“Is that an unsubtle dig at my father?”
She crossed her arms across her chest, pushing the swells above the lucky blanket.
“If the shoe fits.”
He looked through the window at the water, trying to distract himself, because even angry she drew him to her.
“I’ve kept in touch with him.”
“I know you’ve tried, and he loves you enough that nothing you do will make him feel otherwise. You’re his only child. His only relative that he cares about. All I’m saying is that when you go, try harder.”
Jamie suddenly felt like crap. He’d always felt guilty about not coming home but now that Stephanie had put it into words, he knew it was all true. Coming from her, as opposed to Mary Anne or anyone else, it meant that much more. Anyway, he’d seen it with his own eyes; his father was getting old and he needed help. The knowledge only made things harder to justify his actions, then and now.
“You’re right about everything. I was self-centered and I played everything down. I was young, naïve and so stupid.”
Her eyes widened. “You think I’m right?”
“I honestly do. But even though I know it makes sense, the idea of moving back to Prossers Bay to carry on Dad’s practice makes me feel physically ill. It’s not for me, this quiet country life. I had it, and I was glad to leave it. I want the big city and the big money.”
“Thank you for that. It doesn’t negate what happened, but at least the truth is finally out.”
“I hate that I’ve hurt you. I do love you. You know?”
“Do you?” she asked, quietly. “Perhaps you do, but not enough.”
He was living the dream and he couldn’t give it up. Not even for his dad. Not even for Stephanie. Seeing her lying next to him and knowing that he was going to be the one leaving this time, he pulled her down to him.
Chapter 11
Stephanie was trying to move on, but it was hard. Andrew had phoned to explain that the bank couldn’t give her the loan. She’d badgered him for two days with no shame. Hadn’t he all but promised?
Then, she simply lost the will to fight. This feeling of loss was right up there with losing Jamie, and she wasn’t sure that she could bear it. If she didn’t have Jamie, or the café, then what was she to do with her life?
Her friends had called, wanting to know what was going on. She’d explained that she would continue to work for Abby for the foreseeable future since the café wasn’t happening and they’d been supportive, but it didn’t help. When they’d asked about her night with Jamie, all she could say was that she’d had her moment with him, and now they really were done. After all, it was the truth.
Jamie had called her every day but she wouldn’t see him. It was too hard. He was a constant reminder of everything she couldn’t have. She was about to leave for work when there was a knock at the door. Jamie was outside in the stairwell, looking embarrassed.
“I know you’ll hate me for this, even if you’ve forgiven me for everything else, but I had to do it. I can’t bear to see you like this.”
She barred his entrance. “What are you talking about? I’m not in the mood for riddles.”
“Then I won’t tell you, I’ll show you. Will you come with me?”
“You’re crazy. I have to go to work.”
“It won’t take long and it’s vitally important.”
“Is someone hurt?”
“Yes. Please come.”
Stephanie wasn’t sure that she believed him, but felt she couldn’t take the risk of turning him down if he really did need her help. She grabbed her purse and locked the front door, then followed him down the stairs and along the shop fronts, wondering where they were going. She greeted the people they met perfunctorily, not wanting to engage with anyone right now. Not wanting to be with Jamie, and yet warmed by his presence.
Suddenly, Jamie stopped outside the old second-hand shop and turned to face her holding out a set of keys.
“I don’t understand.”
“This is your shop. ‘Stephanie’s café’ or whatever you choose to call it.”
“You must have heard by now that I didn’t get the loan.”
“I bought it for you.”
She stepped back as if he’d hit her. “No, Jamie. I won’t accept it.”
“Then it’ll stay empty and you’ll be paying rates for something you’re not using.”
“How does that follow?”
“The shop’s in your name. Signed, sealed and delivered.”
Her mouth opened and closed a couple of times. “We’re not a couple any more, and you owe me nothing.”
“I owe you for supporting me through medical school. For your loss of your dream for too many years. I have the money and I realized it means nothing to me if you’re not happy. Do this for me and I’ll leave you alone, if that’s what you want.”
Stephanie looked at the keys and then back at his serious face. She shouldn’t take it, but if she didn’t, would this be another major regret?
Taking the keys from his hand she unlocked the door. “Thank you, Jamie, from the bottom of my heart, but I want you to know that I will pay you back every cent and with interest.”
“If you must. Now, how about a tour.”
“You’ve seen it.”
“Show me again.”
With a lightness that got brighter with every second she explained how it would all look. Jamie may have been pretending—she hoped not—but he encouraged her and even made a few suggestions.
It was just how she’d imagined they’d be, even if how they got here was completely wrong.
The next week was a blur. With the money she’d saved, Stephanie went all out ordering equipment and choosing paint. Every night after work, her friends and Jamie took turns coming by to help with the cleaning or to rip out the things she couldn’t manage.
Finally, the shop was cleared of everything that needed to go and she’d even managed to clear out the upstairs. That area would have to wait until the shop was finished but finally she’d have her own home.
Jamie knocked on the open door of the café. Stephanie came from out the back. Her face was flushed and she had a smear of dirt across one cheek. She’d never looked more beautiful.
“I know I said I’d leave you alone, but I don’t want to give up on us, not when we’ve found each other again. I know we can make this work, even from other countries. I think we owe to ourselves to try.”
“Jamie, I appreciate the sentiment, and don’t for a minute think that letting you go without me isn’t hard, but as much as your life is in Seattle, mine is here in Prossers Bay. I’d be as miserable there as you would be here.”
“You don’t know that.”
“I do. I’ve been there and I’ve got the t-shirt.”
“Don’t joke about this, not when I’m wearing my heart on the outside for once.”
“If I didn’t joke about it, I’d be a blubbering mess. Is that what you want from me?”
“No, of course not. What I want is for you to try, one more time, to live in a really cool place for a few months at a time. With me. Then I would do the same by coming back here and I’d also spend more time with my dad.”
She slapped her hand down on her knew kitchen counter. “I can’t believe this. Why did you buy me the shop if you want me to leave it? You say you’ve changed but where’s the evidence? I am not giving up my dream again, just so that you can have yours. Maybe I’m not some high-flying doctor and I don’t have your brains, but I’m good at what I do and I deserve this chance. It’s not fair of you to ask me, and I resent it.”
“I’m making a hash of this. I don’t want to leave you, and I especially don’t want to leave you angry with me. I know I’m asking too much, but I love you, Steph, and it’s going to kill me to walk away.”
“Then stay.”
“I can’t.”
He looked so miserable, that she knew he was torn and that appeased her a little, because she felt the same.
“I’m going to kiss you goodbye.”
“Please, don’t.”
He rubbed his lips across hers then pulled on them with his teeth. A shiver coursed through her body and she pressed herself against him.
“Let me love you one last time.”
“We shouldn’t.” Her voice came out in a whisper.
“Tell me you don’t want this as much as I do. Tell me to let you go and leave you alone. Because, I can’t go without the words. I want you today like I’ve done every day since we met. I ache with wanting you.”
She knew she shouldn’t want him like this, but her body wouldn’t listen to reason. All she could think of was right here and right now. She wanted him as much, if not more, than he was implying. She wanted to feel him inside her.
The noise she made as his tongue began to push against her closed lips must have been enough encouragement, because he took her mouth with a fierceness that shocked and thrilled her. Jamie plundered her mouth with his tongue while his hands made promises of things to follow. Her hands were not idle. The familiar feel of his body made her damp with need. Although, there were subtle differences. He’d always been lean and fit—now the muscles on his arms and chest were bigger, and firmer.
He tugged her top up, and his fingers splayed across her ribs, snaking up to her breasts until both his palms held each of them. Cupping them gently, he then slid his hand up to her nipples. They were already pebbled and as he squeezed them, they hardened even more.
With one hand, he swept everything from the kitchen bench and laid his jacket across it. Then, he leaned her back on the table so that their hips created a delicious friction as they pushed into one another.
His hands slid down to her shorts. She felt the button pop open and then the zipper slid down. With one hand, he lifted her bottom while the other tugged the lacy thong down with the shorts.
She kicked both garments off her ankles and pulled him down to her.
As much as their time on the boat had been a reconnection, this was a final goodbye and it was no less intense. He took her hard and as they climaxed, he held her gently against him.
When it was over, they dressed in silence. Jamie called a taxi while Stephanie began to clean up the papers he’d thrown on the floor. When she saw it outside, her heart plummeted.
“I will always remember you like this,” he said, as he wiped the tear from her cheek. “No regrets?”
She shook her head. “No regrets.”
Jamie tried to kiss her goodbye.
She held up her hand. “No. Please. Don’t make this any harder.”
He stared at her, his eyes misty and then he turned and went outside to the waiting taxi.
Chapter 12
With every mile, his heart seemed to ache more. He rubbed his chest as if that could somehow make it hurt less.
He thought of his father, happy to be spending so much time with Mary Anne. It had been hard to watch the compact little woman move around his father’s house, clearly a frequent visitor, knowing where everything was kept. Knowing better than he or his father did, that was for sure. Making his favorite meals to tempt his father’s appetite and encouraging Jamie’s at the same time.
There was no denying that she was a good woman, and he’d eventually gotten over his concerns about her. Over the weeks, they’d become friends and his father had seemed happier and looked so much better. He was happy that his father had someone in his life that cared about him. Someone like Mary Anne, the no-nonsense ball of kindness. But, the guilt that it wasn’t himself was eating away at him.
He had to go, though. He’d signed the new contract, after all, and it was his dream job. Wasn’t it?
It was almost a relief to see the Auckland International airport and Jamie helped the driver load his bags onto a cart. He paid the man and gave him a tip, not something New Zealanders did often, but he was feeling generous since the man had put up with his silence for hours.
He gathered his bags and went through the checking in process, grateful for the diversion. Then he went straight to the first-class lounge, since there was no point in hanging around the shopping areas. He needed nothing, and had no one to buy gifts for. He’d met his colleagues and his bosses in Seattle but he knew no one. His only family member was back in Prossers Bay, being looked after by someone else.
The clinic was up and running and doing a good job, from what he’d witnessed. His father could talk of nothing else.
Stephanie at least had the shop, but here he was, alone, and she was back in Prossers Bay, potentially feeling the same way. Depressed and unhappy.
He shuddered with the thought that this was his life, the one he was choosing, and it sucked. The great job would be nothing with no one to share it with.
Patients didn’t care. They didn’t know him, and why should they? Except all his father’s patients knew him, knew everything there was to know. Embarrassing as that had seemed as a child, now he could see that there might be a comfort to be found from that.
Another thought hit him as he stared out the windows to the waiting planes. He wasn’t like his father, who surrounded himself with people, but he wasn’t cut out to be a loner, either. This idea was new to him.
So, what did he want? His heart raced and he felt as if he couldn’t breathe as the dawning of the massive mistake he was making hit him. Apart from Stephanie? Not a hell of a lot else, as it happened. How blind had he been?
Racing out of the airport, he was about to hail a cab. Common sense prevailed, even though he hated wasting any more time, and he went back in to claim his baggage, in case they thought he was a terrorist.
Back outside, he found the taxi again and he threw his bags in the trunk and climbed in.
Stephanie stood at the large window as she gave it one last wipe. Tomorrow she would open the doors on her new venture and this was real. Not a late fling with someone who wouldn’t be around to appreciate her capabilities.
A face as familiar as her own appeared by her hand and she would have screamed but the shock of seeing Jamie there after watching him leave a few hours earlier had rendered her unable to react.
The tinkle of the new bell, which Mary Anne had given as a gift, sounded as he came through the door and stood beside her. He picked her up off the step ladder and looked deeply into her eyes.
“I am an idiot. Forgive me, Steph. I have loved you all my life, or so it seems. I was blinded by what I thought was important, when it was you, only you that could make me whole. I can be a doctor anywhere, and it should have been where you were. I blamed you. For not wanting to fit into a life that I didn’t really want or need. For leaving me when I needed you by my side. For being the one to come home to my father when I should have. You are good and kind. Beautiful and clever. I’m so proud of you. Take me back, Stephanie, and I promise to do everything in my power to make you happy.”
“You’re staying?”
“Only if you say yes.”
What could she say when everything she’d ever wanted to hear was finally being said? Of course she could forgive him. He’d saved her from herself when he’d come home and questioned her about her life. He’d made her see that nothing should hold her back and, more importantly, he’d helped her make this a reality.
The alternative was to go it alone like she’d been doing. She could definitely do that. But, her heart warned her that this wasn’t what she wanted and now that she was taking her life by the horns and getting what she wanted, shouldn’t Jamie be the ultimate piece of the puzzle in being happy? Truly happy. No pretence, and no wishing for it.
Putting a hand on his cheek, she wiped away a tear with the pad of her thumb, in the same way that he’d done to her.
“I love you too, Jamie. I never stopped. As much as it hurt me to stay, it nearly killed me to leave. So, I’ll hold you to that promise and I’ll give you on
e in return. I will tell you how I feel and I won’t back down when I know I’m right. This is a partnership and we need to be equals for it to work.”
“That sounds fair to me.”
He swooped her into his arms and kissed her like a drowning man, clutching at a life he would never give up willingly.
When they stopped, they were gasping for breath and Stephanie whispered in his ear.
“Don’t look now but we have an audience.”
Sure enough, outside the very large front window a group of passers-by had stopped to witness their kiss. A couple actually clapped. Mary Anne was holding Pete and sniffing into a handkerchief.
“I don’t think we have to explain anything, do you?”
“No, I think they’ll have figured it out. I guess everyone will know about us very soon.”
“How about we go and tell Dad, though. He should here about this from us.”
“Okay, but, if you don’t mind, let’s take Mary Anne with us.”
“Alright. I think she’s already part of the family anyway, and she looks a bit upset.”
“I think you’ll find those are happy tears.”
Hand in hand they left the shop, and taking a delighted Mary Anne across the green they walked in on the Doc giving the temp the sharp edge of his tongue.
“What’s going on here, dad?”
“I called him in to see me. He’s only gone and ordered acupuncture for Gladys.”
“And?”
“I said ‘acupuncture’!”
“I heard, Dad. I’m not deaf. How can you be so forward thinking in opening a dependency clinic and then have a fit over acupuncture, a practice that’s been around for years?”
His father’s eyes widened in shock.
“Don’t tell me that you agree with it?”
“Not only that, but I practice it, too.”
The old Doc sat down heavily and looked at his son as if he was a stranger. Then he took notice of the hand-holding and his face underwent a drastic change.
Prossers Bay Series Page 29