Forever and a Day

by Linda Lael Miller

  His motivation for secrecy hadn’t been all bad. Not knowing anything about her past or how closely she knew whoever might have done this to her, he’d given her a fresh start. He hadn’t owed her anything, and she was grateful to him.

  Jimmy took the coffeepot out of her hands, refilled cups along the counter and then came back to her. “What’s going on?” he asked.

  She looked at his kind, curious face, his square jaw, his thoughtful eyes. Something in her chest—she guessed it was her heart—wanted to reach for him, get closer. It was building to an ache inside her. But she’d have to tell him the truth if she wanted even a chance at building something with him.

  And to tell the truth, she had to know it.

  “It’s to do with my past,” she admitted.

  He leaned a hip against the counter. “Want to talk about it?”

  She did. But she didn’t know what to say. What if he hated her for what she’d been? What if she hated herself? “Better not,” she said.

  He shrugged philosophically. “Remember, I’m here for support if you need it. I can be a friend.” He leaned closer and spoke into her ear. “It’s not all about my being hot for you.”

  Her face warmed and she pulled back, shaking her head. “You’ve got a devilish side, don’t you?”

  “Yeah.” He winked at her, and then his face went serious. “But I mean it, Rita. I’ll help if I can.”

  * * *

  THE NEXT MONDAY, after work, Anna pulled her car close to Ma Dixie’s house, sending gravel spraying. “Stay,” she said to the dog panting eagerly in the front seat. And then she hurried inside, her mind racing with everything she had to do.

  Immediately, Hope ran to her. Hayley put her hands on her hips, clearly displeased.

  “I’m sorry I’m late,” she said to Ma Dixie, who sat in her recliner crocheting what looked like a baby blanket. “I had a phone interview I didn’t expect, and it ran long.”

  “That’s a good sign, ain’t it?” Ma smiled at her. “It’s no problem from my end. I’m not going anywhere.”

  Hayley tugged at Anna’s arm and Anna bent down to hear her, discouraged that the girls were back to not speaking in front of nonfamily members—even Ma Dixie, who was practically family.

  Sean had done that, set them back. Her jaw clenched.

  “We hafta go to the library right now,” Hayley said.

  “I’m sorry, honey.” Anna spoke so Hope and Ma could hear her, too. “It’s too late today, but you can go to the library program tomorrow.” It was spring break in the local schools, and the twins had been looking forward to attending the longer program the library was offering this week.

  “I wanted to go!” Hayley punched out at Anna, and Hope threw herself on the floor and began to sob.

  “Hayley! We don’t hit.” Anna glanced over at Ma Dixie, then back at Hayley. “I’d like for you to sit in the chair for a time-out.”

  Hayley sulked, but went. Then started to cry.

  Hope’s cries intensified in volume, becoming screams.

  “Tell you what,” Ma said over the racket. “Let’s you and I go out on the porch. Sometimes taking away the audience is the best thing.” She put aside her crocheting and pushed out of the recliner.

  Anna followed the older woman out the door. “I’m really sorry to be late,” she said again, “and I’m sorry for their behavior.”

  “They’ve been in a mood all day,” Ma said. “Lots of acting out. This isn’t the first tantrum, nor the first time-out.”

  “Oh no! They were doing so well.”

  Ma shrugged philosophically. “Their misbehaving can’t hold a candle to some of what I’ve seen in my years as a foster parent,” she said. “Including from our friend Sean. He was a wild one.”

  Sean. The mention of his name made Anna’s stomach churn.

  She didn’t want to care about him, but she did. Her skin ached for his touch. Her fingers longed to smooth the furrows from his forehead. Every day working near him, while not speaking, was taking a piece of her heart and making it shrivel and die.

  “Why was Sean so bad?” she asked, just because she longed to hear more about him. A weakness she shouldn’t indulge, but couldn’t resist.

  “Angry. He and his brothers were abandoned here in town, and he’d been that older kid who takes charge, you know? So when he was placed here without his brothers, it was a complete role change for him to be a kid again. And he felt like he’d failed, because he couldn’t keep his brothers together.”

  “Wow.” Anna thought of the upright, hardworking man she’d been falling for. No wonder he had a dark side. “He’s turned out well, for all that.”

  A million creases formed in Ma’s face, her striking version of a smile. “I’m proud of that boy,” she said. “I always told him he could make something of himself, with God’s help. Took a while, but he did it.”

  “Well. I’m sorry my girls were acting out. I guess it’s to do with how this week is different at the library program, because of the schools’ spring break. That, and the things they’ve overheard with my job search.”

  “Kids don’t like change,” Ma said easily. “They were talking to me a little bit, last week. Today, nothing.”

  Anna’s heart ached. Her girls were going backward, and it was her fault. She’d gotten involved with Sean, and that meant they had, too. And then he’d rejected them all. Leading her to look for a job, and think about a move, and they had to feel that tension.

  Her heart hurt. She wasn’t giving her children the life she wanted to give them. She’d thought she was getting closer, but she’d been wrong.

  If the slight changes they were now experiencing hit them this hard, then what would it be like if—when—they actually moved?

  “I worry so much. If we have to move, or...” She broke off, not wanting to reveal too much to Ma.

  “Hey,” the older woman said. “Life is change. The girls will have to learn that, sooner or later.”

  Impulsively, Anna put an arm around Ma and hugged her. “You’re the best,” she said. “I don’t know what we’ll do if we move. We’ll never find a better babysitter than you.”

  On the swamp road, headlights broke the twilight, and Blackie started barking from the car.

  “What’re you going to do with your dog if you move?” Ma asked.

  Anna stood and sighed. “I don’t know. I really didn’t think that through. Okay if I let him come in a minute?”

  “No problem,” Ma said. “How about I get the girls a little snack for the road?”

  “Great.” Anna went out to the car to get her hysterical dog on leash and out of the car.

  She was squatting in front of the dog, trying to attach the leash and calm him at the same time, when Sean’s deep voice sent shivers down her spine.

  “Anna.” At the same moment, Blackie leaped joyously toward the voice, knocking her onto her hip.

  She didn’t look up at him. “Hey, Sean.” She got to her knees and brushed the dirt off her jeans.

  He cleared his throat. “I didn’t think you’d be here.”

  “I was running late.” She still hadn’t looked at him, but she could just imagine his expression. “And, no, it wasn’t because I was socializing or being a bad mom!”

  “I didn’t say that.”

  “You didn’t have to.” The dog was tugging to get to Sean, practically pulling her off balance again, so she stood and let him go.

  She’d thought maybe Sean would apologize for the way he’d acted at the library event. If he did, she thought maybe she’d accept the apology. And then maybe they could go back to being at least a little bit friendly.

  But it didn’t happen. Instead, Sean clucked his tongue to the dog, who bounded over and stood on his back legs, paws on Sean’s chest.

  Sean gave the dog the loving, friendly greetin
g he hadn’t given to her.

  The greeting went on longer than was natural.

  Then there was nothing. Nothing more for them to talk about. They, who’d had easy conversations almost since they’d met.

  Anna supposed that, on his part, it was a case of “if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything.”

  For her, it was “if I talk, I might cry.”

  How had they gone from friendly, warm, even intimate, to this coldness? Her heart gave a sharp little twist. For just a short while, love and happiness had seemed to be within her reach.

  She needed to stop thinking. She stood and headed inside, leading the dog. She tried not to pay attention to whether Sean followed, but of course, she couldn’t help noticing that he closed the door of his truck and then came after her.

  Well, he was here to see Ma, and that was his right. He had more right to be here than she did. “Girls, let’s go,” she said, embarrassed that her voice sounded hoarse.

  Hayley and Hope came running from the kitchen, cookie crumbs and smiles on their faces.

  The smiles died when they saw Sean.

  But then the silly dog jumped at them, joyous and simple, and that made them laugh. He licked their faces.

  “Well, look what the cat drug in,” Ma said, coming into the room and beaming up at Sean. She held out her face for a kiss, and he gave it obligingly, then put his arm around the woman and rested his cheek on the top of her head.

  Anna’s heart gave a twist. Sean didn’t have to come visit Ma Dixie. She wasn’t his biological mother, and she’d raised him only during his teenage years. He’d been a handful, gotten in trouble with her.

  And yet he visited every week. Right now, he had a toolbox in hand. Probably he was going to fix something Ma and Pudge couldn’t fix themselves.

  He was a good man.

  No doubt he thought he was too good for the likes of her. Maybe he was right.

  Hayley giggled and tugged at Anna’s hand. “She said the cat dragged him in. But she doesn’t even have a cat!”

  “And he’s too big to be dragged by one anyway,” Hope whispered from her other side.

  Their improved moods were probably sugar induced, but so what? She’d take it. At least they were talking again. She put an arm around each and hugged them fiercely.

  “Ready to go home?” she asked them.

  Hayley pointed at the dog and laughed, and Anna almost did, too. Blackie was jumping at Sean, and then Sean sat down in a chair, picked him up and cradled him. The girls’ laughs got louder, high-pitched.

  Anna almost laughed herself, at the sight of the big man holding the big dog like a baby.

  But just as quickly, worry pushed its way in. Would she be able to keep the dog in their new place? How would she find a good caregiver?

  If only she could’ve stayed here. She flashed back on Ma’s Friday evening gathering, knowing she’d love to be a part of that going forward. Then, watching Sean cuddle the dog, she remembered the evening they’d picked Blackie up. How patient Sean had been with the girls, answering all their questions.

  She cleared her throat. “We have to go,” she said to Sean, proud that she could speak without emotion. “Thanks for keeping the girls extra, Ma Dixie.”

  “Not a problem,” she said, and Sean set the dog down on his feet.

  Anna and the twins headed outside, and the dark immediately seemed to sink around them. Frogs chirped a rhythmic chorus, punctuated by the hooting of an owl.

  The dog lunged toward the river and barked, almost pulling Anna off her feet.

  “Come on—calm down!” She tugged him back toward her car.

  In the swampy river where he’d been barking toward, there was a light and the splash of an oar, and then the light went out.

  A shiver ran down Anna’s spine. “Get in,” she said sharply to the girls, and fortunately they did as she said. But she heard them whispering to each other, rapid and concerned.

  The dog lunged and barked more hysterically.

  What did he see?

  She longed to go back inside and ask Sean to check the area. But that would be stupid. There were probably fishermen here who were plenty annoyed at a dog scaring away their catch. She just needed to leave.

  She urged the dog into the car and then climbed in herself. In the illumination of the dome light, she felt strangely like a target, so she quickly slammed the door shut.

  The dog lunged at the darkened window and barked more.

  That was weird. She started the engine, and her foot heavy on the gas pedal made it roar.

  She definitely felt a case of the creeps coming on.

  “Mommy, it’s too dark!” Hope whimpered from the back seat. “I’m scared!”

  “There’s nothing to be afraid of.” Anna said it too sharply, and Hope launched into a full-fledged sobbing spell, joined soon by Hayley.

  Sugar high officially over. She clicked the locks shut and put the car into gear.

  Again, the dog barked and lunged at the passenger window. Anna couldn’t see anything outside except the dark outlines of trees and a glint of moonlight off the swampy river.

  Was it moonlight, or a struck match, or a flashlight?

  Anna executed the quickest three-point turn she’d ever managed and headed out the dark road through the swamp toward their cabin, stomach churning, nerves tight as violin strings, trying to still the agitated beating of her own heart.

  CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

  “WHAT WAS WRONG with Anna?” Cash asked as he came into Ma’s house. Like usual, he was dressed in a tailored, expensive-looking sport coat, dress pants and leather shoes, ridiculous clothes for the low country.

  “When did you see her?” he asked, not bothering to conceal the jealousy that constantly seemed to claw at him where Anna was concerned.

  “Dude. She drove past me on the way in. She was driving kind of crazy and looking scared.”

  “What did you do to her?” Liam punched Sean’s arm, not lightly. He’d arrived just before Cash. Since Cash would be overseas—another big business deal—on their usual gathering night, they’d come early to celebrate their birthdays, as they’d all been born in late April or May.

  “Why are you chasing a good woman away?” Cash asked. Then he held up his hand. “Don’t answer. I know why. It’s what you do.”

  “It’s what we all do,” Liam corrected.

  Sean banged down his soda can just a little too hard. He wished it were a beer, but Ma didn’t allow alcohol in the house. True, sometimes they or Pudge sneaked it in, but only if she was outside, or after she’d gone to bed. “Maybe, but I’m not so sure she’s a good woman.”

  Liam frowned. “Why would you say that?”

  Sean looked around Ma’s familiar front room, the crocheted comforters and ragged furniture and windowsill full of thriving houseplants. He was trying to cool down. To be cool, but it wasn’t happening where Anna was concerned. And with his brothers, he didn’t have to pretend he didn’t care. “I think she’s already with someone else.”

  Liam and Cash glanced at each other. “That implies that you were together,” Liam said. “That you had some claim on her.”

  “Which I didn’t.” And couldn’t; couldn’t make a commitment to Anna and her girls, no matter how much he wanted to. Gloom as deep as the darkness in the bayou pressed down on him. “Never mind. Drop it.”

  “Who’s the guy, anyway?” Cash asked. “I thought all she did was work her butt off at the cottages and take care of her kids.”

  “Her GED teacher.” Sean’s gut knotted at the very thought of the grinning guy.

  Liam tilted his head to one side. “Rafael Rodriguez? Really? I thought he was after Yasmin.”

  “Sure you’re not just looking for cheating where there isn’t any?” Cash asked, his tone mild. “Anna’s not Gabby, last I lo
oked.”

  “And she’s not your mother, either,” Ma said as she came in with a huge sheet cake, homemade, with all three of their names on it.

  Sean glanced at his brothers, and then focused on Ma. “What do you mean, Ma? Our mom wasn’t a cheater.”

  “No, but she left you boys high and dry, whether intentionally or not,” Ma said. “And that’s what scares all of you, when you start to get close to a woman.”

  Cash put his hands over his ears in mock protest. “No psychoanalysis, Ma.”

  “That’s a door you don’t want to open,” Liam said. “Though you’re probably right.” He put an arm around her.

  “You’re all three good boys. I just want to see you happy.” She reached across the table to squeeze Cash’s hands, then Sean’s, beaming at them. “Now, let’s sing.”

  Sean thought about what she’d said while she and Pudge sang “Happy Birthday,” Pudge picking along on his ukulele. He made himself smile and go along with the little party. Ma and Pudge were good to the core, and a true family to him and his brothers. That wasn’t something to take lightly.

  Nor was the big piece of cake topped with ice cream in front of him. He dug in.

  “What do you think, Ma?” Liam asked. “Do any of us have a chance to get it right with a woman?” He threw the remark out in a casual tone, as if it didn’t matter, but Sean knew differently. Liam had been in love with Yasmin way back in high school, might still be. And for some reason he wouldn’t talk about, everything had gone south between them.

  He glanced over at Cash and noticed that he was pushing his cake around his plate, listening.

  Despite the fact that they were all grown men, they all held utmost respect for Ma Dixie and her wisdom, especially where people were concerned.

  “On your own?” Ma looked from one face to the next, her expression serious. “Not a chance. But if you stick together and say your prayers, anything’s possible. Faith and family can heal anyone, and that’s a fact.”

  “Amen,” Pudge said.

  It was too simple. Simple, homespun low country wisdom, completely at odds with what his marriage counselor had said.