by Drew Avera
“Of course, otherwise I wouldn’t be asking,” she teased.
Luke chortled. “Do you think about me when you think about the future?”
Calibri blew a tuft of hair out of her face. “Sometimes.”
He rolled over and eyed her with mock wariness. “Sometimes? I thought you liked me, I thought you loved me. What happened to always?” Now he was smiling, his white teeth in stark contrast to the dark facial hair sprouting along his chin.
Calibri giggled. “Well, sometimes is better than never.”
“I suppose that’s true, but it still bruises the ego a little bit.”
They both lay silent for a moment, the only sounds in the room coming from the air ventilation and their breathing. It was the third night she slept in his quarters and despite how careful they were, she was still nervous about being found out. Not enough to stop, she admitted to herself, but enough to think about it at least.
“What do you plan on doing after the Navy?” Luke asked, breaking the silence and pulling Calibri from her thoughts.
“I’m not sure. I would like to find a world with a low cost of living and hope my retirement can cover it.”
“Really? I was thinking about going back to Jhont. My family is there and I know I can find a job fairly easy.”
“That’s true, but Jhont is severely overpopulated. The breeding laws are the same there as Ukrainias and Purst; even Kero is growing too fast to support free-breeding.”
Luke grunted, distracting Calibri and causing her to look at him questioningly. “What?”
“Nothing,” he said. “It’s just I don’t know how I feel about having kids.”
“You don’t want them?” She noticed how her words might sound like an accusation and rephrased the question. “I mean, you’re not considering having children?” she watched him, trying to see if she offended him with her line of questioning. Having children was something she wanted for as long as she could remember. Of course, being in the Navy prohibited that. And a lot of other things.
Luke shook his head. “I didn’t say that, but I’m not sure. Growing up with a foster family kind of makes you question having a family yourself, I suppose.”
“I thought you loved your foster family?” Calibri asked. He always spoke fondly of them as she recalled.
“I do,” he said. “It’s the idea that, if my children lost me and their mother, then where would they go? Not having an answer to that question terrifies me to no end. I lucked out going to the Lorenzo’s, but I knew a lot of kids less fortunate than I was. I just hate the idea of putting my own children through that.”
Calibri frowned. “I never thought about that.” But now that I think of it, what if I became like my parents and let selfishness dictate my child’s future? “But just because your family passed away when you were little doesn’t mean your children will experience the same loss. We aren’t condemned to repeat our parents’ lives.”
“I know that, and that’s not what I meant. I’m just afraid of the possibility of putting someone else through that.”
Calibri took a deep breath. “I’m sorry,” she said. “I’m not trying to argue about this. We both come from different places with different life experiences. The things you fear aren’t the same for me and I imagine the things I’m afraid of don’t seem like a big concern for you either.”
“It’s not your fault, Calibri. I just grew up in a different way than you. I grew up wondering how my life would have been different had my parents not died. I don’t remember them, so I guess I always fantasized about what it would be like to know them. They could have been horrible people, but I’ll never know.”
Maybe we aren’t so different after all, Calibri thought. It’s just that those similarities manifested themselves differently in each of us.
“You’re right,” she said as she rolled over and faced him. She rested her hand on his cheek and pressed her lips against his. He returned her kiss, sucking on her bottom lip before pulling away. “But we don’t have to make a decision now. We have a few years to see where this takes us. We’ll both be retired from the Navy and have the rest of our lives to figure things out from there.”
“You have no idea how much I look forward to that time,” Luke said as Calibri rose from the bed and got dressed. “It’s not something I thought much about until I met you, but now it’s all I ever think about.”
Calibri smiled. “Me too,” she said, and it was the truth. Knowing he felt the same way make her heart sing in a way she never knew it could.
“Why are you leaving so soon?”
She pulled the zipper of her uniform up and pulled her hair back. “I have to get a brief from the OOD. I’m sure there’s nothing to it, but in the event of some catastrophe that happened without my knowledge, I need to know before the captain,” she said, rolling her eyes even if no one could see.
“I would hate to have your job,” Luke said, and it didn’t sound like a joke.
“Yeah, no shit,” she chuckled when she said it. It wasn’t a terrible job being XO, but it came with more headaches than it was worth in her opinion.
“Will I see you tonight?”
She turned back to look at him. “I don’t know, do you want to see me tonight?”
Luke smirked. “Baby, I want to see you all the time.”
Calibri couldn’t hold back laughing, but she covered her mouth in case anyone was outside Luke’s quarters and could hear her. “You’re too much sometimes.”
He nodded. “I try.”
Calibri stepped over and leaned onto his bed, taking his face in her hands and kissing him. “I love you,” she said, realizing it was the first time she said those words to another person and truly meaning it.
His eyes gazed deep into hers for a long, silent moment. “I love you too.”
Ten
She arched her back, her hands holding firmly to the straps of the chair to keep her from floating away from Luke. His hands gripped her hips, pulling her downward and she moaned quietly as the blueish green light cast shadows on the room from the large, wall-mounted monitors. Calibri had sent the watch away, hoping she could enjoy alone time with Luke in a private and intimate atmosphere. She had no idea it would come to their being naked and engaged in sexual activity, but she hungered for it enough to give into her desires. Her coveralls around her ankles, she hadn’t even taken the time to removed her boots before she collapsed into Luke’s embrace and the carnal act they were taking part in.
I know this is wrong, but I can’t help feeling this is what life is about, she thought, feeling the cold bead of sweat run between her shoulder blades and down her back. The bridge was cool, but the stress of taking part in illegal activity and potentially getting caught made her blood rush and her heart thud in her chest. She noticed the rhythm of her heartbeat matched Luke’s heavy breathing, and it was as if they were in sync with one another on more than a physical level. She pulled on the straps, feeling the muscles in her hand tighten as she did so when Luke finished. It was a sensation she had not experienced prior to their dangerous relationship and it was intoxicating to be a part of. Sometimes at night, she wondered if he felt the same way she did about their affair. He would whisper, “I love you,” in her ear every night, but she couldn’t help questioning if it was truly love or if it was the release they experienced with one another that he was drawn to. She found it better not to think about it too much, to just accept it for what it was; a relationship forbidden to blossom, but defiant nonetheless. It’s more than I could ever have hoped to know.
“Was it good for you?” Luke teased. She could feel him smiling and he placed his face onto the bare skin of her back. His light stubble itched, but she liked it.
“Of course, but I had to do all the work,” she replied, biting her lip to keep from laughing out loud. She had no idea if there was anyone outside the bridge, but if there was then they might hear them laughing. It wasn’t a good idea to be caught with your pants down, literally. She leaned back
against him, letting her head lean against his as he wrapped his arms around her. The fabric of the chair was cold to the touch, but she enjoyed it, if for no other reason than because she was with Luke overlooking an unimaginably beautiful planet displayed on the monitor.
“What are you thinking about?”
Calibri canted her head, looking at the colorful orbs floating in the darkness outside the ship. “I’m wondering if we could find a world like that one to claim for ourselves; to live together forever without the burden of sneaking around and being made to feel guilty for how we feel.” She bit her tongue, not wanting to get riled up and angry about the situation. “I just want to finish this tour and retire in peace,” she said finally. Luke ran his hand along her shoulders and she knew he would feel the tension there. At times, being the XO is more of a burden than some people can imagine, she thought.
“It will all come in due time,” Luke said, but she could hear the forced attempt at encouragement in his voice. If anything, they both felt the same way, trapped on the Krylex and no one to share the anxiety with but one another. It was a dangerous combination where both wanted to defy good order and discipline in order to shed the skin of moral responsibility of the Chancerian Navy. As relationships went, the honeymoon phase of naval service was over.
“I hope you’re right,” she said as she turned around and kissed his open lips. His hands caressed her body, his fingers tickling her bare skin. At any other time she would have hated the sensation, but with him it felt like ecstasy. There was something about him that made everything feel right with the world.
As their lips pulled apart, an alarm sounded on the console on the far end of the bridge. Calibri rose from Luke’s lap and struggled to pull her uniform up so she could move over to the console to silence it.
“What’s going on?” Luke asked, already pulling up his coveralls.
“Proximity alarm,” she replied, her voice sounding small and meek as she frantically moved her hands across the console to perform an evasive maneuver for the incoming body before noticing the drive was offline. Goddammit. She scanned through the drive system startup with one hand as she yanked up on her coveralls, forcing her left arm into the sleeve in hopes of covering herself before anyone entered the bridge.
“What is it?”
Calibri blew a tuft of hair out of her face as she shoved her right arm into the sleeve of her coveralls. The frantic nature of doing the wrong thing at the wrong time was causing her to sweat from the stress. I don’t need this, she thought, things were going so well. The fear she was feeling was only made worse by the sound of the door leading into the bridge cycling open. Her head snapped in the direction of the incoming light and she saw the outline of a man’s figure against the cascading light coming in from the passageway.
“What the fuck is going on here?”
Shit, Calibri thought as the voice of the intruder alerted her to the fact it was the captain. “It’s a proximity alarm, sir,” she answered, hoping that her intense focus on the problem would distract from the fact she was alone in the dark with Luke, a man who worked in the lower decks of the Krylex. A man who did not belong on the bridge at this time of the night.
“I know what it is, Reese. But I want to know why it is going off and where in the fuck the Officer of the Deck is,” he snapped.
“Sir, if I may,” Luke started to say, but the captain’s cold gaze silenced him.
“Why are you on my bridge in the dark with my XO?” he asked. “And better yet, why isn’t your uniform zipped?”
Calibri watched with dread on her heart as Luke looked down and realized his uniform was not properly zipped, his undershirt lifted and exposing his underwear. The truth screamed its revelation in the blank expression on the man’s face as the captain turned to look back at Calibri.
“I see,” he said. “Commander Reese, you are relieved of duty. Report to your quarters immediately.”
“But, sir—” she said.
“Get the fuck off my bridge, both of you,” he screamed. She looked at the man and noticed how wild his eyes were as he glared at her. Never in her life had anyone ever addressed her with such cold indignation.
“I—”
“Now!” He moved over to the console and initiated the drive startup where she failed to complete it before he stepped onto the bridge. With a few quick movements of his hand, Calibri felt the drive come on-line and thrust begin to seize the ship into an evasive maneuver. Her sudden weight seemed to match the burden she felt for having been caught by the captain. She supposed she should be relieved that the Krylex was no longer in danger, considering the proximity alarm was now silenced, but she could hardly think about anything other than the fact she and Luke were found out and the high cost for their crime would no doubt be weighed more heavily on her shoulders.
Calibri swallowed the lump in her throat and started walking away, squeezing her hands into fists and realizing her fingertips were cold as ice. “Aye, sir,” she said as she walked past him.
Luke stepped in front of her, his arms crossed. “Sir, I think you have the wrong idea,” he said.
Calibri turned to look at the captain, his face beet red “Do you think I’m stupid, Luke? Do you think I’ve served twenty-five years in the Chancerian Navy and haven’t seen when two people fall for one another? Do you believe I am naive? My only regret is that I saw this coming and I did nothing to stop it. Now, it’s too late. Like I said before, get the fuck off the bridge and report to your quarters immediately.”
Luke stood, staring at their superior officer. Calibri’s heart sank in her chest. She knew he wanted to speak out, but there was nothing either of them could say to make things any better. “Go,” Calibri urged him, stopping herself from placing her hands on him for fear it would be ill-received by Captain Tyrone.
An announcement over the ship’s comm sounded as Calibri and Luke stepped off the bridge. “I need the Officer of the Deck to the bridge immediately,” Captain Tyrone said, his voice sounding harsh and angry. She turned around and watched Luke round the corner and head in the opposite direction. His shoulders were slumped, and she imagined he felt as defeated as she did. It was no consolation, though. Their punishments would not be matched. Anything coming his way would be less severe than for her, but she did not think ill of him for it. If anything, she envied him. It was the only thing she could do to quiet the screaming depression flooding into her chest. There was no going back. There was no making another decision to keep this moment from happening. She and Luke found one another and pursued something they knew was wrong because their hearts said it was right. Now, she could only move as forward as her life would let her, and it would be measured in days, if not hours.
How could I have been so stupid, she thought. I knew this relationship was too good to last. She felt sick to her stomach as she turned the corner and stalked down the passageway leading to her quarters. She watched as the OOD ran towards the bridge anxiety etched on his face. It was nothing more than a hollow shadow of how she felt inside. Calibri made it to her quarters and slowly opened the door to the dark, cold room. It felt like a prison cell as she stepped into it. Perhaps this is my prison until Captain Tyrone sentences me to death. Her thoughts weighed heavy on her as she paced nervously around the cramped space. She was tired, but it was a weariness from anxiety and not from sleep deprivation.
A part of her knew she deserved what was coming. She and Luke disobeyed orders, broke Chancerian law, and defied standing orders from the captain. Any one of those charges would result in death, at least for one of them: for her as the ranking officer. If I had it to do over, would I?
Calibri didn’t know if it was foolishness or defiance that made her answer the question she laid upon herself, but the resounding answer in her mind was only one word.
Yes.
Eleven
Solitude was worse than any other punishment Calibri could imagine as she sat in her quarters, confined behind the locked door and trapped inside the fou
r walls that seemed to inch closer to her the more she thought about them. It was an optical illusion, of course. “”This isn’t good,” she mumbled under her breath. There was no one to hear her, yet she wanted to keep her words secret in case anyone was listening. The notion was nothing more than acute paranoia, and no reason for anyone to listen to the rumblings of a condemned woman. She was caught, essentially with her pants down, and for that reason alone she knew what her future was. Eternal darkness.
“Why did I give into him?”
The question was moot and she knew why.
“Because you craved intimacy in your life. It was easy to fall for him because there was nowhere to run.”
She turned to face the mirror for the hundredth time in as many minutes.
“I never wanted to run. I was just caught in the whirlwind of lust and then it became something more,” she said as she eyed herself, barely cognizant that she was talking to herself and not any actual person who could speak back.
A knock at the door caused her to stumble out of her awkward thoughts. She looked at the door, urging it to open before she remembered she had to answer it. “Come in,” she shouted, knowing her voice would carry through the thin metal door. The sound of a key entering the outer locking mechanism preceded the doorknob turning. Bright, pale light flooded into her quarters, silhouetting the man in the doorway. It was Captain Tyrone.
“Sir,” she said tersely.
“Commander Reese,” he greeted as he stepped into her quarters, shutting the door behind him with a light click rather than slamming it shut in anger, as she presumed he would. “Everything is under control now. It was a rogue asteroid caught in the gas planet Viala’s orbit. There was nothing anyone could do to avoid it coming in our direction, especially with the engines offline.”
She listened to his explanation and wondered why she should care. It’s like he’s beating around the bush and trying to avoid discussing the reason he’s really here. “I suppose that’s good news,” she replied.