Missing

by Mian Mohsin Zia

  Z noticed Dasha behind Lena. Before Dasha could say something, Lena signaled to her and resumed, “I hope you noticed I’m wearing your scarf. I’ll wear it at the conference as well. It’ll make me feel that my Bhai is with me and serve as my lucky charm. Don’t worry about your Little Angel. Poka, Poka, my dear Bhai.”

  Lena stood up and waved to Z. She didn’t want to turn off the laptop, but Dasha put her hand on Lena’s shoulder, making her realize it was time to leave.

  “Poka, Poka,” Z said with a smile. A tear at the corner of his eye, hidden by his glasses, was about to trickle down. Before it could, he waved, and the call ended.

  CHAPTER 08

  “I’m at Dubai Airport, Bhai. There’s a lady next to me who has a very cute baby I’m playing with. I’ll write you when I can coz int’l roaming is expensive. Please don’t worry. I’m safe.”

  Z read Lena’s message, and responded, as he carried his phone at the gym.

  “I understand. Please don’t talk to strangers because Mama told me once that a stranger is a danger. Joking man is joking. I’ll read 1 letter a day. Take care.”

  *******

  “This is not on!” Marshal said while he looked at the stopwatch. “Instead of improvement, there’s a drastic decline. I noticed it right from the start today. Is everything OK? You don’t seem to be focused.” Marshal showed Z the stopwatch.

  “You’re right. I’m thinking about Lena. It’s been two days since she contacted me. I hope she’s arrived safely. I even called her, but there was no response. I sent her an SMS as well, but haven’t heard back from her,” Z said as he wiped down the sweat with a towel. His concern for Lena was apparent.

  “Come on. She’s gone to a conference. She’ll be busy. Let her focus on that and remember that international roaming is extremely costly. And you told me she said, she’d contact you once she could, and she even did that from Dubai International Airport. Just relax and focus on your training. She’ll be fine,” Marshal said, patting Z on his back.

  “Insha’ALLAH!”

  “Now, let’s give it another go, but with more energy and commitment this time,” Marshal suggested, to which Z nodded.

  *******

  “Dear Bhai,

  This is my last letter, the fifth one before I return, and we can talk. I hope you’ve read the other four. I tried to make each one different, but this one will be the most difficult to write. I’ve had to think hard to gather my thoughts and muster some courage to write it.

  This is related to something I haven’t spoken about for years and never thought I’d share with anyone until this point in my life. As you know, I had no one, and I never thought I would ever talk about it until I had my Daddy Cool / Bhai. However, if I don’t tell you this now, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to tell you. And the best way is to write it, especially when I’m not with you.

  Bhai, please forgive me, and please don’t mind.

  Do you remember, I once told you that I got sick when I was a kid, and no one could figure out what had happened to me? Initially, it seemed like a fever, and some thought it was a viral infection, but later it was found to be Hepatitis B. I got it from my stepdad — I caught it when he raped me. I was just a kid then. It was so traumatic that it still haunts me when I think about it. It’s even hard to write about it so many years later. Being a kid, when you’re not listened to about simple things, makes it even harder to raise your voice about such a big thing.

  The virus is deactivated, and I’m fully cured, but it’s still inside me. I fear sharing about this is because when I was with Granny Maria, I once told Tatiana, my best friend, and the way she reacted made me feel like I was dangerous. I got the feeling that if I told someone about it, they’d run away from me because I was a threat.

  Though I’m fully cured, and I go for regular checkups — and the doctors told me years ago that I’m all good — it’s still hard to tell others, and you can’t change someone’s thought process.

  Once, when Dasha needed blood, I felt so helpless and good for nothing. She was admitted to the hospital for surgery, but I couldn’t donate. Dasha never asked why, but I felt she wondered about it at the back of her mind. I couldn’t speak to her about it, because of my experience with Tatiana, and I always maintained my distance from everyone, which she respected.

  This virus could pass to my family. There’s a possibility, if I got married or gave birth to a child, that the virus could pass to my husband or even to my baby. Though the chances are very remote, that’s still a possibility, and you can’t take the risk unless you are 100% sure. But in any case, I don’t have the courage to be rejected and feel dangerous to someone. This is the reason I’ve never thought of marriage or having a family. When I shared about my life, you assumed that was the only reason why I’m ‘AngelInPain.’ Today, I’m sharing the other half of the story and everything related to me being an Angel in Pain.

  That’s why I always asked you about having a Mommy Cool and wanted you to have a settled life with lots of children in a circle around you and Mommy Cool.

  Please forgive your Little Angel for not telling you about this earlier but remember how hard it’s been for me to talk about — I couldn’t share it with anyone. Your Sestra never hides anything from you, and after thinking all night and rewriting this letter six times, I finally managed to finish it, so it’s ready to be sent to you. This is the longest I’ve ever taken to write a letter. I hope you understand and won’t be angry. Above all, I did try to share this before but couldn’t, and couldn’t think of any other way to share it with you.

  If you think I’m dangerous, or I’ve hidden something from you at will, and you don’t want to talk to me, then I won’t mind, and I’ll understand. But whatever happens, I’ll always mention you to the One I pray to.

  In any case, if I win, I’ll use the money to meet my Bhai and personally return your money, but if I lose, once I find work, I’ll still return your money and will be forever thankful to you and cherish the moments we’ve shared.

  Above all, I wish and pray that I don’t lose my Bhai. I expect a response from you to this letter because it’s the emotion, the feelings, and the pain that bind us and make for an extraordinary relation of ordinary people that cannot end here.

  Your Little Angel,

  Lena Volikova”

  Z read through Lena’s letter and immediately responded.

  “Dear Sestra,

  I’ll write a detailed response later, but for now, I’ll only say on the spur of the moment that you’re right — an extraordinary relation of ordinary people cannot end here and will never end no matter what. You’re not dangerous. You’re priceless. My Little Angel always has her Daddy Cool and Bhai by her side.

  Your Daddy Cool and Bhai, today and forever.”

  *******

  “Lena!” Z screamed as he struggled awake in the middle of the night. He looked around and realized he’d been having a bad dream and decided to turn on his desktop. He checked his inbox and phone, but there was nothing from Lena.

  While dialing Lena’s number, he looked at the time. It was 2:30 in the morning for him. “Vne zony dostupa,” Z repeated in disappointment and put the phone down again.

  *******

  Marshal rushed toward Z when he saw him pounding the punching bag relentlessly. “Come on, Z! What are you doing? The receptionist told me that you stayed up all night. If you don’t sleep, you’ll go mad.”

  “What am I supposed to do then?” Covered in sweat with damp hair and a fully-wet shirt, Z reacted, “I can see Lena screaming and calling me for help in my dreams. On my way to the gym, I could hear her voice echoing in my ears. I can see her face no matter if I’m training or I’m at home. It’s been a whole week since she was supposed to return!”

  “But you’ve done what you could. You called her university. You called the conference she went to. You called Lena and did everything else to try to connect with her and find her. If nothing works, it’s not your fault,” Marsha
l argued, as he could see Z falling apart.

  “Yes, I did, but does that mean I’ll sit by and do nothing?” Z posed a counterquestion. Marshal turned his face away to avoid eye contact with Z. “What do you want me to do then? Turn my face away from reality? What’s the best thing for me to do when someone goes missing? I’ll keep trying. Nothing can stop me from finding her.”

  Marshal looked at Z and said, “I understand, but try to understand what I’m saying. You’ve been calling Lena’s number relentlessly day and night— ”

  “Vne zony dostupa,” Z interjected.

  “What?”

  “That means it’s out of reach.”

  “OK! I see. You called her university to try to find out about her, but— ”

  “They told me Lena’s finished university technically, and the university has no right to intervene in a student’s private life once the student has completed their degree… which Lena did as she was in her final semester, did her exams, and passed even though she didn’t collect her transcript. Her fees were already paid in full, and she was supposed to empty the hostel room but didn’t, and therefore, her friend Dasha signed the documents and took it over on her behalf,” Z took a breath and pressed on. “I even spoke to Dasha after a very difficult time. As part of the university policy, the representative is not allowed to give out student information without permission, so I left her a message with my number in it for her to pass to Dasha, and, finally, Dasha connected with me. Dasha also said she hasn’t heard from Lena and has kept her stuff.”

  “Yes, and you also checked with the conference organizers and the hotel that you booked for Lena, but— ”

  “The conference is organized annually, and the participants come from different countries around the world. Each participant follows a protocol, and conference organizers are responsible for the conference only, not whether a participant has attended or not, even if they’ve paid the fee. Every year, several participants don’t show up for various reasons. In Lena’s case, they confirmed that she didn’t attend the conference.” Z ran his fingers through his hair as he spoke. “The hotel also confirmed that Lena never checked in. I scheduled her travel plans, so I knew exactly when and where she was supposed to be. She left everything to me, as we had limited funds. After our thorough research, she wanted me to choose the airline, the hotel room — everything, so we spent our money wisely.”

  “All of this is true! You did all that, and I know that. The reason I’m bringing it all up again is so you can realize that you’ve taken all the steps you could, and for you to see that there’s nothing undone at your end,” Marshal said with conviction, as he looked right into Z’s eyes. Z nodded, realizing Marshal was right, and maybe he was way too stressed. Z sat down on a nearby stool and held his head in his hands.

  “Listen, I can understand your position. You’re a man of faith. Just calm down. Relax. Lena will be fine, and she’ll contact you. Tough times don’t last long, but tough people do,” Marshal finished, placing his hand on Z’s shoulder and handing him his phone. “The receptionist handed it to me, as she was about to end her shift, and Deborah won’t be coming in today because she has to collect her car from the repair shop.”

  Z took the phone and looked at the clock. “6 am. It’ll be the evening in Moscow,” he murmured as he dialed the number and heard the operator. He reacted by cutting the call, “Vne zony dostupa.”

  *******

  “Thank you!” said a well-built, tall, bald man, as he took the cup of coffee from Z, who served Marshal as well, took his cup, and sat down.

  “I love the coffee when you make it,” Marshal said after he took a sip.

  “Yes, I know,” Z acknowledged.

  “Initially, when you contacted me, I thought my desire to get you back into the SIA had paid off, as we’d been visiting you outside the gym, now and then. I was so very wrong. In any case, I went through the information you provided over the phone. I’ll be honest with you, Z, as we’ve worked together and know each other well. I’m pleased you contacted me about this, and I’ll be open about my findings, but you must keep my limitations in mind,” the bald man said as he took another sip of coffee and put his cup down.

  “I know, Johnson, and I know you’ll help to the best of your ability,” Z said, cradling his coffee.

  “Listen, Z, it’s not as simple as you, or any of us might assume,” Johnson said, looking at both men. “Based on the info you provided about Lena and using my resources, I managed to confirm that Lena did board the flight from Moscow to Delhi via Dubai. Everything matches, which means you’re right.

  “Yes! That’s— ” Z started to speak.

  “But she never reached India, and therefore never checked in at the hotel booked for her in Delhi and didn’t attend the conference, she was supposed to attend,” Johnson interjected. “I’d also like to confirm that her number was last active in Dubai and has been out of reach since then. Being a professional with over a decade of experience at the Special Investigations Authority, you can understand we evaluate every aspect before drawing any conclusions.”

  “Yes, I know,” Z acknowledged, while Marshal finished his coffee, placed the cup to one side, and leaned forward to listen more carefully to what Johnson had to say.

  “What I mean to say is that I don’t doubt your intention. However, this is the 21st. Century, and we do hear about scams over the internet and other stuff like that. Please don’t mind, but do you think this woman— ”

  “Lena,” Z and Marshal both said together.

  “Yeah, Lena. Is she real and— ”

  “She is,” Z interjected, and his voice made Johnson realize how confident Z was about Lena’s integrity.

  “Please don’t be offended by my asking. We’ve been colleagues, more like friends. I just want to be sure we focus on every single aspect, and no detail remains unchecked,” Johnson said politely.

  “I understand,” Z said, as he brushed his hands through his hair.

  “Everything you shared with me from the phone, the emails and the text messages, totally convinces me you’re right. The verified flight details also confirm that you’re right, but the problem is that we still have our limitations,” Johnson said, taking another sip of coffee.

  “What limitations?” Marshal asked.

  “Listen, guys. Consider this. Someone from the USA — even someone from the SIA — unofficially tries to find a young woman from Russia — or it could be from any other country — who’s gone abroad to India and then goes missing… as you assume.”

  Z and Marshal were both listening attentively to Johnson.

  “Now, consider this. A guy from the US meets a young woman from Russia on the internet. She then travels to India, goes out of reach, and makes no contact. The guy in the US believes she’s gone missing and wants to search for her without them having an official relationship. Just consider this scenario and then try to answer — is this logically sufficient as the basis for an investigation?” Johnson said and looked directly into Z’s and Marshal’s eyes, waiting for them to address his question.

  “Wow! That’s complicated, and it sounds like a very peculiar situation,” Marshal conceded as he tried to figure out the scenario Johnson presented — which was, in fact, the scenario Z was in.

  “Yes, I can see where you’re coming from, Johnson,” Z admitted.

  “Even though I’m from the SIA, we have our limitations. Had this girl been an American, or had she gone missing in the US, I would have been in a better position. I could have my team on board and approach my higher-ups to mobilize our networks to find her. But this scenario has nothing to do with America, directly or indirectly, and that makes it difficult to do something officially — or even unofficially. Still, whatever information I could verify, I did verify and share.” Johnson touched Z’s hand. “Trust me, Z, I’ll do my best to help you out within my capacity.”

  “Life has always put me into odd situations. I do see your point, and thank you for your help, Joh
nson. But you know what?” Z paused and looked straight into Johnson’s eyes. “Lena once said to me that sometimes people need to think beyond imagination to understand the extraordinary relation of ordinary people. And today, I believe she said this because I made people believe and made them think beyond imagination to believe in our relationship.”

  “Please, don’t take me wrong! I know you’re right, but the protocols must be followed. Give me some more time, as we might get a lead. I have her number on surveillance, and yours too. If her number gets activated, or if you’re contacted, we’ll track it,” Johnson said politely.

  “I hope so,” Z said fervently, as he took a deep breath.

  *******

  While reading through Lena’s emails and their Hype message history, Z had to look up to the ceiling now and then to stop his emotions taking over. He read Lena’s message on his phone once more, as her face flashed before his eyes. “Where are you, Sestra?” he murmured.

  He looked at the calendar that was showing “February 27.” He picked up his phone and dialed Lena’s number. “Vne zony dostupa… vne zony dostupa… vne zony dostupa,” he repeated loudly, as he was getting more and more frustrated and tense with no update from her.

  “I seek refuge in the light of Your face by which all darkness is dispelled. Everything is powerless without Your support.” Z said to calm himself and took a deep breath.

  *******

  One of Z’s trainees at the gym told Z that Deborah at the reception was trying to contact him.

  He turned around and saw her waving at him and holding his phone that seemed to be ringing. With the loud music playing in the gym, he couldn’t hear it. Z ran to her, took the phone from her, and looked at the screen, which showed only “+9242,” an incomplete number. Without wasting a second, he answered the call.

  “Hello!”

  “Bhai!”

  “Lena! Is that you? Where are you?” He signaled to Deborah, and she turned down the music immediately.

  “Bhai, please help… Bhai. I don’t even know where I am.”