Cracked

by Lisett Alonso

  I get up from bed and head to my closet. My grandfather told me that death needs to be celebrated with happy memories, that in order to really remember someone you need to remember the happy memories not the bad ones. I decide to do just that, pulling out the white dress the I had shoved all the way to the back of my closet I grab it, the cotton is soft as ever. I take it to the bathroom and take a shower. When I come out, I get dressed. The dress is a bit flowy and passes just the below of my knees. I wrap the string around so that it makes it seem like a fake wrap dress. I let my hair down and decide not to put makeup on. When I get out of the bathroom, Luke is seating up on the bed. He looks at me and smiles, I give him a small smile back and sit across from him.

  “Good morning beautiful.” He murmurs as he kisses my lips

  “Good morning.” I look down then back at him. “You don’t have to go today if you d-”

  “I’m coming, give me a couple of seconds to get dress and well head out.” I nod and he kisses my forehead. I go to my closet again and pull out my white vans. I head back out and wait by the window for Luke. When he comes out his dress in a white shirt and black shorts that we bought yesterday. “Ready?”

  “As ill ever be.” He takes my hand, and we head to my car. I turn on my range rover and head out. “I have to pass by a store really quick, just wait for me in the car yea?” He nods and I get of the car. I pulled up to a flower shop and picked white roses and an aster flower. I go two shops down and enter the bakery.

  “Hello welcome to Mimi’s, how can I help you?

  “Do you have red velvet cupcakes?

  “We do, how many would you like?”

  “Just one please.” She packs it up for me, “Also do you have candles?”

  “We do, would you like balloons as well?”

  “No just the candle and the cupcake, thank you.”

  “Alright, $12.98.” I give her fifteen and leave. I put the stuff in the back seat of my car and then drive off.

  “So where is it that were going to meet him?” Does he really not know?

  “You’ll see.” Its eleven o five when we reach the cemetery. I stay still inside the car for a couple of minutes taking deep breaths.

  I can do this; I can do this. I must do this.

  Luke grabs my hand and squeezes it. I squeeze it back and get out of the car. I grab the stuff and head to his headstone. When I reach his aisle, I notice that is empty and my family is not there. My step falter before I can get there. Luke grabs my hand and gives it a gentle squeeze. The reinforcement that I am not doing this alone helps. I take a deep breath and continue. When we reach his headstone, I place the flowers on the flower holder.

  “Luke, meet Noah my little brother.” A couple of seconds pass before he asks.

  “How did he-”

  “Died, how did he die.” I take a shake breath in and hold it.

  “You don’t h-”

  “Yes, I do, I need to do it for myself. No one besides my grandpa knows what happened. My parents were so positive that I was my fault that they never let me explain what actually happened.” I breath in and start. “My family was going to a dinner, from my dad’s job. That day I was not feeling good, I had a really bad cold. So, I decided to stay home, my little brother didn’t want to go without me. So, he stayed. We started watching a movie and then I started to cough and shiver. I took my temperature, and it was 103.4, so I decided to take some Tylenol to see if it would go away. I went into my parents’ room and grabbed my mom’s Tylenol. When I took it, for some reason it made me really drowsy.” I close my eyes and breath in, then slowly let it out. I keep my eyes shut and keep talking. “I told my brother I was feeling drowsy, and he said to go to sleep. That he would make me fries so that I would feel better. He knew how much I love fries so he thought that if he made them, I would get better. I drifted of to sleep. Not an hour went by before the fire alarm wakes me up. I was still supper drowsy because of whatever pills I took. I started to search for Noah, but it was so hard, I was so out of it, but I kept looking. When I went to the kitchen the fire was spreading so fast that there was smoke everywhere. I grabbed the fire extinguisher, but it was not working.”

  Tears start fall for my eyes as I remember that day. I had not told anyone because I felt that it was my fault, because it is my fault. I continue telling Luke.

  “The fire kept spreading and spreading. So, I remembered that we kept fire blankets by the fire extinguisher, so I grabbed one and crossed the fire. I got burnt around the ankle, but I did not care. I saw Noah in the floor, I ran towards him, I tried to wake him up, but he would not get up. Noah had asthma, so my guess is that when the smoke started, he got an asthma attack, and because he couldn’t get to his inhaler fast enough he suffocated. At that moment I thought he was just passed out, so I carried him out. The fire fighters got there a couple of minutes later. But it was already to late.” I break down now. I fall to the floor.

  “I should have made him go to the stupid dinner. Only if I had not taken those stupid pills, he would still be alive.” I sob harder and Luke holds me.

  “Your right, if only you wouldn’t have taken the pills. But you did. And you killed him.”

  Chapter 16

  I look back and see my family standing there. My mom has tears in her eyes, my dads looks disgusted. And my brothers are just looking away.

  “I see your addiction to drugs have you losing weight, maybe like that you will disappear faster.” My mom makes a comment. Of course, she would.

  “She is not addicted to drugs and if you had just once lis-”

  “Its okay Luke.” I stand up and clean my eyes. Taking a shaky breath in I let it all out. “Maybe if you had been a better mother and had listen to me, you would know the truth. But you didn’t, now I don’t care what you think of me, but I am tired of you blaming me so ill tell you one thing and one thing alone. What did you have in your Tylenol bottle mom? Because it was sure as hell not Tyl-” my head snaps to the side, my cheek stings. I laugh, it does not have any emotion behind it. “That’s what I thought.” I turn around to the headstone.

  “I love you, and I am sorry I didn’t get to you soon enough. I’ll miss you everyday for the rest of my life, but I’ll also remember you and have you in my heart.” I grab the cupcake from the discarded bag and put the candle on top. I grab the lighter I always kept in my car and turned it on. “Happy 14th birthday little brother.” Before I can blow the candle the wind gushes and the candle turns off. I smile, knowing that he is here next to me. I put the cupcake down and get up.

  With out a second look I get up and leave a chapter of my life behind.

  I grab Luke’s hand and guide him back to my car.

  “Do you mind if we do something before, we go back to Pennsylvania?”

  “No lead the way.” I smile and start the car.

  Forty minutes later we find ourselves in the parking lot of a trampoline park.

  “What are we doing here?”

  “Doing Noah’s favorite thing.”

  Minutes later were jumping in a trampoline like we did not have any problems, like if I was still a little kid. I close my eyes and see Noah jumping here with me, smiling, and laughing. I smile and keep going.

  Hours later we head home to pack to head back to Pennsylvania. Before we leave, I take one last look at the house, and then to the lake.

  “Bye grandpa.”

  We order an uber and head to the airport. On the whole ride there, Luke holds my hand. We get there in an hour and then were headed back, to a place I hope I can start calling home.

  Hours later we land, and head to the parking lot. When we get to the car, I ask the question that has been bothering me for the whole ride here.

  “What now? What happens between us?” He does not answer just squeezes my hand and kisses it.

  Luke drops me home, and the loneliness starts to creep back in. But I do not let it. I decide to go shower and go to bed. Tomorrow will be a good day.

  September 9r />
  The next day I wake up refreshed. I woke up once during the night and it was because I had to pee, after that I went to bed.

  I feel so refresh, like if the first step I took yesterday, has change my whole life. Like a small weight has lifted off my shoulders. I shower and wash my hair, I put mascara on, when I go to grab my contacts, I decide against it and put my glasses on. I should really order clear contacts.

  Heading to my kitchen I prepare myself oatmeal with fruits and some coffee. When I am done, I grab my bag and refill it with all my school stuff. I leave the house and get into my car and turn my music on. Him and I starts to play by Haley, and I leave it. I head to school with a new sense of fondness. I am starting to feel more like my old self.

  When I pull up to the parking lot, I look for Luke’s car, but I do not see it. Its still early so I just go into class so I can tell coach the news. Last night I decided I would join the swimming team, today I want to tell the coach. When I get to the pool the coach is still not there, so I go to the locker room and change. When I head out, he is opening the pool up.

  “Coach!” I call out while walking towards him.

  “You don’t have to call me Coach unless you are on the swimming team Leah.” I smile at him, this big cheesy smile. He looks at me then arches his eyebrow. “Why are you smiling like that you look like the cherish cat, which is creepy.”

  “Well, I have good news.” I drum my fingers in the nearby wall. “I am joining the swimming team!”

  “Are you playing with me?” I shake my head “We finally have a chance to go to finals, and then states and then Nationals!”

  “Wow hold your horses. Well see what happens.”

  “You just made my day, Leah, you just made my dam day.” He high fives me and goes to the office. I hop on top of the diving platform and dive in. A couple of laps later the students are walking in, but I do not see Luke. Maybe he is coming late. We did get home late last night. After first period is over, I look for Luke again but nothing. I guess he is not coming to school today. I decide to text him.

  Leah: Hey you okay?

  No reply.

  I wait a bit more before putting my phone away, but he does not read the message. I guess he still sleeping.

  The rest of the day is uneventful. I asked Ethan about Luke, but he pretended he did not know where he was. I decide to head home because I did not know where Luke lived. When I get there, I see Elia in the bakery, so I go in.

  “Hey Elia.”

  “Hey sweetheart. I wanted to talk to you. Come sit with me.” I follow her to a seat and sit down. “What I am going to tell you it’s a decision that I don’t want to make but we have to.” She sights. “We are selling the building and the business.” I do not say anything at first till my head wraps around what she just said.

  “Why?”

  “Theodore, went to a checkup a couple of days ago, and he was diagnosed with Colon cancer. We want to travel for his last year. We can’t afford to keep the building ruining either. We talked to the bank and well we decided to sell.”

  “How long, till you sell it?”

  “We already have a buyer; this building is in a place whe-”

  “I get it.” I nod “You can count on me with what ever you need.”

  “Thank you, sweetheart, but I am worry about y-”

  “I’ll be fine. Don’t worry about me.” She nods. Before she can say anything else a car horn goes off outside.

  “That’s my son coming to pick me up. Ill see you tomorrow?”

  “Definitely.”

  Chapter 17

  When I get to the apartment, I decided to start looking for a place to buy and move into. There were a lot of great options, but non that fitted me. Deciding to look around tomorrow for a place I close my laptop and go shower. Once I am out of the shower, I finally decide to make home cook meal and make myself yellow rice with chicken, one of my favorite Cuban dishes. Forty minutes later I am eating and scrolling though Instagram. A couple of people from school started following so I have some stuff to look at. Nothing interesting caught my eye so I just exit the app and go to text Luke again.

  Leah: Hey you okay? I did not see you at school today.

  No response. I star typing again but decided to not text him anymore. If he wants to answer me then he will.

  Couple minutes later I am done and decided to just watch movies on the tv.

  September 10

  I do not know when I fell asleep all I remember is falling hard on the floor. I look for my phone around in the dark.

  “Fuck, where are you?” I keep searching till I find it under the couch. “Crap its 7:20!” I rush to the shower and take a quick one. Get dress and leave. Rushing to school I get there before the first bell. I rush to the locker rooms and take my pants off and braid my hair back in a messy way. I head outside and there is not anyone yet. I go and head to the bleachers.

  “I missed you babe; I am sorry about our fight.” Hush voices can be heard from behind the bleachers.

  “I missed you to babe, I sorry too.” Luke’s voice stops me in my tracks. I head to see if it were really him, and my eyes could not believe what they were seeing. Luke was there kissing Makenzie.

  “Hey Leah!” I heard my name being called but I could not tear my eyes from the scene in front of me. Ethan was by my side in seconds. “Hey, you guys made up!” Ethan told Luke. He did not response he was just staring at me. Those eyes, I thought that they were going to be the ones I looked up too when I needed someone. How wrong I was. One lone tear fell from my eye. As soon as it came, I wiped it away. I tear my eyes away from him and look at Ethan.

  “Hey, can you tell coach I am leaving early? Elia just called me, and she needs help with something.” I do not wait for a reply and head to the locker room to change back to my jeans. I decided to leave though the gym because is closer to my car and just walk out. I am almost at my car when a hand pulls me back. I hold my breath and turn around. I do not say anything just look at those eyes. The ones that I thought were going to save me. The ones I thought would be there for me. I was so stupid and naïve to believe that. I pull my hand away and leaved them at my side.

  “Leah I am sor-”

  “No Luke you don’t get to apologize. Actually, I am sorry for dragging you into something I should not have. I am sorry for being so naïve and stupid, I am sorry for not seeing this coming.” I turn again and he grabs me.

  “Leah don’t be like that, I l-”

  “Don’t say it Luke, j- just don’t.” I turn around again, one step forward, screw it. I turn around again. ‘’You know what the most fucked up thing is? That you acted like you cared about him. I do not care if you were just using me for sex, for a stupid dare. But you crossed a line when you acted like you care about what happened to him. When you acted like you were actually worry about me and cared about me.” I stay quiet for a second. My heart felt like it was going to race off my chest. “You didn’t get to do that. You did not get to act like you cared, you do not do that! If you just wanted sex you could have gotten it another way.” I shake my head. “You are one of the most disgusting and vile persons I have ever met. You are going to really regret messing with the person I love the most Luke. You are going to wish you never met me.” I turn around and get on my car and speed off.

  Sometimes the people who help you rip of the band aid are the ones who touch the wound again, and make it bleed again, and make it hurt harder than it ever did.

  .

  Thank you so much for reading. This is the first book I have ever finished and published. I know there is a long road ahead and is not the best book or the best content, but I appreciate everyone who reads this book. Book two is being written right now. I hope you guys had a good time reading this book and come back for the rest.

  Again, thank you all for the support that you have given me and I hope I can continue giving you all an escape world.

  About The Author

  Lisett Alonso

 
I am twenty one years old. I have always love reading books, and I started writing when I was thirteen. I have never finished any book, till this one. I decided to just start writing for fun and I wanted to see how people who react to my writing.