Dying Wish
Page 42
Page 42
No. It was simply a matter of attachment—artificial feelings that would go away as soon as the luceria did. For now, however, it was going to be handy having Iain’s luceria on for what she was about to do.
Jackie found Cain in the workout area. As chilly as it was, he was still shirtless, drenched in sweat. Huge amounts of weight were attached to a barbell, which he hoisted as if it were empty.
He was a big man, with gigantic hands, and a thick, heavy build. His eyes were dark green, and they watched her steadily as she approached. It was only when she was standing right next to him, making it obvious that she’d come to see him, that he stopped what he was doing.
“Can I talk to you?” she asked.
“Of course. ” His voice was deep, gravelly, and rough.
“Alone?”
His eyes darted to her necklace, then back to her face. “Yes, my lady. ”
Jackie had heard that term used before in reference to the other Theronai women, but she wasn’t sure if it was some sort of ceremonial title, or a term of endearment. Either way, she ignored it so that she could have this chore over with as soon as possible.
She led him out to the vacant open area where they practiced with swords. The other men watched, not even pretending they weren’t.
She let out a long sigh. “I’ve come to the realization that if I don’t want to become a victim of the Synestryn again, I’m going to have to accept my disease. ”
“Your disease?” he asked.
“Yes. The one my father passed on—all this magic bullshit. ”
“I see. And what exactly does that mean?”
“It means that I’m going to have to wear one of these damn necklaces so that I can kick the ass of any demon who dares come after me. ”
“An exercise of sound judgment. ”
She snorted at that. “The problem is, I don’t want the job that comes with it. I want to have as normal and human a life as possible. I’m not cut out for monster-hunting crap. ”
“Unless those monsters bring the fight to you. ”
“Exactly. ”
A cold breeze swept through, and she tried not to shiver. She had no idea how Cain could stand around shirtless, though she had to admit that it was a nice view. Not nearly as nice as Iain’s bare chest, but…
Before that train of thought could completely derail her, she forced herself to concentrate. “Iain and I aren’t working out. ”
“I hate to disagree, but the solidification of colors in your luceria tell a different story. ”
“Serena is back. ”
Cain shook his head in stunned silence.
“It’s true. Iain confirmed it’s her. She was apparently trapped in limbo somewhere, but she’s out now, and there’s no way I can compete with her. Even if she wasn’t drop-dead gorgeous, Iain loves her. ” Speaking the words aloud made them too real, too devastating. She wasn’t supposed to care who Iain loved, but she couldn’t seem to help but be jealous. But it wasn’t the jealousy that was the worst part. The worst part was the deep ache in the pit of her stomach that didn’t seem to go away. As much as she’d fought their union, she was starting to get used to having him around. He was cold sometimes, but then he also burned hot, making her feel more alive than she’d ever felt before. And deep down, her gut told her that he needed her. As conceited as it was to think that she had anything to offer that Serena couldn’t give him, she still felt…something.
Whatever that something was, she couldn’t even explain it to herself, much less anyone else. She had to find a way to let go, and the only way to do that safely was to pick another man so she wouldn’t become demon food again.
“My question to you, Cain, is whether or not you could let me live my life in peace. Iain seems to think that you could. ”
“What, exactly, are you asking me?”
“If I agree to take your luceria, it would be in exchange for your promise to let me live a human life. You can do whatever you want to do, but so could I. I’d get a house, a job…you know, a normal life. ”
“We wouldn’t work together?” he asked as if the concept was too foreign to understand.
“I suppose we could, but whatever we did wouldn’t have anything to do with the war, magic, or demons. ”
“Why? Why would you want such a mundane existence when you have the power to fight true evil?”
“Because I can’t stand waking up every morning wondering whether I’m going to live through the day. Because I can’t deal with the terror of combat. But mostly because I can’t stand seeing the horror those monsters cause. It’ll kill me if I have to face that every day. ”
He nodded slowly, a deep sadness darkening his eyes. “I understand. ”
“Do you? Do you understand that I’ll never get over this—that it isn’t just some phase—or do you understand that I just need some time to come around to your way of thinking? I’m never going to want to be a part of your world. ”
“I understand that you mean exactly what you say. I’m unconvinced, however, that you will always feel this way. When you live as long as we do, it’s hard to not change your mind about things. ”
“I’m not willing to keep fighting with someone about this. My question to you is whether or not you think you could be the kind of man to get the hell out of my way and let me live, even if we were connected by some magical necklace. ”
He was silent for so long, she was beginning to think her search was not yet over. “Okay,” he finally said. “So long as it doesn’t jeopardize your life, I could give you what you want. ”
“That is kinda the point—to keep me from risking my life on a daily basis. ”
“Fine, then. ”
A wave of relief settled over her, but she knew it was too soon to celebrate just yet. “There’s one more thing. ”
“What?”
“Not now, but soon, I think I’m going to want a baby. It doesn’t have to be yours, if that freaks you out, but I need to make sure that doesn’t change anything for you. We’re not going to be a real couple or anything, but a kid is a pretty big deal, so I thought you should know. ”
A look of intense longing crossed his rough face, and she was sure he swayed on his feet a little. “It does change things. Immensely. ”
Damn it. She’d been so close. She let out a heavy sigh. “Thanks anyway. ”
As soon as she turned to walk away, he grabbed her arm. “You misunderstand me. ”
She turned back around and looked at him, waiting for him to explain. “How?”
“For you, I’d give up my dreams of being mated to a woman willing to fight the cause to which I’ve dedicated my entire life. For a child…I’d give up much, much more. ”
“Oh. ” She hadn’t expected that, but it worked for her. “Okay, then. It’s settled. As soon as Iain’s luceria falls off, I’ll call you. I don’t want another session of grabby hands from all of the other men, so I’d appreciate it if you’d keep this to yourself. ”
He nodded, his throat moving as if he was unable to speak.
She hated it that she wasn’t as thrilled with this idea as Cain was, but at least being abandoned by Iain made one person happy.
Jackie scolded herself for being so dramatic. Iain wasn’t abandoning her. Besides, only a couple of days ago she’d been hoping he’d free her. She was getting exactly what she wanted—or at least as close to it as her magical parentage would allow. She was supposed to be happy about this. The normal life she wanted so badly—the one she’d dreamed about for two long, terrified years—was just around the corner.
If it was what she wanted so much, then why the hell did she feel like crying?
Jackie’s phone rang, and Joseph’s name showed on the screen. She looked up at Cain. “I’ll call you soon. ”
“I won’t leave the compound until I hear from you. ”
She walked away, answering the call.
“Where are you?” asked Joseph.
“We need to talk. ”
“That doesn’t sound good. ”
“It’s not. You need to brace yourself, Jackie. It’s about as bad as it gets. ”
Jackie hung up and ran through the halls to his office. Her mind filled with images of her sisters dead or injured. In those brief few seconds, she saw Helen’s body charred beyond recognition and Lexi bleeding into the ground. She didn’t bother to knock on his door, but flew inside.
Helen was there. Her face was grim, but she was alive and whole.
The momentary flicker of relief she felt was short-lived. “Is it Lexi? Is she hurt?”
“No,” said Helen, taking Jackie by the shoulders. “Lexi’s fine. I talked to her last night. ”
“Then what? What’s this awful news?”
“It’s Iain,” said Joseph.
Jackie’s stomach sank, and she reached for the necklace to reassure herself it was still there, while simultaneously reaching out with her mind. Iain was there, greeting her with reassurance and comfort. “What about him? I know he’s alive. I can feel him. ”
“This is so hard to say,” said Helen. “You need to sit down. ”
“He’s okay,” insisted Jackie. “I told you I can feel him. ” If she hadn’t been able to, she would have totally freaked out, but he was still there, in her thoughts, whispering to her that everything was going to be okay.
“His soul is dead,” said Joseph, his tone cold. “I’m taking him to the Slayers tomorrow to be executed. ”
The world spun out from under her, and if Helen hadn’t caught her, she would have fallen.
Drake was there, too, easing her down into a chair. “Way to be gentle, Joseph. ”
“There’s no easy way to tell her what’s going to happen, so get off my fucking back, Drake. ” Joseph looked at Jackie, then lowered his voice. “I’m so sorry, Jackie. If I’d known this had happened, I wouldn’t have let you get so close to him. It’s a wonder he didn’t hurt you. ”
She looked around the room. Everyone was so sober, as if he were already dead. “Of course he didn’t hurt me. What the hell are you talking about? He’d never let anything or anyone even get near me. If he told you that he hurt me, he’s lying. I’ll testify under oath, or whatever it is you people do. ”
Joseph’s face was stony. “There’s nothing you can say to change what’s going to happen. ”
“Like hell there isn’t. I won’t let you convict an innocent man to die. ”
“You don’t understand, Jackie,” said Joseph. “There is no trial. His soul is dead. He’ll be put to death tomorrow. ”
“What has he done to deserve this?”
“Didn’t you hear me? He’s soulless. ”
“So fucking what?” she nearly screamed. “Who did he kill?”
“No one. Yet. ”