Cracked

by Lisett Alonso

  Everything refers to an L shape couch a lamp and a cool coffee table that turns into a desk, which is perfect because I can do homework there. I decided to order some clothes for the fall because I don’t have any sweaters. When I am done with that. I get a notification on my Instagram. I haven’t used the app in the longest of time. Looking at the notification I notice it was a friend request from Monica. I declined it. I looked over my pictures, all the memories were there. every single one of them. I scrolled and scrolled. Tears appeared in my eyes. I wipe them away. I went to settings and erased my account.

  “Fresh start. That’s what I need.” I decided to make a new Instagram. When I log in with my phone suggestions of people come up. Monica and Ethan both come up. I follow them. Their profile is public so I check it out. The most recent post from Monica is from an older woman smiling. “Rest in peace grams. No one will be a better mother figure then you were.” I decided to call her to see how she was doing. The call goes straight to voicemail. I hang up and sent her a text.

  Leah- Hey, saw your post my condolences to you are your family. I am here for you. Sometimes is easier to talk to a stranger, so I’m here for you.

  I wait to see if she would reply, but she does not. I figured as much. I know that when someone is in this state of mind one just wants to be alone.

  I decided to text Ethan too.

  Leah- Hey, I saw Monica’s post just wanted to let you know that I am here to talk if you need it.

  Again, no reply.

  Thinking about death has brought some dangerous thoughts forward. Before I know what, I am doing I’m logging into my old Facebook account and I’m checking my mom’s page.

  Bruch with my babies before college. I am going to miss them so much!

  There was a picture of her, my dad and my two older brothers. They are hugging and smiling up to the camera. Those smiles do not reach their eyes. I follow my dads’ hand and see that he is touching my moms’ belly. When I look at it, I notice my mom has a huge pregnant belly. Holy mother of god. My mom got pregnant with my brothers when she was seventeen than three years after she got pregnant with me. They decided not to have more kids till my little brother came around when I was nine. My mom had everything she wanted. Did not want more kids. I guess that changed after… I choke up. I cannot even think about it. I keep scrolling down her posts.

  The twins gender reveal!

  I clicked on the video, a couple of minutes pass and my mom and dad pull open a box and both pink and blue balloons come out of the box. I guess I am having another little brother and the sister I always wanted. It hits hard when I realize that I will not be part of their life. I realize they won’t know who I am or who they are. I close my laptop and push it away from me. So engrossed in my thoughts I don’t realize my phone has been ringing. When I go pick up the call ends. When I check the caller ID, I notice is an unknow number. I call back, they pick up on the first ring.

  “Hey.” I soon realize Luke’s voice.

  “Hey” I reply. “Everything okay with Ethan and Monica?”

  “As good as they can be in times like these.”

  “Yea I understand.”

  “What are you doing? Are you busy?”

  “No I am not. what’s up?” Before he answers he calls me on Facetime. I answer the call.

  “Hey.”

  “You already said that.” I laugh.

  “Yea well now I can officially see you. Are you ready for tomorrow?” He asks me.

  “As ready as ill ever be.” He shakes his head

  “Yea I feel you, first days can be tough, but don’t worry, we got your back.” I nod

  “Thank you.”

  “So…”

  “So. Why did you call?” I question him.

  “We left so abruptly that I wanted to let you know why we left.” I nod

  “Yea I saw Monica’s post.”

  “Yea she is more open about that stuff. Give me your Instagram so I can follow you.” I nod

  “I’ll sent it to you through text. Also send me the pictures you took of me the other day; I don’t have anything to post. I just made my account.” He nods and sends them to me. I sent him my profile.

  “Why did you just make one? You didn’t have one?”

  “I did, but I erased it. wanted to start fresh and all that.” He nods

  “Hey send me the ones you took of me. I want to post them too.”

  “No can-do sir.”

  “why?”

  “Because they are mine.” I grind

  “Seriously?”

  “Alright I’ll send you one.” I sent him the one he is paying attention to me and keep the off guard for myself.

  “Wow this is a really nice pic.” It was indeed. “Do you take professional pictures or something?”

  “I took a class in my old high school, so I picked some stuff up.” He nods

  “That is cool, hey I’m going to go to sleep. I have practice in the morning.”

  “Alright good night.”

  “Good night.” We hang up. Its only after nine when we hang up. I put my computer into my school bag as well of the charger and then head to bed.

  Like usually I lay flat on my back. Look up to the ceiling till I fall asleep. My head starts to go over the events of today, Luke kissing me, and touching me. Needing him. Those feelings should not be there, they should not be happening. I need to put an end to this before it even starts. With the thought in my head, I head off to sleep.

  Chapter 10

  “Noah? Noah, where are you?”

  “I am here just follow my voice.”

  “Noah I can’t see you come out! Noah”

  “BOO!

  “Noah, you gave me a heart attack. Come let’s go. We need to leave.”

  “I can’t leave Lee.”

  “Why can’t you leave? Yes you can come on.” I go to grab his hand but mine just goes straight through his.

  “What the hell Noah stop playing, we need to leave.”

  “I can’t leave, Lee, I can’t you put me here.” His face went from an angelic one to looking like a candle melting. His face started to disform; his eye was starting to melt away to.

  “Noah, what’s wrong? Noah!” I reach for him, but he is no longer there. Suddenly everything goes up in flames. I turn and turn. I can’t find him. Where is he?

  Noah!

  September 3

  I wake up in a cold sweat. The dream flashes behind my eyes. I breath in and hold it. After a couple of seconds, I let it go. I grab my phone from the nightstand. Four-ten am. I sighted and got up. It was still dark out. I went to the bathroom and took a quick a shower. When I get out I brush my teeth and apply my usual makeup. I do not know the person looking back at me in the mirror. As I look at myself, I notice that I have lost weight. My cheeks are more prominent than ever. The bags under my eyes are noticeable. I look like I have not slept in ages. I sight and decided to apply some concealer, on and some BB cream. When I finished I put on my contacts.

  When I was in California, my parents hated looking at my different color eyes, they said it freaked them out. So, because I already used glasses, they decided to get me color contacts that also helped my vision. I been wearing contacts since I was 6 and was diagnose with myopia. It was hard to read things from far. Ever since then I have been using these contacts. it was a really shitty thing to do as parents but back then I thought they were trying to protect me. Now I know better.

  I head over to the closet and grab a pair of black jeans. They are high waisted. I decided to pair that with a white t-shirt that I tucked into my jeans. On top of that I put my Wake and Bake shirt, grab my white converse and head to the kitchen. I make my self a coffee and grab one of the croissant’s that I brough up from the bakery. I put ham and cheese in and heat it up. After eating I check the time, it was 5:15. I decided to head down to the bakery to open. I put my book bag in the trunk of the car and head inside the bakery through the back door. I grab an apron and start to heat up t
he ovens and turn the coffee machine on. I then turned on every light and put the pastries inside the oven. I open at five thirty on the dot and twenty minutes later I am taking the pastries out of the oven. No one comes in till six. After the first customer, more people pile in. The morning goes by fast and before I know It its 7:20 and Elia and Theodore are walking inside the shop. I look at them and smile.

  “Good morning sweetheart. Was the morning to busy?”

  I shake my head. “Nothing I can’t handle.” I go and make myself a cup of coffee and start taking off my apron. I take the tips that I made out and put them on my pocket. “How did you grandson behave?”

  “Not too bad, just excited to see his babysitter.” I nod my head.

  “Alright I’m off to school. Do you need me to do anything else for you?”

  “No sweetheart, thank you for all the help. Have a great day at school!”

  “Thank you, Elia. I’ll see you at 2.” I grab my coffee and turn around to leave but I bump into someone. Good thing I covered my coffee with an anti-spill top.

  “sorry, I say.” I look up and see Luke standing there with Ethan by his side and some other guys.

  “Its cool. heading to school already?”

  “Yea, I have to get gas on my way there.” I look at Ethan and walk up to him.

  “Hey how are you?” he smiles sadly.

  “I have been better. How about you.”

  “I have been worse.” I go on my tippy toes and hug him. “Just know she is in a better place looking down at you. And is right next to you when you need her.” I whisper. He puts his hands around me and squeezes hard. Saying does words turn my stomach upside down. I wish I could believe them, I wish I couple believe what I preach.

  “Thank you.” I let go of him and nod.

  “Bye Ethan, bye Luke.” I wave and make eye contact with Luke. He seems annoyed and just looks away and goes to order. I turn around and head to my car. Whatever his deal is, I do not want to be part of it.

  Once I reach my car, I put my coffee on the hood and take my work shirt off. I fold it and grab my coffee, head to the trunk, and grab my bag and put the shirt inside. Once inside my car I put some perfume on and leave to put gas. I arrive at school at school at seven fifty five, and the parking lot is buzzing with students. Class starts at 8:10 so it makes senses. I get out of my car and head to the front doors. I see Luke in a distance with Makenzie wrapped around his neck and Ethan with his girlfriend. Monica is with them too. I decided I will see her in class and head inside. I take out my schedule and remember I have gym first period. I head to gym and see that no one is there yet. I sit at the bleachers and take my phone out, I see that I have a bunch of notification from Instagram and look at it. A bunch of people are requesting to follow me. I do not know any of them, but I saw them around at the party, so I accept them. I follow some back. A couple minutes later the gym starts to get full Monica walks in with Brianna. They spot me and start heading towards me.

  “Hey Bitch!!” I smile at her, she looks tired, her voice is not as cheerful and the smile that she has on does not quite reach her eyes.

  “Hey girl.” I get up and hug her. I give her a tight hug. I know that she needs it. So, I let it go as long as she needs it. After a couple of seconds, she pulls back and looks at me.

  “Thank you.” I nod and sit back down with her by my side.

  “Hey Brianna.” I greet her. She smiles back.

  “Hey how are you? And just call me Bri.” I nod

  “I am good how are you.”

  “Good, kind of exited that school started, I can’t believe is senior year already.” I smile

  “Yea time does fly doesn’t it?”

  “yea.” We stop making noise when the teacher walks in. He is dress in a red shirt with black basketball shorts.

  “Alright ill wait a couple of more minutes for the rest of the class.” What I told Brianna gets to me. Time does fly. Today would have been his first day of high school. Mom would had made us take back to school pictures. I would have teased him about his funny tie that the school made boys wear. I would have looked for him in the hallways and asked him how his days was going. I would have taught him what teacher was good and which one was a pain, I would have taught him the ropes of high school. But that’s never going to happen. He will never get to experience that.

  My thoughts get interrupted when Ethan, Luke and the same boys from this morning sit behind me. As soon as they did. The teacher started talking.

  “Welcome back, seniors!” Everyone in the gym erupted in cheers. Expect me. “alright, alright come down. I am glad you guys are wide awake. So, let’s start with some ground rules. First you are to have your swimming equipment tomorrow. We are going to start the first half of the semester with swimming. Then the second one will be regular gym class. Girls, you are to ware one-piece swimsuits, or a long swimsuit is allowed as well. If you want to put swimming shorts you can as well. But by no means are you to ware two-piece swimsuits nor swimsuits that shows your breast area or stomach. If you do, points will be taken off, and you will get a written up. Boys you are having to have swim shorts on, it could be the flowy one or the tight one. No other type of short is allowed. You can get a swimming shirt, or you can be topless. Its your choice. Everyone needs to bring goggles, you do not need to wear a cap, but girls please make sure your hair is out of your face at all times. You will have 5 minutes to change you need to be out in the pool by 8:15. If you are not there you are absent, if something happens and it causes you to be late, come to me after class and we will talk. We will finish class 10 minute earlier so you have time to change. Use your time wisely.” He continues talking about rules and I just stop listening. 10 minutes later the class starts talking and the teacher walks back into his office. The guys turn around and start talking to the girls. I stay quite and listen to the conversation.

  “its not fair,10 minutes is not enough time to change and put my makeup on.” Brianna huffs out.

  “I know right?” they look at me.

  “um I just wear waterproof mascara and eyeliner. So, I’m good.” They look shocked. “But I do get you.” The guys snickers and I looked at them glaring. This makes them bust out laughing more. I roll my eyes.

  “You seriously don’t out any more make up on?” Brianna asks looking at me face.

  “Well today I put some BB cream and concealer. I went to sleep super late last night.” Brianna hangs her mouth open.

  “how do you such clear skin? What products do you use?” The hell I say to that. I do not use anything I just have good genes. I mean I break out during my period but that is it.

  “I um, I use this mask.” Yea a mask should be good. Please do not ask me what it is made from.

  Of course, things don’t go my way and she ask, “OMG which one, I need the recipe for it.” When I was about to tell her some bull, the bell rang.

  “I’ll text it to you ok?” She nods and I get up and grab my bag. I say goodbye to everyone and head for the door. I feel a tug at my wrist and see Luke there.

  “What class do you have now?”

  “Umm let me see.” I pull out my schedule from my bag and look “I have AP Statistics with Mr. Groover. How about you?”

  “I actually do too, lets go.” We start walking to class then he asks, “You don’t really use a mask, do you?” I look at him.

  “Dude no. I just have good genes, I didn’t know how to say that without sounding rude.” I look up at him and he frowns.

  “Don’t call me dude.” I laugh and shake my head.

  “Why not Dude?” I challenged him.

  “Because I’m m-“

  “BABE, hold up.” We look back and see Makenzie running behind us trying to catch up. Luke’s back stiffen.

  “Don’t call me babe.” He tells her with an annoyed look in his face.

  She pouts. “Why not, I thought we fixed things today?” she shoves me out of the way. “Can you please move? I’m talking to my boyfriend.” She snarl
s back at me. I arch an eyebrow then role my eyes.

  “I’ll see you in class.” I say to Luke as I leave. I am not in the mood for her drama and her stupid high school show. When I reach class, I walk in and sit all the way in the end, by the window. There are seats empty all around me, there is only one other person in here and is a student that’s in the front of the class. I start to take out my Laptop when the door opens and in walks Luke. He comes and sits in the seat next to me. He takes his own laptop out.

  “Sorry about Makenzie.” He mumbles.

  “Its fine, I can care less about her and her problems.” Luke nods and does not say anything else. After a couple of minutes Luke looks at me.

  “Why do you put color contacts on? Why do you hide your uniqueness?” I was about to answer when the teacher walks in.

  “Alright class quiet down.” He puts his bag in the desk and start to write in the board. “My name is Mr. Groover. I will be your AP stats teacher for this semester, if you don’t know what AP stats is get out of my classroom and ask for a transfer to a regular class.” When no one gets up he continues. “ok, I am going to pass and piece of paper around every day, you have to put your name on it, if your name is not in it your absent for that day. If your late you need to speak to me after class but don’t make a habit out of it.” He continues talking the same thing every teacher talks about. “Now open your computer and check your emails. You should have gotten the link to the stats book. Your notes will be taken by hand so pull out a paper and open up to page 1 of your book and let us start.”

  Twenty minutes later and I space out looking out the window. I feel a tap on my shoulder and come back to earth.

  “Ms. Amos is it? Can you please answer what Independent Variable means without looking at your book?” The teacher arched an eyebrow at me.

  I nod. “Independent Variable…” I think for a moment

  “For today Ms. Amos.” He smirks. Thinking I did not know the answer.