Sleeping with Monsters

by Hutchins, Amelia

  He’d ruined me, as he said he would. I’d fallen for him somewhere between meeting him and him erasing me. I’d fallen a little in love with the monster who had said from the very beginning that he’d destroy me. And the worse part of it was that I’d let him. I’d wanted him to, and something inside my soul still wanted him.

  I stepped away from the mirror and glanced at Luna, who watched me with a bored look as she cleaned her paws. I grabbed my jacket and the journals from my dresser and headed out of my room, only to find Kendra standing across from my door, leaning against the stone wall as she glared at me.

  “Kendra,” I whispered, narrowing my eyes when she didn’t respond right away. “Kendra?” I repeated, louder.

  “Hmm?” she said absently, moving away from the wall as her eyes gained focus. “It is a beautiful day outside,” she mumbled before she turned away from me and headed down the winding hallway.

  Shaking my head, I made my way through the corridors of the abbey to the library, placing the books I’d brought back on the return table before moving to the older section. My fingers slid over the bindings for each book, hesitating on one where the leather was older, more distressed than its neighbors. I pulled it from the shelf and stared at the ancient scrawling.

  I moved to one of the benches and opened the pages, knowing it held dark magic within its ancient bindings and there would be more consequences for using any of the teachings in this book. I knew the older witches in our coven were investigating the usefulness and effects of harnessing dark magic, and every day more questions arose of what would become of us.

  The news had begun reporting fewer deaths in the mainstream media, and yet we knew without the reports that hundreds had been killed, and in their place were demons.

  Murders were up, husbands slaughtering their families and disappearing into the night without a trace. Some reports included entire families going missing, and yet they’d left not a single trace of where they’d disappeared to.

  For those of us who knew that Hell was wide open, it wasn’t surprising. Human hosts only lasted a little while before they began rotting, so the need to find a new one would continue unless the demon found a body that could last longer. That meant we were becoming their main targets.

  Messages were coming in from other covens via magical routes, such as scrying, or ink appearing upon pages next to one of us here at the abbey. Witches were now being targeted because of the ability to permanently house a demon.

  We’d sent out instructions for tattooed spells to protect them, but some refused to cast the simple ward on their body. Maybe they didn’t believe us, or maybe they knew there was little hope living through Hell on earth.

  Heels clicked across the library floor and I lifted my gaze from the ancient tome as my grandmother approached. She looked exhausted, but not many of us were getting sleep with everything we knew was happening outside the walls of our sanctuary. Hiding didn’t mean obliviousness to the deaths or chaos that reigned outside our doors. It did, however, mean we couldn’t help them, either. Shit, we couldn’t even help ourselves right now.

  “Magdalena,” she murmured softly as she sat on the bench beside me. “You said Alden trained you and a few others in magic that our coven traditionally doesn’t teach, correct?” She peered around us as if she was afraid we’d be overheard.

  “He did,” I said quietly. He wasn’t on our side, but what he’d taught us wasn’t child’s play, either. He’d taught me how to contain my power, to tap the leyline without being detected by others. He’d trained us to defend ourselves, as well as fight, which I was thankful for, even if he was now the enemy.

  “Do you think you could get inside your mother’s shop and retrieve some of the items on this list?” She handed me a neatly folded sheet of paper. “It’s imperative we be well supplied if we intend to hold up here for much longer.”

  “You want me to go out there?” I clarified carefully.

  “I don’t want you to, but we have little to no herbs for spells and you know where they are inside the shop. I will send others with you, but to survive, we must be prepared to face the demons should they discover how to penetrate the wards. Not to mention, Lucifer himself may try to get inside to get to your sister now that she carries his child.”

  “You think he cares that she’s pregnant with is child? He wanted minions to do his bidding here. Now he no longer needs them. He’s here already, and I doubt he cares much that he will be a father.”

  “We can’t know what he will do, and the fact that he is here means we must be prepared no matter what, no matter the cost.”

  “And yet you still fight against witches turning dark to protect us?” I wondered if her mindset about the dark witches was changing. This was as good of a time as any to test her resolve.

  “I am considering it, but there’s a price for my agreeing to allow such a thing. It’s a price I’m not sure I can live with or make. We will talk more on the subject when you return. Right now we have to get supplies, or nothing will matter once they breach our defenses.”

  “I’ll go,” I answered calmly, somehow managing to hide the fear pulsing through me. Outside was dangerous; demons were filing out of Hell and into our world with every passing moment. The stories of old told of armies of them coming out to slaughter the living, and that’s exactly what was happening.

  “I knew you would, but not alone. Take some of the others who trained with you. There’s safety in numbers. To cut down on time, you should split up into groups once you reach town. It should cut down the time needed there, and if something should happen to one of you, Goddess forbid, we won’t lose you all or all of the supplies. I’ll give you a few more lists of what we need that you can give the groups. The others, while important, can fail; yours, however, cannot. They are needed the most, you understand me?”

  “Understood,” I mumbled as I grabbed the book and pushed away from the table. “We knew it was needed when we started training with Alden, just not that it would be imperative or vital to our continued existence. At least not at the time, anyway. I also knew you wouldn’t approve of it. I’m sorry for not telling you straight away,” I admitted softly, guilt tinging my cheeks.

  “Your mother knew what was happening,” she scoffed with a gentle wave of her hand. “She isn’t as blind as you think she is. In fact, she knew who Alden was but had yet to figure out why he was here. How do you think you got so smart? It’s in the blood,” she smirked with a mischievous twinkle in her eye. “But, much like you, she had little control over what her heart did after she met him.”

  “I don’t love him,” I interrupted icily, holding on to the book tightly. “He erased me, Grandma. The rest of you had your memories changed to alter events. For me, he erased my memories of people, of events, and the past few years of my life. He took what made me, me, and stole it from me. I don’t remember much about Joshua anymore, and that is something that aches deeper than any other wound.”

  “I gave you back certain memories, but some are harder to grasp because you are not ready to. You blame Lucian for his meddling, but I can see his reasoning. You wouldn’t have stopped fighting to save Kendra. You’d have died trying to save her, and for that, I am grateful for what he did. He couldn’t stop what happened to us, nor am I convinced that he could have saved Kendra from what Lucifer did to her. But he did save you. He reset us, and because of that, we lived. Had we run as the rules dictate we do, we’d be clueless of the evil that has entered this world.”

  “How can you say that? He took our memories. He took everything from me! Everything bad that happened, he erased it! Everything that made me into who I am is gone! I feel empty, devoid of emotion, and I’m terrified that I can’t get those memories or feelings back.”

  “They will.” She patted my shoulder. “You’re angry, but not because of what he did, because of how he did it. You’re hurt a
nd you have every right to be, but there are bigger matters to worry about now. Right now, the humans are being slaughtered and they are oblivious to what is happening. There’s no Guild to protect them, or us. Lucian may not be a witch, but he is something strong, and right now, we can use all the help we can get.”

  “We don’t need him,” I grumbled. “We don’t even know whose side he is on in this fight.”

  “He protected you from Lucifer with ancient magic, granddaughter mine,” she insisted fiercely as she gave me a reassuring pat. “Not many know magic as old as what has been used to protect you from that monster. It’s older than any of our tomes date back to, and they go back to our first generation of witches. If he is enemies with Lucifer, then Lucian Blackstone is one we have to have on our side, no matter the cost.”

  “And if the cost is me?” I asked, wondering what her answer would be.

  “Then you will pay it for the sake of the coven. At least until we find something else he wants more.”

  Chapter 20

  We moved to the doors, ignoring the people who watched us with a foreboding look. As if it would be the last time they saw us alive. We had very few weapons, and even less protective gear on. To say we were ill-prepared to face demons would be the understatement of the century. My jacket was black, as well as the jeans I wore. I had borrowed boots from Kat, who had a large uncanny quantity of shit-kickers. Luckily, we wore the same size shoes.

  My pack was tightly secured, and the list of herbs was tucked away in my pocket. The more we waited for the doors to open, the more nervous I got at the idea of facing demons. The marks on my body singed with pain as I moved closer to the door, as if warning me to stay in the safety of the abbey.

  “You ready for this?” Dexter asked as I approached, staring him down with little confidence. He was dressed in black as well as the others, with a larger pack held over his chest that hung empty on his back.

  Would I fail him if we were faced with demons? I’d taken down a demon, but it hadn’t been easy. I couldn’t save them all, not if we faced a horde of demons. One, yes, I stood a fighting chance against, but that wasn’t what waited outside those doors. What if last time had been a fluke, and I couldn’t really stand on my own against them? It was the unknowns that worried me the most. Was Lucifer waiting for me? Did he still want me to use against Lucian, and if he did, if he caught me, would Lucian even care at this point? If he got to me, I feared what he would do. He’d messed Kendra up bad, so bad that she wouldn’t even talk to me. Instead, she hid in the library or in the archived files we had, reading. She was a mere ghost of the vibrant woman she’d once been.

  “None of us are ready for this, but we don’t have a choice,” I uttered as I watched Kendra enter the room, her gaze slowly puzzled over the hunting party and our shabby gear. She blamed me; she’d even admitted it to a few others. He’d done things to her while screaming my name, and yet she’d protected me still. Now… now, she had pushed me away, and I didn’t blame her one bit. She’d screamed at me when I’d asked her about Hell, saying that it should have been me instead, and yeah, I agreed. Guilt ate at me, tore and twisted my insides when her stare went vacant as if she was reliving some event she’d endured.

  I’d let Lucian into my life. I’d slept with him, and it had cost Kendra in the end, which was on me. Our connection had been severed; somehow in her leaving this plane for Hell, it had been cut or she refused to use it. It mattered little now, since she barely spoke more than a few words to me in passing if I was lucky, and those words held no meaning. It was almost as if she didn’t even know me, as if I was nothing more than a stranger.

  “I will open the door and once you are outside, it will be sealed again. Once you return and are inside the runes that surround the abbey, we will open them for you to come back inside. That won’t change unless your plan changes. Understand me; they will lock you out if it is too dangerous to open them. If that happens, go to our house and activate the wards in the basement,” my mother said, visibly struggling against anxiety as she stared at me. “If you can’t get the supplies we need safely, leave them and come back. They’re not worth your life,” she whispered as she hugged me tightly. “We will find another way to get them, do you understand?”

  “Failure isn’t an option. We will succeed and we will come back safely, I promise,” I replied, pulling away from her. “Talk to Kendra, see if she will open up to you about what happened.”

  “You’ve tried and she refuses to say more on it,” she returned softly, staring into my gaze.

  “She blames me, and she should. You didn’t hurt her as I have—try, Mother. She grows more distant with every day that passes.”

  “It’s only been a week and a half, she needs time to heal,” she retorted. “The things she must have endured…”

  I winced and nodded, unable to answer because I knew what she’d endured. I’d been there, watching her on stage as she’d taken multiple creatures inside her body. They’d beaten her, used her and raped her until she had become compliant. That much I was sure of. I’d taken Lucifer inside of me, thinking he was Lucian while she’d been mere feet away from me, enduring what should have been meant for me. Kendra was gentle; she was soft and unable to endure such things as she had. I was dark, twisted, and would have been able to sustain it.

  The door opened and I slipped through it without another word. It was dark and cold outside the abbey, a sign that winter was closing in on us. No stars sparkled high above us in the onyx sky. Only dark clouds loomed above, obscuring their welcomed light. I stood inside the runes, searching the tree lines for any sign of danger. Shadows played across the darkness and I swallowed the doubt and fear as I stepped over the runes, knowing my mother watched me.

  The others waited, as if Lucifer himself would jump out of the bushes and consume my soul. I spun around, eying them before I withdrew my old athame and started in the direction of the woods. The old trails through the trees were the best route, since we’d be covered by thick brush and no one would expect us to come through them to reach the town. Assuming demons had coherent thoughts beside bloodlust and body jumping, which we were no wiser about.

  “This should be fun,” Dexter said as he stumbled over a fallen tree and righted himself. “They’re insane, sending us out.”

  “They’re not insane,” I grumbled as my foot caught a root and I paused to kick it free. “They’re desperate to survive, and we are trained.”

  “By someone who may or may not be on our side,” Kat scoffed from the other side of me. I turned, looking at her. I understood their fears; I had my own.

  “He trained us to be like those he taught inside the Guild. I’ve seen one of them in action and she’s pretty badass. There are a lot of things we are questioning right now, but fighting and what he taught us to defend ourselves doesn’t belong on that list. He taught us to fight, so use it. You have magic; you were born with magic and it runs through our veins. We can do this, I know we can. I have faith in you, all of you, so stop second-guessing yourselves. They sent us because we are their best hope right now. We’re out here for the coven, to keep us all alive.”

  “We’re scared,” Kat said softly as she wiped at her eyes.

  “We’re all scared, but we are stronger than they are,” I replied loud enough to be heard by those who watched us and listened. “They are not used to our world, and they have no idea what we are capable of. They are unknown to us, but so are we to them. They may know witches, but they don’t know us.”

  I started forward, ignoring the words of agreement that followed my speech of encouragement. It sounded good, but it was as empty as the woods we stood in. It took us over an hour to trek through the thick terrain, over the dead or dying frost-covered grounds as the night took hold of the land and winter’s icy grip tightened its hold over the Pacific Northwest.

  I stood on the edge of the forest, stari
ng down at the town we’d once called home. Houses were burned to the ground while others stood pristine against the violence that had rocked the sleepy little town. I tilted my head, hearing nothing except the waterfalls that roared in the backdrop of the night.

  “Do you hear that?” I asked, waiting for Kat to speak up, ever endless with chatter. She was silent; tears streaked over her cheeks as she looked at the destruction our town had endured.

  “Nothing, there’s nothing,” she whispered, choked up with emotion.

  “No demons, either,” Dexter announced. “It looks abandoned,” he pointed out.

  “Looks that way, but we should assume it’s festering with them. They will look human, so anyone you come across you must assume is now a demon. There’s a Hell Gate in the middle of town… If anyone did survive the first onslaught, I am sure they are gone now. I don’t imagine they hung around to become fodder to the fires of Hell. I’m unsure where it is, but should something look unfamiliar, stay away from it.”

  “You were born to lead,” Kat pointed out as we marched towards the shops on the outskirts of town. “You’re good at it.”

  “Yeah, if you consider the blind leading the blinder into battle something to be born into,” I muttered. Once we were within running distance of the shops, we paused, hugging the buildings. “Okay, get in and get out as fast as you can. Once you’ve finished, head for the woods. We will regroup there.”

  “And if we find a demon?” Dexter asked.

  “Kill it,” I replied carefully. “They’re not alive, neither is the body they have possessed. From what we know, once they enter it, they either feed on the soul until it’s consumed, or they extinguish it. Do not hesitate; hesitating will get you killed.” I pulled up my hood and nodded to them before I slipped from the protection of the building and headed in the direction of our store.