A Book of Burlesque: Sketches of English Stage Travestie and Parody

by William Davenport Adams

  V.

  BURLESQUE OF HISTORY.

  In this department the artists in travestie have not done so much asmight have been expected. Even when we include in the word "history"such things as myths, legends, and traditions, we find that thehistorical, in comparison with the other fields open to the parodists,has been quite "second favourite." Particularly little has beenachieved in the burlesque of foreign persons and events; and, in thecase of our own celebrities, the only really familiar figure on thecomic stage has been that of "Bluff King Hal." King Arthur, Alfredthe Great, Elizabeth, Oliver Cromwell, have made rare appearances inmotley. In the by-paths of history, general and local, the burlesquewriters have devoted themselves most frequently to popular personageslike Herne the Hunter, the Lady Godiva, Robin Hood, Dick Whittington,Guy Fawkes, Claude Duval, and Richard Turpin.

  The story of Rome has supplied subjects for two of the most notableburlesques of the past twenty years--the "Romulus and Remus" ofMr. Reece, and the "Field Marshal Julius Cnaesar" of Mr. Burnand.The former was played at the Vaudeville in 1872, and had for itschief interpreters Messrs. James and Thorne, who had not yet whollysurrendered burlesque for comedy. Mr. James was Romulus, and Mr. Thornewas Remus; and they came on in the first scene as children, dressed inpinafores and socks, and carrying toys. The pair begin by quarrellingas to which of them was born first. Remus rests his claim on hissuperior size:--

  Nature, perceiving "true grit" and "no shoddy," Made me thus "double stout" with "extra body."

  To which Romulus replies:--

  Though at our birth (when both kicked up a shine) His cry was _stout_, mine was the _elder whine_! Hence this thin body, wise folks say who've been here, "We're sure you are the _elder_, now we've _seen yer_."

  When the two grow up (as they do between the first scene and thesecond), the question is, which is to be King of Rome--a questiondecided eventually by personal combat, in which Remus falls. Ultimatelythe pair decide to be partners in the throne--an obvious allusion tothe position held by the two actors in reference to the VaudevilleTheatre.

  The date of the production of "Romulus and Remus" (1872) could befixed by the aid of a brief passage introduced in travestie of ascene between Cromwell and the King in Mr. Wills's "Charles I.," then"running" at the Lyceum. Early in the piece we have these lines:--

  _Remus._ The public will have (though to me it's pills) The classic drama. Well, they have their _Wills_.

  _Apollo._ One manager this line keeps without swerving--

  _Baccharia._ And he succeeds!

  _Romulus._ But not without des-_erving_.

  Later, Remus says to Romulus:--

  I can't express to you the pain I suffer In saying it; but, brother, you're a duffer! I am the happy man! Pride has a tumble! Your hopes of reigning, sir, are _all of a crumble_!

  _Rom._ You dare to scoff at me, rebellious thing! (_knocks his hat off_) Uncover in the presence of your king! (_To audience_) That's historical!

  _Rem._ What! strike me, dare you? (_Quietly_) Give me an earldom, and perhaps I'll spare you!

  _Rom._ Your base insinuation I resent. I go in for king and parliament.

  _Rem._ Your parliament's all gingerbread! (How nice!) I am a patriot and will have my price.

  _Rom._ Defied! (_blows trumpet_). What, ho! my faithful guards, where be 'em? (_Enter, from various entrances, all the characters, and supers. Tableau as in "Charles I."_) (_To audience_) I say! They can't beat _that_ at the Lyceum.

  In this piece Apollo (Miss Nelly Power) figures as a sort of Chorus,commenting on the action and interposing in it; while Baccharia(Miss Maria Rhodes) is represented as the sister of Tatius and ahusband-huntress. The burlesque has all Mr. Reece's ingenuity in_jeu-de-mot_ work. For instance:--

  _Tatius._ This is too much!

  _Baccharia._ To boast of deeds audacious.

  _Tatius._ Too callous!

  _Romulus._ _Calais!_ Don't be _Ostend-Tatius!_

  Mr. Burnand's "Julius Cnaesar" made the walls of the Royalty resoundwith laughter in the autumn of 1870. In the spring of 1869 WilliamBrough had brought out at the Strand his version of the tale of Joanof Arc, whom he represented as the leader of a troop of Amazons,extremely interested in Woman's Rights. She comes, as in history, tothe French king's assistance; but, falling in love with a young Englishsoldier, is captured by the invaders and condemned to resume femaleattire,--a sentence which in the end she manages to evade. A leadingpart is played by the Duke of Burgundy, who is for ever uncertain onwhich side he shall fight, and whose name provides frequent opportunityfor punning. Thus:--

  _Dunois._ See, Burgundy comes!

  _King._ Is he indeed with me? As a rule Burgundy ne'er yet agreed with me. He says he is my friend!

  _Duchatel._ Well, that's a thumper! The name of Burgundy suggests a bumper!

  _La Hire._ He comes!

  _King_ (_looking off_). With what a swagger, too! It's clear Burgundy doesn't think himself small beer!

  Again:--

  _Lionel._ Then, my lord, Burgundy, with all his train, Will join our ranks.

  _Talbot._ My plans are changed again! He'll lick the foe in no time--if not quicker! Burgundy's such a very potent _licker_! Strengthened by him, war's hardest blows we'll mock-- With a strong Burgundy, despise a kn_ock_.

  Here, too, is a clever bit of word-play:--

  _Burgundy._ The _proffer'd table_ I must needs refuse; My time I can more _profitably_ use. I can't _dine nicely_ while with projects vasty My mind is filled for changing the _dy-nasty_.

  On this occasion Joan was impersonated by Mr. Thomas Thorne, Mr. DavidJames being the Duke of Burgundy, Miss Eleanor Button the King, MissBella Goodall the Dunois, and Miss Amy Sheridan the Lionel. In thepresent year Joan of Arc has again become the subject of "respectfulperversion,"--this time by Messrs. J. L. Shine and "Adrian Ross," andafter a fashion to which I shall draw attention in my final chapter.

  Of foreign notabilities, the only other subject of burlesque worthmentioning is Christopher Columbus, who gave the title to, and was theprincipal character in, a piece written by Mr. Alfred Thompson, andperformed at the Gaiety two-and-thirty years ago. He was also the heroof a travestie by John Brougham, played in America.

  The first English personage in burlesque, in point of historicalorder, is the legendary King Arthur, who was the chief figure in an"extravaganza" produced at the Haymarket in 1863.[33] Of this theauthor was William Brough, who owed considerably more to Malory thanto Tennyson. There was a scene in which, as in the "Idylls," Vivienmakes Merlin the victim of his own spell; but otherwise the laureate'swithers were unwrung. Arthur (Miss Louise Keeley) becomes King ofBritain by virtue of his power to draw the magic sword from the stonein which it is embedded. He is looking forward to wed Guinevere (MissWright), when suddenly she is captured by Cheldric, the Saxon invader,from whom, however, she is successfully re-captured by the aid ofVivien (Miss Romer) as the wielder of Merlin's wand. Sir Launcelot(Miss Lindley) is exhibited less as the lover of Guinevere than as awarrior; another prominent knight is the cowardly Sir Key, representedby Compton. Of direct parody, as I have said, the piece has little; ofpunning, as usual, it is all compact. Vivien says to Merlin:--

  [33] "King Arthur, or the Days and Knights of the Round Table."

  Teach me your art. In magic I'd excel; In studies deep I'd plunge, a _diving belle_.

  And again,--

  Now for my lesson. It's a curious thing, But knowledge is _increased_ by _lessoning_.

  Arthur says to Guinevere:--

  Fortune us has made alike; I've acted like a _spoon_--while you act _ladle_-like!

  Also, when he has lost his _ladle_-love:--

  My Guinevere made pri
soner, Merlin too! Both I've to rue, if 'tis indeed _ter-rue_. To cope with all these horrors can I hope? What evil stars affect my horrors-cope! No one can I, the slightest aid to lend, see; I'm in a frenzy since I can no _friend see_. My wits, unstrung, hang loose my head inside, What should be Christmas feels like _wits-untied_.

  Guinevere, on her part, is equally afflicted with the punning mania.While immured in Cheldric's castle, she soliloquises:--

  Shall I endure this state of things unjust? I, Arthur's destined spouse? I _spouse_ I must. How _sad a loss_ is mine! regrets are idle! A _saddle 'oss_, including _reign_ and _bridal_. My star uprising side by side with his'n, No more uprising now, my fate's _a-prison_. This roomy kingdom, mine in expectation-- Now I have nought but my own _room-i-nation_. Kept by the Saxon in this den of his, I'm numbed with cold--no doubt the _room-it-is_.

  In Australia, twenty-three years ago, there was produced a burlesquecalled "King Arthur, or Launcelot the Loose, Gin-ever the Square, andthe Knights of the Round Table, and other Furniture"; the perpetrator'sname was W. M. Akhurst. Of recent years, the only prominent travestieof the subject has been that produced in 1889, by Messrs. RichardButler and Henry Chance Newton ("Richard-Henry"), who entitled theirwork "Launcelot the Lovely, or the Idol of the King." Here, again,Tennyson and Malory were both very loyally and lightly treated, and,though Mr. Arthur Roberts as Launcelot was eminently funny, theprepossessions of the audience were in no way shocked.

  The romantic tale of the loves of Fair Rosamond and His Majesty HenryII. has naturally attracted the notice of the travestie writers. Inone instance, I regret to record, it fared very ill at the hands ofthe "dramatist." One T. P. Taylor brought out at Sadler's Wells in the'thirties a one-act piece which he called "Fair Rosamond according tothe History of England," in which the story was at once modernisedand degraded. Henry became a Mr. Henry King--"a ruler, having beena stationer"; the Queen necessarily figured as "Mrs. Ellinor King."Rosamond herself was transmogrified into "a black girl, fair yetfaulty," talking in "darkey" patois, and furnished with a father, blacklike herself, who combined the profession of fiddler and boot-black.The piece appears to have been successful in its day, but, to read, itis both vulgar and without a spark of wit.

  Happily, the subject was taken up in our own time by Mr. Burnand, whose"Fair Rosamond, or the Maze, the Maid, and the Monarch," seen at theOlympic in 1862, is among the most vivacious of his productions.[34]Here the writer boldly breaks away from historical tradition. He makesHenry in love with Rosamond, it is true; but Rosamond (Miss Hughes), onher side, has given her heart to Sir Pierre de Bonbon (Horace Wigan)--aFrenchman, as his name betokens. As Rosamond sings in the _finale_:--

  [34] Mr. Frederick Langbridge has printed a burlesque on this subject, with a title somewhat similar.

  Hist'ry says that Rosamond Of King Hen-e-ry was fond; Thus my character was wronged, By a base aspersion; To old stories don't _you_ trust, Covered up with ages' dust. For the truth henceforth you must Take our Wych Street version.

  Rosamond, therefore, being innocent, it stands to reason that it wouldnot be fair to poison her, as in the story; and so the Queen (playedoriginally by Robson) is made to excuse her clemency in not forcing thegirl to accept the "cup" she offers her:--

  Why's Rosamond not killed at all? You see, She isn't poisoned as she ought to be! Because, in deference to modern ways, No poisoned heroines can end our plays; Besides, the brimming cup she held this minute, Like the objection, friends, has nothing in it. You'll say, with history we freedom use; Well, don't historians write to suit their views? We answer to the critical consistory, That we have made _our_ views to suit our history.

  One of the most amusing scenes in the burlesque is that in whichEllinor meets Henry for the first time after hearing of hisinfidelity:--

  _Q. Ellinor_ (_coming down close to Henry_). Ahem!

  _K. Henry._ You spoke. (_Aside_) I see with rage she's brimming.

  _Q. Ellin._ (_aside_). I gave a "hem"--now I'll begin my trimming. False man!

  _K. Hen._ Pooh, pooh! the epithet's beneath Contempt--I cast it in your false teeth.

  _Q. Ellin._ False teeth!

  _K. Hen._ False hair!

  _Q. Ellin._ Your speech, sir, is too blunt. _False hair!_ I will not put up with affront, I'd rather dye.

  _K. Hen._ For my consent don't wait; _Die early!_ on this subject don't _di-late_.

  _Q. Ellin._ Dost thou remember once a foreign land, Dost thou remember lovers hand in hand, Dost thou remember those soft murmuring lispers, Dost thou remember 'twas the hour of _Vispers_, Dost thou remember, as I think you must, _Dost_ thou----

  _K. Hen._ Oh! do not kick up such a _dust_. I really cannot stand and listen to it, Thank goodness, no one but yourself _du'st_ do it.

  _Q. Ellin._ Treat me with scorn--that's right. Oh, ne'er was seen A _suv'rin_ King with such a _suff'rin_ Queen!

  Following the stream of time, we arrive next at a travestie of theinsurrection, in the reign of Richard II., in which Wat Tyler was theprime mover. Tyler deserves celebration in the history of burlesqueas the hero of the only work of this kind produced by Mr. GeorgeAugustus Sala. This well-known _litterateur_ came out as a writer oftravestie at the Gaiety in 1869, but has not been tempted to repeatthe achievement. The fact is to be regretted, for his "Wat Tyler,M.P." had many strokes of wit and satire. Wat, being named Tyler,naturally became, in a piece of this _genre_, a hatter. He is portrayedas aspiring to Parliament, succeeding in his candidature, resistingpayment of a tax upon chignons, heading a revolt against the powersthat were, penetrating triumphantly into the royal palace, theregetting drunk, and being, in the end, overpowered by the forces of theKing. In his address to the electors from the hustings, there is apleasant amalgam of pun and sarcasm. Tyler (who was impersonated by Mr.Toole) begins by saying:--

  A poor industrious hatter I stand here (_cheers_), And standing now proceed to take that _cheer_. You know me!

  _Crowd._ Sartainly.

  _Wat._ Am I a fool?

  _Crowd._ No!

  _Wat._ Was I ever base corruption's _Toole_? Patriots, potwallopers, and townsmen dear, Voters unbribable and pure, look 'ere. Your sympathy my warmest thanks evokes, For you I'd brave the very _block_--my _blokes_! Tho' yonder dandy may treat me with scorn, I was of poor but honest parents born. Just twenty years ago, in ragged gown And soleless shoes, I trudged into this town, With one-and-ninepence and two plated spoons Within the pockets of my pantaloons.

  _Beaumanners._ Where did you get the spoons from?

  _Wat._ See how malice Ever conspires to drug the poor man's chalice! Where did I get the spoons from? Well, so far As I remember--from my grandmamma! But you, my friends, my whole career have seen. People of Essex, both these hands are clean (_holds out his hands_).

  _Oldest inhabitant._ They ain't.

  _Wat._ They is! Who's that? Some tyrant's minion. Gag him! and vote for freedom of opinion,

  (_Inhabitant is hustled off the stage._)

  Few are the promises you'll hear from me. Send me to Westminster as your M.P., And you shall see----

  _Crowd._ What?

  _Wat._ Here's what you shall see: Wealth, splendour, carriages and four--that's what; The strongest ale a halfpenny a pot, Taxes abolished, grievances amended, And all the theatres' free lists ne'er suspended, Washing for nothing, pickles, pastry, fun, And Wallsend coals at eighteenpence a ton. Give me your votes, and by next Michaelmas quarter Each man shall have the moon who owns a pail of water. Then a bold peasantry, their country's pride, Shall live on eggs and bacon neatly fried. The workhouse poor shall feed on buttered cr
umpets, And eat roast mutton to the sound of trumpets; The beggar smoke the best Bengal cheroots, And have another man to clean his boots.

  _Beaumanners._ Suppose to this the other makes objection?

  _Wat._ You hear my honourable friend's reflection. In such a case, deny it if you can, It's plain that we must hang the other man. I've said my say; the Commons are my goal; I am a hatter--let me head the poll.

  Beaumanners, who is in love with Tyler's daughter Ellen (Miss ConstanceLoseby), was represented by Miss Ellen Farren,[35] to whom Mr. Salaassigned the delivery of some of his best puns--as, for instance:--

  [35] The cast was particularly good, including Miss Rose Coghlan as the King, Miss Litton as the Queen, Maclean as Walworth, Mrs. Leigh as Mrs. Tyler, Miss Tremaine, and J. B. Rae.

  It seems to me the business of a _pa_ Is simply all his children's bliss to _mar_.

  Jane Shore has been the heroine of a burlesque written by Mr. WiltonJones, and brought out in the provinces eleven years ago. Messrs."Richard Henry" have also composed a travestie of her story, as handeddown by chroniclers. In Mr. Jones's piece reliance was placed, as ofold, upon humorous situation and ear-splitting pun. I give an exampleof both qualities. Jane has denounced Richard, Duke of Gloucester, asthe murderer of the Princes in the Tower, and he now proclaims herdoom:--

  _Gloucester._ Policemen, hear the sentence on Jane Shore-- (_Reading from scroll_) She's never to have dinner any more; No breakfast, tea nor supper--that's her fate-- No matter how much she may _supper_-licate. She'll starve to death for being over pert.

  _Jane_ (_feebly_). No _dinner_?

  _Gloucester._ No, ma'am; only your _desert_. High treason is her crime, and I repeat No one shall give her anything to eat; She'll have the fields, the roads to rest her knees on, And if she likes can even sleep _high trees on_; But take good care no pity she arouses-- And mind you keep her from the public-houses!

  _Jane_ (_aghast_). And is that _all_ the sentence? I shall drop!

  _Gloucester._ Yes--there the sentence comes to a _full stop_.

  _Jane._ Then for the sentence I had best prepare. Will some one kindly let down my back hair?

  (_Catesby and Hastings let her back hair down._)

  _Jane._ Well, if you won't remove this dreadful ban, I'll die as picturesquely as I can!

  In three well-known travesties, Henry VIII. plays the most conspicuouspart--in William Brough's "Field of the Cloth of Gold" (1868, Strand),in Mr. Burnand's "Windsor Castle" (Strand, 1865), and Mr. ConwayEdwardes' "Anne Boleyn" (Royalty, 1872). I name these in the order inwhich they deal with historical events. In "The Field of the Cloth ofGold" Katherine of Arragon is Queen, with Anne Boleyn (Miss F. Hughes)as maid of honour and (as Her Majesty suspects) a rival. To thissuspicion Anne makes reference in the following lines:--

  Queen Katherine! her I'm quite afraid of; She vows it isn't _honour_ that I'm _maid_ of; Declares King Henry loves me--as for me, I am no better than I ought to be; Such language she employs, I'm grieved to state Queen _Kate_ gets daily more _in-daily-Kate_. If I remonstrate, or to her appeal, Katherine goes off like a Katherine wheel.

  In "Windsor Castle" the King is in love, more or less, with Anne (Mr.Thomas Thorne), but inclined to let his vagrant fancy wander afterMabel Lynwood (Miss Ada Swanborough), who turns out to be Anne'ssister. Anne, it is recorded, sang like a siren, and was especiallyaddicted to a few French ditties. Of these Mr. Burnand makes her sing adiverting parody, printed, in "the book of the play," in French "as sheis pronounced." The song is called

  CHARNSUNNETTE D'ANNE BOLEYN,

  _Arngtitulay_

  "LER SHEVALIAY AY SAR BELLAY."

  I.

  Le Sh'valiay ay sar Bellay, Ker deetial Sir Grong Mossoo lar? Avec lespree der Jernessay "Commongvoo portayvoo?" Parley voo frarngsay? Parley voo--Tra-la-la-la-la-la. (_Refrang_). Parley voo, etc.

  "O Sh'valiay," dit sar Bellay, "Cumbeang ler caffy newaur lar?" "Ay p'tee tas o der veeay?" Toot sweet o reservoir. Jenner comprong par Jenner com--Tra-la-la-la-la. (_Refrang_). Jenner com, etc.

  _Morale._

  Kong Johnteyomme L'Onglay say Daymarnd lay pomme de tare lar Partong poor lar Syreeay Ay Veve lar Lester Square! Charnsong ay finny O sey ay finny mong tra-la-la-la.

  In "Anne Boleyn," again, Anne (E. Danvers) is at last Queen, but withher life embittered by King Henry's flirtations with Jane Seymour (MissHarriet Coveney). Thus, in one place, Anne exclaims:--

  Again he slights me! Bubbling heart, be still! Keep Henry from that girl I must, and will! She hinted I--in language far from vague-- Like _Xantippe_, was _sent to be_ a plague; Openly told that corpulent barbarian I'm his "grey mare," and also no _grey-mare-ian_; Said I'm a vixen, and in manner rude Told him he wasn't _wise_ to be so _shrew'd_. My happiness she's marred, my heart she's wrung With _hideous hints_ from her (h)insidious tongue. She would ke-rush me!--ah! But soft--no riot! Now, bubbling heart, oblige me, and lie quiet.

  The King himself describes the course of his feelings towards Anne inthe following ditty:--

  When I courted Anne Boleyn, with love I was drunk, Oh, I cannot remember the thoughts that I--_thunk_, I know I winked at her, and she at me--_wunk_, With my itheremyky, kitheremyky, Katheremyku-etty cum, fol de rol liddle de ray.

  I said, "Let me kneel at your feet," and I--_knole_, And I asked her upon me to smile, and she--_smole_, Then I said, "I feel happier than ever I--_fole_" With my, etc.

  She murmured, "My waist do not squeeze," but I--_squoze_, And remained at her feet till she told me to--_rose_, For she wanted to sneeze, and softly she--_snoze_, With my, etc.

  For a time I continued to woo, yes, I--_wode_, Then I asked her to go to the church, and we--_gode_, Having made up our minds to be tied, we were--_tode_, With my, etc.

  Time winged his swift course, yes, his swift course Time--_wung_; And this was the thing he was bringing, and--_brung_; Dislike for Anne Boleyn, I wish she was _hung_! With my, etc.

  "The Field of the Cloth of Gold" (which was revived in London, withonly tolerable success, a year or two ago) has to do mainly withthe meeting of Henry VIII. and Francis I. (Mr. David James) on thathistoric spot--an event which is here surrounded with the mostludicrous circumstances possible. There is a sub-plot which deals withthe loves of Constance de Grey (Miss A. Swanborough) and the Earlof Darnley (Miss Lydia Thompson), as interrupted and jeopardised bythe pretensions and machinations of Sir Guy the Cripple (Mr. ThomasThorne). The comic incidents are somewhat pantomimical, and the mainmerit of the piece lies in the humour of its dialogue, which is alwayssparkling. One of the puns in this burlesque is among the very bestever perpetrated, and is, indeed, a historical possession. Need I quoteit? The King has crossed over from Dover to Calais on a stormy day, andarrives in a very "indisposed" condition:--

  _Henry._ I am ill.

  _Suffolk._ Nay, sire, cheer up, I pray.

  _Henry._ Yesterday all was fair--a glorious Sunday, But this _sick transit_ spoils the _glory o' Monday_.

  But the piece is full of quips almost equally good. Mark the puns thatthe two kings fire off at each other when they foregather on the Fieldof the Cloth of Gold:--

  _Henry._ Pshaw! Bluff King Hal fears not to make advances So long as the great King of _France is Francis_.

  _Francis._ With pride I this alliance look upon, While _Hal be on_ the throne of _Albion_.

  _Henry._ The English Harry'd flattery despise, He deems _all truths_ here uttered by _al-lies_. Of good old racy stock, he scorns hypocrisy.

  _Francis._ We've heard much of the English _Harri-stock-racy_.


  After this, one thinks comparatively little of such sallies as:--

  "You an _exile_ here are _rated_." "Yes, It's not _exile-a-rating_, I confess."

  So, sire, I on the Tuesday ran away, To 'scape the _wedding_ on the _Wedding's day_.

  "Oh, mind! my hair you out in handfuls pull." "Why so much cry about a little wool?"

  At one point we have:--

  _De Bois._ Your Majesty, we've sought you everywhere. Your absence much alarm has been creating, Even the royal dinner's been kept waiting Till you came home.

  _Francis._ So you regret, I see, The _missing dinner_--not the _absentee_.

  Surrey, in "Windsor Castle," is represented not only as poet but ascomposer, and in the combined characters puts together a love songaddressed to his Geraldine. Unfortunately, when he comes to sing it toher, he finds he has forgotten some of the words:--

  _Surrey._ Well! the _refrain_ which I composed as well, Is no "Fol de riddle lol," made in my cell; Where, 'stead of idly _lolling_ all the day, My time I fol de riddle _lolled_ away, I cannot somehow call each verse to mind, But substitutes for words I soon can find; Toodle um, or something of that sort; I'll sing the air; 'tis very sweet and short.

  (_Sings._)

  Oh my Geraldine, No flow'r was ever seen so toodle um. (_Fondly_) You are my lum ti toodle lay, Pretty, pretty queen Is rum ti Geraldine and something teen, (_Rapturously_) More sweet than tiddle lum in May. Like the star so bright, That something's all the night, My Geraldine! (_With intensity_) You're fair as the rum ti lum ti sheen,

  _Boleyn_ (_without_). What, ho!

  _Surrey_ (_speaks impressively_). This is impromptu. Hark! there is what--ho! From something-um, you know, Dear, what I mean. (_With deep feeling_) Oh! rum! tum!! tum!!! my Geraldine.

  "Anne Boleyn" is particularly prolific in good puns, in the making ofwhich the author showed himself an adept. It would be a pleasure toquote a few of them, but I give instead some lines in which, speakingthrough the mouth of one of his characters, the writer satirises themethods of the old-fashioned drama:--

  _Mine_ were the "palmy days" when, I declare, A little table and two chairs, sir, were Thought furniture sufficient for a scene; When a baize drugget--generally green-- Covered the stage where'er the place was laid, Serving alike for palace, cot or glade; When, in a drawing-room, a servant-maid Would sing a duet with the comic man; When dramas only for a few nights ran; When a rhymed tag to every piece was tacked; When most plays had a dozen scenes an act; When bucket boots and ringlet wigs were worn, "Acting's a lost art," sir, since _you_ were born; Those are the days which I look back upon, Of broadsword combats with--"Ha, ha! Come on!"

  Good Queen Bess was added to Mr. Burnand's gallery in 1870, when his"E-liz-a-beth, or the Don, the Duck, the Drake, and the InvisibleArmada," was brought out at the Vaudeville, with Mr. Thorne as theQueen, Mr. David James as Whiskerandos, and George Honey as Drake.The "Maiden Queen" has not been greatly tantalised by the burlesquewriters, who, on the other hand, have made very free with a gentlemanwho much disturbed her successor--Guy Fawkes. Mr. Burnand handled himin 1866 (at the Strand); H. J. Byron followed suit at the Gaiety in1874; last year we had the "Guy Fawkes, Esq." of Messrs. "A. C. Torr"(Fred Leslie) and H. F. Clark; and I believe that Mr. Wilton Jones,too, has written a travestie on the subject. Charles II. was burlesquedby Mr. Gilbert Arthur a'Beckett in 1872, the _locale_ being the CourtTheatre, and the full title of the piece "Charles II., or Somethinglike History." In this, as in Mr. Reece's "Romulus and Remus," therewas some parody of the Lyceum "Charles I."--Mr. Righton, as Cromwell,imitating both Mr. Irving and George Belmore, besides indulging in thecancan! W. J. Hill was the King, and Mme. Cornelie D'Anka the Queen(Catherine of Braganza). Pepys, Rochester, and Lily the Astrologer alsofigured in the piece. Cromwell was afterwards the leading personage inthe "Oliver Grumble" of Mr. George Dance (Novelty, 1886).

  About the names of such heroes and heroines as the Lady Godiva, DickWhittington, Robin Hood, Herne the Hunter, and those distinguishedfootpads Claude Duval and Dick Turpin, there hangs a good deal thatis clearly mythical. Still, some myths have more real vitality thanabsolute fact; and who does not believe firmly that the Lady Godivarode round Coventry "clothed on" with nothing but her chastity, and, bytaking away a grinding tax, "built herself an everlasting name"? Heradventure has been burlesqued at least twice--once by Francis Talfourdand a collaborator, at another time by Mr. H. Chance Newton. TheTalfourd piece was called "Godiva, or Y^e Ladye of Coventrie and Y^eExyle Fayrie" and produced at the Strand in 1851. Mr. Newton christenedhis work "Giddy Godiva." In the earlier burlesque, "y^e exyle fayrie"Ignota (Miss Romer) is introduced merely as a _dea ex machina_ inthe interests of the heroine (Miss Marshall), who, in a passage ofShakespearean reminiscence, discusses the undertaking to which she hasbeen incited by her husband:--

  To be, or not to be, at his suggestion, A pose plastique, is yet a doubtful question! To bare my arms against a sea of troubles, And by a pose to end them! Each day doubles The people's wrongs, the proud Earl's heavy tax; To help to ease them I would not be lax; But then to ride--riding, by some low scrub Perhaps be seen!--Ah, bother--there's the rub! The fear that still my courage may be less When I have shuffled off this mortal dress, Must give me pause.

  A prominent character in the piece is Our Own Reporter, "Y^e SpecyallCommyssionere and Correspondente of y^e _Busie Bee_" (John Reeve), whowould fain play the part of Peeping Tom, and who, early in the play,sings a song wittily descriptive of his ordinary avocations:--

  _Rep._ I'm a mercantile man, and my living is got By selling of articles----

  _Leofric and Godwin._ What? what? what?

  _Rep._ They're white and black, they're short and long, And some of them sometimes go for a song; And during my time, of labour by dint, I've set up many a column of----

  _Leo._ Granite?

  _Godwin._ Iron?

  _Leo._ Gutta Percha?

  _Rep._ No, no; that's not the sort of thing to make up the business that I do!

  * * * * *

  _Rep._ I'm a military man, for I often have a shot At public foes with----

  _Leofric and Godwin._ What? what? what?

  _Rep._ If I fire at you 'twill be no joke, For you'll hear the report, but see no smoke; And my charge is prepared with what do you think? By a devil and steam, of paper and----

  _Leo._ Sulphur and brimstone?

  _Godwin._ Gunpowder?

  _Leo._ Gun-cotton?

  _Rep._ No, no; that's not the sort of thing to make up the business that I do!

  * * * * *

  _Rep._ I'm a literary man, and I can put a blot On a proud snob's scutcheon----

  _Leofric and Godwin._ Hey! what? what? what?

  _Rep._ And if I mention the people's woes, And show you up, why down you goes; And the flow of language that I possess Will open the tide of the Public----

  _Leo._ Water Companies?

  _Godwin._ Baths and Washhouses?

  _Leo._ I have it--Press!

  _Rep._ Just so! Now you know the sort of thing that makes up the business that I do!

  Three burlesques have been devoted to the life and adventures of SirRichard Whittington. There was, first, the "Whittington Junior, andhis Sensation Cat," of Mr. Reece (Ro
yalty, 1870); next, the "YoungDick Whittington" of Mr. Wilton Jones (Leicester, 1881); and next, the"Whittington and his Cat" of Mr. Burnand (Gaiety, 1881). Mr. Reece hadMiss Henrietta Hodson (Mrs. Labouchere) for his Whittington, while MissFarren was Mr. Burnand's. Robin Hood has had at least as many burlesquebiographies as Whittington. A travestie, written by Stocqueler, ShirleyBrooks, and Charles Kenny, and produced at the Lyceum in 1846, withthe Keeleys, Wigan and Frank Matthews, was followed in 1862, at theOlympic, by one from the pen of Mr. Burnand. Mr. Reece wrote one,called "Little Robin Hood," which was seen at the Royalty in 1871,and this was revived--in three-act form--at the Gaiety in 1882, withMr. Arthur Williams as a particularly droll Richard I. Robin Hood, itmay also be noted, was a prominent character in Mr. Burnand's "Hit or'Miss,'" at the Olympic in 1868. Herne the Hunter (who has a place inMr. Burnand's "Windsor Castle") was made the leading personage in, andgave the title to, a travestie composed by Messrs. Reece and Yardley,and performed at the Gaiety in 1881. Five years later, at the Folly,we had "Herne the Hunted," in which Mr. H. P. Stephens had a hand,as well as Messrs. Yardley and Reece. Claude Duval was turned into aburlesque hero by Mr. Burnand, and strutted his hour upon the stage atthe Royalty in 1869; followed _longo intervallo_ by Turpin--here called"Dandy Dick Turpin, the Mashing Highwayman,"--whom Mr. Geoffrey Thorn(Charles Townley) made the chief personage of a travestie performed inLondon in 1889.