Missing

by Mian Mohsin Zia

  With my laptop open, I looked at my pictures and relived those moments and realized how much I miss my grandmother and Granny Maria. I realized yet again, how important family is in life.

  I thought about people who have a family but ignore them, and only meet them occasionally. They might even have to make an appointment to be able to have dinner with their parents or need a reason like Christmas or Easter to spend time together.

  While I was going through the old pictures, I realized they could showcase my life journey to date. I decided to share them with you so that you can see my life in pictures. Please find them attached. You can see those people I love that I told you about earlier today.

  I’ve named the pictures I’m in with my mother, grandmother and Granny Maria, so you’ll know who’s who.

  Thank you,

  Lena Volikova

  *******

  “I seek refuge in the light of Your face by which all darkness is dispelled. Everything is powerless without Your support.” Z was ending his invocation with these words after his Fajr prayer when he heard his phone ring. He got up. Who could it be so early in the day? He checked his phone, and to his surprise, the message was from Lena.

  “Good morning! I wanted to let you know that I’m having trouble with the internet again. I checked with the company. They said it would take a long time. Please don’t wait for me today. Thanks!”

  After reading it, he texted back.

  “Good evening to you, as it’s morning for me. Thanks for the update. No problem. Hope your internet gets fixed soon. Have a blessed day ahead! Poka Poka. Goodbye, Russian style.”

  *******

  “Hello, Z!”

  Z was greeted by a pretty, young woman of about five feet with blonde hair, accompanied by another young, blonde woman of similar height and age. They stood nearby, while Z was demonstrating to his trainees how to train with a SpinGym. He was showing them how to wind it up and spin it to exercise their arms, shoulders, backs, and abdomens.

  They were very impressed at how many muscles it exercised at the same time and were keen to get started themselves.

  Both of them said, “That SpinGym’s amazing!”

  “Oh, hello, Alison. Sorry, I didn’t notice you there. SpinGym is indeed amazing! It’s a pocket-sized rocket when it comes to fitness. All you do is spin it to get fit,” Z said, as he looked around at them. “It’s good to see you, though I didn’t expect you to come so early on a Sunday morning.”

  “I was already awake. Meet my cousin, Gina. She’s just finished university and visiting from Dallas. She decided to tag along with me,” Alison said, introducing Gina as she looked at her and then at Z.

  “Hello, Gina. Nice to meet you.”

  “Hi, same here,” Gina said as she carefully watched him spinning the SpinGym for his deltoids, triceps, and abs.

  Gina asked, “Where can I get a SpinGym?”

  “You can get one from www.myspingym.com. An American superstar, Forbes Riley, owns it. Just give me a minute, please. I’ll be ready soon,” he said, asking them to excuse him so he could finish with his other trainees for their allotted times.

  “I’m gonna definitely buy two of them. One for my mother and one for myself. It looks like a fitness product for people of all age groups,” Gina said.

  “Indeed!” Z confirmed.

  “I’ll also order one for my mum,” Alison said as she reached up to re-tie her ponytail. “By the way, Z, I know I’m earlier than my regular time. We’ll look around until you’re free.”

  Alison and Gina moved off to wait for Z.

  “Come on, come on, Tony! You can do it! Just three more reps.” They could hear Z loud and clear, while Tony completed his set.

  “Well done!”

  “Thanks, Coach.” Tony stood up after he’d completed his dumbbell presses.

  *******

  “You sound very croaky today, Lena. Your throat must be hurting badly!” Z said.

  “Indeed, it is. I couldn’t resist and had an ice cream even though the weather’s getting colder!” she admitted.

  “Even Angel couldn’t have resisted. You could’ve sent me an email or an SMS, and we could have canceled!”

  “I had nothing else to do, so I decided not to.”

  “I see. I have an exercise that’ll certainly help. It’s a proven exercise for healing bad throats. Just position your thumb like you do when you’re doing a thumbs-up. Then bend your thumb to ninety degrees, making sure the back of your thumb is facing you. Try to open your mouth wide, place your thumb between your teeth without touching them, and count to ten. It will help to ease your throat.” Z was also positioning his thumb while he was instructing her. “Sorry, I just realized you couldn’t see me! I was doing it the way I’d demonstrate an exercise to my trainees at the gym. In any case, do you get it?”

  “How exactly do I do it?” Lena sounded a bit confused.

  “Just position your thumb like…. Wait, wait. I’ll turn on my video, and you can see me doing it. That’ll help. How do I use the video?” Z looked at his screen, trying to figure out how to turn his video on but mistakenly ended the call. “Oh!” he exclaimed and looked again for the video call option. Before he could find it, he could see that Lena was calling, and his screen was showing the options for answering. He spotted the video icon and clicked on it, assuming Lena would see him.

  “Oh, I can see you. Can you see me?” Z was surprised as he wasn’t expecting a video from her.

  “It’s loading,” she said.

  “OK.”

  “Yes, I can see you now.”

  “Good! Now please look at my thumb to see how to do it.” He demonstrated, and she copied it exactly. “Yeah, that’s perfect.”

  “It was difficult to do at first as my throat was sore, but my throat does feel better now. Thanks!”

  “It’s an excellent exercise indeed, so it’s good to do it regularly,” Z advised.

  “OK, I will.”

  “How much technology has advanced! People can do video calls and see each other regardless of the country they live in. It’s amazing!” Z was in awe. “I wasn’t expecting to see you. I mistakenly hit the wrong button and cut the call.”

  “Yes, I thought that’s what happened, so I called back. I initiated the video call knowing you’d do that too.”

  “This is my room, and you can see my Angel’s picture and my other stuff.” Z showed her the picture frame with Angel’s picture. “This is the picture I referred to before when you sent me your pictures… the one with you sitting next to a piano wearing a blue dress? Compare that one of you with this one of Angel, and you’ll see how much you resemble her. When I saw that picture of you, I said to myself that you were a grown-up version of my Angel!”

  “Yes, you’re right. And that’s why I say you sound like a father figure, but to put it better — keeping in mind your age — older brother would be more appropriate,” Lena said as she placed her left hand under her chin.

  “Well, be it father, or brother — it makes no difference — as long as the feelings and emotions are there. My Angel always used to refer to me as her best friend. And at times, I used to refer to her as my grandma! There are always several aspects of any relationship. At times, people think of their friends as being part of their family.”

  “My friend Dasha…. Do you remember I told you that both her father and her brother keep on calling her to ask if she’s OK or needs anything? Maybe that’s because she doesn’t have a mother. She has two people taking care of her. That’s double care! I feel as if I have two-in-one in the form of you. And the interesting part is that if I said to people, ‘Look, he’s my Daddy Cool,’ everyone would laugh at such a young Daddy. Haha! But you’re right — whether it’s a Daddy Cool, or a brother, or even a friend, the most important thing is the pure emotion and pure feeling.”

  “How do you say sister in Russian?” Z asked.

  “Sestra, ses-tra.”

  “Sestra… is that right?” Z as
ked.

  “Yes!”

  “So Sestra, from today, don’t ever feel alone and sad in life. This is official! You have your Daddy Cool slash brother slash friend, all in one relative here, so there should be no more pain for my Little Angel,” Z said, sounding very upbeat.

  “OK, Bratishka. I won’t feel— ” Lena coughed and had to clear her throat before she could continue. “I won’t feel alone or sad. It’s also nice that you can see my room. I sit here when I talk to you.”

  “Well, you must rest your throat as you’ve been coughing badly. Let’s end here for today, so you can rest.”

  “OK, fine, Bratishka. Talk tomorrow. Goodbye,” Lena said, waving with a smile.

  “Take care, Little Angel. Goodbye,” Z said, waving back with a smile as well, as he ended the call.

  CHAPTER 06

  Z was texting on his phone when Marshal placed a hand on his shoulder. “Way too busy, my friend! You didn’t even notice me! By the way, who are you messaging? Girlfriend? Haha! Just kidding. By the way, why not a girlfriend?”

  “Sorry, didn’t notice. Just a sec.” Z focused on texting before getting back to Marshal. “Girlfriend? What?” Z asked in surprise.

  “Joke’s aside, but on a serious note, you’re still young and handsome. You’re hardworking, honest, and above all, very caring. What else could a woman want in a hubby?”

  “Why’s this coming up again? We discussed this at the last Christmas party at your place, and the matter was closed,” Z said agreeably.

  “Yes, but what’s wrong with discussing it again? Life’s all about new possibilities and change, my dear friend,” Marshal smiled.

  “I agree, but my answer and my point of view are still the same. Before you go any further, I’ll repeat — I’m content with the way I am and the way I live my life. Little things give me pleasure. I’m happy in my way,” he said as he put his phone back into his pocket.

  “I know all that. But life can’t be lived alone. Don’t you think you need a partner for the company? You deserve to live again.”

  “Well, you mightn’t agree with what I say, and you have the right to disagree with me. The point is that I’m a one-woman man, and I’ve loved one woman in my life, and that was my wife.”

  “I know,” Marshal interjected before Z could continue.

  “When I married her, I promised to be hers only. If I looked around for someone else for company, my feelings for Sara couldn’t be classified as true love. True love must be well understood before it’s claimed. Unfortunately, people claim true love and then just use the term ‘move on,’ once they are over their so-called ‘true love.’”

  Marshal nodded in agreement.

  “Just look around in this gym,” Z went on. “Many couples have come, and after a few years or months — or even a few weeks — one of them comes with a new partner. The one they once used to call their ‘true love’ has changed, and it’s ‘true love’ for someone else. They carry on like that. They don’t even know how many times they’ve fallen ‘truly’ in love and how many ‘true’ lovers they’ve had,” Z elaborated.

  “Hmm… ”

  “As I said before, I’m a one-woman man.”

  “No doubt,” Marshal agreed very quickly.

  “True love is not confined to your physical desires. It goes way beyond that. It’s about how much you respect the other person — your mindset and soul. You can try to hide behind the saying ‘moving on,’ but you can’t fool your inner self. If someone cheats on you, that’s one thing, but if you cheat on someone, you’re guilty. You can neither blame nor claim to hide behind the notion of ‘moving on in life,’” Z clarified in detail.

  “I understand where you’re coming from. But try to understand my point of view as well.”

  “I wholly understand and appreciate your concern. That’s why I’m speaking at length. Today, I’m trying to be more open on this topic. My wife’s face is the only face I see as a lover and as a companion. I’d feel guilty if I looked at any other woman with the intent of love, so I never do. My words are critical to me. Had I not loved her truly, I wouldn’t have married her. Ever since childhood, I grew up with the idea of true love, which is supposed to be for one woman, who’d be my wife… and for life. You may not find people sharing the same school of thought, because when we talk, we talk in general, but there are people like me, that you may call old fashioned true lovers. In reality, people like us keep the spirit of true love alive.”

  “People like you are difficult to find. That’s why at times, I look up to you and advise my son Brandon to spend time in your company, so he can learn from you, even though he’s very young,” Marshal said as he smiled. “But to come back to what you’ve said,” Marshal continued. “Life’s not only about the past. It’s also about the present and the future.”

  “Well, what you just said could be summed up as past, present, and future. All three are important in life. As far as my present and future are concerned, I find peace and pleasure, when I bring a smile to someone’s face. Be it a minimal effort or a bigger one — whatever is in my capacity — I try to help others fulfill their dreams regardless of their magnitude or intensity. I had Angel, and after she passed, I’ve been trying to live her dream by learning languages. And even Lena — a grown-up version of my Angel to me — is now part of my present and future.”

  “Hmm… ”

  “Just to answer your question that started this conversation… I was texting Lena to remind her not to forget the exercise I told her about before coming to the gym earlier today,” Z said as his phone rang.

  “What happened to her?”

  “She had a bad throat,” Z said, as he took his phone out of his pocket.

  “And you told her about the thumb thing?” Marshal guessed.

  “Yes.”

  “Well, that works, as far as my family and I are concerned… we all do it the moment we feel something’s wrong with our throats.” Z listened to Marshal while checking his phone and smiling.

  “What’s happened? Who’s the message from?” Marshal asked.

  “It’s Lena. She responded with a smiley and wrote, ‘I won’t forget, Daddy Cool.’ She calls me ‘Daddy Cool.’”

  “Well, from what you’ve told me about Lena, you’re too young to be a ‘Daddy Cool’ for her.”

  “She also says that people would laugh at me for being her Daddy Cool and thinks ‘Brother’ sounds more appropriate. But if you look through my eyes, I see my Angel in her, and it doesn’t matter to me what people think. Be it, daddy, brother, or even friend — to me, the beauty of our relationship is its purity and honesty. Above all, there’s pain binding two different angels,” Z said, addressing Marshal’s concern.

  “Very true… and very well said. I can understand that,” Marshal said and nodded his head with a smile.

  *******

  “Haha! I hope you’ll soon have a Mommy Cool for me. She’ll be the coolest mom in the world, and you’ll be the coolest dad. Right now, I can see you in the video. I hope to see her with you in the future too. Mr. Marshal is right. You must think about it!” Lena said with a cheeky face and laughed.

  “Come on, Sestra, I told you about that conversation just to share, not for you to make jokes. I don’t want anyone in my life anymore. I clarified that with Marshal just yesterday at the gym,” Z said, sounding serious.

  “OK. OK. I can see you’re getting serious now.”

  “It’s your time now. Your life is ahead, waiting for you. I’m done with those things. There’s only one Mommy Cool, and that was Sara. Now, I only see your future when your husband and your family get together.”

  “Bratishka, come on! I’m not thinking of marriage now. I want to focus on my studies and excel. I’m sure Granny Maria will be watching from heaven and will be pleased to see me excel.”

  “Indeed! And how will you go about that?”

  “The single biggest step could be the international conference, I told you about. But money’s a barrier
for that.”

  “You told me you have to submit a proposal, and if it gets approved, you can then go further,” Z said.

  “Yes, that’s right!”

  “So, I recommend you prepare your proposal and submit it.”

  “But why? I don’t have enough money to participate, so why would I submit my proposal?” Lena asked. Z could see her looking confused in the video call.

  “Sestra, don’t get confused. The thing is that submitting a proposal and seeing if you get accepted or not won’t do any harm. Even if you do get rejected, you’ll have a better idea about what to do next year. And if you get approved, it’ll add to your confidence. As far as money is concerned, that comes in the second phase — but first things first. You’ve nothing to lose if you submit a proposal,” Z said confidently.

  “Yes, that’s logical. You’re right,” Lena acknowledged.

  “I’m always right. Are you alright?” Z said, laughing.

  “You joking man! You’re always making jokes!”

  “I’m here to check if you’d like some help with English, as far as your proposal is concerned.”

  “Thanks!”

  “No, thanks… just spasiba!” Z said with a smile, as Lena smiled in return on hearing his Russian response.

  *******

  “Last Sunday, I specifically prayed at church, as I’ve started working on my proposal,” Lena said.

  “That’s great, and I’m sure you’ll make it big time. I’ll also pray for you,” Z said with a smile.

  “I hope so. I’ll send it to you to check the English, once I’m finished it.”

  “Sure,” Z said with a thumbs-up.

  “Well, I have a question to ask you.”

  “Sure, please, go ahead.”

  “You mentioned you’re a Pakistani born US national, and I guess your mother tongue is not English, so how come you have such good English? Maybe this is a silly question, but let me ask anyway. What is your native language?”

  “Well, my mother tongue is Urdu, as Urdu is the native language of Pakistan. How come I have such good English? That’s because when you live in a country where English is the native language, you automatically learn to speak it like a native. But in my case, I also studied it in an English immersion school when I was in Pakistan, so the language wasn’t a major hurdle for me when we moved to the US,” Z explained.