by L A Cotton
Tears pricked the corner of my eyes as I swallowed over the ball of emotion lodged in my throat.
“When are you leaving?” she asked, because like me, she knew I didn’t have a choice.
“My flight is tomorrow.”
“I’ll find him. I’ll talk to him.”
“Okay,” I said.
Even though we both knew it wouldn’t matter.
The next morning, Letty sent me a car to take me to the airport to catch my flight from Des Moines to Nashville.
For a second, when I’d spotted the familiar black SUV, I’d half-expected to find Levi sitting inside waiting for me.
Of course, he wasn’t.
I’d cried the entire journey. But when I touched down in Nashville, I’d dried my tears, pulled up my big girl panties, and told myself that I would be okay.
I’d survived Zephyr.
I would survive this.
As I exited the airport and joined the line for a taxicab, my cell started vibrating. Hope filled my chest, but quickly turned to dread when I saw my father’s number flashing on the screen.
“Hello,” I said with little emotion.
“I just wanted to check your flight was okay?”
“You mean you wanted to make sure I was on the flight?”
“Phoebe, don’t take that tone with me, young lady.”
“Dad,” I sighed, “I’m really not in the mood to argue.”
“I got you that internship because I wanted more for you than a life shackled to some junkie. A rock star, Phoebe, really?” he sneered. “Levi Hunter is nothing more than—”
“Don’t. Don’t you dare talk about him like that.”
“Don’t tell me you actually fell for the guy?” He scoffed as if the idea was preposterous. “I thought you were smarter than that.”
“Yeah, well, I guess I never was very smart when it came to trusting the men in my life.” I hung up and shoved my phone in my pocket.
The women in front of me glanced back and gave me a sad smile. I didn’t return it, glancing down at my feet. All I wanted was to get to my apartment and shut the world out.
“I’m heading downtown if you want to share the fare?” The woman asked as a cab pulled forward.
“Uh, no thank you.” This time, I did smile.
She went on her way and I waited for the next cab. When it rolled to a stop, I climbed in and barked off my address. The guy had his music turned up, so it was hard to miss Drown blasting through the speakers. “Eyes so deep I fall and fall, can’t crawl out, and I can’t breathe. These feelings crash over me…”
Levi’s voice was like a punch to the stomach, and I smothered the sob racking through me.
I wouldn’t cry, not here, in the back of a stranger’s taxicab.
“That was Drown by the formidable Black Hearts Still Beat featuring Eva Walker, the hottest track in the country right now,” the radio host said. “And now we welcome Levi, Rafe, Hudson, and Damon onto the show. Welcome guys.”
“Thanks for having us.”
I was frozen, paralyzed on the cool leather seat. “Can you turn it up please?” I blurted out, needing to hear it word for word.
Less than twenty-four hours from when he walked away from me, Levi was live on national radio. I grabbed my cell phone to text Letty, when I realized I already had a message off her. I must have missed it in my haste to get off the phone to my dad.
Letty: He’s back and he’s okay... I just thought you should know.
Relief flooded me. Levi was okay. He was okay...
This was a good thing. The best news I could have hoped for given everything. But as the radio host interviewed them, their voices began to turn to white noise over the roar of blood in my ears.
Levi was okay.
And yet, I’d heard nothing from him.
Not a damn thing.
Levi didn’t call. He didn’t text or send a message through Letty. It was as if he’d disappeared from my life as quickly as he’d barreled into it.
It hurt.
It hurt so fucking much.
He’d cast me aside as if I was disposable. Insignificant. But maybe it was better this way. Our relationship had been intense, a whirlwind that had swept us up and devastated me in its wake.
He’d never been able to tell me he loved me... and I realized now, maybe there was a good reason for that.
Maybe, in the end, I hadn’t been enough for him.
I didn’t doubt he cared for me, that in his own way, Levi had fallen for me—or at least, the illusion of me—but perhaps, I’d been wrong.
Perhaps it had never been love for him.
It was no easy task, returning to the office. Everyone was excited about the weekend. The label was flying out everyone and anyone connected to the band for the tour wrap party. It was a big deal.
Of course, I’d been left off the guest list. But it didn’t matter.
I wouldn’t have gone anyway.
Levi
“You good?” Rafe eyed me carefully. I’d gotten used to his heavy stares over the last few days. Ever since Phoebe left.
I was... present.
That’s all I could offer them right now. I’d gotten through the last show. I hadn’t gone off the rails, despite how much I wanted to. And I’d made every one of our scheduled interviews.
By all accounts, I was excelling at not fucking up, but it didn’t mean on the inside I wasn’t slowly drowning in a pit of self-hatred and loathing.
I hadn’t drunken the vodka that first night without Phoebe. In the end, I’d traded it for my usual Jack and Coke. For whatever reason, I couldn’t lay my past to rest.
And it bothered me.
A lot of things bothered me.
Like how I couldn’t sleep at night without Phoebe beside me. Or the gaping hole I felt every time I watched Rafe and Eva together, kissing and laughing, lost in their own little world.
Everyone gave me space, but not too much space. It was Riley all over again, them waiting for me to snap, me resenting them for it.
“Levi,” Rafe’s voice cut through my thoughts.
“Huh, what?” I asked, blinking over at him.
“I asked you if you were good?”
“I’m fine.”
Fine.
I fucking hated that word
Not good, not bad... fine.
It was a nothing word, steeped in fake reassurance and forced platitudes.
But fine got people off your back, fine let them tell themselves everything was okay.
“Last show of the tour,” he added, as if I cared. As if those words were supposed to mean something to me.
Nothing meant anything without her here.
Phoebe.
My honeybee.
I hadn’t spoken to her in five days.
It felt like five fucking years. But I hadn’t known what to say. This was all new territory for me, and I wasn’t sure how to navigate these uncharted waters. All I knew was, every day that went by that I didn’t talk to her or see her, the gaping hole in my chest cracked that little bit wider.
Letty said she was working at the Nashville branch of Razorsharp. I knew they kept in touch, I was relieved. Phoebe didn’t have many people in her life she could turn to.
“This is probably for the best, you know,” Rafe said, as we watched Eva wrap up her set.
“How can you say that to me?” I shook my head, anger skating down my spine. “You got your girl. You got everything you ever wanted.”
“Levi, that’s not—”
“I love her,” I heaved the words, feeling their weight press down on my chest. “I’m ass over elbow in love with her and I couldn’t say the words when it mattered most. So don’t stand there and tell me that it’s for the best. I lost her, Rafe. I lost the one person who saw past all this bullshit.” My eyes flicked to the stage. “Phoebe saw me, and now she’s gone.”
“I’m sorry,” he murmured. “It was a dumb thing to say. I just hate seeing you so numb.”
/>
“I’ve spent the last ten years of my life numb, it’s nothing new.”
“You really love her?” He regarded me with a strange look.
“I do.” It had just taken losing her to make me finally be able to say the words. Talk about bittersweet irony.
“You should tell her.”
“What?” My brows knitted. “In case you didn’t notice, she left.”
“So? You’re Levi fucking Hunter. Figure out a way to get her back.”
His words echoed through me.
Get her back…
“Are we interrupting something?” Hudson and Damon joined us. Eva was on her final song, the crowd electric as she serenaded them with tales of friendship and first love.
“Levi’s in love,” Rafe said as if it was the simplest thing on earth.
“Well, duh, of course he is.” Hudson grinned at me. “The question is, what are you going to do about it?”
“Don’t look at me,” I grumbled, feel irritation zip through me. “I was hoping you’d have the answer.”
Phoebe was in Nashville. It was a four-hour ride. We had the after-party tomorrow night at The Riff Bar...
“What?” Damon asked as my eyes lit up.
“I have an idea,” I said, feeling a lick of anticipation, a tingle of Hunter magic I hadn’t felt in a really long time. “But I’m going to need your help.”
“Any sign of her?” I drummed my hand against my thigh as I kept my eyes trained on the door.
The club was already crammed, the who’s who of the label all here to celebrate the end of the tour and the beginning of another.
Letty had wrangled the four of us into matching black dress shirts and jeans, insisting that we put on a good show for the bigwigs. Alistair was already working the room, shaking hands and rubbing shoulders with the guys who signed off the checks.
There was a buzz in the air, the world tour the hot gossip on everyone’s lips.
“She’ll be here,” Eva said with more confidence than I felt.
Stalter had called ahead to say they were running on time, but she was already ten minutes late.
Fuck.
I needed a drink or something to take off the edge, but since I’d made some pretty hefty promises to stay clean, I chugged on my bottle of Perrier, hoping the ice-cold liquid would douse the nerves zipping through me.
“Guys, I want you to meet Franny Mineston.”
Alistair appeared with a beautiful woman in tow. She was older, her hair pulled off her face in a sleek bun, a dusting of makeup accentuating her natural beauty. Fuck me. If I wasn’t a reformed man, I wouldn’t have thought twice about offering to rock her world.
As it was though, I only had eyes for one woman tonight.
And she was late.
“Levi Hunter,” she drawled with a slight southern twang. “I’ve heard so much about you.” She leaned in, sliding her lips over my cheek.
Something snaked up my spine, a tingle of awareness. Slowly, I turned to find Phoebe standing there, watching me. Watching Franny linger too close, her hand still on my arm.
Hurt flashed in her big honey eyes and her step faltered. I yanked my arm away without apology and strode across the room. “You’re here,” I breathed.
“We need to talk,” she hissed, yanking me into the corner of the room. “You sent Stalter to kidnap me, that is unaccept—”
I pressed a finger to her lips, silencing her. “I missed you too, Bee.”
Her expression softened, but only for a second. Then fiery indignation blazed in her eyes.
“I know you have questions,” I said before she could get in another word. “I know you probably want to chew me out for the next twenty minutes. But I’m asking you… no, I’m begging you… to give me five minutes to show you why this is a good idea.”
“W- what? You’re not making any sense. You want me to ... what?” She gazed up at me with cloudy eyes.
“Five minutes.” I leaned in to kiss her on the cheek, catching myself at the last second.
Phoebe’s breath hitched and I smiled to myself. It was good to know that she was still affected by me, even if she did want to kick my ass.
“Okay then,” she mumbled, uncertainty thick in her voice.
I hated that I was the one who’d put it there. But I couldn’t take back what was done. I could only look forward.
Phoebe had taught me that.
“I think there are a couple of people who want to see you.” I pointed to Letty and Eva and they waved at Phoebe.
“Levi, what is happening right now? Why am I here?”
“Don’t you trust me, Bee?”
She narrowed her eyes at me. “I thought I did.”
Ouch.
That stung. But it was nothing I didn’t deserve. Before I could stop myself, I leaned in again and pressed my lips against her cheeks. I needed something, anything, to tide me over for the next few minutes.
This was my big moment.
Fuck, I wanted a drink. Instead, I settled for another sip of my water.
Phoebe eyed the bottle in my hand, and her brow quirked up.
I chuckled. “Sobriety never tasted better.” I winked and stalked away, heading for the stage. My palms were slick, and my heart was crashing wildly against my chest. I’d performed to crowds of fans, tens of thousands of fangirls all wanting a piece of me. I’d sung at small intimate events, caressing the audience with my voice, my lyrics. I’d done television and radio interviews, taken part in industry awards, but I’d never been more nervous than I was right now.
My bandmates met me at the side of the stage. Rafe pulled me in for a hug. “You’ve got this,” he whispered, holding on a little tighter. When he eased back to meet my eyes, what I saw there almost wrecked me. “Give us a second,” he said to Hudson and Damon.
“Show time, Hunter.” Hudson grinned.
“Come on, we’ll see you out there.” Damon gave me a small smile before climbing the stage.
“I just wanted you to know I love you, man,” Rafe said thickly. “Sometimes I think I should have done more. I should have set her straight—”
“No, Rafe. No.” I curved my hand around the back of my brother’s head and pressed my forehead to his. “What happened, it isn’t on you. Never think that.”
“I fucking hate her for what she did to you.” His chest heaved with the weight of his words. “I don’t think I’ve ever said that before. But it’s true. I only ever cared about what one person thought of me growing up, and that was you, bro.”
“It’s you and me,” I said over the lump in my throat. “Always.”
He swallowed thickly as I felt the tension between us melt away. “Always. Ready to go get your girl?”
“Hell yeah.” I smirked, and we walked out on stage together. Exactly the way it was supposed to be.
The heat of the lights blazed down on me, my skin sizzling with anticipation. But the second my eyes landed on her in the crowd, everything slowed down until I could breathe again.
Phoebe was here.
My honeybee.
My girl.
She stood wedged in between Letty and Eva, tears already glossing her eyes.
A bolt of nervous laughter shot through me as I perched on the stool and waited for Hudson’s opening beat. We hadn’t had much time to practice, but as the music washed over me, a deep sense of peace settled in my soul.
Oh, pretty angel, give me your eyes
Come back to me, I need you right here
Oh, pretty angel, show me your smile
Come to back me because I can’t be without you
You’re the light to my dark, the star in dark skies
You’re the voice that I hear, when things don’t go right
The angel on my shoulder, I can’t let you go...
Skin like silk, eyes like honey, this girl will rip out your heart before you can blink
But she can have it, take it all from me
She’s my hope and strength, the one
that I want
My fire and my fight, the one that I love
She’s my savior, my life… she’s my honeybee
Oh, pretty angel, give me your smile
Stay with me always, I need you right here
Oh, pretty angel, show me those eyes
Don’t ever leave me, I can’t be without you
You’re the light to my dark, the star in dark skies
You’re the voice that I hear, when things don’t go right
The angel on my shoulder, I can’t let you go...
No, I won’t let you go
I finally opened my eyes...
And all I saw was her.
My honeybee.
The girl who’d saved me.
Phoebe
I couldn’t breathe.
Letty clutched my hand, squeezing gently every now and again to make sure I was still alive.
Levi Hunter had written me another song.
But not any song.
A love song.
My body shook gently as I tried to fight off the swell of emotions rising inside me. I’d been waiting for him to say the words, and he’d chosen here... surrounded by all these people.
“Phoebe?” Letty said, as I began to back away. I needed air. It was too hot in here, too dark and claustrophobic. The walls closed in around me as Levi watched me from the stage.
“I- I just need...” To go. I needed to go.
But I was rooted to the spot, held captive in Levi’s dark gaze as he strode across the room to me.
“Bee,” he whispered, reaching for me.
That one little word broke me. Tears spilled freely down my cheeks.
“Shit,” he rasped, pulling me into his arms.
“We’ll just be...” Letty pulled Eva away, leaving us alone.
Levi’s grip on me tightened, as if he never planned to let go. “I’m so fucking sorry,” he said. “I should never have said that. You’re mine, Bee. Of course you’re fucking mine.”