The Extremely High Tide!

by Kir Fox

  From the Town Committee for Lunar Consequences and Look Out!

  Apologies, everyone. After being inundated by tips from armchair scientists (including a dozen in person—please wear shoes when visiting City Hall, thank you), we decided to take a second look at our findings. It turns out, an Extremely High Tide IS in fact on its way! Uh-oh! Don’t worry—as long as safety protocol is followed, this “extreme” aquatic event can be survived in safety and style.

  TWO HOURS BEFORE TIDE

  Batten all the hatches

  Hutch all the bats (and other small pets)

  Secure all nonamphibious large pets, or ensure they have access to flotation devices

  Store all electronics and other hydrophobic items in attics, upper shelving units, or basements below seafloor level

  Dress in waterproof clothing

  Stop by the Lost Soles shoe store, where Miss Meiko is celebrating the Extremely High Tide with a buy-one, get-one-half-off sale on all galoshes! Just enter promo code SHLORPP!!! at checkout

  ONE HOUR BEFORE TIDE

  Proceed in an orderly fashion to higher ground. This includes the bluffs, the seaweed cracker factory, and other prominent rooftops

  (The roof of the elementary school should probably be avoided)

  TEN MINUTES BEFORE TIDE

  Wait for the alarm to sound

  STAND BACK, PLEASE

  TIDE

  Enjoy!

  FIFTEEN MINUTES AFTER TIDE

  Is the sea level back to normal (mostly)?

  Is the sun out (partially)?

  Then it is safe to return to your homes, schools, and workplaces (probably)

  Don’t say we didn’t warn you!

  Note on Beached Wildlife:

  Before assisting any beached sea creature, make sure it is really in distress. The tide makes some animals quite happy. Like clams, for example. They love it.

  CALL AND . . . RESPONSE?

  by Jules, Fifth-Grade Star Reporter

  Extremely High Tide is the big news of the day, but there have been developments in the lighthouse keeper investigation, too. In addition to the flashing lights, the lighthouse has been sounding a wonky new warning, as if honking at something way, way out in the ocean. And this morning, this reporter heard a response!

  A trumpetlike sound seems to be having a conversation with the lighthouse. Distant at first, it’s getting closer by the minute. Is it a boat? Is it a ship? Where did it get a brass instrument, and why can’t it carry a tune? This reporter might not have cracked this case yet, but one thing’s for sure—we’ll find out soon enough.

  THE POETRY CORNER

  Sweet as sugar

  Nice as pie

  Open as a book

  Real as the sky

  To fall in love

  —Nia and Earl Grey

  Talise

  “Where do you think you’re going?” Talise’s father called.

  “Drat,” Talise muttered.

  Slowly, she turned. Her mother and father stood in the entryway with their hands on their hips. They both wore galoshes. “Well?” her mother said.

  Talise was no good at lying. “I was going to check on my boat,” she admitted.

  “But we leave for the bluffs in ten minutes!”

  “And anyway, you checked twice this morning, honey,” Talise’s father added. “Also three times yesterday.”

  “Five times, in fact,” Talise said worriedly. “I’m just concerned about the anchor. Naturally, I triple-calibrated my sounding line before I measured the projected tidal depth, but I forgot to allow for feline interference—”

  “For what?”

  “The chance a rock cat might have chewed on its ending. I know it’s unlikely. But if the boat isn’t securely anchored, all my hard work will be swept out to sea.”

  “You have nothing to worry about,” her mom reassured her.

  “How do you know?” Talise squeezed her sea blob so hard it squeaked.

  “Because nobody works harder than you,” her father said, handing her a pair of galoshes decorated with purple starfish. “That’s why we don’t want you to be swept out to sea!”

  Her mother nodded.

  “Okay,” Talise said with a sigh. She wouldn’t mind being swept out to sea, but she knew better than to say it. “Just one request. Although I’m fond of these galoshes . . . could I please wear my flippers instead?”

  Runa

  Runa and Lina grinned at each other. They loved Extremely High Tides.

  “Are all the hatches battened?” their mom asked, zipping up her raincoat.

  “I’ve never been exactly sure what that means,” their dad said, stuffing fancy cheeses into a cooler. “But the doors, windows, and basements are sealed.”

  “My important paintings are on the highest shelves,” Runa said.

  “My important paintings are on top of Runa’s,” Lina said.

  “Looks like we’re ready to—” their mom began, then sighed. “Isn’t that enough cheese, dear?”

  Runa giggled at her dad, who was having trouble closing the cooler. “Yeah, Dad,” she said. “Extremely High Tides only last about fifteen minutes. Well, except for that one time, when it only lasted fourteen. . . .”

  “Cheese is for sharing,” he said loftily.

  “I’m sure our fellow evacuees will welcome a wedge of Havarti or pepper jack,” their mom said. “But now it’s time to go!”

  Principal King

  Principal King fastened a waterproof poncho over her waterproof poncho. She glanced at her flag collection, then shook her head.

  “I am not a fan of Extremely High Tides,” she said.

  Jules

  “I still can’t believe this is your first Extremely High Tide!” Jules said to Hazel as they climbed into the family van.

  “I was out of town during all the others,” Hazel replied, biting her nails.

  “I guess our parents haven’t been married that long. But what about last December? When the ocean left behind all those sea-salt icicles?”

  “I slept through the whole thing, remember?”

  “Oh, that’s right.” Jules giggled. “You do sleep like a chunk of driftwood.”

  “It’s not funny!” Hazel wailed. “Okay . . . maybe it is. But I’m an investigative reporter, not a breaking newscaster covering natural disasters. I’ve memorized all the safety protocols from the Town Committee for Lunar Consequences and Look Out!—and I’m still nervous.”

  “You have nothing to worry about,” Jules reassured her.

  “How do you know?”

  Jules didn’t know for sure. But for the first time ever, she felt like her big sister’s big sister. “Stick with me, and you’ll be just fine,” she said. “As long as your notepad is waterproof!”

  Finn

  Finn sat in the backseat beside his third-oldest brother. His first-oldest and second-oldest brothers rode in the middle seat. His dad sat in the passenger’s seat, and his mom drove. They all wore shoes, even Finn.

  Like most things in Topsea, the bluffs were only a few minutes away. But the line of cars winding uphill made the drive take longer, especially when they got stuck behind a triple-decker bus packed with evacuees.

  “Are we there yet?” Finn’s third-oldest brother complained.

  “Put the pedal to the metal!” Finn’s first-oldest brother said. “That’s what I’d do if I was behind the wheel.”

  “No wonder you failed your driving exam,” Finn said.

  His parents and other brothers laughed.

  Finally, they reached the top of the bluffs. A police officer waved them into a parking spot on the roof of the seaweed factory. Almost every car in town was there. Except for waterproof cars—people left those in their driveways.

  “Your best friend’s here,” Finn’s third-oldest brother said.

  “Runa isn’t my—” Finn began automatically. “Oh. Right.”

  For some reason, he still felt a little nervous seeing Runa. Even though she’d acted
very understanding about his new friend, Finn knew he should have told her earlier. But as soon as he stepped out of the car, Runa tackled him with a big hug.

  “So glad you made it! I’ve been keeping an eye out for your forest buddy, but I haven’t seen him anywhere.”

  “I’m sure he’s made his own arrangements in the beach forest,” Finn said. “With his parents.”

  “His wolf parents?” Runa exclaimed.

  “That’s just a myth! Anyway, he’ll be fine. He’s very capable.”

  “I’m sure he is! But . . . well, my great-aunt told me that once during an Extremely High Tide, a kid hadn’t evacuated by the time the alarm sounded, and they found him at the very top of the tallest tree in the entire forest—”

  “I thought your great-aunt lived in South Korea,” Finn said.

  Runa paused. “Um . . . She does, but their high tides are even more extreme. Oh, look, there’s Nia!” She waved her arms.

  Nia bounced over to join them, then continued bouncing in place. She wore a white dress embroidered with colorful birds and flowers.

  “I like your dress, Nia,” Finn said.

  “Thanks! I got it in Mexico City.” Nia twirled. “Did you guys hear about Earl Grey? City officials gave him an official position as secondary alarm!”

  “Wow!” Runa exclaimed. “You must be so proud. Where is he?”

  “I’m not sure,” Nia said. “I came early with Mama and Papa because Mama wanted valet. But I’m sure he’ll do a great job.”

  “He’s very clever,” Finn agreed.

  The Feral Child

  The feral child applied one last strip of six-inch bidirectional filament tape to his tree yurt, then stood back. “Looks pretty secure, don’t you think?”

  His parents yipped.

  Nia

  Nia was so proud of Earl Grey, her heart was exploding!

  She wanted to see him in action. But when she stopped by City Hall’s information shelter, the committee member shook his head.

  “Your watch hog didn’t show up for work today,” he said.

  “What?” Nia screeched.

  “Your watch hog didn’t show up for—”

  Nia sprinted away. She was so worried about Earl Grey her heart was breaking!

  Nanny and Cosmo

  “Nanny! Have you seen—” Nia skidded to a stop. “That’s not Earl Grey.”

  “No, that’s Cosmo,” Nanny said.

  Cosmo nodded in agreement.

  “Um, hi, Cosmo,” Nia said. “Have you seen Earl Grey? He never showed up for his secondary alarm job!”

  “He didn’t?” Nanny looked concerned. “¡Qué lástima! He was so excited about that gig, he snorted oatmeal all over our Oaxacan rug.”

  “What are we going to do? Extremely High Tide is on its way! I’m so worried about Earl Grey my heart is breaking. . . .” Suddenly Nia started giggling. “What were you two up to, anyway? Were you smooching?”

  Cosmo’s ears turned pink.

  “We—” Nanny began.

  “Never mind. I don’t want to know!”

  Ms. Grimalkin

  Ms. Grimalkin pulled on a shower cap, careful not to puncture it with her long nails. She hated when her fur—er, hair—got wet. Then she squeezed through the hatch and stepped onto the roof of Topsea School.

  “Everybody accounted for?” she asked her friends.

  They purred.

  Quincy

  Quincy and Roxy frowned at each other. They hated Extremely High Tides.

  By now, almost every person in Topsea was on top of the bluffs, the seaweed cracker factory, and other prominent rooftops. The most daring people crowded at the edge of the bluffs. Others sat in camp chairs, reading newspapers. Like it was just another day at the beach.

  When it most certainly was not!

  Quincy swallowed hard, then dropped one of the banana whoopie pies he was hugging. He’d stress-baked seven batches last night.

  “Gwabbity,” Roxy said anxiously, hiding her face in their mom’s neck.

  “That’s right,” she said, kissing the top of Roxy’s curly head. “Gravity plays an important role in tides.”

  “I know you’re anxious, but everything will be fine,” Quincy told his sister, trying to sound brave and eager. “At least you have someone to hold you!”

  His other mom winked. “We can hold you both if you want.”

  Yes, Mommy, please, I’m scared, thought Quincy. It came out, “That’s okay, I’m fine,” but she seemed to understand. She put an arm around Quincy’s shoulders and kissed the top of his curly head, too.

  “Oh, hey, isn’t that your friend Davy?” she said.

  “Yes, Mommy,” Quincy began, then cleared his throat. “Oh. Um . . . Er . . . Why yes, yes it is my friend Davy Jones. I will go stand beside him now.”

  Talise

  WEEE! WEEE! WEEE!

  “That’s Earl Grey?” Davy exclaimed, his mouth full of whoopie pie. “Wow, he sounds just like an actual alarm.”

  Nia sighed gustily. “That’s not Earl Grey.”

  “You sure?”

  “Nia is right,” Talise said. “That is an actual alarm—it means the Extremely High Tide is coming any minute now.”

  She stood with Runa, Finn, Jules, Quincy, Davy, and Nia at the edge of the bluffs. Not the very edge, but close. Runa, Finn, and Davy looked excited. Jules looked busy scribbling in her waterproof notepad. Quincy looked nervous. Nia looked worried. Talise wore flippers.

  “Do all animals know what to do during an Extremely High Tide?” Nia asked Talise. “Naturally, I mean?”

  “Marine creatures know to find lower ground,” Talise replied with confidence. This was something she understood. “They burrow into the ocean floor or find passageways in the coral reefs, or in the case of the seal family I’m acquainted with, they secure their children with kelp leashes—”

  Jules looked up from her notepad. “Earl Grey isn’t a marine creature, though. He’s a land creature.”

  “Land creatures I know less about,” Talise said.

  Nia wailed. “What’s going to happen to him?”

  “Animals take care of themselves,” Finn said. “Even the rock cats. They always cram onto the roof of our school.”

  “And Earl Grey is an extremely capable pig,” Talise said. She wasn’t sure if that was a lie or the truth or a story, but it seemed to make Nia feel better. “In all likelihood, he is waiting out the tide somewhere safe.”

  “Or he’s helping someone else,” Runa said. “Like all good watch hogs do.”

  Earl Grey

  WEEE! WEEE! WEEE!

  That’s not me, said Earl Grey. It came out, “Weee?” but his voice was scratchy, since he’d just woken up from a nap under the boardwalk. He’d had trouble sleeping last night, since he was so nervous about his official position as secondary—

  WEEE! WEEE! WEEE!

  Uh-oh.

  Earl Grey glanced around. The lighthouse was flashing faster than ever. Was he too late? The beach was empty.

  The ocean, however . . .

  Davy

  WHOOOSH!

  “Here it comes!” Davy jumped up and down. “The Extremely High Tide! Yahooooo—oof!”

  “Stop that,” Quincy said. He’d thrown a whoopie pie at Davy.

  Davy wiped whoopie pie from his eye socket. “I’m not the only one who’s excited!” He pointed at Finn and Runa, who appeared to be dancing.

  “AROOOOO!” Finn howled.

  Davy felt like howling, too. He’d just never seen anything like it!

  The ocean was no longer where it belonged. It was everywhere! On Main Street and Front Street and Back Street, and in the schoolyard and beach forest and covering the entire boardwalk. All kinds of peculiar things swirled into town: writhing tangles of seaweed, buoys, animate and inanimate sea blobs, a glowball, and dozens and dozens of copies of Everything Else You Need to Know About Topsea.

  “This is so cool!” Davy said.

  “If you say so,” Quin
cy muttered.

  “It is! It—” Davy glanced over his shoulder. “Are you backing up?”

  “No,” Quincy said, backing up.

  Davy picked up one of the whoopie pies Quincy dropped. “These would be better with seaweed,” he began, then paused. On a ledge partway down the bluffs, he noticed fishermen and women slinging nets into the rushing water. Whenever they hauled one out, they all checked it, then laughed. “What are they doing down there?”

  “Competing for the weirdest catch!” Jules replied. She had her arm around Nia, who was less bouncy than usual, but not as anxious-looking as before.

  “How does everything dry off, anyway?” Davy asked.

  “The sun always comes out after an Extremely High Tide,” Runa replied. “Hotter and brighter than ever. So hot and bright, in fact, that one time it evaporated the water so fast a thunderstorm began immediately—”

  “Runa loves a good thunderstorm,” Finn added.

  “I do!” Runa beamed. “You never know what might fall out of the sky. Boots! Cats! Boots and cats! Dogs, even!”

  “Cats and dogs together!” Finn joked.

  Everybody giggled. Including Talise.

  Talise

  SHLORPP!!!

  As the ocean began to recede, Talise walked back over to her parents and told them Finn’s joke.

  “It’s funny because in the Legend of the Dogs, dogs and cats are mortal enemies,” she explained. “As recounted in Everything You Need to Know About Topsea, volume one. I still haven’t read the second volume, but I ordered it a long time ago—”

  “There’s one!” her father exclaimed, pointing at a book drifting by.

  “I knew I should have brought a net,” Talise said.

  Her mother smiled at her. “Luckily, you have a deep-sea-diving license.”

  “And a boat,” her father said, tugging one of Talise’s pigtails. “Oh, look, the sun is coming out!”

  HWEEE! HWEEE! HWEEE!

  Talise gasped. “That’s definitely Earl Grey!”

  Earl Grey

  Earl Grey lowered his snout.

  He had ridden out the entire tide from an extremely high perch: Talise’s boat. Maybe it wasn’t the official position for his official position, but he’d still completed his duties as secondary alarm.