I look up at him, “It means treatment intervention, act, or situation that is applied to the experimental subjects and suppressed from the control subjects.”
“Ok good, answer this, True or false, the concern of reliability studies is to not estimate the consistency of scores across repeated observations.” He smirks again. When I don’t answer right away, he starts talking. “You should be paying ate-“
I interrupted him. “False. If you would have said that the studies reliability is to estimate, then it would have been true.” I look at him, he looks surprised I knew that. He doesn’t say anything else and goes back to teaching. Luke has a small smirk playing out on his lips. I smirk back. Fifteen more minutes pass and the bells rings. I grab my stuff and head to my next class.
“What do you have now?” Luke gets up and gathers his things as well.
“Ap World Lit. How about you?”
“Same, with Mrs. Lewis?” I nod and start to head out the door.
“Were you actually paying attention in class?” I look to my side.
“No, my old school covered basic statistics in my Ap Calc class after we took the exam, and well I read the book so its in here.” I point to my head.
“You just remembered that? Just because you read it once?”
“Hmm yes. I should probably tell you I have a photographic memory.”
“Wow seriously?”
I nod. “Yea, I mean if I am interested one the subject I will remember. If I’m not then no.” We reach our class in no time and head to the back of the class. The teacher is not here yet.
“How does it work do you just see things once and then boom is in your head forever or what?”
‘No is not. if is information I have to read it of course. Unless I try to remember it again, it won’t be in my head. For picture and scenery, is like a memory I can pull up and just see it and zoom into. Is weird.”
“It really is but is cool. Anyways are you going to answer my question from earlier?” I look at him dumbfounded; I knew what he was referring too but I was trying to stall as much as possible. “You know exactly what I’m talking about.”
I grunted. “I started using contacts since 6 because I have myopia. So, my parents decided just to get color contacts. They did not really like that I had to different color eyes. It just sticked.” I shrugged. “Now keep it yourself, you are the only one who knows.”
“What do y-” He went quite when the a couple of more students walked in with the teacher. “Well finish this conversation later.” I nodded but I had no plan to continue this conversation. A second before the bell rang, Makenzie open the door and walked in. She looked around and saw where Luke was, she smiles and then looked to my side and it turned into glare. If looks cool kill, I would be cremated and thrown in the ocean already. I have never seen such a nasty glare in my life. I look away when the teacher tells her to find a seat. She sits right behind Luke.
“Good morning class. I don’t want to talk about rules and all that, because you guys should know by now.” She goes to her desk and grabs a stack of books and starts to pass them around. “Because this is AP World Literature, were going to read books from all around the world, the first few weeks of will be dedicated to the classical and tragic love between Romeo and Juliet.” Grunts were heard around the room. As much as I did not want to re-read this book I didn’t complain. “I know you have probably seen the movie, but trust me reading it is completely different, and we are going to act it out.” She finishes passing the books the goes to the front of the room and grabs a little bowl. She goes around the room with it. “Take one paper but do not read it till I finish.” A minute later she is done. “Alright open it.” I open the paper and of course I get Juliet. I close my eyes and grunt inwardly. I look over at Luke and he shows me his paper. I burst out laughing. He got Romeo. I hear a grunt behind me. Both Luke and I look back and see Makenzie banging her head in the desk. I glance down to her paper and see that she got the maid. “Alright raise your hand when I call your name and tell me what you got.” After everyone finished giving their name out, she made us discuss the book.
“It’s a tragic love.” Some says.
“Yes, it is, what do you think about their love.” No one answers. I clear my throat.
“I think their love was never love and what they had was doomed from the beginning.”
“Explain.” The teacher leaned against the chair.
“Well Juliet was a thirteen hormonal teenage girl, and Romeo, even though his age was never disclosed, it was usually portrayed as a sixteen- to twenty-one-year-old guy. The age difference, no the maturity difference was the first sign that their love was doomed. Then the fact that their family hated each other was another one. I think that they just wanted each other because they wanted to have the one thing that they could not. The one thing their family said no to. Due to their age, they were in a period of rebellion. By being with each other they rebelled against their family.”
“This is true, don’t you think that this would have just made the bond that they had stronger?” You don’t think that this would make them connect because they had that in common? “
I shake my head. “No, having things in common doesn’t make one love for another stronger, it just makes you have something in common. Love is something that develops slowly, you don’t fall in love in matter of seconds or days, one falls in loves every day, because each day, they realize and see things that just makes them love a person harder, and more. People who say I love you in a matter of days or weeks, is not really in love with the person they are with, they are just in love with what they have with that person. When what they have changes, they think that they stop loving that person, but in reality, you were never in love with them, and this is the moment that breaks or makes a relationship.”
Everyone stays quiet when the teacher was about to talk the bell rings. I gather my stuff and get up.
“hey what-” Luke starts but I cut him off.
“AP sociology, you?”
“Biology.” I nod
“Alright see you later.” I wave and leave the class. Halfway to my class I remember I forgot to grab a packet from the teacher’s desk.
“Fuck.” I murmur and head back to class. Before I open the door. I glance through the window and see Luke and Makenzie kissing. Not just sweet kissing, but full-on kissing. I thought they were not dating. Oh well. I open the door and they stop.
“Leah what are-“Luke started to say at the same time Makenzie says
“what the fuck do you want?” I head over to the teacher’s desk and pick up a packet.
“Forgot to get one. Carry on.” I turn around and close the door.
This is what I meant about ending things before they started, I did not want drama and I did not have the time for it.
He needs to decide if he wants her or not, or better yet, I need to just stay away from him and his flirting ways. I get to Ap sociology and as soon as the door closes the bell rings. I head to the back and find a seat. There are not many people in this class which I like. The teacher starts talking and I just block him out. A few minutes later he is passing a paper, when it gets to me is a pre-test to see what we know. I recognize some stuff, so I start to fill it out. Twenty minutes later and I am done. No one has gotten up, so I don’t either. If anyone is done you can bring your test up and work on something else. I decided to give him the test and start working on the English packet. Twenty more minutes pass and I am done with the first pages of the packet. The bell rings and I put everything back in my binder. I then head to self-fence. Before I get there, my phone vibrates, and I see that is Elia calling. I re-direct to the bathroom and pick up.
“Hey Elia, is everything okay?”
“Hey sweetheart sorry to bother you. I was calling you to tell you not to come into work. We had to close early because the ovens are not working. We used them this morning and then like fifteen minutes ago they stopped working. I think the gas is not getting to them, so
we call the gas company, and they cannot come till tomorrow afternoon. So tomorrow you don’t need to open either.”
“Oh wow, I hope is an easy fix. Thank you for letting me know.”
“No problem sweetheart. Have a good rest of your day.” She hangs up and I head out of the bathroom. When I am nearing the hallway that leads to the self-defense class I stop in my track when I hear a conversation.
“But Luke, baby, I do not get it, the only thing you have to do is get in her pants and that’s it. you do not have to follow her like a lost puppy.”
“Yea well but in order to complete this stupid dare I need to get close to her and do it. She wont open her legs so easily. Leah is not like that.” I hear the thump of my heart in my head. Fucking asshole. I actually thought that we could be friends but no, he was just being nice to get in my pants.
Annoyed I grab my headphones from my bag and plug them in. I walk towards them like nothing was wrong in the world. When they see me they stop talking. Luke and I connect eyes, and I smile. Two can play this game. You do not know what you just sign up for.
Chapter 11
Our self-defense class ended early as soon as the teacher dismissed us I grabbed my bag and started to head to the door. Almost out Monica called my name.
“Hey Leah wait up.” I turned around and saw her coming my way, with everyone in her friend group. Of course in this class, Ethan, Luke, Makenzie and Briana along with Monica are all present. I wait for her. “What’s got you in such a rush?” She puts her arm through me when she gets to me.
“I just have to go to the store to get a bathing suit and other stuff.”
“Oh, you think you have enough time to get everything and come back to school?”
“I don’t have to come back to school, I don’t have class after lunch.”
“Everyone has classes after lunch, that’s just how it works.” Makenzie says
“Well, I have too many credits, so I don’t have to take more classes this semester, so I don’t have classes after lunch.”
“Nerd.” Makenzie murmurs.
“Well your boyfriend seems to like this nerd so.” I answer. Luke did not want drama, well, he is going to get it.
“What the fuck did you just say?” I internally smirk.
“Do you have hearing problems Makenzie or?” I glance back at her. Ethan starts to laugh and so does Monica. When she shoots them a glare they sobber up.
“Listen here you bitch-” I stop in my tracks and turn around no one calls me bitch behind my back.
“Okay now that you have me right in your face, why don’t you repeat the whole sentences. So that I can show what can actual bitch looks like?”
“Luke doesn’t want you, you are just a stupid little-”
“That’s enough.” Luke’s voice sounded pissed. His personality finally showing through. Just like when I first saw him, cocky, dangerous, and powerful. His tried to hide it from me, I thought that maybe he was just showing the real him, but I was wrong, he was just acting, and man he almost had me fooled.
“No let her talk, go ahead Makenzie, I’m just a stupid what?” Everyone stiffens, Makenzie swallows.
“Nothing.” I nod. I turn towards Luke, go on my tippy toes, and plant a kiss on him. He does not respond at first and then he does. His hands go around my waist and I pull away. Ethan was holding Makenzie back.
“If you were going to say I was just a stupid little game, you better start rethinking it, because no one kisses like that, and feels like is just a game.” When I say the last word, I look back at Luke. His jaw is flexing. I turn back to Monica.
“I would love to get lunch with you, but I really have to do somethings. Reschedule for tomorrow?” She nods and bides my goodbyes. I walk out of there with my head held high. If they think that they can hurt me, they have another thing coming. I head to my car, connect my phone to my Bluetooth, and pull out of the parking lot. When I look back at the rear mirror, I see Luke coming out of the gym, he looks pissed and Makenzie was right behind him. I laugh.
In order to feel pain, the type he is trying to inflict, one first must feel.
A couple of hours later I’m heading home with bags full of clothes and boxing equipment. I grab my new boxing equipment and set it in the floor. I start to set it up, twenty minute later I’m done. I put my speaker on and start to blast ‘whore’ by In this moment and make sure that their other songs play as well.
You probably thought I wouldn't get this far
You thought I'd end up in the back of a car
You probably thought that I'd never escape
I'd be a rat in a cage, I'd be a slave to this place
You don't know how hard I fought to survive
Waking up alone when I was left to die
You don't know about this life I've led
All these roads I've walked
All these tears I've bled
With each word I punch the bag harder. Each word agitating me more. Making me angrier. Making me lose control. The anger consumes me, and I would have rejoiced to it, but the thing is that it was not only anger, but it was also pain. Pain from realizing that there is no one, in this world that gives a crap about me anymore. Pain from being discarded so easily. If it were only anger consuming me, it would not get to me so much. But is not only that. Pain has a way of consuming people, it stars as a gentle stab to the heart, then the whole heart is being ripped apart and cut into little pieces with no way of putting them back together.
The pain just keeps intensifying and the anger starts to diminish. I fall to the floor my hand dripping blood, but I do not care. The pain that I have in my hands does not compare to the pain of loosing someone, of losing everyone you love. Over one simple mistake you will not ever be able to change.
Hours pass as I sit there, head in my hands.
The sound of my phone snaps me out of the downright spiral I was going into. When I look at the color ID it was an unknown caller. I answer
“Hello.” My voice cracks, the fact that I have not used it for hours and the fact that I been crying makes me sound like I am sick.
“Leah.” That voice, I would recognize it anywhere. The voice that use to lull me to sleep, the voice that I thought I would always hear when I need help, or advice. The voice that guided me from when I was born till-
“Leah are you there?” My dads voice was soothing. I did not know I was craving it till I heard it.
“I’m here.”
“How are you?”
“Are you really calling me to see how I am doing.” I heard the hope in my voice, the hope that I knew should not be there because I knew that it was going to get crushed.
“No, I am not. His birthday is coming up. Your mo-” my dad gets cut off by my mother.
I am not her mother.
Does five words hurt, not like the first time I heard them, but close. My dad sighs and proceeds to talk.
“My wife wants his necklace back. We want to put it next to his things.” My hand goes to the necklace I am wearing.
“I- I can’t. It’s the last thi-”
“Stop being so selfish, its not yours to keep. I am going down to the cabin tomorrow to pick it up. I don’t want to see you so leave it in the front.” My mom answer, I guess she took the phone from my dad.
“You can go if you want but I won’t be there.” With that being said, I hanged the phone up and throw it across the room and scream.
I touch the necklace again. I smile remembering when I first gave it to him. He was so jovial. He had been obsessed with these dog tags that he had seen in a movie and wouldn’t stop talking about it. So, because his 6th birthday was coming up I got him a mini silver dog tag with a leather cord and customized it so his name would be on it. As soon as I gave it to him, he put it on, and never took it off.
The necklace now hangs around my neck, it hangs a little bit lower than a chocker, but I will never take it off.
His birthday is in a couple of days, he would have turned 14,
would have been freshmen, he was so smart he skipped a grade.
I decided to go shower, when I get in the blood in my hands start to wash off. Fresh new bruises appear, but I do not care. I do not care about many things anymore. A couple of minutes later I head to bed, I should eat I think, but I am not hungry. I lay down and look at the clock, is ten. I stare up to my ceiling. I don’t know how long it passes before I dose of to sleep.
September 4
I woke up screaming, shouting his name. It was 4 in the morning. My heart was racing, it felt like it was going to pop out of my chest. The dream felt like it was real. At first, I wanted it to be, we were celebrating his 14th birthday, we were all around him singing. He had a huge smile. My mind created a face for him of how he might had looked at 14. Then when he went to blow his candles his face turned into what he looked when he was ten. He looks me in the eyes.
This could have happened. This could have been us, but you ruined us.
Your no longer my daughter! My daughter die that day, along side him.
I wish it was you! I wish it would have been you! I wish you were dead!
My families voice turns into one. The living room starts to burn up, they start to burn up, I tried to get to them, but I cannot.
When I finally thought I was awake, I see my mother on my side.
What’s wrong sweetie, bad dream? I tried to speak but I couldn’t. I could not speak or move. I tried again and nothing.
Its okay sweetie, she grabs a pillow and starts to put it over my head, everything is going to be alright.
She starts to suffocate me, I couldn’t do anything, I couldn’t move, I couldn’t ask for help. When I finally stop struggling and start to slip, I wake up. Drench in sweat like if someone had turn the heater all the way up. I get out of bed and head to the shower. Ripping off my close I turn the water to cold and go under. The water does nothing to my trembling hands or beating heart. Due to the shower not working I decided to go for a run. I leave the house at 4:30. An hour later and I am nearing the park that has the punching bag, before I get to the punching bag I see Luke’s car in the parking lot, when I look around I see him by the punching bag, throwing punches like if his life depended on it.
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