“Are you happy Laney?”
“Of course I am. I was hurt by her keeping me at arm’s length these last few days, but I haven’t been this happy since before I lost you,” Del said softly.
“‘Do you know why she has been doing that? Because she was scared. You mean the world to her, and she wants to keep you safe. She puts a protection spell on your vest every morning Laney. Remember how we were after you got lost at the fair? I wouldn’t let you do anything alone, until you blew up at me. Well, she needs to learn to let go to. To understand that you can make your own choices, but Laney, you have to give up too. She has opened her home and her heart to you. You know everything about her. She has no real secrets from you, but you have shared nothing of yourself with her. You give bits and pieces when something arises and then you expect her to accept it. Your gift goes both ways, you’ve been blocking too.” The steam in the room was beginning to form around a figure.
“I tell her anything she wants to know. I never lie to her Fi; I just don’t want her to hear about the dark parts of me. I was desperate and I did what I had to do to feed myself when my father wouldn’t, but it’s not me. I don’t want her knowing that part of me. That’s not who she fell in love with,” Del replied, fighting back thoughts on those dark years as a teenager. “And I sure as hell don’t want to see that look of pity or have her feeling sorry for me.”
“Laney, I don’t think that you would see that from her. She would understand that you did what you had to do to survive. She needs to see all of you, the light and the dark, and it is who she fell in love with. You are the product of your past, just as she is of hers. Quinlan was a giving person and your witch is that way also. You would have been totally different if Grace would have lived, but that’s water under the bridge.”
“It’s not water under the bridge, Fi. You’re here preaching total disclosure to me when you didn’t even tell me about what happened the day my mother died. She was never supposed to have kids in the first place,” Del replied, frustrated.
“Grace loved your father very much, and she wanted you just as much. A mother is something that she dreamed of being since she was a child.” Fiona reassured her granddaughter.
Del sighed, rubbing her face. “I know, I know. I’m just frustrated. First your son shows up, making a drunken fool out of himself and makes me look bad. Now my wife won’t even sleep in the same room with me, and your here trying to convince me to tell one of the most pure hearted women I’ve ever met that I spent my teens years playing courier for the local dealers, and that it’s not going to change how she sees me. She won’t even open up to me now, Fi! What makes you think it’s going to be any better if she finds this out?”
The figure reached out to caress the blonde’s cheek. “I’m not saying that you go out right this second and confess. You will know the right moment, just as she will know the right moment to confess to you. There is a time and a place for everything. How many times has she told you that your past has made you what you are today? She loves all of you Laney, the good and the bad. Just as you love all of her. So you can’t expect her to give when you don’t.”
Del knew her Fi was right. She felt tears spring to her eyes and she swallowed the lump in her throat. “Why did you have to go? They’d already taken Mom, why you too? I needed you here with me.”
“You know I didn’t want to go, but I was called, and I had to go. I’m sorry, Laney.”
“I miss you so much,” Del whispered, she let out a choked laugh. “I bet you and Raelin would have liked each other too.”
“We do. We had a little talk the night of your father’s arrival. And I know that you’re upset about that, but she needed to know and your father needed to hear things that he tried to drink away. Now you need to get out of the tub, you’re turning into the prune and your wife is about to come upstairs with your dinner. I love you Laney, and remember that I’m always around.” The form leaned over the blonde and kissed her forehead.
“Don’t go again Fi. You can’t go yet, I still have questions,” Del pleaded, reaching up to grab her grandmother’s hand, but getting nothing but air.
“I’ve never left you. I’ll be back again sometime. Love you a bushel and a peck and a hug around the neck.”
“Love you Fi,” Del managed around the lump in her throat. “Tell mom too.”
“Love you Laney.”
Del let her head fall back again, thinking over her grandmother’s words. She felt fuzzy around the edges of her mind and knew the pills had taken full effect. Sighing, she leaned forward and pulled the plug watching as the water drained and trying to dredge up the energy to move.
“Del, are you about done? I’ve got your dinner here,” Raelin’s voice drifted through the door.
“Yeah darlin’. I’m getting out now,” she called back. Lifting herself up, she grabbed her towel and dried off. Del stepped carefully out of the tub, wrapping the towel around her and opening the door. “Hey, just let me get some pj’s on.”
Setting the tray on the dresser, Raelin pulled out Del’s favorite button down shirt and a pair of shorts. Turning, she walked over and stood in front of the blonde. “Would you like for me to help you?”
“Yeah, I feel pretty fuzzy around the edges. I probably couldn’t work the buttons,” she chuckled. She reached her hand up and fumbled with her braid a few minutes, but her fingers just weren’t going to cooperate and she dropped her hands to let Raelin slip the shirt up her arms.
Sliding the shirt up Del’s arms, Raelin came around to the front to button it up. “Sit down on the edge of the bed and I’ll brush out your hair.”
“It’s okay Rae; I can always just wait until I’m less dopey. You’ve done enough already,” Del said, hating that Raelin was doing so much for her. Raelin hadn’t exactly had a great day either.
“Sit down Delaney; let me do this for you.” Raelin stepped into the bathroom and grabbed her wife’s brush.
She sat down as directed, but grabbed her around the waist before she moved behind her. She buried her face in Raelin’s tummy, giving her an affectionate squeeze. “Thank you for taking such good care of me.”
“You’re my wife Delaney, I’m in love with you, and I will always take care of you,” the witch leaned down and kissed the top of Delaney’s head.
“Are you okay? You didn’t have a very good day either?” Del asked, releasing her wife’s waist.
“I’m good. I’ll eat dinner with you, then I’ll take a bath and we’ll go to bed early. Does that sound alright with you?” Raelin undid the rubber band, unbraided Del’s golden hair, and brushed out the knots.
Finishing she helped the blonde settle herself against the headboard before placing the bed tray in front of her. Sitting cross-legged, the witch asked, “Can I share with you?”
“Of course.” Del smiled, offering a fork full of greens. Watching as Raelin reached up to grab the fork, her eye caught a flash of dark. She caught Raelin’s hand, seeing the blackened fingernail. “Raelin, what happened?”
Shaking her head, Raelin was at a loss for words. “I can’t answer that. I don’t know. After I got the shock from Mr. Collins, I saw it. I don’t understand what it means. Honest.”
Del looked at the hand for a moment. “Take off your socks.”
“Excuse me?” Raelin’s eyebrows shot up.
“Take off your socks. Just humor me Darlin’.”
Uncrossing her legs, the brunette pulled off her socks and showed Delaney her feet.
Looking at one and not finding what she was looking for, she glanced at the other. “Ah, see look. Your big toe is black too. The shock you got, it entered on this finger, and here’s where the current left. You’re lucky your skin didn’t burn. It’s pretty common in electrical shocks.”
“How did he shock me? I didn’t see anything. Why did he?” Raelin started shaking. With all of the dreams that she had been having, this was just the straw that could break her control.
“Shhh Rae, calm down
for a second. I’m sure there is an explanation. You said you got a bad vibe off him, do you think it might have been the lines? Maybe it was just reacting to a perceived threat and it was meant to keep you away from him. Like when you touch a hot burner and your hand jumps back,” Del suggested. She really didn’t know much about the lines the way Raelin did.
Closing her eyes, the witch took a deep breath and thought about what her wife suggested. It might be possible as the lines were more in tuned with the town and with her than they ever were before. Maybe this was their way of telling her to be careful. “You might be right Hun, but good grief; I wish they would find a different way of warning me.”
“You and me both. Besides that, are you okay?” Del asked, offering a bite of salad to her wife.
Nodding her head, the witch took the bite and chewed. Swallowing, she said. “Yeah, I’m fine. Tired, but that’s normal these days. Do you know if Michaels found out anything about Mr. Collins?”
“Won’t know until tomorrow, I’m afraid.” Del took a deep breath, might as well dive in headfirst. “Does this have something to do with your nightmares?”
“I don’t know Del...they are disturbing.” Raelin got up from the bed to pace the floor. She ran her hands through her hair. She really didn’t want to describe the dreams to her wife, since she was featured in a lot of them.
Del watched her pace for a few minutes and rubbed at her forehead. “Come back and sit down, let’s at least finish dinner. Besides, I have a feeling this isn’t going to be a fun conversation and I’d rather wait until my head isn’t throbbing quite so bad.”
Standing in front of the window, Raelin put her hands on her shoulders and rubbed them. “I’m so sorry Del...I’ve let you down.”
Sighing Del gave up on her salad and shifted the tray to the nightstand. “You didn’t let me down, you hurt me. You purposely cut me out and hid things from me. You know how it feels to not have that link with you, how unsettling it feels,” Del replied quietly. She knew that it would probably make Raelin feel even more guilty, but she wasn’t going to sugar coat how she’d felt the last few days.
Keeping her back to the blonde, Raelin fought the urge to cry and tried to explain. “It wasn’t my intention to hurt you Del. I was trying to keep you from being disturbed from my nig...my dreams and restlessness. You need your sleep and as little stress as possible for you to do your job safely. I didn’t want to add to it. I was wrong...I’m sorry. I thought that you could go back to the way you were before you met me and had me in your mind. It was never my intention to bother you.”
“Raelin, you need to trust that I can keep my personal life and work life separate. Just like every other cop out there. It stresses me more when there is something wrong with my wife, and she won’t let me in long enough to try to help. I thought it was my fault: that you were pulling away from me because of something I’d done. You wouldn’t even sleep in the same room with me. I know you thought you were protecting me, but I’d much rather deal with a little added stress than think I’m losing the love of my life,” the blonde sighed again, frustrated. “Maybe I’m just too dependent on our link.”
Raelin turned, but stayed where she was. “You didn’t do anything, and I taught you how to use our link and your Empathy to help you, and then I go and shut it down. I’m the problem, and I’m sorry.” She took a couple of steps forward. “Do you want to know what the reason really is? I’m terrified that if I share too much, you’ll figure out that everyone else was right, and that I’m a freak and you’ll leave me and I’ll be alone again. So I thought that I would try to be ‘normal’ for you. That it might make you happier, but it didn’t. It just drove you away,” she turned back to the window with tears falling onto her cheeks.
“Normal is such a relative term. Normal for me is you being your witchy self. I fell in love with a witch and it’s up to me to come to terms with that. And I did that, a long time ago. I don’t expect you to cut off a part of yourself to accommodate me and I’ve never done anything to indicate I thought otherwise,” she climbed slowly out of the bed and approached the taller woman, but didn’t reach out to her. “There has to be some give and take here Raelin. I’m just as guilty as you are. I know I don’t open up about things unless you ask. I know there are things I haven’t told you, but we can’t do that anymore. It’s killing us both. We dance around things so much that we miscommunicate and end up like this. I don’t want that anymore.”
Raelin turned and faced her wife. “I love you so much Delaney and I don’t want to live like this. I want to be everything I can for you. I promise not to block you again...just please, please don’t leave me.”
“What? Leave you? Darlin’, the thought of it never even crossed my mind. I’m just trying to tell you that you can let me in. We just need to be a little more forthcoming and trusting. That goes for me too; I need to be more open about me and my life. I’m not going to leave you, Raelin, I love you way too much to ever let you go,” Del answered quietly, reaching up to wipe gently at the tears falling over Raelin’s cheek with one hand and swiping at her own eyes with the other.
Wrapping her arms around her wife the witch held her close and drew in the same amount of love that she was sending out. She filled every dark corner of her soul with the golden love of Delaney, letting it soothe the worries and the fears until they were just gentle wisps floating around.
Del pressed closer to the brunette taking in every single detail of this moment. The heat from Raelin’s body, the subtle smell of the earth around her and most importantly, the sensation of the witch’s love, pouring in over the link they shared, filling her up until nothing else remained. Her head still pounded and her face was throbbing with the added congestion her tears had caused but it had been so worth it to get her witch back. “I missed you,” she murmured into her wife’s shoulder.
“I missed you too. It pains me also when I can’t feel you. I’m sorry that I assumed that you wanted someone ‘normal’. I just want you to be happy.” Raelin let her fingers glide over the blonde’s nose, focusing some healing power and unblocking her nasal cavities so that she could breathe better.
Feeling the pressure in her head ease somewhat, Del breathed in relief when some of the pain eased to a manageable level. “I only ever want you, never ever forget that. You are my happiness Raelin, without you, I’m nothing. No more hiding from each other, and no more miscommunications. I made vows to you, and I take them very seriously.”
“I take mine seriously also, Delaney. You are it for me. There will be no other...Ever.” Raelin kissed the blonde again. Letting her hands roam freely on the smaller body.
Pulling back only far enough so that she could whisper, Del held Raelin’s face gently in her hands. “So, no more sleeping in another room?”
“No more sleeping anywhere without you,” Raelin vowed.
“Oh thank God. I really don’t sleep well when you aren’t in bed.” Del chuckled brushing her lips over Raelin’s. “And you know we still have some talking to do.”
“Not right now babe, all I want is for us to finish dinner and for us to go to sleep. I’ve missed having you in my arms.”
“I couldn’t agree more. I’m way too exhausted to keep this up. I’m so thankful tomorrow is Saturday and I have the weekend off. It pays to be the boss sometimes. I will need to stop in to finish up that paperwork at some point,” Del whispered, snuggling close to the warm body against her.
Leading her wife back over to the bed, Raelin waited until Del was comfortable before she asked, “Do you need for me to take away the migraine? You’ll sleep better without it.”
Del thought about it for a few minutes. Normally, she tried to avoid asking for Raelin to heal her all the time, and deal with it like every other person would have to, but she felt she’d suffered sufficiently today and nodded to her wife. “If you wouldn’t mind. I hate to ask, but I need the sleep and if I have to take another headache pill before bed, I’ll be dopey but unable to sleep.”
“Would you mind lying back? It works better if you’re in a comfortable position.” The witch remained standing beside the bed.
Doing as she was told, Del laid back and got comfy on the bed. “Kiss first?” she asked playfully.
Leaning down the brunette let her lips brush against her wife. “I am sorry Del. I never meant for you to doubt me or my love.”
“I know. You just scared me a bit. We’ll talk more tomorrow after we’ve had a night to sleep on things. I promise.”
“Alright, close your eyes and think of something relaxing. I’ll give you a few minutes before I start.” Raelin let her hand caress the blonde’s cheek for a moment. She also had to go to a peaceful place in her mind to do this properly.
Closing her eyes, Del drifted to the glen and the feeling of napping amongst the sweet grass. She breathed deep knowing from memory what the sweet grass would smell like and slowed her heart rate down, relaxing back into the mattress.
Picturing the glen Raelin opened her eyes and held her hands above her wife’s body as she opened her third eye to see Del’s aura. The blonde’s head was bathed in reds and pinks so the witch held her hands over it and concentrated directing the blood to increase back to normal through Del’s brain. She watched carefully as the bright colors shifted to the blonde’s normal blues and greens. Once everything was to her satisfaction she moved in closer to ‘see’ the scar where Sumners had clipped her with his gun.
Moving her 'sight' around a bit she was frightened to see a bone fragment that was pressing against Del's brain. Straightening up she looked around the room, she spied her largest piece of Amazonite and picked it up. Going back over to the bed she held the stone in her left hand, pulled in some power and pointed her finger of her right hand at the spot where the fragment was. Slowly and carefully she moved the fragment back over the path that she could see that it had taken until it was in its proper spot. Putting like a mental band-aide over the spot she slowly let the power drain back into the crystal and then back into the lines. Looking again at her wife she was overjoyed to see that everything was looking good before she collapsed in a nearby chair. The entire session had lasted over two hours and she was completely drained. She was going to have to sit there for a while before she would be able to get up the strength to join her wife in bed.
Intuition Page 18