Ruin: Levi Hunter's Story (Black Hearts Still Beat Book 4)

by L A Cotton

  My brow lifted at that, and Phoebe laughed softly. “She had a big heart with a soft spot for broken things. I guess that’s where I got it from.”

  “She sounds nice.”

  “She was the best.” A sad smile tugged at her lips. “I was a mess after she died. She wasn’t just my mom, she was my best friend. I didn’t have anyone... I mean, I had my dad, and later Zephyr, but it wasn’t the same. So you’re not the only one scared here, Levi. I know you think I have the power to ruin you, but you’re not the only one with something to lose.”

  Fuck.

  Her words were like shards of glass across my heart. She was giving me her heart, trusting me—of all fucking people—to keep it safe. I wanted to be that guy, I did. The need to protect her and love and cherish her burned through me like wildfire.

  But I was so fucking scared of messing up.

  I swallowed, my mouth dry.

  “Levi?”

  “I don’t deserve you, honeybee.” I don’t deserve any of this.

  “Let’s not play this game. I’m here, aren’t I?” She kissed me softly, letting her tongue slide over my lip piercings.

  “Bee,” I warned, smothering a groan as she wiggled her tight little body against mine. “We’re supposed to be talking.”

  “What if I don’t want to talk?” Lust glittered in her eyes. “What if I just want to feel?”

  Without warning, I rolled her beneath me and settled between her thighs. The thin layers of our underwear weren’t nearly enough to stop my dick searching for her wet heat.

  “Levi,” she gasped, staring up at me with stars in her eyes.

  “How do you want me, Bee?” I licked a path up her neck to her ear, biting the soft flesh of her lobe. “Soft and slow or hard and fast?”

  Molten lava flowed through my veins, my need for her so overpowering my skin vibrated. But I didn’t want to rush this. I wanted to savor her, to take my time, and give her what she needed.

  “You,” she whispered, hitching her leg around my hip and grinding on me. “I just want you.”

  “Look at me, Bee.” I eased away to meet her hooded gaze. “I want to hear you say the words.”

  She smiled at me shyly. “Make love to me, Levi.”

  Shit.

  I’d wanted the words, but now they were out, lingering between us, I didn’t know what to do.

  I fucked. I used sex as a way to forget, to escape. I had a wicked tongue and a dirty mind... but making love?

  What did I know about such things?

  “Hey, it’s okay.” Phoebe smoothed her finger over my knitted brows, making some of tension in my expression ebb away. “We don’t have to.”

  “I want to. Fuck, Bee, I really, really want to... I just...” Darkness swarmed inside me, the urge to get up and run so fucking strong.

  All I could hear was my mother’s voice, taunting me. Mocking me. Reducing me to nothing but a series of cruel words.

  Useless.

  Worthless.

  Evil.

  Monster.

  “Let me,” she said, knocking me onto my back. Standing, Phoebe shimmied out of her underwear, and I was so fucking captivated by the way she wore her skin. So confident and sure of herself.

  She was a goddess.

  My little warrior.

  I wasn’t sure I would ever be able to put into words what she meant to me. What her faith in me to be better, meant.

  She crawled onto the end of the bed, slowly pulling my boxers off, her eyes fixated on my dick as it stood proud, desperate for her touch.

  “You okay?” Her voice was cracked with lust.

  I nodded, unable to speak over the huge fucking lump in my throat.

  Phoebe sat over me, grasping my shaft and slowly sinking down on me. We both groaned, the feel of her tight around me mind blowing.

  “Fuck, Bee,” I rasped, smoothing my hands along her thighs as she settled above me. “You’re the light to my dark, the star in dark skies. You’re the voice that I hear, when things don’t go right. The angel on my shoulder, I can’t let you go...”

  “What was that?” Phoebe asked.

  I frowned, not realizing I’d been murmuring the lyrics forming in my head. “Nothing. Are you going to sit up there all day or are you going to—”

  She rolled her hips, circling them nice and slow.

  “Fuuuuck,” I hissed, grabbing her waist, wanting more. Needing it.

  “No.” She shook her head. “Let me...”

  Hands pressed against my chest, Phoebe rode me slow and deep. I fisted the bedsheets, forcing myself not to take control, to simply revel in the feel of her owning my body. Taking what she needed.

  “It’s feels... fuck.” My voice was rough against my throat, my body coiled tight with sensation, my veins swimming with liquid lust. She was so fucking beautiful.

  She wasn’t here because she wanted me for my fame and fortune or her five minutes in the spotlight.

  I felt like the luckiest guy on the planet, brought to my knees by a girl with ink on her skin and scars on her heart.

  “Fuck, Bee...” I rasped, barely able to get the words out. She felt divine, wrapped around my dick like velvet.

  And I never wanted it to end.

  “I’m so close,” Phoebe panted, her eyelids heavy and lips parted.

  “Use me, Bee. Take what you need,” I gritted out, desperately fighting off my own release to make sure she came first.

  “It’s... God, Levi...”

  “I know, honeybee, I know.” I couldn’t resist thrusting up inside her, making her cry out.

  She was close, so fucking close.

  But it was like something was holding her back. Sliding a hand between our bodies, I pressed my thumb against her clit and rubbed, and she shattered.

  I curved my hand around her neck and pulled her down to me, capturing her lips and swallowing her cries of pleasure.

  “I love you, Levi,” she said.

  Her words, the way she gripped me inside of her, her sweet as sin kisses; it was enough to tip me over the edge.

  I held her close as we rode out the lingering waves. The words were right there, stronger than ever. But the second I opened my mouth, fear made me clam up and they died on the tip of my tongue.

  “It’s okay,” Phoebe whispered, as if she could sense my inner turmoil. She pressed a kiss to my breastbone right over my heart, tracing the mark with her finger.

  “I can wait.”

  Phoebe

  After my emotional meltdown, Levi spent every possible second trying to show me how much he cared. We’d become that couple, unable to keep our hands off one another. Finding as many ways as possible to be together.

  We hung out with the band after shows or, if it was a night off, we escaped to Levi’s hotel room and lost ourselves in one another.

  After that night, the night where Levi had handed me control, he let me take the lead more often. Trusting me not only with his heart, but his body. But he still didn’t say the words.

  He still hadn’t told me he loved me.

  I felt it though. I felt it every time he looked at me, but something was holding him back.

  I vowed to give him space, to arrive at things in his own time. But I couldn’t deny that every time I said the words and he didn’t say them back, another little piece of my heart withered and died.

  There was only one show left until we made the journey back for the two final shows in Atlanta, home of Razorsharp Records HQ. Then we planned to fly straight out to Long Island after the wrap party the label had organized at The Riff Bar, one of the most exclusive clubs in downtown Atlanta.

  I’d been caught off guard when the guys had all started talking about the trip as if it was a given I would be there. I mean, I wanted to go, but the way they just included me, as if I was part of their family now... it touched something deep inside me.

  After the trip, everyone was taking two weeks to do their own thing. Eva and Rafe were heading back to Lyme, Tennessee, to sp
end some time with her parents. Damon was going to see his mom. Hudson was doing whatever Hudson did during his downtime. And Levi hadn’t said anything yet about his plans. Part of me wanted to ask him to come back to Nashville with me. I had a cute little apartment we could hide away in, spending lazy days in bed, ordering takeout and enjoying life away from the spotlight. But I didn’t want him to feel obliged.

  There was also the small problem of my father. He still didn’t know about the band, let alone Levi. And I wanted to keep it that way for as long as possible. But I knew I had to tell him eventually.

  I just hadn’t figured out how.

  “Hey.” Letty breezed into the suite. “Did you email HR back? They need to finalize the travel plans.”

  “Yep, I did it this morning.”

  “Awesome.” She sank down on the couch.

  “Are you sure the label still wants me—”

  “We’ve been through this.” She gave me a pointed look. “I want you on the tour. The band want you. I doubt we’ll even get Levi onto a plane if you’re not there, and Alistair will go along with whatever keeps him happy. When it eventually comes out that you and Levi are together, we’ll deal with it then, okay?”

  I nodded, swallowing the doubts I had.

  “It’ll be okay, Phoebe,” Letty added. “You should be excited. Not many interns get this opportunity.”

  “I know, and I am. Excited, I mean. I just...”

  “You’re scared.” I nodded, and Letty gave me a warm smile. “You wouldn’t be human if you weren’t. But I have a good feeling about everything.”

  “You do?”

  “Yeah. The band is in a good place. I know a lot has happened, but with Eva on the tour, and now you, I don’t know… it finally feels like things are slotting into place.”

  “Thank you, Letty, for everything.” She had taken me under her wing, but more than that, she had become a friend. Something I didn’t have all too much experience with.

  “Now, now,” she smirked, “don’t go getting all emotional on me.”

  “I won’t.” I swallowed again. “I promise. How much longer do you think they’ll be?”

  The band was downstairs with Eva, having a photoshoot for Rolling Stone magazine. After Drown soared to the number one spot, everyone who was everyone in the industry wanted a piece of Eva and her Black Hearted boys, as the press was now dubbing them.

  Letty checked her wristwatch. “Not much longer. Hudson and Damon are heading straight downtown to do the charity luncheon for kids in the care system, and I think Rafe mentioned he had plans for him and Eva. Which means, you and Levi have some time alone...” Her brows waggled suggestively.

  “What are you going to do all day?” We had a rare afternoon off. The next show wasn’t until tomorrow but as the tour was winding down, the band’s energy levels were starting to crash. They were exhausted.

  We all were.

  “Oh, I’m sure I’ll find a way to keep myself out of trouble.” My brows furrowed, and she chuckled. “I’ll be fine, Phoebe. You and Levi make the most of it because once we hit European soil, something tells me life will get a whole lot crazier.”

  My stomach knotted. She was right, a world tour would be a whole other level.

  “You know, if you wanted to go out, I could probably arrange something discreet for the two—”

  “No.” I shook my head. Sneaking around the on the buses and at shows was one thing, but being out in public was another thing entirely.

  “Fine, but you have to prepare yourself for the fact this won’t be a secret forever. One day, the world will know you’re Levi Hunter’s girlfriend.”

  Her words made my heart soar and my stomach sink all in the same breath. I loved being Levi’s, his girl, his honeybee. But I didn’t relish the day that I had to share him with the world.

  Even though I knew that day would eventually come.

  “Levi, stop, stop.” I tried to catch my breath as he was tickling my sides. We were supposed to be watching a movie, but Levi couldn’t sit still, touching me and tickling me, anything to try to distract me.

  I grabbed a pillow from beside me and swatted it at his face and the rest was history. He pulled me to the floor, pinning me with his hips, attacking me with his fingers.

  “Do you surrender?” He grinned down at me.

  “Surrender? We’re supposed to be watching the movie.” I tried to buck him off, but he was too damn strong.

  “No, you wanted to watch a movie, honeybee, I wanted to do this.” He leaned down, tracing his tongue up the slope of my neck, nipping the skin there, before kissing me hard.

  A whimper spilled from my lips as his tongue plunged into my mouth and curled around my own. Heat pooled in my stomach, red hot flames licking my insides.

  We had the suite to ourselves. Hudson and Damon would be gone hours, and Rafe had whisked Eva away on a date in an undisclosed located across the city. Letty and Alistair were meeting virtually with Dusty and his team to go over the final preparations for the world tour, and Johnson and Stalter were standing guard beyond the door.

  We were alone.

  Completely and utterly alone.

  Levi was right, I didn’t want to watch a movie. But I’d wanted us to do something normal, something couple-ish. I hadn’t wanted to get too caught up in him, not when there were things we still needed to talk about.

  “Levi, hold up.” I managed to slip my hands free and press them against his chest. “We should talk.”

  “Talk?” He frowned. “You want to talk now?” He rolled off me with a frustrated groan. “You’re killing me, Bee.”

  A soft chuckle vibrated in my chest. “I just figured we should probably talk about some stuff since the end of the tour is almost here.”

  “Okay.” He found my hand, tangling our fingers together. “What’s on your mind?”

  “I just wondered what your plans are after the trip to Long Island?”

  “I don’t know.” He shrugged. “I haven’t really given it much thought. I just figured we’d either head back to my place or crash at yours or something.”

  Warmth flowed through me at how easy he made it sound. Levi was surprising like that. He spent so much time fighting his demons that when it came to making decisions, he often made his choice without realizing.

  Like right now, he just assumed we would spend the rest of the break together, because to Levi, it was that simple.

  “You’re so freakin’ cute.” I ran my nose against his shoulder.

  “Cute? I don’t think I’ve ever been called cute, honeybee. Dirty-mouthed, reckless, rock star, maybe. But cute? Not so much.” He flashed me a blinding smile that made my stomach clench. “Why do you ask?”

  “Because we haven’t talked about it and I didn’t know if you had plans or anything.”

  His brows knitted. “We didn’t? Huh.” Confusion clouded his eyes. “I just figured we’d spend it together. I mean... if you want to?”

  “I do.” My lips curved. “I just didn’t want you to think you had to spend it with me.”

  “Bee, when are you going to get it into your head that I’m ass over elbow crazy about you? I hate it when we’re apart.”

  Crazy about me... he was crazy about me.

  I tried so hard not to feel a pang of disappointment, but I was only human, after all.

  “We could have gone out, you know?” he said. “Between Letty and Johnson, they could have figured something out.”

  “It’s probably not a good idea.” His expression darkened so I explained. “There’s only a few days left. Then we have some time before we leave for Europe.”

  “And when we’re over there? Are we going to have to keep pretending then?” He didn’t sound angry so much as defeated.

  “Alistair seems to—”

  “Fuck, Alistair, Bee,” he hissed. “I only care about what you think. I know my life is a circus, but I don’t want to hide this forever. I want people to know you’re mine. I don’t want to constantl
y have to worry that I’m too close to you.”

  “I’m scared,” I whispered. The second the press knew, they would dig into my life and unearth all my secrets. My anonymity would be gone, forever. You didn’t have a relationship with someone like Levi and maintain your privacy.

  Was I ready for that?

  Were we ready?

  “Are you ashamed of me?” His question pierced the air… and my heart. I hated that it always went back to that. I wasn’t ashamed, I was just worried about losing what we had to the inevitable media frenzy that would swarm us.

  “Levi, you know that’s not it.”

  “So, what’s the big deal? You knew what you were getting into with me. I’ve always been honest about who I am, Bee. I thought you—”

  “I do, so much.” I cupped his face. “I love you, Levi. I love you so freakin’ much. But going public will change everything, you have to know that.”

  “Yeah.” He let out a resigned sigh. “I know. But we’re going to be away for six months. Six fucking months, honeybee. Are you really okay sneaking around for that long? And after that? What happens then, huh?”

  His intense eyes burned into me, searing my soul. Levi wanted more. He wanted to come clean. Maybe he needed the validation, or maybe he just wanted to finally be able to call me his without worrying who overheard.

  But he still hasn’t said the words.

  “Maybe we can talk to—”

  The blare of my cell phone cut through the tension swirling around us.

  “Leave it,” he said, clearly not ready to end this conversation.

  “It must be Letty.” She was the only person who ever called, and since she knew I was here with Levi, it was probably important.

  I clambered to my hands and knees and crawled over to the coffee table. But the second I picked up my cell, dread slammed into me.

  “Bee, what is it?” Levi was sitting up now, leaning back against the couch, watching me as I stared at my father’s name flashing over the screen.

  “I... uh, it’s my dad.” I barely got the words out over the lump in my throat.

  “Well, don’t just stare at the thing, answer it,” he said as if it was that simple.