The Essential Jagged Ivory (Jagged Ivory Boxed Set)

by Lashell Collins

  She pushed those foolish thoughts away as they resumed their Xbox game, battling it out in Marvel vs. Capcom 3. Over the last month of Jagged Ivory's trek across the country, Fae had come to learn that video gaming was one of Benji's favorite pastimes, and he always traveled with his game console and several games. She had also discovered that his penchant for graphic novels and comic books stemmed from his reading difficulties. When he ran away from foster care back when he was fifteen and ended up living on the streets, he also never went back to high school. As a result, Benji only had a ninth grade education. So although he enjoyed reading, he wasn't very good at it, and the nature of the graphic novels with their detailed pictures and limited number of words helped him to better comprehend the text. So he would buy tons of them and gradually work his way through them in an effort to better his reading skills. It was a revelation to Fae, and one that only served to endear him to her even more. They would spend several hours each week curled up on the bed as he slowly read to her from his collection, sounding out the words that gave him trouble, and Fae felt honored that he would share that part of himself with her.

  As they continued their virtual battle, she couldn't keep her mind on the game. Instead she let it wander briefly over the past month as she thought about the progression of their friendship. After that first show in L.A., they had quickly fallen into a comfortable post-show routine of sharing a late dinner and then movies or video games in his hotel room. In fact, it wasn't long after they left California and hit the road that Benji had asked their manager to have Fae booked into a room on the same floor as the band in whatever hotel Jagged Ivory was staying in. That way, he didn't have to worry about having someone take her back to her hotel in the mornings, and she didn't have to always worry about being late for load in. It had been a thoughtful thing for him to do, but it had also caused more than a little gossip among her fellow roadies. Fae didn't care though. She would take the whispers and sneers of her coworkers if it meant that she could still spend time with Benji.

  And spending time together is exactly what they did. On days the band had a show, she would get up early and get cracking. She made sure that she always arrived early for load in so that none of the other crew could accuse her of special treatment or slacking off. And, as usual, she worked her ass off both before and during the show. Then when the show was over, she and Benji would grab a bite. Most of the time they would eat in the hotel's restaurant, and occasionally Noah and Mercy would join them. And after their meal, they would head up to the band's floor. Usually, she would go to her room first and get out of her day clothes and into her comfy pajama pants and a t-shirt. Then she would go to his room and they would watch movies or play games or read, or simply talk for hours.

  Even on off days when the band didn't have a show, they would usually hang out together, sometimes getting out their basses and playing around for a while. And Fae felt so privileged for those private jam sessions. She was learning so much from him that it was insane! She could already tell a big improvement in her own bass skills because of him.

  And if the guys were going somewhere fun on those off days, like sightseeing or to an amusement park or a cool restaurant for dinner, Benji would always invite her along. She was a little leery at first, thinking the rest of the band might not appreciate her constant presence. But she was delighted to find all of the guys really open and welcoming, and it helped that Mercy was always around too. She knew that Mercy and Noah were a couple, but the fact that she also worked for the band's management firm somehow put Fae at ease. It made her feel less like a groupie or a hanger-on and more like a member of the Jagged Ivory team. Like she also had a legitimate reason for being there besides her massive crush on Benji.

  “Oh, come on,” he growled, shooting her a look. “You're not even trying anymore!”

  “Huh?” Fae mumbled, snapping out of her head.

  Benji put the game controller down and looked at her. “You okay? You're not paying attention at all,” he said, studying her eyes.

  “Oh. I'm sorry,” she said with a small frown. “I just got a little distracted.”

  “What's on your mind?” he asked, shutting off the game and taking the other controller out of her hands. He put the game away and then sat back down, turning in his chair to face her.

  “What?” she asked, wide-eyed.

  Benji cocked his head at her and then chuckled. “You are acting weird tonight,” he smiled at her. “What's going on?”

  “Nothing!” Her voice was insistent as she looked at him. “I'm sorry, I'm just … in a strange mood, I guess.”

  Benji frowned at her. “Well, did I do something? Are you really mad at me?” he asked with raised eyebrows.

  “No! Benji, I'm not mad at you,” she smiled. “I guess I'm just tired of video games, that's all.”

  “I'm sorry,” he frowned. “I thought you liked that game.”

  “I do like that game. But we've been playing it for the past three hours,” she moaned.

  He laughed at her as his fingers scratched at his well-trimmed beard. “Okay, okay. I get your point,” he smiled. “You sleepy?”

  “Yes! I'm about to fall over,” she smiled as she stood up and walked over to the bed.

  “Oh, and I guess you think you're sleeping in my bed tonight?” he smiled as he watched her crawl over top of it and pull back the covers before slipping between the sheets.

  She giggled at him as she snuggled in. “I'm too tired to walk across the hall,” she pouted. And he lightheartedly rolled his eyes at her as he stood up and began to unfasten his jeans.

  “Yeah, right,” he mumbled. “Too tired. You just want the opportunity to molest me while I'm sleeping. You think I don't know what you're up to, but I am hip to your game, girlie. Hanging onto me in the middle of the night like I'm a teddy bear or something. You make me feel used.” Fae's giggles turned to soft laughter as he continued to mumble quietly, spouting his playful protests under his breath as he pulled off his jeans and sat on the edge of the bed.

  He turned off the light and climbed into bed wearing a pair of navy blue briefs and a plain white t-shirt. And as he lay back against the pillows, he thought about their strange relationship. Over the last month, they had spent many nights just like this one. Sitting around in their pajamas, laughing and talking and playing games or watching movies until late into the night. Like a couple of kids having a sleepover. And it was cool because there was absolutely no pressure anymore. Fae had finally gotten over her awkwardness around him and they had an easy, comfortable rapport going on. He had even felt safe enough with her to share his reading problem, something he didn't do with anyone. The only reason his brothers knew about it was because he had to tell them back when Jagged Ivory was about to sign their recording contract. Mike had told them all to read over the contracts before their next meeting, and Benji had had no choice but to tell them his secret. He'd been scared and ashamed, but they had each responded like it was no big deal, telling him that they would all read over it together. And that's exactly what they did, going over it slowly for his benefit.

  Fae had reacted in much the same way, telling him how great it was that he kept trying to get better at it. She told him that she admired him for doing that, and she asked if he would read to her. He had been afraid to at first. But she made him feel so comfortable and so secure somehow. Like he was safe in her hands. And she didn't look over his shoulder as he read to her either. She didn't make him feel like she was waiting for him to mess up. Instead it was like she was hanging on his every word, eager to find out what was going to happen next in the story. She told him she liked the sound of his voice. She actually made him want to read to her. It was nuts.

  It was as if they had known each other forever. Neither one of them could have explained it if they'd had to, but somehow over the course of the five short weeks that Jagged Ivory had been on the road, they had become the best of friends. He clicked with her in a way that was completely foreign to him. The only
thing he had to compare it to was his relationship with the guys. But Benji had been astonished to find that he could talk to Fae about things that he couldn't even begin to tell his brothers. He had never experienced that kind of total connection with a woman before. But somehow he recognized in her the same tortured spirit that he carried around himself, and he was drawn to it. Like they were just two lost souls that needed to find one another.

  They did everything together. Including sleep, most of the time. Sometimes she would go back to her own room after they finally called it a night, but not often. And he had been joking with his 'teddy bear' comment before, but it wasn't far off the mark. Whenever she slept in his bed they would inevitably end up in some form of a cuddle. He would wake in the middle of the night to find her head leaning on his shoulder or even resting on his chest, and he wouldn't hesitate to pull her into his arms. Hell, half the time, morning would find them in a spooning position. And it felt so damn good waking up with her like that! But their relationship had never gotten physical, and not because there wasn't plenty of sexual tension swirling around between them. But because Benji always made a conscious effort to keep it platonic. He wasn't certain what Fae felt for him, but he knew how he felt about her. She had become so important to him in such a short amount of time. But he always tried to stay mindful of what she had said early on about not getting involved with an addict. That thought helped to keep the longing he felt for her in check. That, and the knowledge that he needed to concentrate on his recovery, not on pursuing a romantic relationship.

  He sighed as he thought about it, placing one arm behind his head as he got comfortable. And he glanced sideways in the dark when he felt Fae moving closer to him.

  “And what do you think you're doing?” he asked softly as she gently took hold of his free arm and laid her head on his shoulder.

  Fae could hear the smile in his voice. “Hanging on to my teddy bear,” she whispered innocently. He tried not to chuckle, but he couldn't help it.

  “Come here,” he whispered, moving to take her into his arms. She laid her head on his chest and snuggled in close. And Benji squeezed her for a moment, inhaling deeply as her dark curls tickled his nose.

  “Goodnight, Benji,” she whispered sleepily.

  He lightly kissed the top of her head as he held her. “Sweet dreams, Fae.”

  *****

  She sat at a small table across from Mercy, sipping on a non-fat caramel latte in a designer coffee shop in New York City. They were taking a well-earned break from their long morning of shopping and sale hunting. Fae had been happily surprised when Mercy invited her to go shopping with her, but since they were the only two females connected with the band or crew right now, they had sort of bonded a little over the last month or so. Especially since Fae was now routinely booked into the band's hotels and had become a full-fledged member of their inner circle.

  She had quickly discovered that she liked Mercy. She was fun to be around and easy to talk to, and Fae enjoyed her company because she didn't actually have a whole lot of girlfriends to speak of. Not ones her age anyway. She had always been something of a loner in high school because all of the girls there thought she was odd for being so into music, and they didn't understand her fascination with working the backline. Most of the females she knew these days were either friends of Wayne and Dave's and in their age bracket, or they were people she had met through one of her various teching positions. So, even though Fae wasn't what you would call a shopaholic or a slave to fashion, she had jumped at the chance to have some real “girl time,” and Mercy had made it a fun day so far as they spent the morning cruising the upper east side's Madison Avenue, hitting shops like Barneys, Céline, and Tory Birch.

  “Well, I was reluctant when Noah first suggested Chuck come with us, but I have to admit, it's been really nice having someone to carry bags and do the driving,” Mercy said with a guilty little smile as she talked about Noah's bodyguard. “I could get used to this!”

  Fae giggled at the expression on her new friend's face. “From what I can tell, it looks like you may very well have to,” Fae said, smiling at her.

  “What do you mean?”

  Fae shot her a smile that said, 'really?' “You two look pretty cozy to me. And you live together. It's only a matter of time before you make it legal,” she said.

  “Oh! I don't know about that,” Mercy said with a small laugh. “Noah is wonderful, and I love him so much. And I know that he loves me too, but … I'm not sure marriage is even in his vocabulary.”

  “What?” Fae frowned at her.

  “No, I'm serious,” Mercy said taking a quick sip of her French Vanilla cappuccino. “You know, everybody thinks that Noah is this really complicated, moody artist. And it's true that he can be very temperamental at times, especially when it has to do with the music. But when it comes right down to it, at his core he is really a very simple guy with simple needs. He's got a roof over his head, he's got his music, his brothers, and he's got his girl,” she shrugged. “For him, that's happiness. I'm not sure marriage factors into that equation for him.”

  “And what about you? Does it factor into your equation?”

  Mercy gave her an exaggerated shrug of her shoulders and an almost embarrassed smile, but she didn't answer.

  “Well, would you want to marry him someday?”

  “Of course I would,” she finally answered with a timid voice. “But I don't see him asking anytime soon.”

  “Are you kidding me?” Fae asked her with a raised eyebrow. “Mercy, have you seen the way that man looks at you? He is so completely in love with you! I would not be at all surprised if you two are engaged within a year.”

  Mercy laughed out loud at her prediction. “Well if we weren't talking about my life, I would suggest we turn that into a wager!” Her voice was lighthearted and full of joy, and Fae could easily see the hope behind her eyes. She really did love him. And whenever Fae watched the two of them together, she could clearly see that the feeling was mutual.

  “But what about you?” Mercy said suddenly, taking another sip of her cappuccino.

  “What do you mean?”

  “Well, back at you. I mean, I know you and Benji haven't been together long, but things seem to be going really well between you,” Mercy smiled.

  Fae could feel herself blushing profusely. “Oh. Um. I …” She stammered, completely tongue-tied and wishing the floor would just open up and swallow her whole. “I'm afraid you've gotten the wrong idea about Benji and me. We're not … together, together. We're just friends. And colleagues! I mean we're … just … um …”

  Mercy stared at her with wide, astonished eyes as she listened to her stumble over an explanation of her and Benji's relationship. And she smiled at Fae's obvious distress. Raising both hands as if to stop her from digging her hole any deeper, she chuckled as she said, “Whoa, whoa, whoa! Okay, I don't think either one of us believed that load of bullshit that just came streaming out of your mouth, so why don't you take a breath … and then calmly tell me the truth.”

  Fae closed her eyes and let out a heavy, defeated sigh as she hung her head. And when she looked back up at Mercy she smiled at the encouraging expression on her friend's face. “Okay. The truth is that …” She paused for a moment as she worked out exactly what she wanted to say. “The simple truth is that Benji's friendship means everything to me. The honest, and therefore more complicated truth is that … I'm crazy about him. I have been since the start of this tour. At first, it was just an infatuation because he is my idol when it comes to the bass. But after Joe left and I became Benji's tech, and I got to know him …” She let the end of that sentence dangle as she slowly shook her head.

  “Well, he's obviously crazy about you too,” Mercy offered.

  Fae rolled her eyes at that comment. “I don't know about that. He made it clear from the very beginning that we are strictly friends. Nothing more. We spend so much time together, and have so much fun. And at times it feels like more than friends
hip. You've probably even seen us holding hands, but … our relationship has always been platonic. He's never even kissed me.”

  Mercy frowned at her. “Are you kidding me?” she asked. And Fae silently shook her head once more. “Well, that doesn't make any sense, because he is clearly into you! He's always so sweet and attentive to you.”

  Fae smiled sadly at her. “It does make sense. From his point of view anyway.”

  “I don't understand.”

  “Well, he told me that his priority has to be his recovery, not a romantic relationship,” Fae explained. “And I don't blame him, I mean … he should put his recovery first. He has to.”

  “Wow,” Mercy whispered, frowning slightly.

  “I know your situation with Noah is different,” Fae said quietly.

  “Yeah,” Mercy confirmed. “You know, Noah's a very determined person. That's just his personality. And I know everyone thinks that I stepped in and cleaned him up, but that is nowhere near the truth. I never asked him to stop drinking. He did that on his own. For himself, not for me. And he never went to rehab, but he has been going to meetings. But I guess, if he had started the process before we got together … I would probably be in the same boat you're in now.”

  Fae studied her for a moment. “Has it been difficult at all? Dealing with his sobriety?”

  Mercy took a deep breath as she thought about the question. “Well … like I said, Noah's a very determined person. And he brings that determination to everything he does. He can be really intense sometimes.” She paused for a moment and then fixed Fae with a serious expression. “No one else knows this except my dad, but … Noah asked Mike to get him a printout of the times and locations of several meetings in each city along this leg of the tour.”