by Coralee June
“Do you want to do something you normally wouldn’t?” she asked. Fuck. Leave it to her to ask shit I wasn’t ready to answer. It was making me drink in a shed with an underaged girl. That enough should have been out of the norm. I considered her question for a moment. I wanted to drive my own car into a tree. Give up on my future, my past. I wanted to say goodbye to the city of Chesterbrook, to my college, my friends, to Summer. I wanted to give it all up and drown in my grief, choke on all the words I never got to tell them.
But instead of scaring her with the dark places my mind was lingering these days, I spit out a lie. “No, Summer.” Saying it out loud would mean I was really feeling that way. Only cowards met death with a handshake and an eager smile.
Summer nodded, thinking about my words before moving on. She pushed her dark hair over her shoulder then looked around her dad's shed, taking in the rusted, hanging tools with interest. “Do you want to go inside? Everyone should be gone by now,” she offered.
I looked over her head, out the window of the shed, and smiled when I saw that it was close to sunset. The sky was a warm orange, and I knew that enough time had passed that I was sure there would be no more people prodding for how I felt. The hardest day of my life was almost over with, and somehow the little Summer Bright had helped me pass the time. I looked at her, a thank you at the tip of my tongue. The Brights had always been there for me. She had always been there for me.
She bit her lip to hold back the smile I just knew was on her lips. She was proud of herself, likely cataloging the adoration in my eyes for later use.
“Let’s go inside, Summer.”
“Hey, Callum?” she asked while standing, brushing off her dress and wobbling towards me. “I would miss you. Maybe it's wrong to say I’m glad you weren’t in that car, but I am. Know that, if anything happened, I would miss you.” She stared at me with her hazel eyes, taking in my reaction to her statement and holding back a pleased grin.
She knew. She fucking knew. She knew about the gun in my car. The letter I wrote to her family in my suit pocket.
I didn’t know what to say, and I sure as hell couldn’t confirm that her suspicions were correct. She’d called me out on my pain, and she didn’t sugar coat it, either. “I’d miss you too, kid.”
Chapter Ten
Sunshine
Present day
I was lying in bed, feeling sorry for myself when my men finally came back to the lake house. I’d spent the last six hours waiting for word and hoping Callum would let me comfort him. When I wasn’t being an emotional mess, I was hating myself for making his greatest trauma about me. I wanted to be selfish and cry about how much this would affect our relationship, and I hated that my emotions had such power over me. The old me would have stayed and forced Callum to let me be there for him. I would have planted myself in that grove that nearly killed me and waited until he had no choice but to accept my help.
But not anymore. I’d never been the one to cause him pain, and we were still so rocky. I left partly to save myself but mostly to save him. I felt a bit helpless but mostly didn’t know what else to do. It was easy to give a person space. The hard part was knowing that precarious balance between breaking down a person’s walls, and knowing when to let them sit in their brick house. Callum was always a fan of tall fences and nice houses so big you could get lost in them.
Joe had driven me back in a rush, convinced that my father was going to jump out from behind a bush and kill me. He spent an hour shooting off questions about my father, most of them I’d already answered before. It was like Joe had finally realized the sort of man we were up against. I wasn’t just a little girl with daddy issues anymore; I was battling a real threat.
Gavriel opened my bedroom door and began stripping out of his clothes, leaving the muddy mess of clothes on the floor and letting it splatter against the grey hardwood, looking eerily like blood. I took a moment to trail my eyes over the black ink covering his skin before speaking. “Callum back?” I asked, nervousness lacing my tone as I sat up in bed and clutched my blanket closer to my chest.
Gavriel plopped down on the edge of the bed beside me, facing the window before bending over to slip the wool socks from his feet. I held my breath as he sat there, anxiously waiting for the answer. His hair was wet from the rain and his muscles were flexed with tension. Gavriel took a moment to respond, considering how best to break the news to me. I missed the angry Gav, the one too mad at me to care about my feelings. “He went back to DC, Love. I just dropped him off at the airport.”
I tore my eyes from his back and stared out the window at the grey sky and the hidden sun. Bright rays of light cut through the clouds, creating sunspots on the dirt. It looked beautiful and ominous but made me feel comforted. It was like the sky felt the same as me: depressed but hopeful. Chesterbrook lost its magic long ago. It was no longer the place where I met the loves of my life. It was the place where I lost Callum.
“Oh…” I said, not really knowing what to say.
Gavriel spun around and crawled towards me, his expression was distant as he hovered over my legs and torso. “I’m sorry I didn’t come back with you,” he whispered before tenderly placing a chaste kiss on my lips and shuffling to lay by my side.
“I’m glad you didn’t. He needed you more than I did.” My response was honest.
“Your needs always come first. Always,” Gavriel growled, cutting me off as he pulled the white down comforter over him and guided me to his chest. His tanned skin was cold to the touch, and I flinched at the shock of it.
“I know, Gavriel. But Callum was...broken,” I said, my voice choking as I rubbed my nose against him. I could have been selfish, but love wasn’t selfish. Love was patient. I’d wait forever if I had to. “I’m glad you all stayed with him.”
“Always the martyr,” Gavriel cooed. Thunder rumbled in the distance, and I was tempted to look outside at the crashing waves in the lake once more. But I kept my body pressed tightly against Gavriel instead, warming him with each of my hot exhales while trying to keep calm. “How are you holding up, Love?” he asked.
I wasn’t sure how to answer him. How could I even possibly begin to articulate the terrible feelings bubbling up within me? “I’m feeling selfish. Even after all of that, I’m worried if Callum will stop loving me now.” Gavriel stroked my hair, running his thumb along the strands down my back and placing his palm against the base of my spine beneath the blanket. Of all of them, I knew that he wouldn’t judge me. “If I asked you to make him come here, would you?” I asked. Gavriel always promised to give me the things I asked for.
“No. There’s a certain balance to things, Sunshine,” Gavriel said before cupping my ass and squeezing. “He would hurt you in his current state. I know you want to care for him, it’s in your nature. But I have to look out for his interests too.” I bit the inside of my cheek to hide the smile, it was a relief to know that Gavriel had accepted Callum onto his short list of people he gives a fuck about. “He would never forgive himself if he hurt you. He’s not in a good state of mind to make good decisions right now. I’m the one that sent him away. What is it you need from him?” Gavriel asked.
“I need a lot of things. Some of them I deserve, some of them I don’t,” I grumbled before sitting up and making my way out of bed to stand in front of the window. My nipples brushed against the cool glass, making a chill travel down my spine. I welcomed the cold. I let it kiss my skin, reminding me that I could still feel, reminding me of the cemetery. “I needed him to hold me last night. I needed to be reassured that the pain of our cemetery fuck was just one facet of our relationship. I needed comfort.”
I breathed onto the glass then used my ring finger to draw designs in the fog my breath created. “Now, I want to comfort him. But I also want to feel his anger. The blood of the man that killed his family runs through my veins. It would make me feel better. I can’t function with all this guilt, Gavriel.”
Gavriel walked up behind me and wrapped his arms
around my waist, pulling me tightly against his chest while I breathed in his scent. He smelled like pine, rain and his signature vanilla. “Why do you feel like you should be punished, Love?” Gavriel asked, his smoky tone warm and inviting despite the chill I felt.
“It’s my family’s fault…” I explained like it was the most obvious thing in the world.
“You’re feeling guilty for something you had nothing to do with. You’re internalizing Callum's pain because you’re a good person, but at the end of the day, you shouldn’t confuse empathy with blame. This isn’t your fault.” Gavriel slowly dragged his fingers, tracing lines over my skin.
“But I feel so sorry. So very sorry…” I cried out, a fat tear rolling down my cheek and landing on his hand. The moment the moisture touched his skin, he spun me around and kissed me. It was one of those kisses that hung on the edge of pain, tempting the line of right and wrong with harsh bites and strong hands.
“I’m not going to let you apologize for shit that’s not your fault, Love. You think I got where I am by letting people push their guilt and regret on me? No.” He spun me back around and pressed me against the cool glass, shoving my damp hair to the side so he could suck on my neck while I stared at the crashing waves below. “I’m all for a good spanking. Once this shitstorm calms down, I’m going to push you to your limits, but I’m not giving you what you want today, Love.” Gavriel’s fingers trailed down my stomach in a teasingly slow motion, then he plunged them inside of me, holding me between the glass and his hard body. “Today, I’m going to comfort you.”
In and out, his fingers plunged deep within me as his other hand kneaded my breasts. Gavriel wasn’t about comfort. He was about control and pain and that blissful spot between the exchange of power. I wasn't sure what to make of this. Gavriel was about punishing. Was this another mind fuck? Giving me what I didn’t think I deserved? “Don’t overthink it. I love you, Sunshine.”
Gavriel grabbed my hands and guided me towards the bed, dragging his eyes up and down my body as he moved. “You’re so fucking beautiful.” I sat down and settled on my back, pushing the comforter aside as I lay there. I kept my eyes shut, feeling wrong about what we were doing while Callum was in so much pain. “You don’t have to look at me, Love. But I sure as fuck am going to make you feel me,” Gavriel moaned before nibbling my inner thigh. Using his hands, he thrust my knees apart and buried his face at my core, inhaling deeply before trailing his tongue across my clit. I jumped, the sensation was shocking and pleasant. So why did it feel so wrong?
One finger dipped inside of me, curling to graze against that sweet spot within me, making my pulse race. “I shouldn’t be doing this, Gavriel,” I said in a whisper feeling guilty once more.
Gavriel shot his head up just as I opened my eyes, looking at him with sadness as I shied away. “You really don’t want comfort, do you?” he asked while inching up. His face was a curious mix of awe and anger. He wanted to provide me with comfort, but he could never be Callum. And right now, I didn’t want Callum’s form of affection. I wanted Gavriel’s.
“I don’t know what I want,” I lied. I knew what I wanted, I was just too afraid to say it outloud.
Grabbing my hips, Gavriel flipped me over, my face landing in the mattress followed by a light slap on my ass. The sting was quickly rubbed away by his palm. “Is that what you want, Sunshine?” he asked before slapping my ass again. The pain seemed to travel through my body, starting at the base of my spine and making its way up to my head. A flood of endorphins and adrenaline coursed through me.
“Harder,” I begged as another slap came down, this one had more power behind it. I moaned as he rubbed away the sting, then I arched my back, wordlessly begging for more.
“Your ass looks so perfect with my handprint on it,” he said before landing another hard smack. “Does this make you feel better?”
I moaned my response, nodding against the thick cushion of the mattress while he landed another...and another… “God, yes,” I cried out, accepting each punishing hit and begging for the next one.
“Do you think you deserve this?” Gavriel asked. I tried to choke out my response, there was a “yes” at the tip of my tongue, but his hits increased in tempo, and I couldn’t speak. I could only dive into the blissful feeling of his hand against my skin, the bite of his slaps. “Well, I have news for you, Love,” he growled. He sounded out of breath. “You don’t. You don’t deserve any of this.”
Gavriel immediately flipped me back over and propped my calf up on his shoulder before thrusting inside of me with one smooth glide. I was so wet, so turned on by the pain that I couldn’t think, couldn’t see straight. All I could feel were Gavriel’s punishing thrusts and my sore skin. “I do,” I cried out.
Gavriel kept a steady cadence, fucking me mercilessly as he grabbed my skin, pinching and rolling his knuckles over each sensitive peak of my breasts. “Let go of shit you have nothing to do with. You don’t owe the world a single thing, Sunshine.”
My orgasm was a strong, blindingly perfect echo of sensations, dulled by the sadness I felt but still satisfying. It was a steady wave, teasing me with bliss but hiding behind the never-ending regret. Gavriel finished too then collapsed on me, showering my neck with kisses. “Love, come back to me,” he pleaded while brushing my hair out of my eyes.
“I’m here. That was...everything I needed. And now I need Ryker and Blaise,” I whispered, the only words I could force out. There was a flash of jealousy in Gavriel’s eyes. It was quick, barely a millisecond, but it was just enough for me to realize that I said the wrong thing. Just another moment to feel guilty about later on.
“Stop,” Gavriel ordered, realizing his mistake. “Don’t feel bad. I just wish I were...enough...for you right now. But it’s never been just one of us, has it?” Gavriel got up, cleaned us off, then threw on some boxers before leaving. I curled up in a ball while lying alone on the mattress until the three of them entered the room.
“Oh Sunshine,” Blaise said before crawling into bed beside me. He wrapped me in a hug, holding me close as more tears began to fall. Ryker ran his hands along his scalp with uncertainty before situating himself at the headboard, cradling me in his lap. Gavriel was the last to join us. He merely stared at me as I cried. Blaise was whispering sweet words of encouragement while Ryker stroked my hair.
“I can’t do this...without you, Gavriel,” I said, forcing my words to be strong. I was tired of being the emotional one. Tired of letting my sadness get the best of me. Gavriel slowly moved to my vacant side and settled beside me. He threw me a weak smile before entwining my legs with his own.
The three of us stayed there for a moment, and I was thankful for their support. The Bullets stuck together, I guess. And tonight? I was a Bullet.
Chapter Eleven
I called Callum twice, once from Gavriel’s airplane and once from the town car that picked us up from the airport. Blaise held my hand the entire trip, rubbing my wrist with his thumb as we sat quietly, each of us trying to cope with all we’d learned.
My father killed the Mercers.
We were on our way to the penthouse when Ryker finally spoke. He seemed really absorbed in thought. “We have a mole,” he whispered while looking out the windows as towering buildings passed us by. “How could he have known we would be there?”
“Santobello has a lot of men in his pocket. I’m not surprised that he’d caught onto us. The night I killed his son, he became obsessed. I would have held off had I known, but there isn’t much we can do now,” Gavriel replied before typing something into his phone. “I’ve moved my sister into the penthouse temporarily, and I’ve doubled security until the threat is neutralized.”
I snapped my attention to Gavriel and bit back a smile. I’d been dying to meet his sister since coming here. Gavriel didn’t want her in the thick of the danger, so she lived in an apartment near her private school. Gavriel viewed attachments as a weakness—something his enemies could use against him. Luckily for me thou
gh, he was too selfish to give me up. Not to mention, I was in greater danger without him than I was with. Occasionally, I’d worried that when this was all over, Gavriel would push me away with some sick sense of self-sacrificing love.
I frowned when we arrived at the penthouse and stayed in the town car a moment longer than the others. Looking up at the building, I found myself comparing Gavriel’s tower to a prison. It was large and beautiful, but I didn’t want to go back there.
“Sunshine, why do you look like someone kicked your puppy? That sad pout is gonna break me, Babe.” Blaise was still in the car and had leaned into me, wrapping his arm around my shoulders and pulling me into his comforting embrace.
“I know there isn’t a safer place in the city than Gavriel’s penthouse, but I really don’t want to go up there,” I said, feeling guilty. It was a gorgeous home and was much better than being homeless. I owed Gavriel, but I also knew that the moment I made my way up to the thirty-third floor, I’d be trapped in Gavriel’s overprotective bubble until Santobello and my father were dead.
Blaise followed my gaze, a pensive look on his face. “Wanna go to my place instead?” he offered with a shrug before leaning out the opened town car door. “Gav, come here a second,” he called out. Ryker and Gavriel had been chatting on the sidewalk, both of them leaning over to discuss something important. Gavriel straightened and stepped closer, bracing his hands on the roof of the car to lean in and check on us.
“Everything okay?” Gavriel asked.
“Sunshine’s gonna stay with me tonight,” Blaise said. I noted how he didn’t ask Gavriel’s permission, he merely stated what was going to happen.
“I’m not ready to go back to your penthouse, Gav; it feels like a prison, all your men constantly coming and going,” I quickly explained. Gavriel ran a hand over the faint scruff on his chin, considering my words. “The minute I get out of this car, you’ll go into fix-it, overprotective mode, and I need one more night before we dive into killing people.”