Breathe

by Tania Trozzo

  They got to the table and Sonia was already there, she smiled a stiff smile, “Hey, guys!”

  Clara sat down right in front of her, with Gabe to her right and Alex to her left. Clara understood then, that they were stating the fact that she was under their protection. Sonia reached out and squeezed her hand, and a moment later Gabe put his hand on the small of her back and leaned close to her ear.

  “Breathe, Clara. And laugh like none of this is affecting you. Act like you have no idea what is going on, Ok?” she nodded. As he pulled his hand away and put it on the table she grasped it for a brief moment, tightly and then let go. “I’ve got you.”

  If he only knew how those words affected her. She looked at Sonia and leaned in as if telling a story with a smile on her face. Sonia looked at her straight in the eye, nodded and then laughed.

  Connor was sitting right next to Sonia and in front of Gabe shaking his head, “Damn, Clara, you’ve got this school in an upheaval. Damn best spectacle I’ve seen in a while.” She looked at him. He wasn’t saying it with malice, he was just truly amused.

  Alex answered, “They don’t know what to do with themselves now that she sat right here smack in the middle of Gabe and myself.” Connor smirked. Sonia chuckled. Alex lowered his voice and said to her, “We have your back but you’ve got some explaining to do later on. And I’m not letting you off easy.“

  Clara let out a breath and responded, “I know.” She looked at Alex and for a split second, she understood him better. Alex, more than the others didn’t trust easily and not telling him anything about her past, well that didn’t sit well with him. She understood it but that shit went both ways since she didn’t trust easily either. He was concerned for her but he was more worried about Gabe and Sonia. She respected that. He nodded, took a deep breath and seemed to relax a bit.

  Gabe nudged her at that moment. “Eat. Do you ever eat?”

  “Of course, I do. I just snack a lot,” Clara responded.

  “Well, you don’t eat enough,” Gabe answered back.

  “You sound like my aunt,” as she rolled her eyes.

  “Smart woman. Pretty sure I should meet her someday,” he said teasingly and he arched an eyebrow. It was almost phrased as a question, like he wasn’t certain she wanted him to. For an instant she realized that once again although he was her hero in this moment, acting all tough he also had a vulnerability about him. For a moment she saw through all the BS and everything he showed the world. She saw him.

  “Maybe, if you play your cards right,” she teased. He opened his mouth as if he was going to reply but then thought better about it, shook his head and grinned.

  They all acted as if nothing happened for the remainder of lunch. A few minutes before the bell rang, Alex got up and went in between Clara and Gabe leaning down over them and said, “All of you, meet me outside before going to your next class.” Slowly they all filed outside and followed him around a corner where he stated, “I don’t think Clara should go to practice. I already know Gabe won’t go so Connor is it ok you skip too, or should you cover for Gabe?”

  Clara was about to answer and say something but Sonia beat her to it.

  “Um, why should they skip? Aren’t we pretending that this isn’t affecting her?” They all turned to Alex who was looking at Gabe.

  Alex was stepping up as the leader right now and for a very good reason. “I think today she shouldn’t go to practice because none of us can be there to watch over her on such short notice. And we don’t know the truth.”

  Clara understood what Alex was saying and what he wasn’t saying. He wanted to know the truth before he decided that they protect her. She took a deep breath and replied, “Alex is right, I should explain my story, the real story as I’m sure that there is some crazy stuff going around.” She looked down and she had to remind herself to breathe.

  Sonia grabbed her hand. “Hey, whatever it is, we’ll figure it out. OK?”

  “Yeah, well, I don’t want you guys to get dragged into this. Not that there is anything to get dragged in to because it is in the past but I do have a story. I do think you should know so I’d like to tell you but I understand if after…”

  “Stop. Just stop.” It was Gabe who spoke fiercely yet quietly. “Clara, we want to know what happened because it involves you but we’re not going anywhere, ok?” She lifted her head up and looked at everyone.

  Connor spoke up, “you’re kind of stuck with us now C.”

  Sonia spoke again, “I’ll drive home with you today. Our parents are away so we’ll go to our house right after school.” Clara nodded. It was truth time.

  22

  Gabe

  They were in Sonia and Alex’s TV room in the basement. Clara was standing with her back to everyone staring outside the patio doors with her arms wrapped around herself. She looked cold so Gabe had given her his sweatshirt. Sonia had gone upstairs to make some coffee for herself and Clara. It had started raining outside so Clara’s practice had been cancelled while Gabe and Connor decided to skip theirs. Sonia and Alex had grabbed some drinks and put them on the ottoman. Sonia went up to Clara and handed her the mug of coffee. She hesitated next to her because she didn’t know what to do but then she stepped away. Throughout the afternoon they had heard bits and pieces of Clara’s story or versions of it. Gabe himself, tried to tune out what they were saying. He wanted to hear it the first time from her personally and understand what was true. Finally, Clara started talking and everyone quieted immediately and sat down.

  “I was about 9 years old I guess. 9 and three quarters I kept saying. I was with my parents on the way to some modelling interview. My mom, she thought I could be this hot top model or at least on the road to be one.” Clara laughed and shook her head but didn’t turn around. “I hadn’t been doing it very long, nor did I do it often. My mom was very selective. I didn’t really want to go to this one, but I wanted to make her happy. This particular modelling gig was in Chicago and we couldn’t afford 3 plane tickets so we drove. They had told me it was a long drive from where we lived outside of Philadelphia to Chicago. We left early that morning and I was so sleepy, I remember that. I think the plan was to drive all day and then rest in the hotel at night. My mom packed us lunch. She had made these sandwiches and cut a bunch of fruit. I can still picture my sandwich,” Clara almost whispered the last part until she cleared her voice and continued. She still hadn’t turned around.

  “It was dark and it started to rain. They told me we were almost there. I think my dad was just tired and wanted to get there because he was driving a little faster than usual. I remember them bickering because my mom was sure we were lost. We probably were. We weren’t on a highway but on a bunch of winding roads. I remember that one moment I was looking outside the window trying to see if I could see the stars and the next minute, well, the next minute we had crashed against a tree. I called for my mom and dad, but they didn’t answer. I could smell smoke.” Clara then turned around and a hand tightened around Gabe’s heart, crushing the wall that surrounded it. Silent tears were running down her cheeks but she paid no attention to them. She looked haunted. Gabe got up from the sofa to go comfort her but that seemed to wake her up. She swung her gaze to him and held up her hand, “No, I have to finish, please. If I stop I am not sure I’ll be able to continue.” He nodded and looked over at the others. They were waiting patiently for her to continue, when she did, he turned his gaze back towards her and sat down.

  “A man came and he had a boy with him. I thought he was going to help me. I remember that first time I looked at him,” she shuddered, “he wasn’t nice. I knew, I just knew he wasn’t a nice man. He scared me. That was the last time I saw my parents. He took me and left them there to die. He even robbed them. He kept telling me not to worry, that he was taking me with them. I..I didn’t know what to think. I didn’t know if he was going to call the police, I didn’t know what to do and I was so sca
red. But in my gut I knew that I shouldn’t make him angry. My head hurt, thinking about it now, I probably had a concussion but I didn’t say anything. I didn’t speak. For days I never said a word. I fell asleep in the car and had no idea where we were. He took me to his house and there was a girl. Her name was Tracey. When she saw me her eyes widened and I remember she looked at Paul. That was his name Paul Whiting. Then she glared at the boy. His name was Cain. She seemed more upset with Cain. Anyway, she acted all tough in front of Paul. But as soon as she took me to her room to tend to my head, she was nice. She was always nice when it was just the two of us. She hugged me and told me she would figure it out, but that I had to listen to her. I couldn’t speak, I couldn’t cry. I couldn’t do anything but I remember nodding and I did what she said. Anything that she said for those entire two years, I listened. She found my dad’s driver’s license somewhere and gave it to me, so I would have a picture of my dad. That’s how I know Paul robbed them too. I hid that license and looked at it every single fucking day. She told me to, so I wouldn’t forget and so I wouldn’t lose hope. I was with them for probably 2 years give and take.” She paused, tears streaming down her face at this point, “I tried. I tried to not lose hope but somewhere along the way I did.” A sob broke out and Gabe couldn’t take it anymore. He jumped up from the sofa and pulled her in his arms. He held her, murmuring words of reassurance. She hugged him back just as tightly.

  The others looked shocked. Sonia’s hand covered her mouth and her eyes were watery. Connor looked pale and Alex just kept shaking his head. Gabe was sure they had heard stories today but never imagined that she had been taken for 2 years. “You don’t have to tell us anymore, if you don’t want to. At least not right now. I think that’s enough for today.”

  Connor nodded but Alex looked stricken and asked, “Clara, I’m sorry I was so hard on you at lunch,” he shook his head. “I…How did you? Nevermind, Gabe is right.”

  But Clara still holding on to Gabe turned her head to Alex. “You want to know how I got away?” Alex nodded. “Cain. Cain let me go. Weird thing was that he wasn’t nice to me at all during those 2 years. That night he was strange yet really mean and after he yelled at me, he hugged me and told me to run. The police found me after that, someone had put a call in. I think it was him but I can’t be sure.”

  Alex nodded and then Sonia asked “And Paul? Where is he? I’m sorry if I’m asking that but what happened to him?”

  Gabe held her tighter, “Guys, I think that’s enough.”

  Clara pulled back to look at him and then looked at the others. “It’s ok. I think answering the questions is easier then telling the entire story. From what they told me there was a fire and they found him dead.” Gabe sat down on the sofa and pulled Clara down with him. He didn’t know what to think. He was angry, sad, shocked but in awe of this girl that had been through so much and yet was so strong. He sensed there was much more to the story. It wasn’t that simple, he felt it. But he wasn’t going to push her. But this explained her barriers, her uneasiness.

  Connor finally spoke up, “What about Tracey and Cain? Where are they?”

  Clara smiled a sad smile. “I don’t know. I begged the police to look for them, especially Tracey. I had my aunt call the police station in Chicago every week for over a year, but they couldn’t find her or Cain. I still call to ask.” She shivered. Gabe held her tighter.

  He wanted to ask a question, but Sonia beat him to it. “I have to ask, I have to know and then no more questions, but did they hurt you?” she whispered.

  Everyone was quiet and seemed to be holding their breath while they waited for Clara’s answer. “Yeah, Paul did. He hurt all three of us but Tracey and Cain took the brunt of it. Tracey especially would always shift his attention to her. He liked to play mind games with me. He would hit me and then make me feel like it was my fault. He would lock me in dark rooms a lot. Sometimes in the room I shared with Tracey, or the bathroom. But sometimes it was worse places than that, the closet, the basement, even the shed outside. Out of the three of them I was probably the lucky one.” She shuddered and closed her eyes. Gabe so wanted to pull her onto his lap but wasn’t sure if that was pushing it. She was already tense as she was.

  Alex cleared his throat and glanced at Gabe. “How did everyone at school find out part of your story?”

  “This is what you wrote about isn’t it?” Gabe asked her and Clara nodded. Shit. Gabe cursed under his breath.

  “Once Mr. Brooks gave the paper back to me I put it away but then I couldn’t find it when I got home. But then yesterday when I got to school I found it in the newspaper room. I thought I was just distracted. I could have sworn I didn’t bring it with me in there but there it was. I thought I was just not paying attention until lunch.”

  “Someone took it, read it, and put it back so you’d think you just misplaced it,” Alex said, shaking his head.

  Connor spoke up, “Who do you think it was?”

  Clara hesitated but then responded, “I am not really sure.” Alex nodded.

  Connor spoke up, “Well, hopefully we’ll find out for sure one way or another.

  Clara put her head in her hands and ran them through her hair. “So now, what do I do?”

  Surprisingly it was Alex that spoke up first, “It’s what we do.” Sonia clasped her hand as Gabe continued to have his arm around her. She was no longer in this alone. “First we come up with a plan. We have to figure out who was behind this,” Alex declared.

  Sonia commented, “We’re going to need food for this. Let’s me go get some snacks. Do you want more coffee Clara?”

  Clara had long forgotten her mug on a side table when she turned around. “Um, yeah that would be great.”

  “I’ll help you upstairs. I’m hungry myself,” Connor said.

  And that is what they did. They had a plan in mind. Alex would have to use Zoe’s interest in him to see if she had heard anything. Zoe was one of Alex’s hookups that hung out with Sarah’s crowd outside of school. Knowing Zoe, if she didn’t know she would do anything to find out in order to get in Alex’s good graces. Although she wasn’t directly mean she chose to stay quiet when Sarah or Jamie acted the way they did. That was one of the reasons why Alex wouldn’t really give her a fair shot. In his mind, she was a coward and guilty by association but she was pretty and so when Alex had an itch, she was always ready to scratch it. Connor would talk to Leo who was dating this cute Spanish cheerleader. She didn’t hang out with Sarah but since Sarah was a cheerleader she knew a lot of what happened. Alex also told Connor to be strategic when he picked his girl of the week. Everyone chuckled. And finally, all three boys had to distance themselves from Clara for a few days. Sonia put her foot down and refused. That was fine with Gabe, Clara needed a friend by her side. Hell, he wanted to be by her side. But he figured that once they distanced themselves whoever had done it or whoever knew the person that did it, might start bragging about it. Hopefully it wouldn’t take too long, just a few days. He wasn’t sure what was going to happen once they found out who it was but Gabe knew that they wouldn’t get away with messing with her, he would make sure of it.

  23

  Clara

  It had been difficult in the beginning to speak her story out loud. Writing it had been liberating and much easier, but saying it, that had been entirely different. She was afraid of their reactions. She didn’t know what to expect, she didn’t think they would think negatively of her but she was afraid they would pity her. The last thing she wanted was to see pity in their eyes. But she didn’t see that emotion at all. She knew they were surprised or perhaps shocked would be a better word, she saw anger when she spoke about Paul hurting them, and there was something else especially when they realized she had been kept for 2 years. Clara wanted to tell them more. She wanted to tell them about how she learned to pickpocket, but then she would have to tell them about the weed she took to protect them. That wo
uld lead to whole new series of questions and she was already emotionally and mentally exhausted. But she knew she had to say something soon especially to Gabe.

  After they formulated their plan on finding out who started the gossip mill, they hung out a little more, changing the subject. She had stayed rather quiet. At a certain point she had pulled away from Gabe to snuggle into the couch, pulling up her knees. Gabe kept glancing at her like he didn’t know what to do. She grabbed his hand and looked at him. He held her gaze, and smiled a small smile, that smile that was meant just for her. She went to let go of his hand but he didn’t let her. He leaned back, holding on to her hand but giving her space. There was a part of her that wanted that space, she needed it to regain focus after her admission. But there was another part of her that wanted to be held in Gabe’s arms. When he hugged her she felt protected. But she couldn’t ask him. Could she? A little voice whispered to her that she could. But her steely resolve prohibited her from doing so. She was never like this. Other than her aunt and uncle and maybe a few cousins, she never liked being held.

  They had turned on the TV although they weren’t really paying attention to it, Connor had left a little while earlier. After a while, Clara started to stand up, “I’ve got to get going too.” They all nodded but didn’t say anything. Ok, she thought to herself. She guessed her story was a bit much for them too and they needed some distance as well. She put on her shoes, and was about to take off Gabe’s sweatshirt.

  “Keep it for now, it’s raining outside,” he said.

  “Thanks,” she whispered.

  They all headed upstairs. She put on the hood to the sweatshirt and went to grab her bookbag. Alex and Sonia, had put on their shoes and seemed to be heading out as well. Gabe came up and grabbed her book bag and put out his hand like he was waiting for something. She looked at him quizzically.