The Essential Jagged Ivory (Jagged Ivory Boxed Set)

by Lashell Collins

  “Are you alright, honey?” Ellen asked as she watched him closely. “You don't seem to be quite yourself today.”

  He smiled at her. “Everything's fine, Mom. My mind is just on other things, you know? Next leg of the tour is starting up again soon, and Benji's coming home. Noah and I are getting together for a writing session later today,” he shrugged. “I've just got a lot on my mind. I'm sorry.”

  “Well, touring is always a very busy time for you,” she agreed. “But then you went and added getting married to the mix too. It's no wonder you've got so much on your mind right now. I imagine you're a little stressed, hmm?”

  Cory didn't answer her question verbally, but the rise and fall of his brows and the tension at the edges of his eyes told her what she needed to know.

  “Mom, can I ask you a question?” he said quietly.

  “Of course, honey.”

  He hesitated for a beat as he tried to gather his thoughts. Or was it his courage? “When I was born … did my father …” His sentence trailed off as he tried to decide whether or not he wanted to continue.

  “Cory?”

  He took a deep breath and tried again. “Did Charles … was he … a good father? While he was here, I mean?”

  Ellen looked at him in silence for a moment. “Why are you asking about this, honey? You've never wanted to know about your father before.”

  Cory shrugged his shoulders at her. “I don't know. You mentioned babies before, and I guess … I guess I've been thinking about it. Babies, I mean. I've been wondering what kind of father I'll be.”

  “Oh, honey,” she smiled at him and reached over to caress his arm. “You will be a wonderful father some day!”

  He returned her smile. “Maybe. But you didn't answer my question. Was Charles a good father? Did he … love us?”

  “Cory, where is this coming from?”

  “Just answer the question,” he shrugged again.

  Ellen sighed heavily, and then she took her son's hand in her own. “Cory, your dad was spontaneous and fun-loving, and he loved to laugh. He had the biggest heart and the best intentions in the world. But he wasn't a good provider. He wasn't the type of man who would hold a steady job. Not because he couldn't, but because he just didn't want to. He didn't like the idea of being tied to a permanent, 9-to-5, everyday gig.” She paused for a moment as she thought back on things. “And I guess, eventually, that's what he came to see us as. A permanent gig. But when he was here, he tried his best. And in his defense, he tried for as long as he possibly could. And to answer your question … yes. He was the best father that he knew how to be. And he loved you.”

  Cory frowned as he took in her words. Then he shook his head slightly. “You sound like you still love him.”

  Ellen slowly nodded her head. “Yep. I guess part of me will always love him.”

  “Even after what he did to you?” Cory asked in surprise.

  “What did he do to me, honey?” Ellen smiled, meeting her son's astonished gaze. “He gave me three beautiful, amazing, talented children who are the bright shining lights of my life. Why wouldn't I love him for that?”

  Cory was taken aback by her incredibly optimistic outlook. He always knew that his mother was amazing, but she never ceased to surprise him. Sometimes she just flat blew him away.

  “You're something else, you know that?” he said, giving her a sad smile, and she patted his hand.

  “Can I make you a sandwich or something to go with that lemonade?”

  He chuckled at her. “Sure.”

  His acceptance of food made her day, and they chatted easily as they shared lunch. And Cory wanted to ask her all sorts of questions about Charles Dutton, but he thought better of it. Perhaps it wasn't a good idea to delve any further.

  “How are you and Donna going to handle the separation once you're both gone?”

  The question came out of the blue, and it was one that Cory wasn't prepared to answer. He felt suddenly angry, but he didn't want her to know that. Taking a deep breath and putting on his game face, he smiled at her and shrugged his shoulders. “Same way we always have when it was just me traveling. Lots of FaceTime and nightly phone calls. Our communication skills have always been great.” She returned his smile, and he knew he had covered well.

  He visited with his mom for nearly two hours before finally kissing her cheek once more and heading out for his scheduled writing session with Noah. And as he drove, he tried to convince himself that what he'd told his mother was the truth. He and Donna's nightly phone calls and FaceTiming over the Internet had served them well throughout their courtship. He had no reason to think those strategies wouldn't continue to work going forward. They did have great communication skills. Except for when they were talking about starting a family.

  *****

  Cory walked in on the tail end of a phone conversation Noah was having, and from the look of sheer annoyance on his friend's face, it wasn't hard to discern that the person on the other end of the line was his father. He had never really understood the tension between those two. To him, it was as if Noah went out of his way to find fault with almost everything his father said or did. But Monroe didn't help the situation because sometimes he would purposely goad his son, saying things that he knew would get a rise out of him. It was as if they simply had no clue how to relate to one another in any other way.

  “Man, if I have to listen to my father try to give me guitar advice one more time … I swear, I'm going to shoot myself.”

  Noah's tone was agitated as he hung up his cellphone and led Cory into the large space at the back of his house that he used as his music room. It wasn't an actual recording studio. It was more like a very cool man cave that housed his impressive collection of guitars – close to eighty in all – which occupied most of the available wall space of the sizable room. And Cory knew that Noah played each one of them at some point. Their Grammy for Song of the Year for “Ms. Enigma” sat on a pedestal under glass in a corner of the room, while Noah's copies of Jagged Ivory's gold and platinum records hung on one wall.

  “No. I take that back. I'm going to shoot him,” he corrected himself almost angrily as he flipped on the lights in the room and marched over to the bar and pulled out two stools.

  Cory gave him a slight roll of the eyes as he crouched down and began to open up his guitar case. Sometimes, Noah's attitude with his dad angered Cory. In his mind, Noah took his dad for granted. When they were younger, Cory had always envied Noah and Otis' two-parent household. Even though they had never actually married, Noah's parents had always been together, and he and Otis had always known what it was like to grow up with two loving parents. They had never been abandoned by either of them.

  “Maybe he has something to teach you, man,” Cory offered as he stood up, guitar in hand. “He has been playing for whole lot longer than we've been alive.” Noah's dad was in his late sixties now, and he had been playing guitar since he was a kid.

  “Oh, okay, Mom,” Noah mumbled sarcastically. When Cory frowned at him he continued, “That's what she says all the time, taking up for him. 'He's just proud of you, sweetheart. He's been playing all his life; he wants to share this with you.'”

  Cory smiled slightly as Noah imitated his mother's voice. “He is proud of you.”

  “Yeah, I know, he's proud of me,” he said with a roll of his eyes. “He's proud of Otis, he's proud of Jagged Ivory, he's proud of our success. But can't he be proud and just stay silent? I mean, I'm not trying to be an ass here but … I'm playing lead guitar in one of the hottest rock bands in the business right now. I don't need guitar lessons from my funk musician father!”

  “Oh, would you just cut him some slack,” Cory responded, his voice rising with sudden anger. “God, what is it with you? His group was hot! For about ten seconds, and then it was over. He never got the chance to ride the crazy wave of success that Jagged Ivory is on right now. You won, Noah! Your band is better than his! You're the better guitarist, okay? But that man loves you! Can
't you just let him live vicariously through you for like a minute? I mean, would that really be so difficult for you to do? To humor him? To just give him that … for a minute!”

  Noah stared at him with a surprised expression, wondering where the hell that had come from. Then he lowered his head and looked away, feeling duly chastised. He was well aware of Cory's daddy issues, and his friend's belief that he was too hard on his own father at times. And he had to admit that Cory usually had a way of putting things into perspective for him on the subject. What would his life really be like if he had grown up without a father like Cory had? He let out a big sigh as he turned toward his guitar, picking it up as he pulled up a stool and sat down. He wasn't sure what had brought on his friend's outburst and it didn't really matter. He knew Cory well. He was one of the few people who knew that behind Cory's normally happy-go-lucky persona was a hurting kid just wishing his dad had come home.

  “I'm sorry, man,” Cory muttered, feeling guilty and a little embarrassed. “I didn't mean …”

  “Don't,” Noah stopped him with a wave of his hand. “It's not necessary, man. You're right. I'm an ass. Let's just forget it.”

  “You're not an ass for complaining about your dad, man,” Cory continued, feeling like an idiot. “I'm an ass for making you feel like an ass,” he smiled, and Noah chuckled. “I wish I had a dad to complain about.”

  Cory's voice was quiet and introspective, and Noah looked over at him with narrowed eyes. “What brought this on today, man?” he asked quietly.

  Cory was silent for a moment and then shook his head. “I don't know. I just came from my mom's,” he said, trying to shrug it off as he plugged his instrument into a waiting amp and took a seat on the stool.

  “Is she okay?”

  “Yeah, she's good,” he smiled. “She said to tell you hi.” He took a deep breath and sighed. He really wanted to change the subject. “So let's finish some songs, man. What we got?”

  They dropped the subject then and got to work, laboring for a couple of hours, going over a handful of songs that were works in progress. As they'd done with their last album, Thank Heaven for Little Girls, they wanted to have at least a few dozen songs to take into the recording studio with them once this current tour was over. No one in the group was a fan of letting the grass grow under their feet. They liked the idea of getting right back into the studio after a tour ended to begin working on the next album. Between the songs he and Noah were writing together and whatever songs Otis was writing, Cory knew they would have a boatload of songs to choose from when recording the next record, and that was the way they liked it.

  When they were finally packing it in for the day, Cory asked lightly, “So where's the lady of the house, man? Did you get sick of her and kick her out already?”

  Noah smiled. “No. Mercy's working. She had to go to her dad's office to talk about Jagged Ivory's new website or something before the tour continues.”

  “So, what's it like having her here?” Cory asked. “You've never lived with a girlfriend before. How's it going?”

  “It's going great, man. I love her being here,” he smiled. “I mean, I'll be honest with you. I was a little worried that I would feel smothered, you know? Having her in my space twenty-four seven! But it hasn't been like that. And I know it hasn't been long but, I've actually started to think of this as our place. I'm already letting her change the furniture and shit! In fact, she's the one who's probably going to end up feeling smothered because, I am so fucking into this girl, I …” his voice trailed off as he searched for the words, and Cory smiled.

  “You love her,” he said simply.

  “I love her,” Noah repeated quietly. “And I knew that I loved her, but now … it's even clearer to me, if that makes any sense.”

  Cory nodded his head as he smiled at his friend. “Makes perfect sense.”

  “So, you tell me,” Noah smiled. “How's married life, dude? I don't think I've asked you that since you've been back.”

  Cory smiled as he thought about Donna and the wedded bliss they'd shared thus far. “Married life is cool. I highly recommend it.”

  “Good to know.”

  “And thanks, by the way. For the flowers and the champagne and food. That was very cool.”

  Noah smiled and rolled his eyes. “That was very Mercy! It was all her idea and her baby. I was just the hired help. Man, you should've seen me carrying in all those flowers!”

  “I figured as much,” Cory laughed. “Still … it was a very cool gesture; we appreciated it. It made coming home special.”

  Noah nodded and smiled. “She will be thrilled when I tell her.”

  “Hey, not to change the subject, but has anyone heard from Benji?” Cory asked.

  “Oh, yeah, man! I meant to tell you, I got a call from him about two days ago. He sounds really good. He says he can't wait to get home.”

  “Yeah? Did he say anything about the tour?”

  “Only that he was looking forward to getting back to work,” Noah answered. “I took that to mean he was feeling up for it.”

  “That is so good to hear. I can't wait to have him back,” Cory said.

  “I think we'll all be relieved once he's back where he belongs.”

  “Yeah. I just hope he can handle it though, you know?” Cory asked. “I mean, I've never been through rehab, but I know that going back to the same environment once you're out is usually not a good idea. And we've been known to do some pretty heavy partying on the road.”

  “Yeah. He's definitely going to have to make some changes, that's for sure,” Noah agreed.

  “Maybe we all should,” Cory offered. “I mean, if we want to help Benji stay clean, maybe we all need to make a few changes on the road.”

  “Yeah? Actually, I'm glad to hear you say that, man. 'Cause I've been thinking about making some changes myself,” Noah confided as he looked his friend in the eye. “I have to. I mean … if I'm being honest … I'm really not all that different from Benji, you know? My drug of choice just happens to be alcohol.”

  Cory studied him for a moment. “Yeah, but you've scaled that way back.”

  “I know. But it's not easy, man. Especially on tour. And you made a good point about all of us making changes on the road,” Noah nodded. “Like you said a while back … it's about time we all stopped acting like a bunch of drunken delinquents and started acting like grown-ups.”

  They talked for a while longer before Cory finally got up to leave. And as he stood, out of the blue, Noah asked, “Hey, Cory … is everything alright with you?”

  “What do you mean?” he asked, already knowing the answer to that question.

  Noah shrugged his shoulders. “I don't know, man. You just … seem a little off today. I know you said your visit to your mom's got to you but … is there something else?”

  Normally, Cory cherished their bond. But right now, he was cursing it. Noah knew him too well, and Cory didn't want to talk about his troubles. But maybe he needed to. And if he couldn't talk to Noah, who could he talk to? He was quiet for a long moment as he stared at the guitars hanging on the opposite wall. Then he took a deep breath and sighed.

  “I guess I've been thinking a lot lately about … fathers and sons,” he said.

  Noah studied his friend's profile for a moment, and then he smiled slightly. “Is Donna pregnant?”

  Cory shook his head. “No. And I guess that's part of the problem,” he answered honestly. “We talked about kids when I asked her to marry me. We've talked about kids a lot, actually. Even before I proposed. And we agreed that we wanted to start a family right away.”

  “That's cool, isn't it?”

  “It would be. If Donna hadn't suddenly changed her mind,” he said, tearing his gaze away from the wall of guitars and meeting Noah's eyes. “She asked for two years so that she can focus on her movie career first. It's not a big deal really. Except, why wouldn't she have brought this up back when we were planning our future, you know? That's the part I don't get. She h
ad to know she felt this way. She had just made one movie and was about to start filming on another, so it had to have crossed her mind at some point. So why not bring it up then? Why let me go around thinking one thing, when she intended to do another?”

  Noah said nothing as he stared at him. He knew that Cory really wanted kids. He talked about it quite a bit. And he also knew that it was sort of a personal challenge he had set for himself. To prove to himself and to the universe that he could be a better father than the one he had been given. Fatherhood was something Noah knew his friend just needed to do.

  “And the kicker is that, I honestly never realized that it was so important to me until she postponed it,” Cory continued. “I want to be supportive of her career, you know? I mean … what kind of husband would I be if I didn't do that? But when she said she wanted to wait a couple years … all of a sudden it just felt like something was really wrong.”

  “What do you mean, wrong?” Noah asked.

  Cory shrugged. “I don't know. I'm not sure.”

  “You mean wrong as in … wrong between the two of you?”

  Cory thought about his words for a moment and then shrugged again. “I don't know.”

  Noah wasn't sure what to say as he looked at him. He seemed so bewildered. And he didn't want to open up a can of worms, but he had to say what he was thinking. Or rather, what he knew Cory was thinking. “You're afraid that maybe she doesn't want kids at all, and she just doesn't know how to tell you.”

  Cory said nothing in response. But he didn't have to. The deep frown that knit his brow and the expression of fear in his eyes said it all for him.