by Willow Aster
I’m deeply immersed in the books when Miss Greener walks up to my table.
“Boo!” she whispers in my ear.
I jump out of my seat like a scalded dog.
“Oh, sorry, Caroline! Didn’t mean to scare you that bad.” She laughs.
“Hi.” I smile at her, while furiously scrambling to hide the books.
Miss Greener has a way of looking untidy even when I know she has just brushed her hair. For once, she’s not wearing a hat. She’s wearing a dress and the tops of her knee-highs are showing. This is fancy for her.
“Would you like to go grab a shake?” she whispers.
I nod, excitedly. “Let me just go put my book away.”
I quickly put all the books in place and we walk across the street to the diner. Harriet’s is the other restaurant in town—a down-home, old-fashioned diner complete with black and white-tiled floors.
I realize I’m starving when I sit down.
Miss Greener, in her all-knowing way, says, “I’m kinda hungry for a burger, how ’bout you, Caroline? My treat…”
We order burgers and fries and chocolate shakes. It tastes wonderful. We talk to all the regulars and enjoy the small talk for a while.
“George misses you, you know.”
“I miss him, too.” I wipe my mouth with a napkin and take another sip of my shake. “Is he still chewing that bone I brought over a couple weeks ago?”
“Oh mercy, he finished that one at least a week ago now! You know that dog, he can’t leave the bone alone until it’s gone.” Her shoulders shake as she laughs. “He is something else.”
George is a huge mass of hair and thinks he’s human. I used to walk him for Miss Greener when she worked another bus route, but now that she’s on my route, I only see him if I go visit them. I take Josh with me every now and then to say hello to his buddy.
“You’ll have to come see us soon. Bring Josh…”
“Yeah, I’ll do that. I’ve missed George. I’m sure Josh misses him too.”
When I’ve finished my food, Miss Greener leans over and says, “Caroline, I know you’re going through a rough time right now.”
I hate the flush that rises when a touchy subject comes up or when close attention is paid to me.
“I’ve heard about your daddy being gone, and well, I know about your mama too…’specially after the other day and all. I’m worried about you. I just want you to know I’m here for you. If you need to talk—do you have anything you’d like to talk about?”
I sit there, quiet and embarrassed…that she knows so much and that it’s so obvious that I’m such a mess. Please don’t cry. Please don’t cry. Please don’t cry, I chant inside until I feel the knot go away.
“I’m hoping this is just a phase my parents are going through. Maybe they can work things out.”
“Maybe so, maybe so. These things can take time, though.”
If I didn’t love her so much, I would be offended at this talk, but I know she’s just worried about me.
“It’s ok.” I find that I cannot say anything else.
She looks at me, waiting for more.
“It’s gonna get better,” I whisper.
“I’m sure you’re right, honey. Will you just promise me that you’ll call or come to me if you ever need anything? Anything at all. Will you promise me that?” She takes my hand and her eyes are full of tears.
I’m so touched by her concern that I want to tell her everything. I want to tell her that my mother never came home last night...that we haven’t spoken in a week...that she didn’t remember my birthday. But I just say, “Thank you, Miss Greener. I will. I promise.”
There’s a commotion by the door and Les and Leroy burst into the restaurant. They saunter over to the bar, taking notice of all the customers in the place. Leroy spots me and walks over to our table. Les sits down and picks up a menu, watching our every move.
“It’s Miss Caroline,” Leroy says. “You’re looking mighty fine this mornin’.” He mouths, White bitch.
I just look at him and then at Miss Greener.
“You ignorin’ me, girl?” He leans down into my face. “I’m talkin’ to you.”
“Hi, Leroy,” I manage. He makes me so nervous that I begin to shake.
“That’s more like it.” He runs his fingers down my hair and then gives a curl a sharp tug.
Tears prick my eyes, and I knock his hand away. Miss Greener stands up.
“Hey! You leave her alone, do you hear me?”
“Whatcha gon’ do ’bout it?” He puts his face as close to Miss Greener’s as he can without touching.
“You keep your hands to yourself. Be nice,” she says, not backing down.
“Oh, I’m gonna be nice, all right. I’m being nice.” He holds his hands up and backs away, laughing.
We leave, not saying anything until we get outside. “Try to stay away from them, Caroline. Leroy, especially, is pure trouble.”
“I know. My Nellie says the same thing. They both make me nervous.”
“Well, you just be careful. I’m sure they’re just talk, but Leroy seems to have it in for you, so be cautious. Just watch out for yourself. I know you walk everywhere and summer is upon us, so you’ll be out a lot. Maybe you can call Clara Mae and the two of you can go places together.” She grins at this thought and that seems to settle it in her mind. “Clara Mae and Thomas would be happy to hang out with you this summer.”
“I’m sure we’ll hang out some.”
“Good. Well, I have a doctor’s appointment in a half hour. Can I give you a ride home?”
“That would be great.”
I try to catch a glimpse of my mama as we drive past the bank, but I don’t see her. It’s hard to get a good look in the window.
“Why don’t you come over tomorrow and see us? Maybe help me plant some things? I’m needin’ your help somethin’ fierce.”
“Sure. What time would you like me to come?”
“How about 10?”
“I’ll be there.”
FIRST DAY OF Summer Vacation Afternoon To-Do List:
1. Read.
2. Clean the bathroom.
3. Clean the kitchen.
4. Go ahead and make the bed.
5. Take Josh for another walk.
6. Weed the garden.
7. Try not to panic that my mother is still not home and hasn’t called.
Isaiah calls when I get back from my walk with Josh.
“Hey. What are you doing today?” he asks.
“Oh, you know. Just staying busy.”
He chuckles. Isaiah knows I’m already stir crazy. I was stir crazy in this house before summer vacation ever began.
“I miss you,” I tell him.
“I miss you too-”
“Isaiah!” I interrupt. “The box! The card. So beautiful. I will keep them both forever,” I vow.
“I’m glad you liked it.” He sounds pleased.
“I love it,” I say and then get all flustered with the word love.
He laughs again. “I’m glad about that too, then,” he says.
THE NEXT MORNING, I sleep late. I didn’t go to sleep until the sun was shining this morning. I have to stop doing that. I tiptoe to my mother’s room; her bed is still made. My stomach is clenched and the panic rises in my chest. Is she coming back?
I take Josh out for a while and when I get back to the house, I’ve settled down a bit. It isn’t like I wasn’t alone a lot to begin with. She’s just staying out a little longer than usual. I need to stay calm. She’ll be back.
I go in her room and look in her closet. Only a few items are missing. She’ll have to at least come home for more clothes. This is a small consolation.
Feeling like the house is closing in on me, I walk over to Miss Greener’s house. At the last minute, I decide to leave Josh at home. He seems worn out from our earlier walks. She lives close to the school. It’s just her and George. George really does take over the whole house, standing neck and nec
k with the kitchen counters. His large ears stand to attention, the only distinct feature on his face, since his eyes are completely covered by hair. He’s quite the character. When he jumps up on me, he lays both paws on my shoulders. He’s very charming and seems particularly happy to see me today, almost knocking me down to lick me.
As usual, Miss Greener is bright and cheerful. Before I know it, I’m feeling somewhat cheerful myself. Working in the garden will do that to you. Especially with these two. Miss Greener hums “In the Garden” in at least five keys too high, and George starts to howl along when she hits that long drawn-out note going into the chorus. I laugh till I cry.
When we go in for lunch, Miss Greener hands me a tall glass of sweet tea and I gulp it down. She makes tall, loaded sandwiches for the three of us, George included, and we inhale them, in between chattering.
Miss Greener and I became close when I started seeing her every day on the school bus. We realized our mutual love for flowers early on, and she began inviting me over to pick out what I wanted her to divide for my garden.
When I come over, I’m at home. Not enough to rummage through the fridge on my own, but enough to laugh and talk freely. I feel peaceful at her house.
As I help clean up, I ask if she needs any more help with her garden.
“If you’re able to come back tomorrow, I have a few more things I’d like you to do,” she says.
I’m thrilled that I have another reason to come back so soon.
“Same time?”
“Same time, honey. That sounds good. Here let me give you a little bit for what you did today.”
She begins getting money out of her wallet.
“Oh, no, I’m not taking that! I’m glad to help. You know that.” I hand the money back as fast as I can.
“You take this. I would have had to hire someone to do all the work you did today. You worked hard. Think of it as a little summer job.” She grins and puts the money in my pocket.
“It was too fun to be a summer job.” I grin back.
“Well, good, that means you’ll hurry back.” She puts her arm around my shoulder. “Now come on, I’ll drive you home.”
“Oh, don’t worry, I’ll walk. It won’t take me long.”
“Are you sure? I don’t mind driving you.”
“I’m sure. I need to go do a few things in town anyway.”
“I’d be happy to take you somewhere if you’d like, Caroline. Where would you like to go?”
“Well, I was just going to stop by the bank.”
“Oh, I see...why don’t I take you there? I don’t mind waiting to take you home either.”
“I’m fine to go on my own,” I insist.
“I know you are. Let me take you, though. We’ll just pop over there.”
We get in her old car and she drives the couple of blocks to the bank. She shuts the car off when we get there and I think she is coming in, but she stays inside.
“I’ll wait here for you.” She nods and gives me a reassuring smile. “Take your time.”
I try to remember the last time I came to my mother’s work. She used to bring me here when I was little and show me off to her friends. They would all talk in singsong voices to me.
Jeanette is the first person I see when I walk in the door. It’s clear that she’s shocked to see me.
“Why, hello, Caroline! How are you? It’s so good to see you.” She gives me a big hug. “What are you doing here? I would have thought you’d be with your mother.”
“Oh? Yeah? I...didn’t get to go.” I laugh awkwardly and try to stall to figure out what else I can learn. This isn’t what I expected at all.
“Well, maybe next time. I hear that festival in Memphis is hard to beat. Do you like the blues, Caroline?” She looks at me so earnestly that if I were not so bewildered I would giggle.
“Um, yes, ma’am, I do.” Memphis. I let out a deep breath. She’s with Daddy.
“Me too. I’d sure love to go sometime.”
“Well, maybe you can someday.” I back up, hoping to make a quick escape. “It was good to see you, Jeanette.”
“Oh, you leavin’? Was there somethin’ I can help you with?” She’s by my side in an instant. “We want to take care of Jenny’s girl. It’s not every day that we see you in here. This is a treat.” She’s patting my arm and leading me back to Betty, one of the tellers. “Betty, can you believe this is Caroline? Look how tall! I tell you what—you’ve grown a foot since the last time I saw you, girl!”
Save me now.
Miss Greener walks in right on time.
“Caroline, just checking on you. Did you find what you needed?” she asks, winking at me.
“I did, thank you. It’s so good to see you, Jeanette and Betty.” I walk out with Miss Greener. I think Jeanette is still talking as I leave, but I just keep walking.
“Did you see your mother?” She asks when we get in the car.
“No.”
I don't tell her she’s gone. I know better than to tell anyone she has left me alone. Miss Greener would want me to come stay with her while Mama is away and even though it drives me crazy, I’d rather be home.
“Well, hopefully you can make your peace with her when she gets home tonight.”
“Yes, I’d like that.”
I cannot express what a relief it is to know my parents are together. Everything will be all right now. I don’t even mind that she didn’t tell me she was going. I hope they can really work things out and that we can be a happy family when they come home.
I finally do sleep. A deep sleep. It’s long overdue.
THIS MORNING I woke up at 8 o’clock, took a quick bath, let my curls air dry, ate a piece of toast, let Josh out, dusted off my mom’s Miss Tennessee picture and sat down wondering what I should do next. I’m clearly backslidden. My life has been greatly simplified since my parents left. Despite the obvious fact that I’m alone, I’ve made some decisions about a few things that are for the better.
First of all, I will never wear pink foam curlers again. This is a small thing, I know, but it brings me great joy to lie my head flat on my pillow at night, with no bumpy ridges getting in the way. My hair loves this new freedom and even though it is on the frizzy side, I think the curls actually look better. I don’t know if this is really true since I’m the only one usually looking at me, but that’s the upside of being by myself.
The second thing I’ve decided is I will only iron when an article is in dire need of it. If I hang the dress up as soon as I get it out of the washer, the wrinkles aren’t too bad. My mother would be mor-ti-fied if she knew I was leaving the house in slightly wrinkled clothes, but...well, she’s not here, is she?
I’ve left the dishes in the sink for the first time in my life. One day I even ate chocolate chip cookies for breakfast. And lunch. Okay, dinner too. But for dessert, I was sick of them and had some ice cream instead.
These are the small consolations. This is dealing with a bad situation in a positive way. I’ve learned to do that from years of experience and from the latest batch of self-help books I just got from the library.
AS I’M WALKING home from Miss Greener’s a week later, I pass Harriet’s and see a Help Wanted sign. I’ve been to her house three times and she has paid me every time, but the last time I was there I finished all the odd jobs she had for me. What she said about a little summer job got me to thinking that’s exactly what I have to do, get a real one.
The food is beginning to dwindle. The shelves are getting bare and I’ve used almost all of the money Miss Greener has given me. I’ve always loved tuna, but if I never see another can, I will be just fine.
I still haven’t told a soul that my parents are both gone. I don’t know how it’s escaping everyone, but no one seems to realize that I’m on my own. Either they don’t truly realize both parents are gone, or they assume I’m with my grandparents. I come and go as I please and no one has said a word. Even Miss Greener, for all her intuition or nosiness, whichever it is, hasn�
�t noticed. And my grandparents, as much as I love them, I’m used to them being distracted a lot of the time.
The whole situation makes me determined to be more observant when I’m an adult. So far, every adult I know seems to be in his or her own little world.
I haven’t even told Isaiah, and there would be no way for him to know. Since school ended, I haven’t been able to talk to him as much. He’s helping his uncles at their construction job and tries to call in the afternoon, but he isn’t always back home in time to do it.
I’ve spent a lot of time walking with Josh. He’s loving all the extra attention. I stop by the library almost every day. I carry a big bag with a few books and snacks. Around noon, I’ll usually pull out half of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and eat it down by the water.
I walk into Harriet’s and see Miss Sue at the counter. She’s pouring coffee for Mr. Davidson, Tulma’s mayor. It’s not uncommon to see the mayor on a weekly basis at Harriet’s. The word around town is that Harriet’s is his favorite place to eat. Dixie’s is also his favorite place to eat. Mr. Davidson is known for being a fair man.
Miss Sue is the great, great granddaughter of Harriet. She has run the place for at least twenty years and is what everyone in town calls an “old maid,” except no one really knows exactly how old she is. I think maybe she isn’t all that old. When she laughs, she looks like a little girl. And she actually laughs quite often.
A pie from Miss Sue will make your taste buds get up and dance. She makes the best pies in the South. I can’t prove this for a fact, since I’ve never been anywhere else, but it’s just something I know is true.
“Hey there, Miss Caroline. How are you on this fine day?”
“I’m good, Miss Sue. Hi, Mr. Davidson.”
“Hello there, Caroline. You’re looking more like your mother every day.”
“Thank you.”
“Would you like to sit at the counter, Caroline?” Miss Sue has a menu ready for me.
“Actually, I was wondering if I might talk to you for a minute...when you’re not busy.”