by L A Cotton
It wasn’t.
This was the worst possible thing that could have happened today. Because my gut told me he wasn’t calling to check in. He was calling because he knew.
My father finally knew the truth.
Levi
Phoebe stared at her cell like it was the devil come to claim her soul.
“Bee,” I said again, and she visibly flinched.
“I... uh, I’ll just take it in the bedroom.”
I watched her hurry into the bedroom and close the door.
What the fuck?
I knew from everything she’d told me that her relationship with her father was shaky. But this felt like more than just a little father-daughter rift.
I pulled myself up onto the couch and waited. It was killing me not to know what she was saying. I couldn’t imagine he was all too thrilled with his daughter seeing a guy like me, especially after what went down with Zephyr, but she wasn’t a child. Phoebe was a twenty-one-year-old woman. She could make her own choices, her own mistakes.
Not that I had any plans on becoming a mistake anytime soon.
Things were good. Great, even. I felt more stable than I had in years. I didn’t wake each morning with a gnawing hole in my chest, and slowly, the constant hunger had begun to subside. I knew I wasn’t healed; I wouldn’t be for a long time. But it was a start.
And it was all thanks to my honeybee.
It was hard to believe that in just a few days I would be spending two weeks on a small island with my bandmates, my brother and his girl, and my girl.
My fucking girl.
I didn’t think anyone could have predicted it. I was so fucking thankful though. Thankful to Letty for bringing Phoebe into my life, thankful to Phoebe for giving me a chance. I knew she was worried about the world tour, about revealing our relationship to the public, but the sooner we did it, the sooner we could get on with our lives. I had no plans to push her into the spotlight, but if they knew, then it wouldn’t constantly feel like we were hiding and sneaking around. Besides, there were times when we were out and about, at interviews or meet and greets, that I just wanted to pull her close and kiss her. I drew strength from Phoebe. She was my light. My anchor.
My North Star in dark skies.
I pulled out my cell phone and made a note of some more lyrics. I’d been trying to put something together for her, but I was yet to share it with anyone. Humming the words, I typed and deleted, shuffled words around and added more, until I’d nailed two more verses. But Phoebe’s raised voice caught my attention. I didn’t want to eavesdrop; I didn’t want to be that guy anymore. Paranoid and possessive. She sounded angry though, her voice rising above the silence. I got up and went to go to her, forcing myself to stay back. She’d obviously gone into the bedroom for some privacy, and I wanted to give her that.
I did.
But the second I heard her yell again, I stalked over to the door, pressing my ear against the wood.
“No, you can’t... I won’t let you,” she shouted, her anger palpable even from here. “Daddy, please, I’m begging you. I love him, I—”
I burst into the room and her head snapped up. “Levi...” she breathed, tears streaming down her face.
Anger welled inside of me.
“Hang up the phone, Bee,” I gritted out, my jaw clenched impossibly tight. I didn’t know what had gone down here, but whatever it was, it wasn’t good if it had upset her.
“I... Dad?” she said, clutching the phone to her ear, her eyes never once leaving mine. “I have to go. We can talk about this later.” Phoebe hung up, ignoring the shrill rants of her father on the end of the line.
“You weren’t supposed to hear that,” she gave me a sad smile.
“You were shouting.”
“He’s just so...” A heavy sigh escaped her lips. “He doesn’t understand.”
“He’s not happy about us?”
“He was shocked to say the least.”
“I- I don’t understand…” We’d been seeing each other for weeks.
“He only just found out, Levi.”
“What?” I reared back as if she’d slapped me.
“I didn’t tell him.” Guilt glittered in her eyes, taunting me. “I didn’t want him to worry, and I knew he’d react badly.”
“You didn’t tell him?” I shook my head because it didn’t make any sense. He was her dad, the only family she had left… and she hadn’t told him about us?
About me?
“My father doesn’t know I’m on tour with the band.” She expelled a heavy sigh. “Well, he didn’t. Dowager recognized me at the party, he just told him the news. That’s why he was calling, to express his grave concerns about me working in such an ‘unstable environment’.” She mimicked the words.
“Hold up, you said Dowager told him... so he thinks you’re seeing Hudson?”
Her expression darkened punching me straight in the stomach.
“I told him, about us. It was time.”
“Time?” A bitter laugh bubbled up in my chest. “Fuck, Phoebe, here I am wanting to tell the whole world about us, and you haven’t even told your dad. That’s some messed-up shit right there.” I rubbed the back of my neck, trying to get a handle on the anger swelling inside me.
She hadn’t told him.
“I just didn’t know how to tell him. After Zephyr—”
“I’m not your fucking ex,” I snapped. “I thought we were past all this?”
“We are.” She came closer but I jerked back. I didn’t want her to try to comfort me, not when her betrayal was coursing through my veins like acid.
All this time, I’d been worried that I was Phoebe’s dirty little secret... and I was right.
I was fucking right.
“You’re ashamed of me,” I spat, the words like a glacier between us.
“I am not ashamed of you. I just knew he’d do this. I knew he’d—”
“That he’d what? You’re a grown woman for fuck’s sake. Does it really matter what your old man does or doesn’t say?” I seethed. I couldn’t stop. Suddenly, I felt like I couldn’t trust anything coming out of her mouth. “I don’t even know why we’re having this conversation.”
“Levi, please... just hear me out.” Panic washed over her expression. But I couldn’t think straight.
“I need to get out of here,” I blurted out, grabbing the door handle.
“Wait,” she cried. “He said he’s going to have me pulled from the tour; that’s what we were arguing about.”
Her words echoed through me.
“It’s not up to him.” The words were a low growl.
“He says he has enough pull with the label to make it happen. Either way, he’ll out us and they’ll want me off your assignment. Alistair warned us this could happen.”
I glanced back at her, hating the tears streaming down her cheeks. I wanted to go to her, to pull her into my arms and kiss them all away. But the little voice in my head had become a loud scream.
She’d kept me a secret.
Hidden me from her father, the one person she had left in the world.
Phoebe hadn’t stood up and fought for us, for me... because you’re not worth it.
“Maybe it’s better this way.” The words were out before I could stop them. I needed to get out of there before my anger exploded.
“Levi,” she shook her head violently, tears running down her cheeks, “no—”
“We always knew this was only temporary, Intern.” I always knew fairy tales didn’t come true.
“But I- I love you. I’m yours.” She sobbed harder, the sound splintering my chest wide open.
“No,” I breathed, “you’re not.”
Maybe you never were.
“What?” I barked at my bandmates as they all sat quietly, watching me.
An hour after I’d walked out on Phoebe, Alistair had summoned us to the suite. He wanted to deliver the news personally.
Phoebe was off the tour.
“
That’s some bullshit, right there,” Hudson said.
“Who’s her dad again?”
“It’s doesn’t matter who he is or isn’t.” Alistair let out a heavy sigh. “The point is she’s off the staff. There’s nothing we can do.”
“Bullshit.” My boot flew at the table, sending everyone’s drinks flying.
“You need to relax.”
“Don’t fucking tell me to relax,” I snarled at Rafe.
“So where is she now?”
“She already left.” Letty’s eyes drilled holes into the top of my head. But I couldn’t meet her gaze.
Phoebe was gone.
Because her father demanded it.
Because the label demanded it.
Because you told her she wasn’t yours.
I shut the voice down. This wasn’t on me. It wasn’t.
Was it?
Fuck, nothing made sense. My anger and pain were a wildfire inside me, making my blood boil and my skin itch.
She was gone.
My honeybee had left.
“I need to find her.” I leaped up, and Rafe and Hudson shot up too.
“That’s not a good idea, man,” Hud held up his hands. “Let’s just think about this. I’m sure Alistair can talk to the label. Right, Ali boy?”
But when I glanced at him, his expression said it all. The decision was made.
“Fuck.” I jammed my fingers in my hair and raked them over my skull. “She’s really gone?”
The fight began to seep out of me, and I dropped down in the chair.
I couldn’t stand the six pity stares all trained on me. It was like hundreds of thousands of ants crawling under my skin.
“What?” I barked.
“Levi,” Eva said softly. “We’ll figure this out. There has to be a way to—”
“There isn’t, okay?” I leaped up again, unable to stand it. Their sympathy. Their concerned fucking gazes. “She’s gone. She fucking left me and nothing about this is okay.” Before I knew it, I’d stormed across the room to the door.
“Levi, now is not the time to—”
“Hudson?” I snapped.
“Yeah, man?”
“Do everyone a favor and go fuck yourself.” Damn near ripping the door of its hinges, I barged past Johnson and didn’t look back.
I couldn’t sit in there for a second longer. Not with them watching me, talking in circles like it was going to change anything.
Phoebe was gone.
And although I wanted to blame her, to pin this fucking shitshow all on her...
I knew I couldn’t.
“This isn’t a good idea,” Johnson said over my shoulder as I wandered down the street. I had no fucking idea where I was going but I needed the fresh air on my face, what little of it was visible from my poor attempt at a disguise—a ball cap and sunglasses. I looked like a fucking idiot, strolling the streets of downtown Des Moines. But I didn’t care.
Finally spotting a bar, I slipped inside and took a seat at the counter.
“What can I get you?”
“Levi,” Johnson moved behind me, but I ignored him, answering the bartender. “Double vodka on the rocks please.”
Johnson cussed under his breath, but he didn’t try to stop me. He’d been with me long enough to know there was no getting through to me when I was like this.
The bartender pushed the drink toward me, and I gave him a tight nod, staring at the glass like it held all the answers to the universe.
Vodka had always been her poison of choice. I could still smell the foul scent on her breath as she leaned in close, whispering her words of hatred at me. I was just a kid, a boy. I didn’t understand why she hated me, but I knew. I knew it right down to my soul.
Nursing the glass, I brought it to my nose, inhaling deeply. Just the smell turned my stomach. My hand trembled violently as I clutched the glass. If I could just drink it, if I could just separate her from this moment, maybe I could finally put my past to rest.
I could finally break free of that bitch’s hold on me after all these years.
Phoebe
“Where are you?” Letty asked.
I clutched my cell phone in my hand, trying to smother the tears threatening to fall. I was surprised I had any left after the two-hour cry-a-thon I’d had since fleeing the band’s hotel and checking into a motel just outside the city.
“I’m at The Lonestar Motel.”
“Phoebe, what the fuck are you doing in a motel?”
“I panicked. After the lady from HR called and told me I was being relocated effective immediately, I just... I ran.”
“This is a fucking mess,” she breathed. “Are you okay? Do you need anything?”
“I- I don’t know. Everything happened so quickly and I... crap, Letty, I really messed this up.”
“You didn’t. This is not your fault.”
“I should have told him. I should have explained—”
“Nothing you could have said or done would have changed the outcome. Your father is an asshole by the way.”
“You spoke to him?”
“Called him myself,” she said with an air of pride. “I tried to reason with him, explain that you’re a valuable member of the team. But he’s adamant, you’re off the band’s assignment.”
“I can’t believe you did that.”
“Believe it, girl. You’re one of us now.”
Her words settled something inside me. Levi might have walked away, shattering my heart in the process, but Letty was a good friend, and I was grateful to have her in my life.
“H- how is he?” I whispered.
“He stormed out about an hour ago. We haven’t seen him since.”
“He left?”
“Johnson’s got eyes on him; he’s been checking in with the others. So far, he’s okay.”
“God, what a mess.” The guilt coiled around my heart, squeezing tighter. “I’m so sorry. I never meant—”
“What did I say a minute ago? This is not your fault. But we clearly underestimated your father’s reach at the label.”
“He’s just trying to protect me.” Despite his heavy-handed ways, I knew he only wanted to keep me out of the clutches of another toxic relationship. But he hadn’t even given me a chance to explain... and then Levi had barged into the room and everything got super confusing and messed-up.
“He said I wasn’t his.” The words splintered something inside me.
“He’s confused and he’s hurting,” Letty said, and I could hear the sadness in her voice.
“Do you think he’ll do something stupid?” I couldn’t live with myself if Levi tried to hurt himself because of me.
“We won’t let him, I promise. Besides, it’s not Levi I’m worried about right now, it’s you. You shouldn’t be there all alone.”
“I’m okay.”
“It’s not right.” She let out an indignant huff. “You should be here.”
“The label said—”
“I don’t give a flying fuck what the label said. They don’t understand what it’s like on the ground, managing these guys, keeping things running smoothly. We need you, Phoebe.” She hesitated. “He needs you.”
“They were pretty clear that if I didn’t return to Nashville by tomorrow, then I wasn’t to bother.”
“That’s just fucking wrong. Have you tried calling him?”
“My father?” I scoffed. “He’s fielding my calls via his assistant.”
“Coward.”
“He doesn’t enjoy confrontation.” He preferred to handle his business in a more direct and to the point approach. But I still couldn’t believe how unyielding he’d been about this. As if I wasn’t old or wise enough to make my own mistakes and shoulder the consequences.
“This couldn’t have happened at a worse time,” she muttered. “Shit, sorry, I didn’t mean...”
“It’s okay.” She was right. The end of the tour was imminent. The band had three shows left to get through. The one tomorrow in Milwaukee,
and then the two shows in Atlanta.
The last thing they needed was for Levi to go MIA. All because of me. Because he thought I’d betrayed him.
If only I’d have gotten to my father first.
But Letty was right. It wouldn’t have changed anything. After Zephyr, he would never have accepted Levi—he never would.
Not that there was even a me and Levi to accept anymore.
“But I- I love you. I’m yours.”
“No,” he breathed, “you’re not.”
The words repeated in my head, over and over, taunting me, shredding my heart in two.
I wanted to believe Levi was just lashing out because I’d hurt him, but I knew Levi well enough to know he didn’t hand out second chances.
You got one shot to prove yourself, to earn his trust... and in his eyes, I’d broken it.
Pain rolled through me as I sat in the small, dingy motel room. It was a far cry from the hotels I’d stayed in with the band. But I was no longer with the band. I was an intern at the label; the girl who got coffee and filed paperwork.
I wasn’t sure I could go back to that, not now I knew what it was like to be right there in the thick of it. But I needed this job, I needed the steady income. I was a twenty-one-year-old college dropout with a very lacking resume. For as much as I hated to admit it, I needed my father’s connections if didn’t want to end up working a dead-end job.
“Phoebe, are you still there?” Letty’s voice pulled me from my depressing thoughts.
“Yeah, I’m here.”
“Is there anything I can do? Anything at all?”
“No, I don’t think so.”
Even if Levi would hear me out, it wouldn’t change the fact the band was due to leave for their world tour in a little over a month. And I’d be stuck in Nashville.
It couldn’t work.
Levi there and me here. He’d grow frustrated, angry... he’d get drunk or high to try and fill the void and eventually he’d lose control... he’d find some pretty French girl or British girl to chase away the pain.
It was always going to be hard being on tour with Levi... but being thousands of miles apart for six months at a time?
Our fragile relationship couldn’t withstand that.
If there was anything left.