My True Essence

by Shawneda

  Jenessa placed her hand on his arm. “Is everything okay between you two?”

  “I think I should let her tell you what happened. I’m praying for you Jenessa. I hope this turns around for you soon.” Charles Sr. patted the top of her hand.

  A tear rolled down Jenessa’s cheek. She swallowed her regret and wiped the tear from her chin. “Thank you, Charles, I appreciate it.”

  Charles Sr. cleared his throat and walked down the hall to Dominique’s room. They both emerged from her room smiling.

  “I’ll call you when I get in from school tomorrow. Dad, thanks for bringing me back. I know you wanted to watch the game. I love you.” Dominique stood on her tiptoes and hugged her father around the neck. Then she planted a sweet kiss on his cheek.

  “Love you too, sweetie. Now you know I don’t run a moving business so this is it.” Charles Sr. said. “But you can come spend the weekend anytime you want, as long as we’re clear.”

  Dominique nodded and looked at her feet. She had taken off her tennis shoes and donned her pink birdie slippers.

  “Keep your head up, Jenessa.” Charles shook his head. “What am I saying? Cancer will be scared of you by the time this is all over.”

  Jenessa walked Charles Sr. to the door. She waved when he looked back at the house before climbing into his car. She turned and blocked Dominique as she tried to walk back to her bedroom. “You wanna tell me what is going on?”

  “Not really. I know we’ve been visiting, and having fun, but I moved out for a reason. Moving back was not my original plan. ” Dominique turned and walked into the kitchen.

  “So why are you here?” Jenessa followed her daughter into the kitchen and sat down at the table.

  “I’m not part of Jocelyn’s plans.” Dominique pulled a juice from the refrigerator.

  “Did she say or do something to you?” Jenessa stood up.

  “No, I just have enough good sense to know when a woman doesn’t want me around her man, even if he is my dad. She is so insecure that it’s annoying. I don’t know what Dad sees in her.” Dominique walked out of the kitchen down the hall to her bedroom.

  “She is a nice lady, Dominique. I hope you weren’t disrespectful toward her.” Jenessa said.

  “Why are you taking her side? She doesn’t have anything nice to say about you. Dad practically got cussed out when he said we should pray for you, and your treatment during family prayer time. Gosh.” Dominique said.

  “Regardless, she is your father’s wife, your stepmother, and it won’t do for you to be disrespectful toward her. Let’s not argue on your first day back home. I’m tired, gonna get some rest. Wanna watch a movie together later?” Jenessa said.

  “You mean we’re still going to spend time together, even though I moved back in?” Dominique looked like the nine year old who loved going to Doll Land.

  “I’m not too old to learn from my mistakes, Dominique. Tomorrow is not promised, and I’m going to spend as much time with you and Charles Jr. as I can. I love you, honey.” Jenessa leaned against the wall.

  Dominique smiled. She ran to her mother, and embraced her. They stood that way for a long time, holding on to each other and hoping that their relationship would be better going forward.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Danielle sat down in the chair in front of Dr. Thompson’s desk. She hoped he would have good news for her. All of the doctor’s visits and other treatment were interfering with her clientele and the out of pocket cost for her treatment was already cutting into her savings. Dr. Thompson walked in and sat behind his desk.

  “Good afternoon, Danielle. You look great. I don’t know that I’ve ever seen a patient going through treatment, look as healthy as you do.”Dr. Thompson smiled.

  “It’s God, and the alternative treatment that has been approved along with my chemotherapy. I’m glad we were able to work together. Is there a reason you called me into the office today?” Danielle sat back and crossed her legs at the ankle.

  “Yes, I spoke with your naturopathic consultant. We are both in agreement after looking after your most recent workups, that while you are progressing amazingly, you should still give strong consideration to the surgery.” Dr. Thompson leaned back in his seat and sighed. “I understand you’re young, Danielle, but it is imperative you attack this cancer with more force than it will attack your body.”

  “What about my desire to have children and breastfeed them,” Danielle cleared her throat. “I would like to be able to be intimate with my husband. I don’t think that this too much to ask for out of life. Do you?”

  “Danielle, this is an aggressive estrogen driven cancer. I honestly don’t think you should chance pregnancy because it could cause a reoccurrence of the breast cancer, especially since you are refusing the mastectomy. We can reconstruct your breast, and you will be able to have a normal, active sex life when you get married, but not having this surgery is not doing you any favors. You have to trust me on this.” Dr. Thompson sighed. “I realize you don’t trust the medical industry, but I’m not asking you to do that. You said you’re a praying woman. Please ask God about this. You would be best served if you have the mastectomy.”

  “Well, weren’t we supposed to do that first? Isn’t it too late for me to have a mastectomy?” Danielle sighed.

  “That is what I’m trying to tell you, Danielle. It is going well, but your cancer has not stopped spreading; it has only slowed down. We need to do the surgery to save your life. I know you didn’t want to hear this, but your naturopath agrees. In order to offer you a better chance at saving your life, we need to remove your breasts.” Dr. Thompson said. He reached into the small refrigerator for a bottle of water.

  “I understand. I’ll take what you all have recommended under consideration.” Danielle stood up.

  “Don’t give it consideration, Danielle; give it to God in prayer.” Dr. Thompson stood up and walked to the door. “I’ll be waiting to hear from you.”

  Chapter Nineteen

  Harold walks into the living room behind Jenessa. He sits next to her on the loveseat. Jenessa smiled at him, lays her head back, and with her eyes closed, she placed her feet up on a footrest.

  “So did you enjoy yourself today?” Harold said.

  “I did.” Jenessa smiled.

  “Wouldn’t it be great if we could do these kinds of things all the time, and then come home and relax all night?” Harold scooted closer to Jenessa.

  “Harold, I know we…” Jenessa’s eyes popped open and her head eased up.

  “Let me love and take care of you, Nessa.” Harold pulled a small jewelry box from inside his blazer. “We don’t have anything standing between us anymore. Be my wife.”

  “I don’t think you understand. My children are coming home again. You already told me how you feel about that. Waiting until Charles Jr. graduates high school, and possibly going to school away from home is a very long engagement, Harold. I’m not having sex again until I’m married. Can you wait?” Jenessa sat up on the sofa, and let her feet drop from the foot rest.

  “What are you talking about? Those kids aren’t coming back here to help take care of you. They are selfish. They just don’t have what it takes to handle responsibility for you right now. Let me do that. I’ll be here for you no matter what. The way you are for everyone else.” Harold took her left hand, pushing the princess cut diamond up on Jenessa’s ring finger.

  The front door opened and Dominique walked into the living room. Jenessa tried to pull her hand away from Harold, but he tightened his grip. Dominique looked down at the ring. Then she looked into her mother’s face. Harold released Jenessa’s hand, and sat back on the sofa.

  “You have got to be kidding me!”Dominique turned around before stomping down the hall to her room.

  “I was trying to tell you, Dominique already moved back in. Two of her top ten colleges are in Texas. I’m not going to ask her to live on campus if she doesn’t want to. I can’t marry you because you don’
t get along with my children.” Jenessa inched into a standing position.

  “Jenessa, wait, let me talk to her.” Harold stood up.

  Dominique opened her bedroom door, and walked to the bathroom.

  “Dominique come back in the living room when you’re finished in there.” Jenessa said and sat back down.

  Dominique smacked her lips and closed the bathroom door.

  “Let me talk to her Jenessa, you’ll see. She wants you to be happy and she knows she can’t take care of you.” Harold smiled at Jenessa.

  “We’ll talk to her together, Harold. Dominique is stronger than you think.” Jenessa looked down at the ring sparkling on her finger.

  “If you think I’m so strong, why didn’t you tell me you had cancer?” Dominique sat in the armchair across from her mother and Harold. “So when did this happen? Last month?”

  “He just asked me before you walked into the room, and I haven’t said yes yet. I would need to speak with you and Charles Jr. before I make a decision like this. You know how important y’all are to me.” Jenessa said.

  “If you say so. Well my vote is no. I’m a shoe in for full scholarship at for U of H and I don’t want to live on campus with a whole bunch of people I don’t know. Maybe if I work and go to school and help around here we can spend more time together. Like we did when I was at Dad’s.” Dominique sighed and stood up.

  “Wait a minute young lady. We aren’t finished talking about this. Why don’t you want your mother to be happy? Who is going to take care of her?” Harold crossed his arms.

  “Not you; you haven’t been doing it up to this point. I won’t speak for my brother, but I’ll be here to help as much and as long as she will let me. When you’re gone, and the next slickster comes along I’ll still be here. She is my mother. I wouldn’t have it any other way.” Dominique crossed her arms.

  “Don’t speak to me in that tone, little girl. That is the problem now. Maybe I need to marry your mother, and move in to teach you some manners.” Harold uncrossed his hands and leaned forward on his knees.

  “That won’t be necessary. My parents raised me well, together, despite being apart. If it weren’t for you, and that little chic tricking my Dad into marrying her, they would still be together.” Dominique looked down the hall toward her room, and then back to Harold, and her mother.

  “Alright, Nique.” Jenessa shook her head.

  “But, mom, I’m tired of this dude coming up in here acting like he is God’s gift to you, when he is just some substandard wanna be, who is not good enough for you. Did you know he has had three failed businesses in the last twelve years? How is he going to take care of you, when he can’t even take care of himself? I don’t think he loves you as much as he loves your credit rating. He knows you’ll do whatever you can to help him if you get married, because that is the kind of woman you are. He doesn’t love you.” Dominique pointed at Harold while glaring at him.

  Harold stood up. Jenessa inched forward and stood to her feet.

  “Why you nosy little…b-” Harold walked toward Dominique.

  “Harold, you need to check yourself.” Jenessa scrambled to get in front of Dominique.

  Harold froze in his tracks, looking at Jenessa and Dominique.

  “Tell her the truth about how you have filed bankruptcy so many times you have the probate judge’s number on speed dial.” Dominique rocked back and forth on her feet behind Jenessa.

  “Is this true, Harold?” Jenessa said.

  “It’s not like it sounds. I didn’t mean for any of it to happen. My businesses did fold, but I paid most of the creditors’ back, except for the ones who wouldn’t settle.” Harold stepped back, and dropped down to the sofa. “I love you Jenessa, whether you help me with my businesses or not. I just want to take care of you, help nurse you back to health and grow old with you.”

  “He’s lyin momma. He hasn’t paid his state business fees for three years, and is in debt way more than he should be. Donald Trump doesn’t owe as much as he does.” Dominique said to the back of Jenessa’s head.

  “How do you know all of this Dominique? Where did you get this information from?” Jenessa sat down in the chair across from the sofa. Dominique sat on the arm of the chair.

  “I did an internet search on him, and his businesses. I even checked the child support websites in the states where he was married to see if he is paying his child support.” Dominique rolled her eyes at Harold. Then she looked down at her mother. “Trying to say somebody else kids aren’t being raised right, but he can’t even send a check. Please.”

  “That is enough Dominique. I understand you’re upset, but you were raised to speak to adults with respect. Regardless of what the internet says, you will not behave this way.” Jenessa tapped Dominique on the knee with her pointing finger.

  “So you’re taking his side?”Dominique jumped up and stood over her mother.

  “Maybe you need to sit back down and calm yourself. You’re making me dizzy.” Jenessa slipped the ring from her finger. “Harold I told you no, before, and my answer has not changed. I can’t marry you.”

  “If you can’t marry me right now, how long do you want me to wait, Nessa?” Harold stood up and accepted the ring from Jenessa.

  “No, I don’t think you understand. I can’t marry you at all.” Jenessa inched forward in the chair and Dominique helped her stand up.

  “I hope you’re happy, little girl.” Harold walked past them both towards the door.

  “No, I’m not happy my mother has cancer, but I’m definitely not sad she isn’t marrying you. I never liked you, because I knew what you were all about from the beginning. You don’t care about her. You just wanted her to support you.” Dominique said from behind Jenessa.

  “She is wrong about me, Jenessa.” Harold stood close to Jenessa as she approached the front door. “I love you. I always will, no matter what. I had some bad luck in the past, but I’ve changed. I wanted to tell you later, once I knew I couldn’t lose you.”

  “How ironic, the things you waited to tell me later, are the reasons we won’t be together.” Jenessa reached around Harold and opened the door. “Have a nice life, Harold.”

  ***

  Rebecca dropped her purse on the floor, and plopped down on the bench sitting outside of the rehearsal hall. Danielle and Jenessa sat on opposite sides of her. A tear trickled from her right eye as her shoulders trembled. Danielle placed her arm around her. Jenessa patted her on her knee.

  “It’s going to be okay, Becca. I know it looks bad but this is going to work itself out. God didn’t bring you this far without a plan for things to fall in place after they seemed to fall apart,” Jenessa said.

  “Every one of my models has pulled out. How am I going to have a fashion show with no models? The set has been ruined, and now they are saying it will cost another two thousand dollars to fix it in time for the show. The show is less than two weeks away. I have to find a new venue. Vichonda conveniently forgot to tell me that repairs are being done in the room I asked her to requisition, before she was removed from the committee.”

  “What did you originally want to do for a fundraiser? Weren’t you able to get the skating rink to let us use the facility at no charge? I’ll go by and see if they are still willing to let us use the facility and then all we need to do is have a stage built, and redo the choreography of the show.”

  “They didn’t say it would be free. It would’ve been half price for a skate admission for each person who attended, and we didn’t have to pay up front.” Becca sighed. “If you think that will help Dani, go for it. All I know is, if one more thing goes wrong-“

  “You will trust God to fix it. Don’t even think about saying you’re going to quit because you know that is what the enemy wants. This is not Vichonda you’re up against but the enemy is working through her, and she doesn’t even know. Let the enemy know you’re not playing with him. We will start interceding for that young lady because, what she needs more than any
thing, is an intercessor, not another enemy.” Jenessa smiled at Becca. “You can’t stay angry with someone when you’re praying for them, honey. We aren’t wrestling with her, Becca. God loves her just as much as He loves us. She just doesn’t know it as much as we do yet. That is why the enemy is still able to use her.”

  Rebecca crossed her arms and tapped her foot up and down. She opened her mouth to respond when Vichonda walked up to them.

  “So sorry to hear about all your trouble. No venue or models; this is not good. I hear all the models were able to get paying gigs the same day as your event. I wonder how that happened.” Vichonda put one hand on one hip, and tapped her chin with her index finger of the opposite hand.

  Then she looked up before looking back at Rebecca. “Hmmmm, I do love the designs they’ll be wearing though. Maybe whoever chairs the event next year will be able to fare better, and get that designer to do the show?”

  “Dani and Jenessa, let’s go. We have a lot of work to do before the fundraiser. I need to call Sister Greene to let her know what is going on with everything.” Becca stood up and was nose to nose with Vichonda before Danielle and Jenessa were able to stand up. “You have a worry free weekend Vichonda, I’m pretty sure the evil seeds you planted won’t be ready for harvest for a little while longer, but rest assured they will.”

  “Is that a threat?” Vichonda planted her fists on her hips.

  “No, honey, that’s the word. Vengeance will be God’s, not mine. I’m gonna take my friends advice and pray for you. Well I’ll try anyway.” Becca stepped back and picked up her purse from the floor. “You might wanna try opening up a Bible, and reading it. Even nonbelievers know you reap what you sow.”

  “Maybe that is why this is happening to you. Your best friends were two tricks who steal other people’s boyfriends, and you stole the backup plan. You deserve everything you’re getting and then some, chica.” Vichonda said.

  Rebecca placed her purse back on the bench. “You’re not crazy; you’re delusional. Rajj wasn’t checking for you which is why he ended up with Toney, and I didn’t know Rosalyn was messing with him or I would have checked her like I’m about to check you. Colby is no one’s back up. He is an amazing man of God, and even on his worse day, drunk and high, he would never have wanted to be with a little countretto baby momma in training like you.”