by L A Cotton
“I get it, I do.” She offered me weak smile, one full of apology and pity. “But sometimes people need the right reason to change. Maybe you weren’t enough for Zephyr, but you might be enough for Levi.”
She took off toward the stage, joining Alistair as he watched the band.
Levi found me across the arena, but the moment our eyes collided, he looked away.
I deserved his wrath. He’d been different with me last night. Soft and tender. It had caught me off guard, my confusion not helped by the liquor swimming in my veins.
He’d touched me like I was precious. Fragile. He’d held me like I was everything. His lifeline. His reason.
But when I’d woken up cocooned against his hot body, sheer panic had overridden the contentment I felt.
Levi wanted something from me, that much was obvious.
But I wasn’t sure I had anything left to give.
The energy of the crowd pulsed through me. It was frenetic, the air charged and the atmosphere electric. The standing area seemed to surge forward like an undulating wave as Levi sang song after song.
“It’s crazy out there,” I yelled over to Letty and she nodded, her eyes alight with concern.
“What?” I asked.
“Hopefully, it’s nothing.” She didn’t look convinced though. “I want extra security at the VIP meet and greet.”
“You think something could happen?”
“Experience tells me when the crowd is this wild, it’s better to be prepared.” She ran her eyes over the clipboard again.
After the show, the band was hosting a meet and greet with over fifty contest winners, all girls, all aged between fifteen and twenty-five.
Darkness fell over the stage and the crowd ushered into silence. A ripple of energy shot through the air as the opening beats of Drown played out.
My heart lurched into my mouth.
“He didn’t tell you?” Letty squeezed my arm.
“No one did.”
“Phoenix, give it up for Miss Evangeline Walker,” Levi’s gravelly voice came over the speakers making every hair along the back of my neck stand to attention.
A single spotlight found Eva across from us, the other side of the stage. She walked out, guitar in hand, waving at the crowd. They went wild, screaming her name, professing their undying love for Levi. They had the Hunter-Walker magic all right, and everyone loved them for it.
The stage lights went up just as Damon kicked in the beat and Levi sang the first lyrics. I was paralyzed by his voice, hypnotized by the intensity in his words. The longing. Every time I heard the lyrics, I found new layers to their meanings.
Eye so deep I fall and fall
Can’t escape, and I can’t feel
These feelings crash over me
Until I’m numb inside and cut free
But I’m broken now, I’m dead inside
She can’t save me no matter how hard she tries
But I’m broken now, I’m dead inside
She can’t save me no matter how hard she tries
He might have been broken, but one thing was clear...
I was pretty sure I was falling for Levi Hunter.
Three songs later, the band came off stage, high on adrenaline and what I considered to be one of their best performances to date.
“Water,” Hudson said. “I need water.”
He’d been back to his usual self today, and no one had uttered a word about Molly and her date.
Rafe pulled Eva into his arms, the two of them falling against the curtain in a tangle of limbs and lips.
“That was... wow,” I said as Levi approached.
“Thanks.” He barely looked at me, moving past us to take off down the hall.
Dejection burned through me, but I’d earned it. You couldn’t reject someone like Levi and expect him to fight for you.
“Okay, guys, thirty minutes until the first VIPs arrive.”
“Is there food?”
“Isn’t there always?” Letty gave a Hudson an amused look.
“Lead the way.”
“We’ll be there soon,” Rafe’s muffled words drifted over to us. I glanced back, wishing I hadn’t, when I saw their intimate embrace.
I ended up walking back to the dressing rooms with Damon.
“How are you holding up?” he asked.
“Me? I’m okay.”
He gave me a warm nod. “You’d be good for him, you know. But I sense you have some baggage of your own.”
“You could say that.”
“Levi is complicated, Phoebe. The most complicated guy I’ve ever met... but I think, deep down, all he wants is to feel worth something more than all this.”
I didn’t get chance to ask what he meant because Damon took off down the hall, disappearing into the band’s dressing room. The meet and greet would be in a separate room, bigger, with a few shaker tables, a complimentary buffet table, and a temporary bar.
I tried not to dwell on Damon’s words as I went to help Letty make sure everything was set. I would oversee giving out the VIPs their exclusive goody bag and directing them for photos.
But by the time the band entered the room—well, everyone except Levi because of course he was late—the words were still stuck in my mind.
Everyone seemed to be on Team Levi. It was almost as if they wanted me to give him a chance. But what I couldn’t figure out was if it was because they thought he deserved a shot at happiness, at love...
Or if it was because they’d exhausted all avenues and I was their last hope to fix him.
The VIP fans were a mixed bunch. Half of them seemed happy to bask in the thrill of being within looking distance of their favorite band, while the other half were overexcited and more than a little drunk.
“Travis,” I said to Eva’s bodyguard. “Keep an eye on the group with the black and red t-shirts.”
“Noted,” he said, whispering something into his hidden wrist mic.
A couple of other bodyguards edged closer to the rowdy groups of girls. Two in particular had made a scene when they arrived, shouting inappropriate things to Hudson. He’d laughed it off, but some of the younger fans, accompanied with their parents, had complained.
“Okay,” Letty shouted, waving her hand in the air. “If I can have everyone’s attention. Levi is going to be along any second and I wanted to quickly explain how this is going to work. We’ll get group A lined up first for photos and autographs and then dish out goody bags. Group B will receive their goody bags first and then do photos, sound good?”
A chorus of cheers echoed off the walls.
When Letty had spotted the rowdy girls, she’d switched things around so we could get the younger fans in and out quicker.
But the second the door open and Levi stepped into the room, all hell broke loose.
“Ohmigod, there he is,” someone yelled as some of the girls broke forward.
Security flanked Levi, warding them off, but he stepped forward, laughing. “Relax,” he smirked, “there’s enough of me to go around.”
Letty ushered for me to intercept the girls on my side. I jumped in front of them, hands outstretched. “If everyone could just wait in their area, we’ll get—”
“Levi, I love you,” a shrill voice pierced the air. “I love you so much.”
“I can’t believe it’s him,” another voice said, as the horde of overeager fans began to swarm. Security tried to hold them back, but they were a force to be reckoned with, pushing up against our human wall.
“Shit,” Letty grumbled. “Someone call for back up. If everyone could just calm down.”
“Listen to the lady,” Levi chuckled. “She might be small, but she is mighty.”
There was something off about his tone. Anyone else might not have noticed it, but I wasn’t anyone.
My head snapped around, studying his face. Sure enough, I saw the slight glaze to his eyes.
Levi was high.
Un-fucking-believable.
“Letty,”
I caught her attention and flicked my head to where Levi was standing.
“Okay, ladies, if you could all form an orderly line we can get started—”
A handful of the older girls broke free, charging at me and Travis. “You need to stop,” I yelled. “Stop, no—”
Someone shouldered me out of the way, an elbow clipping my cheek. Pain exploded along my face just as I lost my footing and began to fall.
“Phoebe,” someone yelled my name, but the world tilted, agony piercing my hip as I collided with the edge of the merchandise table. My body folded into itself as I landed with a resounding thud, my head cracking against the hard floor.
“Shit, someone call medical,” another voice yelled, but everything was spinning, my skull pounding, making everything foggy.
“Phoebe, can you hear me?” A panicked voice hovered on the edge of my consciousness as everything began to go black.
“Do something,” he yelled, so full of pain and anguish. “Somebody, do something.”
Levi
“Why isn’t she waking up?” I asked the nurse for the tenth time. The constant itch under my skin was right there, whispering to me. Calling to me like a siren on the wind. It was only made worse by the fact I was in the medical center, surrounded by readily available drugs and medicines that would carry me away from this nightmare.
“Give it time. It was quite the bump your friend had.”
Friend.
I almost snorted at that. Phoebe wasn’t my friend. She was the North Star in my dark, dark skies.
“Anything?” Letty entered the room.
After all hell broke loose at the meet and greet, she’d had to stay behind to deal with the disgruntled fans. The guys had tried to get me to stay at the arena, but I’d hopped into the ambulance with Phoebe before they could stop me. Johnson and Stalter had followed behind, dealing with the staff at the center.
I didn’t care about any of that. I only cared about the girl lying in the bed. She looked like an angel lying there. A sleeping angel dreaming peacefully with the devil standing over her shoulder.
My fingers began drumming against my knee, lyrics forming in my head.
Oh, pretty angel gives me your eyes
Come back to me, I need you right here
Oh, pretty angel show me your smile
Come to back me because I can’t be without you
You’re the light to my dark, the star in dark skies
You’re the voice that I hear, when things don’t go right
The angel on my shoulder, I can’t let you go...
“Levi?”
“Huh, what?” My eyes snapped to Letty’s, and she frowned.
“Are you okay? You look—”
“Fine. I’m fine.” I scrubbed my jaw. “She still hasn’t woken up.”
“But they said that’s normal right?”
“Yeah...” I chewed my thumb. The skin was beginning to crack around my nail.
“Maybe you should go—”
“I’m staying.”
Letty’s expression softened. “She’s going to be okay, Levi. It was just a bump to the head. She’s got a concussion and a nasty bruise where she collided with the table, but Phoebe is going to be fine.”
“I know.” I did. But I really needed her to wake up, so I could see for myself.
“Do I need to be worried?” There was no judgment in Letty’s expression. I guess that was the thing about working with unstable rock stars, you got used to all their personal shit.
“Honestly, I don’t know.”
“What can I do?”
“Keep me away from the nurse’s trolley, the one full of pain pills.” I laughed but it came out strangled. “Too soon?”
Letty rolled her eyes.
“I’m joking. At least, I think I am.”
“You going to be good if I check in with Alistair and get coffee?”
I nodded.
“You want anything?”
“I’m good.” I was too restless to eat or drink, unless it was a bottle of Jack, and something told me the staff here wouldn’t take too kindly to me drowning myself in whisky.
My leg jostled up and down, my fingers digging into the leather covering the arm of the chair. Phoebe would wake up soon and everything would go back to normal. Except, that meant she would be still pretending not to care. At least now, I could pretend. I could imagine that when she woke up and realized l was here, she would finally give in to the connection we shared.
I knew she was scared. I knew her ex had done a real number on her. Why else would she be so against us getting close?
Because you’re not worth it. You’ll never be worth it.
I screwed my eyes shut, trying to ignore the little voice. But it only got louder. Hunger swam in my veins. A raging ravenous inferno, it burned so bright I could practically taste the high.
I’d smoked a blunt earlier, before the show. Weed wasn’t usually my go-to poison of choice, but I’d needed to take the edge off. I’d needed something to douse the feelings.
“L- Levi?”
My eyes flew open, her voice instantly grounding me. The hunger melted away leaving nothing more than a faint pulse of need.
“Phoebe, thank fuck.” I leaned forward, brushing the hair from her eyes.
“What happened?” She lifted a hand to her head, groaning. “Levi?” The fear in her voice made me flinch.
“I should get the nurse.” I stood up, but her voice gave me pause.
“Don’t go. Not yet.”
Glancing back, I caught her eyes and she smiled. Phoebe was awake... and she was smiling.
“Yeah, okay.” I dropped down in the chair.
“I’m in the hospital?”
“A local medical center. You hit your head pretty hard, knocked yourself clean out.” I winced at the words, remembering the moment I’d watched as she went down.
Powerless.
That’s how I’d felt. Completely and utterly powerless.
“How embarrassing.” Phoebe let out a little sigh.
Heavy silence filled the room. She watched me intently through cloudy eyes. I stared back, a hundred things running through my mind. Things I wanted to say. To tell her. But nothing would come out.
Finally, she broke the tense atmosphere. “Are you okay?”
Fuck.
There she was, lying in a hospital bed, asking me if I was okay.
There was so much wrong with that.
“I am now,” I confessed, dragging my chair closer to the side of her bed.
Her breath caught at the honesty in my words. Or maybe it was the fact, I’d reached for her hand, closing mine around it. Phoebe didn’t reject me. She didn’t pull away like I’d burned her.
My eyes widened.
“I’m sorry... for how things have been between us,” she said. “I should have talked to you like an adult instead of just... I’m sorry.”
“You’re scared of me,” I deadpanned, trying to pretend the words didn’t affect me the way they did.
She let out a tense chuckle. “I’m not scared of you, Levi. I’m scared of how much I care about you.”
Her words slammed into me, shooting me straight through my dead rotten heart.
“Shit, Bee,” I glanced away. “I don’t really know what to—”
“Hey, it’s okay.” She squeezed my hand. “It’s okay, Levi.”
Nothing about any of this was okay.
Her. Me. The Die Hearts. The fact I couldn’t walk into a room without girls wailing and screaming my name. My life wasn’t normal.
I wasn’t normal.
I hadn’t been normal long before promises of record deals, endorsements, and world tours.
“Levi?”
“You’re right to be scared, Intern.” My chest tightened as I ran my thumb down the curve of her hand.
“You’re going to choose right now to finally push me away?” She smiled sadly.
My brow lifted at that. “What are you saying?”
“I’m tired of fighting this thing between us, Levi. I’m so tired.” Her eyes flickered shut and I gripped her hand harder.
Phoebe chuckled again, her soft laughter like music to my fucking ears.
“Why?” I asked. I had to know, I needed to know.
“Because you’re trying. You’re here and you’re trying. That has to count for something, right?”
“Yeah, I think it does.” At least, I hoped it did.
“Can I ask you something though?” She peeked over at me. I nodded. “Were you high tonight?”
Fuck. She knew.
Of course she fucking knew.
Ever since she’d arrived on tour with us, Phoebe had been able to see me in a way most people didn’t.
“Yeah,” I admitted. “But it was only a little weed. I just needed something to take the edge off. I swear—”
“Levi, it’s okay. I trust you.”
She was high. That was the only explanation. Woozy on the cocktail of drugs they were giving her.
She trusted me?
I don’t think anyone had ever said those words to me.
And even though they meant more to me than anything else, I wanted to tell her that she was making a giant fucking mistake.
I couldn’t be trusted.
What addict could?
But I didn’t.
Like a child starved of attention, I latched onto her words and let them sink into me, filling up the emptiness I felt every day of my life.
I would fuck up again. I knew it, and deep-down Phoebe knew it. But right there, in that moment, neither of us wanted to acknowledge it.
“How’s our favorite patient?” Letty breezed into the room sometime later clutching a disposable coffee cup.
“She feels like someone took a tire iron to her skull,” Phoebe groaned, and I leaped up.