marketing genius that doubled our client base." As a co-owner of Kinnections, Kennedy was in charge of the makeovers, social media, and marketing. Arilyn was the third woman in the powerful trio, and she concentrated on computer matching and therapy for all of the clients. Together, they had created a dynamic, profitable business and were still close like sisters.

  "You don't like being called a love doctor?" Izzy teased.

  Kate winced. "It's awful. Even worse with it spread all over Facebook and Instagram in our ads."

  "Ah, but that's because I'm a genius." Kennedy's throaty voice cut through the air. "We made a crapload of money and we're so busy Arilyn couldn't take on teaching another anger management course. You should be thanking me."

  Izzy took in her apple-green Michael Kors suit,
Jimmy Choo pumps, and Kate Spade bag. With her thick caramel-colored hair and flawless appearance, she was a driving force both in the company and with anyone she came into contact with. Izzy adored her smart-ass demeanor and wicked sense of humor. Kate lifted her brow. "I hate it and refuse to thank you. You made us post our pictures on the banner!"

  Kennedy flashed a smug grin. "Of course. We're all super hot, so that sells both females and males. I would've put the dogs on there, too, but Arilyn gave me some crap about animal rights."

  A third voice joined the mix, the tone low and melodic. "I refuse to allow Pinky or Robert to be exploited in your quest for money," Arilyn said firmly. Her long, straight red hair fell to her waist, and she was dressed in her usual organic-cotton yoga pants and shirt. "We can hardly keep up with our client base to begin with."

  The final member of the trio, Arilyn was a huge animal rescue advocate, vegetarian, counselor, and one of the most giving, beautiful women Izzy had ever met. She brought a calm balance to the team.

  "Thank goodness we hired you, Izzy," Kate said. "The last receptionist was trying to poach dates from the system. Too bad your sister went back to surgery. She could've been a master matchmaker."

  Her twin, Genevieve, had briefly worked at Kinnections when she decided to leave her career in medicine, but then she realized being a surgeon was her true calling. Izzy was grateful the team had taken a chance with her, on Gen's recommendation. She'd hurt a lot of people in the past few years, including her twin, but Gen had welcomed her back into her life with open arms. Emotion choked her throat. Her entire family had been forgiving and ready to take a chance on her again. She'd sworn to never let them down.

  "I appreciate you hiring me," she said quietly. "I know I hadn't done much to earn your trust, but I really love working here."

  Arilyn patted her shoulder. "We all deserve second chances. I know it's only been a month, but I've been so impressed. Not only with the way you handle the clients, but your computer skills are off the hook."

  She shrugged. "I've always been good with computers. I like fooling around."

  "Well, I was wondering if you'd like to take on another project. I just can't seem to handle the workload any longer, and I need someone to double-check the new spreadsheets and data I fed into the system."

  Pleasure speared her. It had been a long time since she excelled at anything besides waitressing or selling makeup. "I'd love to help."