by L A Cotton
“How do I make you feel, Levi?”
“Like I can’t breathe,” he admitted. “But at the same time, I’ve never been more alive. It’s as weird as fuck. I want to drown in you, honeybee. Drown in you and never come up for air.”
“And that worries you?”
He nodded. “You could be my new favorite addiction.”
His honesty was like a gunshot to my heart. I’d danced this dance before.
“Tell me about him.”
“Who?” I frowned, surprised by Levi’s question.
“Don’t play dumb, Bee. I know you better than that. The guy, the... ex, who hurt you.”
“His name was Zephyr.”
“God, I really fucking hate that name.”
I threw my head back, laughing until my cheeks hurt.
“What was he like?”
My eyes slid back to Levi’s. “A free spirit. He didn’t conform to the rules. I guess you could say he was a bit of a rebel.”
“You have a type.” Levi grinned, but I saw the flash of jealousy in his eyes.
“My mom always said I had a thing for fixing broken things.”
“You mean she’s gone?”
I nodded, emotion clogging my throat. “She died when I was fifteen.”
“Shit, Bee, I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay; it was a long time ago.”
“So it’s just you and your dad?”
I grimaced. “Well, he’s alive, if that’s what you mean.”
“He got you this job, right?”
“Have you been digging for dirt on me?” My brow lifted.
“I may have asked around.” Levi smirked, his hand creeping higher along my calf. His touch was hypnotic. Magical and dangerous.
“Levi...” I didn’t know if I was warning him or begging him for more.
“Yeah, Intern?”
God, he made it sound so dirty. Like I was the student, and he was the teacher, and he was going to enjoy every single second of our lessons in seduction.
He hooked my legs and crawled over me, pressing me flat into the mattress.
“I thought we were talking,” I said, fighting a smile.
“We were. But the time for talking is over, Bee.” He slid his hands between our bodies and grasped himself, working his length inside me. I gasped, my sensitive walls rippling around him.
“Fuck, Phoebe,” he groaned. “You feel incredible.” Levi rocked forward a little, making us both cry out. “Hold on,” he whispered against my lips, slowly increasing his pace.
It was deeper like this, more intense. Every bump of his pelvis against mine sent sparks of pleasure shooting through me.
Levi kissed me, slow deep licks that mirrored the way he fucked me. It felt good, really good.
It felt a lot like making love.
Levi
Phoebe slept soundly in the crook of my arm. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d done this. If ever. Usually, I was too wasted or high to cuddle, passing out the second it was over, leaving my bedmate to fend for herself.
But not Phoebe.
This was the second time I’d woken up with her in my arms, and the second time I hadn’t wanted to run.
She transfixed me. Captured my attention in a way no girl ever had. And the more I learned about her, the more I wanted to know. I was like a puppy desperate for any scraps I could get.
“Hey,” she said, her voice thick with sleep. “What time is it?”
“Early,” I replied.
Phoebe pushed up onto her elbow and gazed down at me. “You’re still here.”
“I am. It would seem you tired me out, Bee.”
She smiled before leaning up and brushing her lips over mine. “I think you’ve got that muddled around.”
I cupped the back of her neck, anchoring her to me. Kissing Phoebe was fucking delicious, and I already knew I’d never get enough. I could feel her snaking into my chest and weaving herself into my DNA.
“What?” She eased back to look me in the eye.
“I’m addicted to you, Bee.”
“Levi...”
“What? It’s true. I already want more.” And more... and more.
I wanted to lose myself in her completely. Fuck her so deep she forgot where I ended and she began. I wanted us to meld together and become one.
I wanted... God, I wanted so many things. Things I couldn’t tell her for fear that she would run.
I was a complicated guy; my emotions ran on a higher wavelength than most. I was either bouncing off the walls or in a heap on the ground, clawing my way through every minute of the day.
“We talked about me,” she said around a small yawn. “I want to know about you.”
My spine stiffened as she trailed a hand up my stomach, tracing my abs. I caught her wrist, bringing her fingers to my lips and kissing their tips. “What do you want to know?”
“Everything.” Phoebe smiled again but I didn’t return it, a pit of dread swarming my stomach. “But I’ll take whatever you want to tell me.”
My shoulders relaxed a little. She wasn’t going to push. But she wasn’t going to let me off the hook either. Did I really want to do this? Let someone in after all these years of keeping people out?
Not even Damon and Hudson knew everything. I’m not even sure Rafe knew the whole story and he’d been right there in that hell hole with me.
I inhaled a shaky breath, raking a hand over my hair. “My childhood isn’t sunshine and rainbows, honeybee.”
“You think I don’t know that?” Her hand glided up my chest and settled on my jaw. “I see the darkness in your eyes, Levi.”
I snorted at that. “It’s not the darkness in my eyes you need to worry about, it’s the darkness in my soul.”
“You don’t scare me,” Phoebe whispered, her tone contradicting her words.
“I should.” My hand moved around the side of her neck so I could brush my thumb over her cheek.
Silence settled between us. It was barely sunrise, the first hint of sunlight just beginning to peek in through the thick, heavy hotel drapes. A new dawn. A fresh start.
Another day of trying to keep my demons at bay.
“What are we doing, Levi?” The uncertainty in Phoebe’s voice hit me like a wrecking ball.
“Do we need to label it?” I didn’t work well with labels.
Idol.
Singer.
Worthless.
Evil.
Fuck up.
“No, I guess not.” She held my eyes. “But I have some lines. Lines I expect you not to cross while we’re... doing whatever this is.”
“You have lines?” I snorted. “Of course you do.”
Phoebe glowered at me, but it was too fucking adorable to be threatening. “Number one, no drugs, at all. That’s a dealbreaker for me.”
I’d expected it but it still felt like a noose around my neck. There would be times when I couldn’t control it, times when I needed to relax or forget or feel something.
“Number two?” I asked, changing the subject because I really didn’t have an answer to her first point.
“No groupies. No waitresses or bar staff or assistants or fangirls... do I need to go on?” Her brow lifted.
“I think I got the point.” I stroked my jaw, smirking. “You’re saying while you’re riding the Levi fun train no one else can.” My dick jerked at the image of her riding me, her thick hair cascading down her back, her honey eyes blown with pleasure.
Phoebe swatted my chest. “You want this, you play by the rules.”
“You’ll be the only girl sucking my dick, don’t worry.”
Her lips parted on a soft gasp, doing nothing for the dirty images running through my mind.
“Was there a number three?”
“We don’t tell anyone.”
“The fuck?”
Her cheeks turned pink as she held my confused stare. “I need this job, Levi. For more reasons than one.”
I didn’t want to be anyone’
s secret. I’d spent too much of my life being the kid that nobody wanted.
“Are you ashamed of me?” The words flew from my lips before I could stop them. Regret filled Phoebe’s eyes as she crawled over me, straddling my hips.
“No, no. It isn’t like that.” She touched my face. “You know the label will frown on it, they have those kinds of rules for a reason. I’m not a famous rock star, Levi. I don’t have an endless bank account and my dad hasn’t financially supported me since I turned eighteen. I can’t lose this job. I just can’t.”
“Can the band know?”
What the fuck was I saying? I didn’t want to put a label on us, but I didn’t want to sneak around like a dirty little secret either.
“Levi...”
“They already know something happened between us, Bee.” I curved my hand around her neck and pulled her down to me. “They can be discreet. We’re on tour; there isn’t a lot of time to be alone. I don’t want to keep this from them.”
Her hand slid over my shoulder as she touched her brow to mine. “Don’t break my heart, Levi. I’m not sure I’d survive it.”
Guilt punctured my chest. Phoebe knew me. She knew guys like me. She knew I couldn’t offer her that and yet, she asked me anyway. Because sometimes it was better to live in the lie than survive the truth.
I kissed her hard and said, “I promise.”
I stayed until the sun came up, and then snuck out of Phoebe’s room like a thief in the night. Except, my stealth clearly needed some work because I walked straight into Letty as she sipped her morning coffee.
“Want one?” she asked, as if the fact I’d just left her intern’s bedroom was no big deal. “There’s a fresh pot.”
“Hmm, no, I’m good.”
“Relax, Levi. I’m not Alistair. I’m not going to remind you of the label’s policy on fraternizing with—”
“Yeah, yeah, Panem, save it. I’m well aware of the risks.”
“Is she okay?”
“Yeah, she’s still sleeping.” After I’d fucked her in the shower, Phoebe had climbed back into bed and passed out.
“I’m sure she is.” She smirked, and I flipped her off.
“Come on, sit, have coffee.”
I eyed her with suspicion. “Is this the part where you grill me and then warn me not to break your girl’s heart?”
“I think we know there’s no use in that. You’ve obviously both decided to throw caution to the wind and... well, whatever this is.” She waved her hand around.
“We’re not putting a label on it.”
“Of course not. Wouldn’t want to pretend it means more than it does.”
I flipped Letty off again, and she chuckled. “You’re both adults, Levi. And you’ll do whatever you want to do anyway. All I’m asking is for you to be careful. Phoebe is...”
“Yeah.” I didn’t need Letty to tell me she harbored some dark shit. I saw it every time I looked at her.
I was beginning to wonder if that’s why I was so drawn to her.
“From what I can gather, things ended badly with her ex. Has she talked to you about him?”
“A little.” My shoulders lifted in a small shrug.
I didn’t like to think about Phoebe with another guy. In fact, I fucking hated the idea. But I was weirdly obsessed with knowing stuff. Did Zephyr make her moan the same way I did? Did he know exactly how to touch her to make her shatter?
Did he love her?
If he had, why did it end?
Why on earth had he ever let her walk away?
“Look, you’re both adults, you can make your own decisions. And for some ungodly reason, Phoebe seems to like you.” Letty poked out her tongue, and I flipped her off... again. “Just take it slow.”
“Relax, it’s not like I intend on putting a ring on her finger. It’s just a bit of—” I swallowed the words, because it wasn’t just a bit of fun.
It wasn’t that at all.
“Yeah,” Letty gave me a sad smile, “didn’t think so.”
Heavy silence settled over us as we drank our coffee. In the early days, when we’d done our first tour, mornings had been a damn sight different to this. Letty usually had to drag us out of bed, hungover and exhausted. Our hotel rooms were always full of people: roadies, crew, fangirls, the clingers-on all looking for their next meal ticket. It had been the perfect distraction from my demons. The never-ending flow of attention and liquor and drugs was like a balm to my dirty black soul.
But it wasn’t sustainable.
What was it they said? The higher the climb, the further the fall?
Well, I fell.
Over and over, I clawed my way to the top, and time and time again, I plunged into new depths of self-loathing and pain and emptiness.
It was a bitter cycle. One I didn’t ever think I’d break. Eva had gone some way to breaking the chain though. We didn’t party so hard these days or burn the candle at both ends the way we’d used to. She was like a natural sedative, tamping down our wild ways. Now she had my brother as good as wifed up. Damon had a reason to ride us even more than usual. And Hudson... well, he was still Hudson. But overall, the band was in a better place.
I was the loose cannon, I always would be. But even I was getting ground down by the life.
I let out a bitter laugh.
Letty frowned. “Something funny?” she asked.
“Twenty-one and I’m already jaded.”
“The industry will do that to you.” Concern glittered in her eyes. “Do I need to be worried?”
“Nah, I’m good. I need this.” I needed music like I needed my next breath. It was my anchor. The thing that tethered me to this existence.
“Maybe you should talk to—”
“If you’re about to suggest I see a shrink, save it. I tried that shit, it didn’t work.” I didn’t want to revisit my past, to unpick my deep-seated mommy issues. That only led down one street... and no one wanted to meet that Levi anytime soon.
“Okay,” she held up her hands, “it was just a suggestion.”
“I’ll be okay.” But even as I said the words, I felt the lie snake through my chest.
It wasn’t even nine and I’d already told two lies this morning.
But it saved people from facing the truth...
That I was, and always would be, a screw up.
Phoebe
We were back on the road, traveling to San Francisco. It was a seven-hour journey, but Letty wanted to spend the time going over the plans for the European leg of the tour that she’d received from the label.
“Paris, Madrid, Barcelona, Rome, Budapest, London... wow, this is—”
“Pretty awesome, right?” She shuffled through the papers.
“It looks intense. Do you think they’re up to it?”
“Phoebe, it’s a world tour. A world stadium tour, that’s... well, it doesn’t get any better than that.” She sat back and let out a soft sigh. “But yeah, it’ll be intense. Here we have the tour bus. It gives you a certain level of normalcy. This,” she motioned to the schedule, “is going to mean a lot of overnight flights; a different city every day. It’ll take its toll.”
“Do you think they’re ready for it?”
“Is anyone ever truly ready? They’re the rock band of the hour. Their fan base is growing quicker than we can keep up. Now Eva is on board, things have the potential to blow up even more. Everyone wants a sprinkle of Hunter-Walker magic. I’ve got a ton of interview requests to go through. The press opportunity is huge.”
“I can help with those.”
“I was hoping you would say that.” She shot me a knowing look. “We need to vet each request, make sure the station is legit. Dusty wants to get the major stations pinned down in each country. I’ll handle those. You take the smaller ones: independents, local broadcasters, online streaming services.”
“Got it.” My eyes widened at the list she handed me.
“There’s still a few months,” Letty chuckled. “We have time. Have y
ou ever visited any of these places?”
“No, have you?”
“I went to Italy once with my Nonna. But I was only twelve.”
“You’re Italian?”
“My mom was... I mean, she is...” My brows knitted, and Letty added, “She’s alive. We’re just not on good terms right now.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. Families are there to test us, right?”
“There’s only me and my dad,” I said.
“Oh God, Phoebe, I’m sorry. I didn’t even—”
“Relax. It’s fine.” I offered her a reassuring smile.
“Are you close?”
“God, no. My father is... he’s very business orientated.” The words were like ash on my tongue.
“He works in the film industry?”
“He does.” I began highlighting the stations I needed to go away and research. “After Zephyr, my ex; our relationship was at breaking point. I told him I wanted to turn things around, and he knew someone at the label. It seemed like a good opportunity.”
“What happened with him... your ex, I mean?”
Pain washed over me, but it didn’t cripple me the way it used to. “He—”
The bus lurched to a stop.
“Sorry ‘bout that,” the driver, a heavy-set man called Gareth yelled.
“What’s going on?” Letty got up and moved down the bus. I followed her, glancing out the window to see what they were both looking at.
“The Van Hool blew a tire.”
“Shit,” Letty grumbled. “This is all we need. How far out are we?”
“Just shy of two hours. It’s a long walk.” Gareth placed the toothpick back in his mouth and waited for instructions.
“Come on, let’s go chat with Duke.” We filed out of the bus. Security pulled up behind us, and Johnson and Stalter came around to inspect the tire.
“Must have hit a jagged stone. She’s torn right through.”
“Already called for assistance.” Duke clambered off the bus. “It’ll take them a little while to get to us.”
I scanned the road. We were in the middle of nowhere, only the barren land of the San Joaquin valley visible as far as eye could see.
“Well, would you look at that.” Hudson joined us.
“Back on the bus,” Letty ordered. “Right now.”