Remembering Rainy

by Danni Roan

  “No, you had enough.”

  “But…”

  “No,” Rainy repeated.

  “Do you want some pie?” Lucas looked up at Nathan expectantly. “We could share.”

  “No thank you,” Nathan said. “I already ate.”

  Rainy felt her lips twitch as the boy’s gaze fell.

  “Mr. Nat’an?” Lucas asked crawling up onto the couch between them. “What should I name my pony?”

  “I don’t know,” Nathan admitted. “What name do you like?”

  The boy shrugged, trotting the pony across their laps. “Can I call him Jack or Scott like my friend Kadence’s mules?”

  “If you like,” Rainy said. “Or you can wait and decide later.”

  “I’ll think about it,” the boy mused seriously.

  Anne slouched into the living room plopping herself in a recliner and opening a book as she shot a hard glare at Nathan.

  “Rainy,” Nathan ignored Anne, even as he felt her eyes flick between them. “I was wondering if you and Lucas would go to church with me tomorrow? You don’t have to, but I’d like Gram to at least meet this little buckaroo.”

  Rainy bit her bottom lip looking between Lucas and Nathan. If she went to church with him, would people think they were back together? Gossip had run amuck when he had first left town, but this would be a different crowd.

  “Alright,” she finally made up her mind. “For your grandmother.”

  “You have a Mimi?” Lucas looked up at Nathan. “Can I meet her? Does she make good cookies?”

  Nathan chuckled. “She makes the best cookies.”

  “Mommy, I want to meet Na’tan’s Mimi, p’ease?”

  Rainy laughed feeling something hard lift from her heart. This was a new beginning. Perhaps it wouldn’t have the outcome she had dreamed of so long ago, but it was something, and her son would get to know his father.

  “When did you start going to church?” Anne snapped. “You didn’t go in high school.”

  “No, I rebelled against my grandparents' beliefs then,” Nathan admitted, his eyes flicking to Rainy as memories of their time together flooded back. “I’ve learned since then that I needed salvation and forgiveness for all I’ve done wrong. When Pap died, my whole world turned upside down. All that cock-sure faith in myself evaporated and reality set in. I’m learning day by day to walk in grace.”

  Anne huffed, turning back to her book but keeping a close eye on Nathan Draper. If he made a move on Rainy, she would be there to put a stop to it.

  ***

  “I don’t know why you are doing this or making such a fuss about it?” Anne snapped the next morning as Rainy tried on her third dress. “It’s only Nathan.”

  “I’m doing this for Mrs. Draper,” Rainy said examining the soft green floral print. “Besides, if Nathan has truly changed, doesn’t Lucas deserve to have a father?”

  Anne squirmed under Rainy’s soft glare, wanting to argue. “Sometimes I don’t know if you have a soft head or a soft heart,” she mumbled, “but either way I love you.”

  Rainy wrapped her arms around Anne. Even now, after all the changes in their lives, they were best friends, and it wasn’t uncommon for Anne to drop by and spend a night in the spare room.

  “I’m coming with you,” Anne declared suddenly. “I’ll meet you at church.”

  Rainy blinked as Anne raced from the room. “Will wonders never cease? I hope this doesn’t mean the church roof will fall in if she walks through those doors.”

  “I’m ready,” Lucas raced into the room ahead of his grandmother. He was dressed in his best shirt and jeans and wearing his oversized Stetson.

  “You look perfect,” Rainy grinned winking at her mother. “What do you think?” She twirled flaring the hem of her dress.

  “You’re b’utiful Mommy,” Lucas sighed.

  Rainy knelt before her boy accepting the hugs and kisses from her best little man.

  Chapter 14

  The peace that swept over Rainy as she stepped into the small church was palpable and she felt goosebumps speckle her arms.

  “There’s a class for kids Lucas’s age if you want to take him there?” Nathan suggested following Rainy inside. “Or he can stay with you.”

  Rainy peeked through the double doors leading to the sanctuary as people flowed past her, offering a warm greeting or simple smile. “I’ll check it out,” she finally replied.

  “Is this the class for little cowboys?” Nathan asked as they stopped in front of a small room.

  “It sure is,” a woman in her forties replied. “Do you want to join us?” she asked Lucas who in turn looked at his mother. “If you’d like him to stay, I’ll give you this card and your little guy will get a bracelet that is coded to the card. No one can collect him without specific permission from you.”

  “Do you want to stay here or go with Mommy,” Rainy asked feeling pulled to keep him with her yet wanting to let him play with children his age as well.

  Lucas looked inside the room where a little girl smiled back at him. “I stay, Mommy.”

  Rainy nodded, accepting the card and filling out the small information request for the worker.

  “If he gets worried, I’ll text you,” the woman assured. “I know it’s hard leaving them the first few times.”

  Rainy felt herself relax at the woman’s words. It had been exactly what she had been thinking and knowing that her son was only a text message away set her heart at ease.

  “He’s already having fun,” Nathan encouraged as he peeked through the door. “Are you ready? Gram is saving us a place.”

  Rainy nodded turning to walk back the way they had come, surprised when Nathan’s hand met the dip of her back. A warm shiver ran through her, and she suddenly felt more at ease.

  “There you are,” Gram Draper grinned scooting down the bench seat as she looked beyond Nathan and Rainy. “It’s nice to see you again Rainy,” she added.

  “We left Lucas in the children’s room,” Nate said in a hushed voice.

  “You can meet him after church,” Rainy hurried to assure. It felt odd being here with two people she had once loved.

  “If you have the time I packed a picnic for after service,” Gram smiled. “You and Lucas are welcome to join us in the park across the road if you have the time.”

  The first strains of an unfamiliar song began to play, saving Rainy from having to reply as the whole congregation stood to their feet. When a fiddle and bagpipes picked up the tune, Rainy gaped, turning to Nathan who seemed mesmerized by the tune. A guitar picked up the soft tones, and when the singer slipped into song, his heavy Gaelic brogue washing over Rainy in a cascade of joy, she gasped, completely absorbed.

  The first verse picked up on the overhead screen, and Nathan’s deep timber joined with the voices of others each word transforming him before Rainy’s eyes.

  “In Christ alone, I stand,” Nathan sang, his face glowing with a beauty Rainy had never experienced and something deep inside unlocked. Hope fluttered to life lifting from its long slumber in her soul.

  The service seemed to fly buy as Rainy soaked in the words of the message, the sense of well being, and the joy of others around her. When she returned to collect Lucas, his bright smile lifted her heart high.

  “Look what I made, Mommy!” he squealed running to her and waving a sticky white something before her face.

  “It’s a sheep and Jesus is the shepherd. That’s like a tow-boy for sheeps.”

  Rainy laughed hugging her boy tight as she handed in the card and checked Lucas out of the system. “Would you like to go on a picnic and meet Nathan’s Mimi?” she asked.

  “Yes, p’ease!”

  “Can I come too?” Anne stepped up behind them looking somewhat lost.

  “You’re always welcome,” Nathan invited. “Gram will be happy to see you.”

  Anne turned her startled blue eyes on Nathan. She didn’t even know what she was doing here, she had simply followed Rainy to the children’s class
at the end of the service. Anne had arrived late and taken a seat next to a strapping man with rippling muscles under coffee-colored skin. She was still dazed by her encounter and the service she had stepped into.

  Together the small group tripped out into the sunshine of a bright, late summer day. The sun was high and the sound of children’s laugher filled the air.

  Nathan hurried to his grandmother’s car, lifting a huge hamper from the back seat with a smile then heading for the boardwalk that rose high above the road.

  “The park is busy today?” Gram commented. “See if you can find us a nice spot, Nate.” The old woman looked down at Lucas who had reached up grasping her hand.

  “Are you Nat’an’s Mimi?”

  “I am,” she smiled. “Once upon a time he was a little boy just like you.”

  Lucas looked at Nathan striding across the bridge and shook his head, making his hat wobble.

  “Yes, he was. We all start small just like you and then grow up big.”

  “When I grow up I wanna be big like Nat’an.”

  “And I’m sure you will.”

  A few minutes later they were all seated around a large blanket spread on the grass by a tall tree as Gram handed out plates, drinks, and set the picnic out for each to enjoy.

  “Gram, when did you do all this?” Nathan asked looking down at the mountain of fried chicken, a huge bowl of potato salad, and various other treats.

  “Oh, I woke up at four this morning and decided to put it all together.” The old woman waved away the gasps with a negligent hand. “Old people do these things.”

  “I like chicken,” Lucas tipped his head back with a grin. “It’s my favorite.”

  Nathan watched each person in the group as he ate. Anne seemed lost in thought, and Lucas was keeping his grandmother in stitches. Rainy, kept looking at him as if she had never seen him before, and a sense of something miraculous seemed to swirl in the air around them.

  “Would you like to go for a walk?” Nathan asked catching Rainy’s eye as she glanced his way. “Lucas might like to see the creek.”

  “That would be nice,” Rainy agreed, wiping Lucas’s face. “What do you say, little man, would you like to go for a walk?”

  “Sure.”

  “Anne and I’ll keep the ants away from our dessert,” Gram said looking up with a grin. “Besides an old woman like me shouldn’t be left sitting on the ground by herself.” She reached over pulling Anne’s attention back into the world.

  Nathan stood offering Rainy his hand and helping her to her feet as Lucas scrambled to his feet and raced on ahead.

  Rainy hurried forward, still holding Nathan’s hand and forcing him to trot to catch up to Lucas who had tripped, falling and rolling in the soft grass with a peal of laughter.

  “Slow down there buckaroo,” Nathan laughed, scooping the boy up and putting him on his shoulders. “You don’t want to wear your mama out.”

  Rainy looked up, eyes glowing at the sight of her son laughing on his father’s shoulders.

  “What?” Nathan looked down meeting her soft eyes.

  “You really have changed haven’t you?” Rainy said, looking down at their linked hands. “I was afraid to believe it,” she continued, “but today, in that service I…” she hesitated feeling stupid.

  “You could see my soul,” Nathan said, his eyes shimmering. “I can’t tell you how much I have changed, Rainy. I can never say how sorry I am or how much I wish I could fix everything.”

  Rainy squeezed his hand. “It’s a start, Nathan.”

  Together they walked on, making their way to the stream that ran through the long field. Lush grass waved in the soft breeze and birdsong filling the air with joyous sound.

  “I used to come here a lot after church,” Nathan said. “I didn’t like going to church with Gram and Pap in this new town, so I’d sneak over here. It’s peaceful.”

  “You never brought me here,” Rainy said looking up as Lucas picked a leaf from a tree above him.

  “It wasn’t part of who I was then,” Nathan’s confession was painful but true.

  “I’m glad I’m here now.”

  Nathan paused, turning to look down at Rainy. The breeze lifted her long tresses fluttering them over her shoulder as her eyes glowed. “You’re here now.”

  “I am,” she agreed. “Nathan, I don’t know what comes next,” she said feeling hope bubble like a fountain in her heart. “I need you to know that even with everything that happened, the hurt, the anger, the pain, I never stopped loving you.”

  Nathan leaned forward touching his lips to hers and feeling a new hope burst free. “I can never make up to you what I did,” he said pulling back, “but I’d like the chance to try.”

  “It might take time,” Rainy sighed. “I don’t know if I can trust you.”

  “Then I’ll spend as long as it takes trying to prove that you can. I want to be here for Lucas and you.”

  The little boy squirmed on his shoulders and Nathan swung him down to the ground.

  “Can I go play, Mommy?” the boy pointed toward the small playground where children from the morning children’s church were busy.

  “You can go,” she said watching him dash off in their direction and keeping an eye on him as he went.

  “Rainy,” Nathan took her hand in his, his eyes moving between her and her son. “I believe that you and I are connected. Somehow we’re part of a whole and separately we’ll never be complete. I don’t want to pressure you, but I want you to know. I’m here and I’m not going anywhere.”

  Rainy squeezed Nathan’s hand feeling the old connection come to life as it melded with something new. She knew that it would take time to trust again, but she wanted nothing more than to believe Nathan. Perhaps, if she wasn’t sure of him, she might be able to trust the God who had changed him so.

  ***

  “I can’t believe you are going on a date with that man,” Mrs. Smythe scowled at her daughter. “You can do much better you know.”

  “Mom, I have to see if there is a future for me and Nathan,” Rainy, checked her appearance in the mirror by the front door. “I’m not going to do anything stupid.”

  Dana Smythe’s eyes flickered toward Lucas who sat in the living room playing with his stuffed pony. “I’m not sure I believe that man has changed.”

  Rainy turned to her mother, clasping her hand. “I do. There is something different about Nathan. He’s calmer, more at peace. He still wants to do well in this life, but he seems to have found out that other things are important too.”

  “Well, don’t fall for any of his fancy words,” Dana sniffed. “That’s what happened last time.”

  Rainy nodded not wanting to argue with her mother. She had been in knots since that Sunday when Nathan had kissed her. She didn’t want to say she had succumbed to his charms, but she felt so at ease with him.

  Somewhere between her last day on the Broken J Ranch and now, she had started to see Nathan in a new light. He said he had changed, but more than that he was showing her each time they met that he had changed.

  It had been three weeks since Nathan had asked her to church, and she had joined him each week since. Rainy loved seeing Lucas so excited about the time he had with other children and just being there in the sanctuary gave her a special feeling.

  It was all so strange, and yet Rainy felt an excitement that she had never experienced before. Was she falling in love with Nathan all over again? She knew she still had feelings for him, and the attraction was there, just as strong as ever.

  Tonight was their official first date, and Rainy hoped it would go well. Turning she looked at her son playing happily with his toys, as her heart melted. What if, by some miracle, she and Nathan could be together? What if Lucas could know his father? Something stirred in Rainy’s heart, a little bird taking wing from her soul as she cried out to heaven for this very special miracle.

  Chapter 15

  Dinner and a movie had been just what Rainy needed. The week had
been filled with job applications, interviews, and daycare visits. She wasn’t sure how she would stand to put Lucas in daycare, but she couldn’t ask her parents to watch him every day, even if they did insist they wanted to.

  “How about a milkshake to round off the night?” Nathan asked as he helped her into his old truck after the movie. “Is the Old Town Dairy still here?”

  “Yes,” Rainy laughed, “where else would people get their ice cream fix in this town?”

  “So that’s a yes to a shake?” Nathan grinned as he closed the door.

  Rainy shook her head as he hurried around the truck and climbed in. “I’d have to be crazy to say no to that invitation.”