Or even forgive.
I didn’t know what the fuck I was going to do, but it was clear that I was going to have trouble staying away from her. Giving her my jacket was a gamble in case anyone noticed her wearing it, but in the moment, all I saw was her. It’s all I ever see when she’s near.
The more the thoughts continued flooding my head, the more I knew I had to do something about my mother first. This all rested on making sure she was safe and getting the help she needed away from my fathers interference, before I could even contemplate going against him and Ambers threats to get to Hendrix.
So I made a call.
Steeling my shoulders, I tugged my cell from my back pocket and dialled the number.
It was risky as all hell, but if I could pull it off and get my mother out of that house with him – I’ll end the rest of the façade as quickly as I could. I just hoped that Hendrix understood by the time I was in a position to tell her everything. I hoped she’d be able to get past the lies, and see where I was coming from. That her life here meant something to me. That she did.
“And what do I owe the pleasure of this call at this ungodly hour son?”
I swallowed down the vile that threatened to rise, and laid out my request. He listened, too eagerly, and I wanted to smash him so hard in the face at how easily he gave up my mother.
“You see this through, and I’ll have your mother on the first flight to the facility as early as tomorrow morning. But you’ll give me your word… son.”
I swallowed, my teeth grinding together.
“I want to see the check-in papers, ensuring that I am the only person who can sign off on her treatment, dismissal, or any visitation in writing – then I give you my word that I will do as I have said.”
The bastard was silent for a few seconds, before he laughed cockily.
“You know, I maybe raised you right after all… You have your deal. I’ll get your mother all packed, and you’ll get the papers in the morning.”
I hung up, feeling equally relieved and equally fucking terrified. This was happening now, and I just prayed I knew what the fuck I was doing.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Hendrix
I barely slept last night after crashing again in Lucys room. I spent the night tossing and turning on her two-seater couch after flashes from last night wouldn’t stop harassing me. After watching Paxton head back toward the bonfire leaving my question painfully unanswered, I made a beeline for the main road and just sat on the embankment, waiting for Lucy to come back to the party. Thankfully I didn’t have to wait long, as she managed to drop off Gabe and Mercedes at their dorm faster than I would’ve thought. She didn’t ask why I was waiting there alone in the dark, but was more than happy to leave after I ensured her Austin was okay. She’d spent most of the night on her phone, before crashing sometime after 2am. Unfortunately, my time for sleep never came though.
And now, it was a little before ten when I find myself waltzing back into my room, after Lucy insisted I get ready for our girls day today. It was Saturday, and I had a lunch date with her and Mercedes before a shift at the diner tonight at six. I tugged my things out of my backpack from last night, the soft-suede of Paxtons Academy jacket catching my attention and causing me to pause. Ironic barely covered that something as prestige as the Reed blazer was pulled out of such a worn-down bag. Even his jacket, was something that resembled him perfectly. Fierce of the outside, but soft beneath the surface. Before I realised, I tucked it beneath my chin and took a breath, that vanilla-woody scent of his, calming me somehow. I shake my head, and place the jacket over my desk chair. My hands automatically gliding along the fabric from shoulder to sleeve, almost feeling his skin radiating through it. It was like that powerful scent of his started to fill my room; a scent that seemed too natural to be artificial. I was careful to hide it from Lucy last night, ensuring I stuffed it in my bag before Lucy showed up, as it felt like I was this dirty little secret of his somehow. Even though there was nothing going on between us, there was also something monumental there at the same time. It was obvious there was an attraction there, but it was also obvious that he was doing god knows what with Amber too. I felt naive in hindsight, but when I was around him, too many things he said felt too real and clouded my usually steady head.
Not everything is as it seems…
Both he and Austin had said those words to me, but in the harsh light of day – those words meant next to nothing. Because here I was stuck staring at a jacket, whilst his actual life included a girl who he could walk around campus with, on his arm, like she belonged there. When someone like me would never be in a position to do the same.
Maybe he did like me… Foolish or not, it honestly felt like he did when we were near. The air around us changed and charged with something epic that I know I wasn’t the only one noticing. But maybe he was embarrassed to be seen with me too. It was no secret that I wasn’t like the rest of the girls here, and I was a young freshman at that. A young, inexperienced nobody where elite families seemingly ran the town. Maybe I was being foolish and he didn’t actually have any feelings for me at all. I mean, what did I even know? It’s not like I knew what it felt like to have someone actually care about me before. Maybe I was just a young, poor kid who latched onto the first thing that felt like love.
Love?
Was that what I felt for him?
No – I don’t think so. I was more in awe of him maybe. I loved how just being with him blanketed me in some sense of safety, and the way his eyes delved into my soul like he would never let anyone hurt me again. I liked him sure…. But I barely knew him. I barely knew anything….
I sighed heavily, grabbing my things and trekking to the showers, hoping that the hot water would help scold anything Paxton Reed from my memory. Although I knew deep-down that it would take something much stronger to scold the feeling of him as well.
I had spent the day with the girls at the mall, which saw them forcing me into the communications store so I could buy a phone. I couldn’t tell them that I already had one, because I didn’t want them to ask questions about something I didn’t even understand, so when the clerk starting walking me through various option and plans, I insisted they go and start shopping so as not to bore them. As soon as they left though, I made an excuse to the clerk about not needing one, and joined them sometime later.
So not only was I lying to strangers who were trying to help me but I was lying to people I was starting to care about too. It didn’t sit right with me at all, but it oddly made me direct that anger at Paxton for putting me in this position to begin with. He had no right to try and insert himself into my life like he has. But after tagging along with the girls through the rest of the stores, that frustration was replaced with a lighter feeling. I had fun. Lucy and Mercedes certainly knew how to rack up a credit card bill, having purchased everything from jeans to lingerie. Feeling like I wanted to try and fit in a little, I got myself a cute black-lace pantie set, that I hoped I would be in a position to wear for someone special one day. I looked at it like a kind of beacon or something. That hopefully one day, I might find myself comfortable with another person to be vulnerable enough in that near-naked state. When they would see the obvious scars on some of my most hidden body parts and I would have the confidence and trust to let them into my most-darkest moments. But every time I thought about myself in that position, it was also the same broody guy with dark eyes that flashed in my mind.
Lucy dropped me off at the diner on the way back from the mall, mentioning something about a family situation she had to deal with and that she would try and come back at the end of shift to pick me up. After thanking her, and trotting inside, I spotted Bella at the counter after clocking on to start my shift.
“Hey, how are you?”
“Hendrix! I’m glad you came back.”
I smiled in return. “You can’t scare me off that easy.”
“No, I just mean, I thought maybe you would get sick of having to work as
it’s no secret most of your friends don’t need to.”
“My friends maybe, but not me. And besides, I like being independent,” I winked at her, causing her grin to widen.
“I’m glad.”
When the last few patrons had left and we finished cleaning the front counter I couldn’t believe how fast the shift flew by. I hung my apron on the hook by the door and clocked off, calling out to Bella from out the back if she needed any help with the register.
“No, I’m good,” she calls, before I hear the bell above the front door chime. “Oh Hendrix. Someone’s here to see you.”
I froze. The first person I thought of was the same person I forced thoughts away from all day. Anxiously, I tucked my shirt into my jeans and pressed my braid down my shoulder. Why would Paxton be here….?
I take a breath, pull my shoulders back and head to the front counter, when I’m met with the warm smile of Tucker instead. I tried to hide any disappointment I felt, which only made me angry at myself more than I was already.
“Hey, what are you doing here?”
“Luce said you may need a ride. She’s been held up. Family stuff,” he adds, shrugging.
“Oh, yeah okay that would be great. Thanks.”
I check in with Bella one more time, before letting Tucker lead me to his truck.
“So where have you been? I feel like I haven’t seen you…” I start as soon as we head out of the carpark.
“Why, miss me already?” he waggles his brows jokingly, causing me to smile.
“You didn’t come to the game with us.”
He nodded. “Like I said, I’ve been around enough football and egos to be more than happy to miss it. Although I wish I saw the beef between Reed and Dawson,” he sneered like he was playing out some kind of fantasy in his mind.
“Well, I’m sure you heard, but the beef was really about Amber, which turned into Austin getting flattened instead.”
“Shame that,” he muttered, causing me to glance over at him. Tucker sometimes showed this side of him where a kind of unboiling anger seemed to simmer beneath the surface. It was a little unnerving when I noticed it, but he seemed to shake it off almost as quickly as it arose.
“So, what have you been up to?” I ask, desperate to avoid the awkwardness.
“Classes obviously, but I went home to visit my ma.”
“Oh, you’re not from here like your cousins?”
“I told you, we aren’t the wealthy ones in the family. My ma lives in Portland now, but the six-hour drive isn’t so bad.”
That was sweet. I didn’t understand the complex relationship between him and Lucys’ family, but it seemed, that Lucys’ mother was kind despite her wealth since she was the one who helped Tucker get in here.
“Do you get to visit your ma often?”
He shakes his head. “Not really. My plan is to get her out of there so she can finally live on this side of town where she belongs.”
The tenseness of his shoulders was interesting, but when he turned up the radio all of a sudden, I assumed that meant he wasn’t up to talking much more about his past. And I for one, completely understood that sentiment.
We pulled up at the dorms just before 11pm, which for my floor, was curfew on the weekends. I was happy I studied the vast Academy handbook so thoroughly with all of its various rules and regulations. Especially considering that needing to know when I couldn’t access my own room – would be information I would definitely need to know. I reached for the passenger door when Tucker leaned over and touched my hand that was on the handle, effectively causing me to pause.
“Sorry if I’ve been quiet. It’s just…. I’ve just got a lot things on my mind.”
“You’re good Tucker. I understand if you have things going on, but hey, thanks for the ride. I owe you.” I tried to throw my voice in a higher register to dismantle the unease brewing.
“Really? Well, this I could use to my advantage…” he waggled his brows in that joking manner he does sometimes, causing me to smile in relief before he added, “How about I take you to lunch tomorrow?”
I opened my mouth ready to kindly reject his offer, not wanting to give him the wrong idea, when he intercepted before I could let the words escape. “And before you say anything, it’s just two friends, having lunch because you know… You missed me so much this week.”
I laughed. He really had a way of putting me on the spot that made it hard to say no to him. At the end of the day, he was in Lucys’ group (they were cousins for Gods sake!), and I had already made the friend-card clear. So, I sighed and agreed, thanking him as I exited his truck. I was halfway to my door when he shouted from his window.
“Oh, and Hendrix! I’ll pick you up at midday.”
I nodded with a smile, scanned my card and made my way up to my floor. I got inside my room and plonked my bag on my desk, more than ready for a nice hot shower, but my hands found Paxtons jacket on my chair instead. I stared at it, running my fingers gently across the shoulders, before picking it up and tucking it under my chin like I had no say in the matter. So many thoughts of Paxton suddenly overwhelmed me. His scent, the feel of his eyes on me, like he could see inside my darkest fears. All of it flooded my senses all of a sudden, like he was in this very room with me.
“You know, the real thing is right here if you’re done taking advantage of my sweater.”
I screamed. Turning abruptly to the other side of the room, where the guy himself who seemed to occupy my thoughts, sat on my corner armchair beneath the window. The moonlight shining on his dark and formidable form casting him in an eerie, yet beautiful glow.
“Paxton! What the... What the hell?”
My chest rises up and down rapidly, as I try to steady my breath. I never did well with being snuck up on, and my body was used to the blows that usually followed such a surprise.
Something passed over Paxtons’ face when he saw how freaked out I was, and he lowered his head like he was ashamed for some reason.
“Fuck, I shouldn’t have scared you like that. I didn’t think. Are you okay?”
I paused for a second, hearing the soft sombre tone in his voice. I never heard him speak like that before. It actually sounded like he was really quite concerned about scaring me.
“It’s okay, you just startled me that’s all,” I whisper, before shaking my head and getting some of my strength back. “So, mind telling me what you’re doing in here?”
He looks out the open window which overlooks the carpark, taking his time before turning those steely eyes back to me.
“Shouldn’t I ask you what the hell you were doing out there in Tuckers truck?”
I folded my arms, my back straightening. “So not only did you break in here, but you’re spying on me as well?”
“Answer the question Hendrix,” he bit, like actual steam was coming out of his nostrils as they flared. Which did nothing but get my defences up too.
“What I do is none of your business! You don’t see me asking you where you’ve been since I saw you last night do you?”
He stands, taking slow deliberate steps towards me. “I made an appearance beside Amber at the party, before getting Austins’ drunk ass home. Spoke to my father, and then after no sleep was expected to run sprints this morning, before spending the day with my mother.” He stopped when his feet were almost touching mine. My neck tilted all the way upwards so I could stare back at him in the darkness. “Now, since you know what I’ve been doing since I saw you last night. It’s your turn.”
I shake my head confused. “What’s your game?”
He gently pushes my glasses up my nose, before trailing his hand slowly down my braid, tugging gently on its end. “What were you doing in Tuckers truck?”
That fire that seems to burn between us was clouding my brain again. I was already exhausted and I barely had the right thoughts to dissect anything further, which was the excuse I gave myself when I sighed and answered him without further argument.
“He was dropp
ing me home after working at the diner. That’s all.”
He smiled, like a full-teeth beam that made my stomach flutter, before letting go of my braid. “Good.” He took a few steps backwards, never taking his eyes from mine, before sitting on the edge of my bed.
“So, are you done making a pass at my sweater that you have tangled in your grip there?” My eyes fall to his jacket still tucked up against my chest, and I gasp, placing it on the chair utterly embarrassed. He laughs, and it suddenly feels like the room is like a sauna.
“Are you going to tell me why you’re here?” I mutter.
He runs his hands through that perfectly tusselled-hair of his, that I’m sure he’s done a thousand times before.
“The truth?” he asks, staring intensely at me. I nod slowly, holding my breath. “I’ve had a shitty day and I wanted to see you.”
“Why me?”
“Fuck knows….” He mumbles, causing me to smile at his exasperated tone.
“Some truth,” I murmur back, but it only causes his body to stiffen and his brow to narrow.
“It is the truth,” he snaps. “I had two years. Two fucking years in this place to just play ball, and you show up all doe-eyed and stubborn, and you’re making me second guess fucking everything.”
My eyes widen at his outburst, like I can’t believe how out-of-control he sounds. In the time I’d known Paxton – he was all about being in control.
“Me? I haven’t done anything.”
“That’s the thing. You don’t even see it. You’re not like everyone here.”
I glance down, knotting my hands against my stomach feeling all sorts of insecure. “You don’t have to point out the obvious okay. I’m not blind or stupid. I know I’m nothing like you people.”
“You don’t get it,” he bites, causing me to jerk my head towards him. “They aren’t my people. I can’t fucking stand this façade, this place, everything it fucking stands for. The Reed name, I loathe. If I could take my mothers’ name and be free of the bullshit – I’d do it without even blinking. I’d leave with nothing but the shirt on my back if I had a choice. I’ve fought to live my life the way I want my entire life but it’s only pausing the inevitable….” He stops, like he has already said too much before sighing and continuing. “And then you show up, nothing like the other scholarships we’ve had who are all about making connections with us. You’re just you. No apologies. As stubborn as all hell. But you have a goal to live your own life and you give no fucks about it. You’re as real as anything I’ve ever known and it’s all wrapped up in a sexy-girl next door vibe with a bow – tempting me to just say fuck it all.”
Broken Wing (Arthur Academy Book 1) Page 19