Leah's Song

by Daphne James Huff

  Thank goodness the solo took up all my concentration in choir, or else I would have been completely useless there, too. Brandon noticed my distraction, however, and kept me a little later than usual at our lesson. With only a few more to go before the concert, he reminded me that I had to take care of myself, especially over the upcoming Thanksgiving break. He warned me not strain my voice or catch a cold or anything. So I was more than a little upset when I walked out into the cold night to see that my bike wasn’t there.

  My dad had taken my car into get serviced, and I’d ridden in a very chilly mid-November wind to school that morning. Jenn had caught a ride with one of her teammates that morning and hadn’t invited me. Since Mr. Price had said that exercise would be good for our lungs, and encouraged us all to get more, I thought it would be a good idea. Until my bike was stolen, that is.

  Brandon had already left; I had even encouraged him to hurry home for once rather than stay and chat like we usually did since we’d stayed later than usual. I called Jenn but there was no answer. I left voicemails for her and both of my parents but after waiting ten minutes to see if one of them would call back, I started to mentally prepare for the long walk home. Now I’d definitely be getting exercise.

  I walked around to the back of the school with the desperate thought that maybe my bike would be there. It made no sense, but I was starting to panic a little. It was cold, and dark, and I had no one to come pick me up. Finding the bike racks at the back of the school empty, I thought about who might have taken it. My mind went to Luke almost instantly. It didn’t seem very fair or sisterly, but he’d been so… weird lately. More secretive than usual. Though it’s not like he was ever super outgoing and sharing. Jenn, Mom and I totally dominated most conversations, took over the bathroom, and generally made it a girl’s world at home.

  My dad worked too much to be able to spend enough time with him to have a really strong bond. He used to try, inviting Luke to watch football, and bringing him along when he went to the hardware store or even just to pick up pizza for dinner. When he was younger, Luke used to want to do things with Dad, especially football. It was the one guy thing they did together. Then he hit middle school and decided he hated everyone. Our dad just kind of stopped trying and focused on work and Jenn’s soccer.

  At this point, I would have given anything to be driving home a grouchy Jenn after soccer rather than walk home. The quickest route passed through a few larger roads, and I was worried I wouldn’t be that visible to cars in my dark coat. I thought about the back roads I could take, even if I knew it would take me longer.

  It was November in Colorado, so even with my coat I was cold. There was a difference between whipping through the cold on your bike, your legs pumping, weaving in and out of traffic, and trudging along a dark alley clutching your coat to your body and feeling your toes slowly go numb.

  I stalled for another few minutes, hoping that somehow Jenn or my bike would magically appear. I heard the door to school open and looked over to see a group of senior cheerleaders and their football boyfriends laughing about something. My heart started to beat a bit faster. My first instinct was to start walking in the opposite direction, but my frozen legs resisted. I turned away slowly, feeling the first cold tears start to fall on my cheeks.

  I tried to reassure myself that they probably didn’t even know who I was. But between the cold, and the dark, and my overall bad mood, I just didn’t feel like dealing with anyone staring at me.

  “Leah!” shouted a familiar voice. I started walking away from school, wiping the tears from my eyes with a scratchy glove.

  I heard feet start to pick up their pace behind me, so I sped up as much as I could without full on running. They’d probably just laugh at how I ran. A hand grabbed me and spun me around. Reflexively, I punched out with my right hand, hitting a thick chest and barely making him grunt.

  “Ouch, Leah, what was that for?”

  I finally looked up, my heart slowing to a more regular pace, but just barely. It was Josh, looking down at me with his eyebrows all crinkled up in worry. The rest of the group was a distance away waiting for him. He turned and waved them away. A few of the cheerleaders gave me nasty glares before they headed towards their cars.

  “What are you doing out here alone?” he asked, not waiting for a reply to his first question. “Were you walking home?”

  “My bro- my bike was stolen,” I said, stopping myself from saying my brother took it. I couldn’t be sure but the more I thought about it, the more likely it seemed. Mrs. Stevenson’s shed, the coach’s car during the football game… something was definitely up with him. “What are you still doing here?”

  “I had to meet with Coach, and it took forever.”

  “Oh.” I stood there awkwardly with my hands shoved deep in my pockets, my legs trembling in the cold.

  “Come get in my truck. In another minute, you’ll be totally frozen.” Josh gestured with his hand to where it was parked at the other end of the parking lot. It was one of the only cars there. I should have recognized it. I paid close attention to whether it was in his driveway or not most nights.

  I looked around and hesitated. He let out a loud sigh.

  “Lilly isn’t here,” he said with an angry edge to his voice. “I’m sure she’d understand that you need a ride.”

  I was being ridiculous. All these rules I’d invented for myself, trying to keep him away, to stop myself from talking to him too much, to try and forget how I felt about him, they were all to protect Lilly. I was about to let myself freeze to death just to keep her from getting mad at me.

  I walked over to his truck, still glancing around the parking lot uneasily. He ran ahead of me to open the door, and I climbed awkwardly up into the seat. I prayed he wouldn’t notice how much trouble I was having, but then I felt a hand at my waist helping me up. My heart raced at the contact. I took a deep breath as I buckled my seatbelt, trying to calm down. We were friends. He was just driving me home.

  He ran around to the other side and hopped easily into his seat. He reached between the seats to drop his bag in the back and his arm brushed mine. Heat spread through my entire body, warming me better than the heater blasting inside the truck did. We pulled out of the parking lot.

  “So,” he said, eyes on the road. The radio was turned on low to a mix station. The car smelled vaguely of sweaty boy which was familiar to me thanks to my brief visits to Luke’s room, but there was one of those little green tree air fresheners hanging off of the rearview mirror attempting to mask it.

  It was an older truck, a Ford Explorer, good for the mountains, but it felt huge to me. My parents had always preferred small cars despite growing up in the shadow of the Rockies. They weren’t particularly outdoorsy, so none of their kids were either. Even Jenn didn’t really like being outside for any other reason than soccer. My own little Taurus was plenty to get me to and from school and around town.

  “So,” I repeated after casting so many sideways glances at him that I worried I’d sprain my eye muscles.

  We hadn’t been alone together since that day. The day with ‘the thing that happened’. The day that I was definitely not thinking about at all as I cast yet another glance at him in the dark car, trying to read the expression on his face in the glowing lights of the dashboard.

  “Feeling ready for that solo?” he said finally.

  I inhaled sharply.

  “Not really,” I admitted, pulling at my gloves. I was plenty warm now but kept them on, along with my hat. My hair would look ridiculous if I took it off. At least it wasn’t the bright orange one I’d worn at the game.

  “You’ll be great,” he said without hesitation. My heart swelled at the unexpected compliment.

  “Thanks,” I said with a smile, even though he couldn’t see it in the dark. “But I’ve never had to sing in front of so many people. In front of any people, really.”

  “I haven’t either,” he said with the smallest hint of worry in his voice, his eyes focused on
the road head. “Not in years.”

  “But you’re in front of people all the time with football.”

  He shook his head.

  “It’s not the same,” he said. “It’s like I told you this morning. I don’t really care about football; not the way the other guys do. All they care about is winning. I just like playing the game. So I like that music isn’t about winning or losing.”

  “What’s it about, then?”

  “Feeling.”

  I didn’t have a reply to this seemingly very wise declaration. It sounded like what Brandon said sometimes, but he used fifty words to explain where Josh had used only a handful. We rode in silence another few minutes. I went back and forth in my mind. Should I mention ‘the thing that happened’? Should I say something about Lilly? Talk about choir some more?

  I wracked my brain for anything helpful from Teen Magazine about how to act around a boy you liked who actually liked you back when you couldn’t do anything about it and were trying hard to stop liking him. Unsurprisingly, there had been nothing relevant in the most recent issue.

  I was at least a foot away from him, but I was aware of every tiny move his body made. I wanted to reach out to him, to touch his arm, to hold his hand. But everything was off limits. As amazing as it had been, I almost wish I didn’t know what it felt like to hold his hand, or to have his lips on mine. It was like getting a taste of the most delicious dessert and then having it taken off the menu forever.

  Suddenly, he reached for the volume button on the radio, his hand that much closer to me.

  “I love this song,” he said. It was Jimmy Eat World. He sang along, no hesitation whatsoever, enjoying himself completely. It was adorable the way he liked music. Brandon took it so seriously. It was his life. But with Josh, it was like it gave him life.

  “Your turn,” he said, when the song ended and ‘I Hope You Dance’ came on. I rolled my eyes.

  “Too cheesy,” I said, reaching to turn it down.

  His hand brushed mine as he reached out to stop me. I was grateful now I had kept my gloves on, so I didn’t get the full effect of our hands touching.

  “Don’t,” he said softly. “Just sing, Leah.”

  I could feel his eyes on me in the dark car. I really did like the song, even if I didn’t want to admit it to him. I swallowed, took a deep breath, and started singing.

  I closed my eyes, so I wouldn’t be tempted to look at his reaction. I let myself feel the words, feel the music, and sang with all my heart. My confused, conflicted, and miserably constricted heart. But as I sang, I felt a slight shift inside me. I forgot where I was; I even forgot he was there. I just sang.

  When it was over, I snuck a quick peek and was rewarded with one of his big, goofy grins. I couldn’t help but smile back. It had been so long since I’d seen him smile like that.

  “You’ll be fine for the solo,” he said, reaching over to give my arm a squeeze that sent butterflies from my stomach up to my chest, where they kept time with my rapidly beating heart. “Just sing like that. Just let everything else go.”

  We turned onto Mountain Creek Drive. Most of the houses were lit up and you could see people gathering in their kitchens for dinner. He pulled up in front of my house but didn’t turn off the engine.

  “Thanks for the ride,” I said, my hand on the door but not moving to get out. I didn’t want to leave the warmth of the car just yet. “It was lucky we crossed paths. It would have taken me forever to get home. I’d have been a popsicle.”

  Josh let out a soft chuckle at my lame attempt at humor before turning his head to look out his window. The shadowy figure of my brother was passing us. On my bike. I narrowed my eyes, seething. I knew it had to have been him. It just seemed too odd that the one day I rode it to school would be the day someone decides to steal it.

  What had happened to his bike? He had insisted from the very first day of school that he didn’t want to ride to school with Jenn and me. He’d been up early enough every day to bike over, even on the days it rained. It was kind of impressive actually.

  The tricks he was now attempting on my bike, however, weren’t quite as impressive.

  “Your brother is kind of a jerk,” Josh said, probably noticing the pink and teal colors of the bike and connecting the dots. “But I’m glad I got to drive you home.”

  He turned towards me, and at first it seemed like he wanted to reach out for my hand, but then put his back on the steering wheel.

  “I hope Lilly won’t be too mad.” His mouth was turned down, his eyes now staring straight ahead.

  “I don’t tell her everything,” I said firmly before opening the door. “Thanks for the ride.”

  “Hey, so why did Josh drop you off last night?” Lilly asked the next day at lunch.

  My heart leapt into my mouth, and I nearly spit out the sandwich that was already in there. Had she been home? I hadn’t realized it. What had she seen? I reminded myself that I hadn’t done anything wrong. At least, not last night.

  “Someone stole my bike,” I said. “Josh gave me a ride home.”

  “Oh no, that sucks about your bike!” said Amanda. “Do you have your car back today?”

  I shook my head. I had ridden in that morning with Jenn and one of her friends. I hesitated telling my parents about the bike incident, but in the end, I was so mad at him, I did. At first, it seemed like it wouldn’t be a big deal. All they’d seen was my bike in the garage, and it was just my word that Luke had taken it. Things got ugly once they realized his was missing, however. It had been a pretty bad yelling match over dinner, even though Luke refused to tell us why he’d needed my bike. Or where his was.

  I glanced over at my brother across the cafeteria. His expression was gloomy. He was still furious with me, but I wasn’t the one who had stolen the bike. I usually had his back for most stuff. I was more than happy to bail him out when it was just mom being her usual, annoying self, but this was crossing some sort of line. Where was his bike?

  “You were sitting in the truck for a long time,” said Lilly, drawing my attention away from Luke. She wasn’t able to hide the annoyance in her voice.

  “Geez, were you looking out of your window at us? Creepster.” I laughed, trying to make myself sound less anxious than I was. What was she? The Josh Police?

  She flushed and my stomach twisted in knots. I didn’t like making her feel bad about this when I was the one who had done something wrong.

  “We were talking about the concert,” I said. “I’m really nervous about the solo.”

  “You’ll be great!” said Amanda encouragingly. The others at the table all agreed, though out of politeness more than actually knowing anything about it. The band kids would go to the concerts for the extra credit it got them, but that didn’t mean they all knew the difference between good and bad singing.

  Lilly smiled but remained silent. The talk at our table shifted to other things, like what we were all doing for Thanksgiving break, and I hoped my explanation would be enough to calm Lilly’s suspicions.

  Chapter Thirteen

  I usually loved Thanksgiving. My family, including a few uncles and aunts and cousins, spent the day together with Lilly’s family. It was just the three of them, since all of her family lived on the east coast.

  But this year, I was on edge the entire day even though Lilly hadn’t mentioned me being in Josh’s truck again. We watched the parade together like always while peeling potatoes for my mom. It was the one day of the year she actually put in the effort to cook, though really all anyone talked about were the desserts Lilly’s mom made. I don’t think it helped their weird, tense friendship, but celebrating together was too much of a tradition to change it now.

  “Why don’t we take some pie over to the Bakers?” Lilly suggested when everyone was done eating. My younger cousins got roped into helping clean up since we’d helped in the morning. “We can see if he wants to come over for Home Alone.”

  We had a strict rule about no Christmas movies unti
l after Thanksgiving. Another tradition we weren’t about to break was that we always started with Home Alone. It wasn’t really my favorite, but since it was on TV the night of Thanksgiving, we didn’t have to spend the money renting it. Everyone else usually watched football. Josh probably was, too. Lilly scoffed when I told her this.

  “I’ve been over there babysitting a bunch,” she said. “He isn’t, like, obsessed with it the way some guys can be. Matt likes it more than he does.”

  “I thought you only babysat that one time for the playoff game,” I said, trying to hide my annoyance. I technically had called dibs back in the summer, after all.

  “The kids liked me so much that his parents asked me to sit a few more times.”

  “Don’t they have family over or something for Thanksgiving? Won’t we be interrupting?”

  She shook her head.

  “No, they’re all back east like mine,” she said. “Matt was telling me about it. They alternate which years they fly to see them for Christmas or Thanksgiving. This year, it’s Christmas. He says he likes it better since they get more presents that way.”

  I grumbled inwardly about all the time she was spending there, even though it was my own fault. By trying to even things out, I was missing out on more than just extra income. I wanted to get to know his family, too. That’s what friends did, I told myself, but I had to stop myself from rolling my eyes at my own lie. So we bundled up to make the short walk down the Drive and arrived red-cheeked a few minutes later.

  Mrs. Baker answered the door. She had a big smile when she saw it was Lilly.

  “Hi, Mrs. Baker,” Lilly said brightly. I put on a smile, aware of how grumpy I must look compared to her. I really wanted to make a good impression on his parents. For friendship reasons. “I brought over some shoofly pie. I was telling Matt and Abby about it the other day, and they said they’d never had it! I wanted them to try it.”