Hamish and the Monster Patrol

by Danny Wallace

  Hamish shakes his head. He doesn’t know. He wants to stand up to Scarmarsh, but he can’t yet find the strength.

  ‘Perhaps you think you’re still over the ocean,’ Scarmarsh continues. ‘Maybe you think you’re safe at home in bed.’

  Hamish feels himself prickle with sweat and fear.

  ‘But it’s not about where you are, Hamish. It’s about where I am.’

  ‘And where are you?’ replies Hamish, finally finding his voice.

  But had he chosen to say that? Or had the dream made him do it?

  ‘I’m here,’ says Scarmarsh, tapping his temple with one finger. ‘I am in your mind.’

  He claps his hands together and Hamish flinches.

  ‘The power of a child’s imagination is immense,’ says Scarmarsh. ‘They think differently. I can conjure up your greatest hopes. The things you love . . .’

  Around Hamish, suddenly . . . images, feelings, memories . . . the sound of a river, and walking with his dad, and his brother Jimmy up ahead laughing and flinging a Frisbee. The smells of his grandparents’ house in Scotland, the smell of Mum’s sausage and mash, her hand smoothing down his hair as he drifts off to sleep . . . good feelings. Safe feelings. Happy ones.

  ‘But I can also conjure up . . . your fears.’

  And in one quick and jolting burst, the black walls fall away and Hamish is sucked into the air – chair and all! – where a violent storm begins to rage around him.

  He is soaking wet now, the deafening roar of wind whipping around him, as the same storm he’d dreamt of so many times hurled high waves beneath him.

  But Hamish has some fight in him.

  ‘I . . . WILL . . . TAKE . . . CONTROL!’ he shouts , into the wind, his words carried off so that he can barely hear them himself.

  ‘I WILL TAKE CONTROL!’ he shouts again, and now he can move more freely . . . He’d felt like he was in jelly before, or quicksand, but now he can move his arms just like he can in real life.

  But now the skies echo with the sound of an impossibly loud laugh.

  BAH-HA-HA-HA-HAAA!

  And down there, beneath him, Hamish sees in horror that something is rising from the depths.

  The sounds it makes are like twisted metal in the seconds before a building collapses . . .

  The groan of a mighty effort, the relief of a journey at an end . . .

  Whatever it is, it is enormous, relentless, unstoppable . . .

  He spins in the air, trying to regain control of his body.

  He turns, looking back for his friends – there they are! Still standing on the cliff’s edge. Looking up at him, as if he was the monster himself.

  Alice.

  Clover.

  Elliot.

  Buster.

  Venk.

  Kit and Smasha.

  Lydia now joining them at the back, and staring up in horror.

  All of them so small as to be meaningless, so hopeless in the face of this thing, this fiend, this terror.

  But wait, he thinks, seeing one more figure stepping forward from between them.

  The rain is fierce, and the wind buffets him around like a kite, but despite all that he can just about make out their outline.

  A brave figure, in some kind of long and flapping jacket, their face obscured by something.

  Who is that?

  ‘Turn back!’ screams Scarmarsh. ‘LOOK AT ME!’

  26

  DAYS UNTIL ARRIVAL: 1

  ‘And then what happened?’ asked Lydia, writing it all down and circling certain details.

  ‘That was it,’ said Hamish, shrugging. ‘That was the end of the dream.’

  The PDF all stared at him, hoping for more. Buster had closed the door of Garage 5 to make sure they had complete privacy. Most of Belasko had been up all night in any case, putting in flood defences and sandbags outside houses, just in case things got rather wet later on.

  Hamish had asked Kit and Smasha to take the Astral Plane out for a spin over the sea, just in case they could spot any clues. He said they should take a flight over the island of Frykt – the terrifying black rock not far away that was home to the awful Terribles. Alice was still desperate to tell Hamish about Kit’s secret, but knew it had to come from Kit. Alice was a person you could trust.

  ‘Okay,’ said Lydia, still focused on Hamish. ‘Well, how did Scarmarsh sound when he said it? When he shouted “Look at me”?’

  Hamish thought about it.

  ‘Sort of . . . annoyed? Like I wasn’t supposed to be doing what I was doing?’

  The old lady smiled.

  ‘Or maybe you weren’t supposed to be seeing what you were seeing,’ she said.

  ‘Hamish, you took control of the dream, like I told you to!’ said Alice. ‘You spun around when you were supposed to just stare straight forward!’

  ‘My guess is that the figure on the cliff was you, Hamish,’ said Lydia. ‘Dreams were more Luciana’s thing, but if I’m right, you were watching through the eyes of the monster. Perhaps because you’re afraid that in some way you are the monster. And you looked down, and you saw the forbidden truth: that you are also the Chosen One, Hamish Ellerby!’

  Hamish wasn’t sure what to believe. He just knew he didn’t like that title.

  ‘Or maybe it was just a dream,’ said Venk, putting down another plate of home-made sandwiches.

  ‘Elliot!’ yelled Lydia. ‘Where are we on sea monsters?’

  Clover jumped. The PDF weren’t used to being bossed about like this. Elliot pulled down a screen from the ceiling.

  ‘Well, these are the most likely candidates for the Great Sea Monster of Starkley, as far as I can tell,’ he said, pointing at the first picture. ‘An Octo-Whale.’

  ‘Nope,’ said Lydia. ‘Got rid of the last of those in the Seventies. And good riddance, I say! They were very windy. They don’t call them “blowholes” for nothing.’

  ‘Er . . . a MegaTurtle?’ said Elliot, hopefully, pointing at the next one.

  ‘Can’t handle colder waters,’ said Lydia. ‘They hang out near Fiji. They like to surf on their own backs.’

  ‘Loch Ness Monster?’ said Elliot.

  ‘Just a big worm with an even bigger ego.’

  ‘Nuclear Piglet?’

  ‘What’s a Nuclear Piglet?’

  ‘Dunno, I just made it up.’

  ‘Next.’

  And so Elliot kept going. Could it be the fearsome Kraken? A Japanese noseless Ningen? Could it be the enormous Leviathan? What if it was the Finfolk?

  Each one was scarier than the last.

  The Finfolk were an underground gang of awful Scottish water-sorcerers.

  The Hydra had loads of heads on long necks, and was the Guardian of the Underworld!

  The Kraken was sometimes said to be an octopus, and sometimes a crab, and it was meant to be one of the biggest monsters the human imagination had ever dreamt up! And if Scarmarsh is somehow in control of these things, maybe people wouldn’t have to dream them up any more.

  ‘It’s certainly a contender. Legend has it they can grow quickly and the bigger they get the faster they move. It may or may not have legs. I have seen one in my dreams.’

  Hamish sat up, alert.

  ‘You have dreams, too?’ he said.

  ‘I never gave up hope in that cave,’ said Lydia. ‘Because I would have a dream myself. The same one for years. I used to think I was simply remembering Luciana’s dream. The one you seem to share. But perhaps I was actually seeing the same events from my own angle.’

  ‘Were you on the cliff top in your dream?’ asked Hamish. ‘Wait . . . were we seeing the same thing?’

  ‘I’d see the seas rising. I’d hear the gasps of the crowd around me. I could feel the water in the air of the cliff top. And every single time, I thought . . . it must be the Kraken.’

  Alice nudged Hamish, wide-eyed.

  ‘I always had a feeling there would be one more adventure,’ said Lydia. ‘If I could just wait long enough.’ Her eyes s
hone as she stood and looked again at the pictures Elliot had found.

  ‘I suspect we’ll find out soonest,’ she said. ‘Well done, Elliot – our best guess is a Kraken. A giant, deadly, snapping, sucking, clawed beast of some kind. The sailor’s nightmare.’

  She looked almost delighted.

  ‘Oh,’ she said. ‘It’s so Scarmarsh it hurts. Now – we better check on the defences.’

  Just then, the kids all sat up as they heard a roar from outside.

  The Astral Plane was approaching. It must have news.

  And it was coming in FAST.

  27

  DAYS UNTIL ARRIVAL: 1

  Kit and Smasha jumped out of the plane with their arms waving in a panic outside the PDF HQ.

  The words they were shouting were not the words anyone wanted to hear.

  ‘IT’S HUGE!’ they yelled in unison.

  Hopefully they were talking about a lovely big pineapple they’d seen. Or a great new park. Or a present they’d decided to buy from a favourite local gift shop.

  But no.

  ‘We couldn’t see what it was,’ said Kit. ‘There was a black underwater cloud made of nothing but fish! But the waves. My goodness, the waves! It seems to be bringing a storm with it. We flew right in. Thunder, lightning, wind!’

  ‘It seemed almost to take hold of the Astral Plane itself,’ said Smasha, quite shaken. ‘It was like a hand plucking us out of the sky, I don’t mind telling you; shaking us around, with the sheer enormous power of nature!’

  Hamish knew that feeling all too well. He caught Lydia’s eye. It sounded like the storm from his dreams.

  ‘It hasn’t broken the surface, whatever it is, but the waves were high and rolled around it,’ said Kit. ‘Fish were leaping out of the way. Seagulls were spiralling out of control. We saw a tanker batted away like it was a toy!’

  The PDF looked terrified.

  Just then, the Central Speaker went off, honking five times in quick succession.

  ‘We’re back on Hot Alert,’ said Elliot. ‘I’m going to the radar screen! It must be speeding up!’

  ‘It’s not supposed to get here till tonight!’ said Buster.

  ‘What about the Terribles?’ asked Lydia, grabbing Kit. ‘Did you see anything happening on their island?’

  ‘Madam,’ said Smasha, calmly, ‘we felt it wasn’t quite the time for sightseeing.’

  ‘I’m willing to bet they’re preparing,’ said Lydia. ‘I’ll bet they’ve moved their plans up. Trying for the element of surprise! Buster, see what you can come up with!’

  Buster and Clover ran for Garage 5.

  ‘We’ll need sandwiches!’ yelled Venk, following after them.

  ‘Why do you think they’ve changed their plans?’ asked Hamish, and she leaned down to look him in the eye.

  ‘Perhaps because Scarmarsh senses your power is growing,’ she said. ‘Maybe because you stood up to him in your dream. You didn’t do as you were told!’

  Hamish felt worse than ever. He was responsible for all this. Now it was clear to him. He must be the Chosen One. This couldn’t just be a case of a mad uncle trying to turn him bad to punish his dad. There had to be more to it. But Hamish would never turn evil.

  He wasn’t his uncle’s nephew – he was his dad’s son.

  And he wanted to be with his dad, now more than ever.

  ‘I’ll take you to your dad,’ said Lydia, as if she’d read his thoughts. ‘We’re going to need to analyse your dream. Every little detail. Can you remember it all?’

  ‘I think so,’ said Hamish.

  ‘Something in that last dream holds the key to this, I’m sure,’ she said.

  ‘Is this all my fault?’ asked Hamish, looking to Lydia for reassurance.

  ‘My boy,’ she said. ‘This is Scarmarsh’s fault. No one else’s. And we’re going to have to tell those who don’t know about your connection to him. Belasko is aware he’s your dad’s brother, of course. They just never considered that you might be in the firing line too.’

  ‘What can I do to help?’ asked Alice, urgently.

  ‘You can come with me,’ said Hamish. ‘Please? I need you.’

  ‘Always,’ said Alice.

  And they started to run.

  28

  DAYS UNTIL ARRIVAL: 0!

  Hamish, Alice and Lydia jumped a barrier and found the Outdoor Command Centre.

  ‘Dad!’ yelled Hamish.

  Hamish’s dad looked stressed, studying the giant screen alongside Elliot. The red dot was now much larger than it had been before, and was no longer moving at a snail’s pace. Not unless the snail in question had really been working out and also invested in rocket shoes.

  Actually, snails don’t have feet, forget about the shoes.

  ‘Hamish, Elliot says you guys have a theory,’ said Dad. ‘You think it’s a Kraken?’

  ‘But we don’t know what type. All we know is, Krakens are massive. It could be a crab, it could be an octopus, it could be anything that lives in the sea!’

  Lydia stepped forward.

  ‘The real danger here is that we get distracted,’ she said. “A monster we might be able to deal with. But hundreds of them? My theory is that Scarmarsh will unleash a mighty wave of Terribles too. An all-out assault on Starkley!’

  Hamish’s dad had considered that too. What if everyone had been so focused on the oncoming sea monster that they’d never thought there might be more to the plan? Sometimes when you look at the bigger picture, you miss the details. And the details can be devastating.

  ‘Frykt,’ said Dad, which if you’d only just picked up this book you’d assume was a swear word. ‘We need a plan.’

  Hamish’s dad immediately started working out how many Belasko agents he had and what he could do with them.

  ‘Dad,’ said Hamish. ‘I need to tell you something. I’ve been having dreams. I felt silly about them because they’re just dreams, but I think they’ve been telling me something. This monster is big, but I think they’re afraid of something. Something they didn’t want me to see, but which I did anyway.’

  ‘What is it?’ said Dad, who knew these days to take Hamish’s words very seriously indeed.

  ‘It’s this Chosen One thing,’ said Hamish. ‘Everyone seems to think it’s me. And that, somehow, I can stop the monster. I’m in the air in the dream, and I look down, and I can see everyone except me, and then this figure steps out, and it must be me, only I can’t tell because I’m in the air, so how could I see myself?’

  Hamish’s dad was having trouble following.

  ‘Look, “dreams” and “spells” may be what Monster Patrol put faith in, and that’s fine, but it’s not the Belasko way—’

  ‘Dad, I know you trust me,’ interrupted Hamish. ‘But can you also trust us?’

  Hamish’s dad looked at him. Then at Lydia. He was weighing everything up.

  ‘Agent Ellerby!’ came a voice, and Dad spun round.

  It was Madame Cous Cous in full Belasko combat gear. She was pointing at the screen. It showed Frykt with lots of boats circling the island. Big, imposing tankers, packed with Terribles clamouring for space.

  ‘Warships,’ said Hamish’s dad, realising Lydia’s ‘Terrible’ hunch had been anything but terrible. ‘We haven’t got enough agents to fight two battles. We can’t take care of the monster and stop the Terribles. We’re on our own, ever since Starkley was closed off.’

  ‘We can work together!’ said Lydia. ‘Like the old days of the union! Belasko, Monster Patrol . . . and now the PDF! Belasko can concentrate on the Terribles. And leave the monster to us.’

  But Hamish’s dad was having none of it.

  ‘No way,’ he said. ‘Send you lot up on to a cliff to deal with it on your own?’

  ‘We have experience with cliff-top monsters,’ said Alice, remembering a certain day with a rather overbearing Venus Spytrap. ‘And we’ve got Monster Patrol to help us!’

  ‘One monster we might be able to handle,’ said Lydia. ‘But not
hundreds. You take care of the Terribles, it’s the only way.’

  They stared at Hamish’s dad while he came to a decision.

  ‘I’m coming with you,’ he said, putting on his jacket. Hamish noticed how it flapped in the wind. Wait – was his dad the mysterious figure he’d dreamt about? That figure had only appeared in the dream recently. Just when Hamish had started to discover he could control his dreams. Maybe this was a sign. A sign that you could create your own destiny. You could change the future.

  ‘How long until this thing arrives?’ Dad barked at an agent.

  ‘Maybe half an hour,’ she replied.

  ‘Hamish,’ he said. ‘Are you sure about these dreams?’

  ‘Dad, I am. I know it sounds weird. But weird things happen to us all the time.’

  That was good enough for Angus Ellerby.

  ‘Agent, stop those tankers,’ he said. ‘I’m going on a mission with my son.’

  Hamish nearly burst with pride.

  ‘We’re coming too,’ said Clover, skidding to a halt on her scooter, and joined by Buster, Elliot and Venk. They’d finished their meeting at HQ by voting unanimously to crack on and help Hamish as always. ‘We’re in the dream, after all!’

  ‘Don’t forget us,’ said Kit, from behind them, as in the background, Smasha fired up the Astral Plane, ready to whisk them to the cliffs. ‘We’ll do whatever we can!’

  Hamish knew they were but small. But they were mighty.

  ‘And I,’ said Venk, holding up a Tupperware box, ‘have sandwiches.’

  29

  TIME UNTIL ARRIVAL: 15 MINUTES!

  For a few moments, Hamish felt like he was part of an army.

  His small gang of misfits and oddballs, in a weird dented Astral Plane, was flanked by Belasko choppers, armed with water cannons.

  Belasko always had a plan when it came to Terribles, and today they would use their knowledge of the giant awfuls like never before. As you doubtless know by now, Terribles hate water – which made island living almost unbearable, to be honest. That was why they always took such great delight in taking to the mainland and running riot whenever possible.