Pretense

by Lori Wick

  "Would you like some help getting rid of those?" Mackenzie asked gently, trying not to hate the man who owned them.

  "I'll get a garbage sack," Delancey said quickly and rushed from the room.

  Mackenzie stood very still.How are we going to make it, Father God? The pain is so great. Why must we hurt so much before we learn? Will it ever be easier? Will we ever be wiser?

  Delancey didn't go back into the room but passed the bags to Mackenzie, went to the sofa, and picked up her Bible. Half an hour later when Mackenzie put her shoes on, gathered the rental car keys, and picked up the bags, Delancey didn't ask where she was going. She told her she would watch for her, and in an effort to survive the pain, kept studying the passage in the fourth chapter of John.

  It was hard to believe it was over. Delancey had followed Mackenzie's rental car to the airport so she could see her off. Mackenzie told her she didn't have to, because she might run into Chet, but Delancey said that she would have to face the possibility.

  They had done nothing but talk about Scripture, how to deal with sin and temptation, and what God expected of His children, for two solid weeks. They attended services on both Sundays and minichurch on Wednesday night, along with Paula's Bible study on Tuesday morning. Pastor Carlisle had even fielded some calls when Delancey had asked questions that Mackenzie couldn't answer.

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  "Tell me something, D.J., would you ever consider moving to Tahoe?"

  The other airport patrons were forgotten as Delancey looked at her sibling.

  "Or, I could move here," Mackenzie suggested. "I could sell my house or rent it and move here to be near you."

  "You would do that? Sell your house to move here?"

  "I want to be near my sister," she said softly. "It's been way too long. I know you need the church body here, and I think you're going to get very close to them, so, yes, I would move. But if you ever hanker for California, I would be the happiest woman on earth."

  Delancey thought her big sister, Mackenzie Rose Bishop, was the most wonderful person she had ever known. Micki was not a Chicago-type person, but she was willing to leave California to be near her.

  And why would I stay here? I came for school and remained for Chet, but California is home.

  "I'm sorry, Delancey," Mackenzie broke into her thoughts. "You have so many changes and hurts to work through right now. It was insensitive to ask you."

  "No, Mic, it wasn't. I've just never thought of it, that's all."

  "Are you trying to say you'll think about it?"

  "Yes."

  Big sister or not, Mackenzie leaned over and put her head on Delancey's shoulder. The younger woman was taller, so she fit nicely. Delancey leaned her head against Mackenzie, and they just sat together until Mackenzie's row number was called.

  "I love you, Micki," Delancey said with tears in her eyes.

  Mackenzie couldn't speak at all. They held onto each other as long as they dared.

  "I'll pray for you, Mackenzie," Delancey said at last.

  In sheer delight, Mackenzie laughed through her tears. "And I will for you."

  "Oh, Mic, it's so sweet to be able to say that. Please think of me often. I can tell I'm going to be weak in one particular area."

  "Keep in touch with the Carlisles. They'll help you to think clearly. Be in the Word every day."

  "Call me," Delancey said as she watched her move away.

  "I will."

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  Delancey moved to the window, much as she had done before when Chet approached her. It was daylight outside, and that helped dispel the images, but she well remembered the quiet drink they'd had that night.

  Ithought he was married. Do You remember that, Father? There was something about him that made me doubt even then, but I ignored it and thought about no one else from that time forward. Help me get through this, Lord. Help me to think clearly and to believe that You can heal me and ease the pain.

  The plane finally backed up and moved on its way. The sisters had spent a few hours with Carlisles the day before, and Paula had made a point of telling Delancey that if she needed to come over after Mackenzie left, she was welcome. With the invitation still fresh in her memory and before she could change her mind, she drove from the airport straight for their house, thanking God all the way that she hadn't seen Chet.

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  Thirty-Nine

  Zephyr Cove

  The calendar read March 24, 1992, when Mackenzie faxed a page to her sister and stood by the phonein anticipation. The ring didn't take long, and feeling

  rather smug, Mackenzie picked up the receiver and said, "Hello, Delancey."

  "Have you actually been in this house?" Delancey demanded.

  "As a matter of fact, I have."

  "Oh, Mic! Tell me about it."

  Mackenzie laughed. She hadn't been looking for a place for her sister. They'd talked about her making a move, but nothing was definite. Then on the way home from church the past Sunday, she spotted a house, one she had seen many times, except now it had a Realtor's sign out front. The house nearly waved its chimney and shouted Delancey's name. She met with the woman who had the listing and had been able to look at it just that morning.

  "Mackenzie," Delancey said again, "start talking."

  "It's wonderful, Delancey. The only reason the owners are selling is because the husband has been transferred out of state. They built it themselves only two years ago. The walls are white pine and still smell fresh. They don't smoke or have pets. The main room has everything-living room, dining area, and L-shaped kitchen. There's a loft."

  "Oh, Mic!"

  "The stairs to it are open and go right off the living room. The mud room that you use to get in the door off the kitchen is

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  very spacious. On the opposite side of the house is a four-season porch. It's gorgeous! And then across the front of the house is an open deck."

  "How many bedrooms?"

  "Two with a bath in the middle. They're not huge but very homey."

  "Oh, Mackenzie, it sounds wonderful."

  "If I thought you would forgive me, I'd have bought it on the spot."

  "It says here 'priced to sell,' but this number is pretty steep."

  "Not for this house, Deej. It's just wonderful. The woman from the real estate office says they're in a hurry, so I thought I could buy it. That way we would avoid going through the banks, and you can pay me back."

  "I have the money."

  "You do?"

  "Yeah. I've never touched the money from Dad's insurance."

  "I've never spent mine either. I don't know about you, D.J., but I think Dad would be delighted to buy you a house in Christmas Valley."

  "I'm going to be crying if you keep that up."

  "That's all right, isn't it?"

  "It would be if I hadn't been so weepy lately."

  "What's going on?"

  "Just so many wonderful things. I'm still thinking about our Colorado ski trip last month. I had such a good time with you, Mic. Then that award when I got back, you know, fromJust for Kids.Then there's Paula and Woody. They've taught me so much, and I know they love me, but just last week they asked if I should move to be closer to you. I've never even discussed our conversation with them. Then this weekend I find out that my landlady's brother wants my place, so she's asked me if I can be out by the first of June. And now you send this. Oh, Mic, God is so good."

  Mackenzie could have shouted. Her sister was coming! It was too wonderful to be real.

  They were in almost constant touch for the next few days as more contacts were made about the house. Mackenzie asked more questions and saw the house again, this time taking Adam with her. He checked things she had not thought of and asked that the cost to have the fireplace and furnace inspected be

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  shared by both parties. He even negotiated the price down for her, and after the offer to purchase was accepted, closing was scheduled for May 1.

  Mackenzie walked o
n a cloud for days. She spent many hours at the Cummings' house, as well as seeing Roz every Monday, and knew that if God asked her to stay in Tahoe and serve Him for the rest of her life, she would count herself blessed beyond measure.

  She had even started writing again, but not for IronHorse. In the weeks that followed her departure from Chicago, Delancey had done two more search books for Micah Bear. Mackenzie had taken a month and put words to the illustrations, but shortly after that, she had an idea that she thought might work for a Christian novel,The Parchment Soldier.She didn't know exactly what was out there in that market. She just knew that the character in her mind was a little like herself, running hard, but learning in the end that eternal things were the most important.

  Did Christians read such things?she asked the Lord only, because she wasn't ready to talk to anyone else about it, at least not until one Saturday in the middle of April. She had been writing but stopped so she could drive over to talk with Adam Cummings. He wasn't visible when she got to the redwood- sided house, but Josh was out front, shooting baskets by himself in the driveway. Mackenzie, still not sure she was ready to discuss it, was glad for the distraction. She stole the ball from him and did a nice layup.

  "What's it going to be? Horse or pig?" he asked.

  "You're too easy to beat at pig. Let's go horse."

  "If I recall, I beat you last time," Josh said indulgently. "But then at your advanced age, the memory goes."

  "That does it, Joshy boy. No mercy."

  The teen only grinned at her and made his first shot. No one missed for a while, but then Mackenzie did what she always did to Josh-moved into three-point land and swished it. He didn't allow himself to groan, but it took effort. He had his first letter a few seconds later. Mackenzie didn't want the game to end too swiftly, and by the end she did haveand , but a few more nicely timed three-point shots, and she had complete control.

  "How do you do that?" Josh asked in dismay.

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  Mackenzie shrugged and laughed. "I don't know. Delancey hates it too. Of course, she can jam like you can, so when we go one on one, I'm at her mercy."

  "I'll have to keep that in mind."

  "I'm going in the house now, Joshy. Is your dad in?"

  "Yeah, he's replacing the garbage disposal. Rina got it in her head to shove a whole head of cabbage down there and added her bracelet to boot."

  Mackenzie knew Josh's penchant for teasing, so she took his words with a grain of salt. However, she did find Adam just rising from the kitchen floor. Roz called a hello from the bedroom where she was ironing.

  "Hey, Micki girl," Adam greeted her. "You're just the lady I want to talk with."

  "About what?"

  "A little something I've been thinking about. Let me wash up, and we'll sit in the living room."

  Mackenzie couldn't imagine what he was talking about, but she did as she was told. It took a little longer than she expected, and by the time he came back, her mind was working on her story again.

  "I've been thinking," Adam began, "but before I explain, I want you to understand that I'm just making a suggestion, not telling you what to do. All right?"

  "Sure."

  "Are you aware that Meyers has a planted church in Kingsbury?"

  "I think I've heard that. I mean I've heard of the Kingsbury church and seen their sign, but I guess I've never made the connection to our church."

  "The Kingsbury Bible Church was planted by our church about five years ago. We were getting quite big, and some of our people were coming from very far away, so two of our pastors went there. They now have a strong leadership group and their Sunday attendance is only about 75 people fewer than our own. Just like us, their emphasis is on male leadership, accountability, blamelessness, evangelism, and discipleship."

  "Okay."

  "I'm telling you all of this because I think you should start attending there."

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  Mackenzie blinked at him and was surprised by how instantly angry she felt inside. Even after attending church with Delancey, it had taken until the middle of January for Mackenzie to start attending all the services at Meyers. Now that she was settling in and getting to know people more each week, he wanted her to leave!

  Adam had come to know Mackenzie very well in the past eight months and knew the expression she used to cover her feelings. She was either angry or shocked, or quite possibly both. Roz joined them just before Adam began to speak again.

  "What are you thinking?"

  "I'm trying to think what your reason could be."

  "I'm sorry, Mic. I should have explained. You could have neighbors that are believers. You might be shopping at the grocery store with people who attend Kingsbury. The close proximity from your house just makes it something I think you should consider. The fellowship could be very special."

  Mackenzie no longer hid her feelings. She turned angry eyes to Roz.

  "Did you know he was going to say this?"

  "He told me, yes."

  "And what do you think?"

  "I think we'll still see you almost as much as we do now, but you'll have a chance to fellowship closer to home."

  "I have to go." Mackenzie stood, completely bent out of shape.

  "So there are areas of Mackenzie's life that we have to tiptoe around," Adam said quietly, and Mackenzie stopped but didn't look at him. She could see his face in her mind. He wouldn't be angry-just looking at her with those dark, thick- lashed, direct eyes.

  "I never said you had to do this," Adam reminded her, his voice as kind as his expression. "I just wanted you to think about it."

  "Delancey's coming, Adam," Mackenzie turned to remind him. "What about that?"

  "Delancey's house is one mile from ours and two miles from the church. You're a 40-minute drive in good weather. As I said, I just want you to consider it."

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  Mackenzie returned to her seat, apologizing for her outburst and trying to strip the feelings away so she could think well. She felt so let down and rejected that it hurt. Roz had begun to say something, and Mackenzie made herself attend.

  "The pastors at Kingsbury are wonderful, Micki. The churches used to get together for functions, but we're both too big for that now. We can't find a hall to hold us. I know dozens of people at Kingsbury, and you ought to know Adam and me well enough by now to see that we would never suggest something that would hurt you."

  Mackenzie felt ashamed, and her face showed that.

  "I need to repeat, Micki, that you don't have to go anywhere," Adam reemphasized. "Just keep it in mind. Be open to what the Lord might have for you."

  "All right. I'll do that." And she planned on it, not knowing how hard it would be.

  "Why did you come by, Micki?" Roz suddenly wanted to know, but Mackenzie no longer wanted to talk aboutThe Parchment Soldier.

  "I mostly needed to get out of the house," she said, telling a half-truth and then mentally wondering whether there was any such thing as a half-lie. Wasn't any lie a complete lie?

  "Can you stay for dinner?"

  "No," Mackenzie declined. She was no longer irritated, but she didn't want to think about Adam's suggestion either. She cut her stay short and argued with the Lord the whole way home.

  Do You know how many years it's been since Delancey and I have lived in the same area? I can't believe You would ask this of me. She's the reason I started attending on Sundays, hoping that she would come someday and knowing I would need to be a good example. Some weeks I want to bawl my eyes out, but I still go, and now Adam wants me in a different church. I want to run and hide at the thought of trying to make new friends. Don't they understand how hard that is for me? I don't exactly have friends breaking down my front door, You know. I just can't do it, and that's all there is to it!In Mackenzie's mind, the matter was settled. She put the subject conveniently into a far corner in her mind and left it there.

  Delancey came at the end of May, and all thoughts of changing churches faded from view. Mackenzie was livi
ng her dream.

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  Her sister's house was 40 minutes away, and they saw each other weekly. It had been so long since they were this close, and their relationships with the Lord only enhanced the bond they had always shared. They spoke of spiritual matters often, and neither sister could think of anything else they needed. It seemed to them that God had blessed them for life.

  The cool October air pulled at Delancey's lungs as she ran. Her lungs were starting to ache, but her mind was so intent on Chet that it took awhile to notice. Almost a year ago she had stood in the airport in Chicago and watched him with his wife. It still hurt to think of that scene. Before leaving Chicago, however, and on the advice of Woody, she'd written him a long letter, telling of her own conversion and how she hoped he would someday see his need for Christ and would make things right with his wife. When she left, she did so without giving the post office her forwarding address. The Carlisles had suggested this and also that she route her mail through them. If Chet did come looking for her, he would have to face Pastor Woody Carlisle. Delancey hoped he would, only because she knew what a help Woody and Paula could be.

  Wrongly as he had treated her, having Chet leave her life was like experiencing the death of a loved one, and at times she still grieved. But not in a hundred years did she believe she would be doing so well a year after that fact. She didn't think she would ever love again, not because she still pined for Chet, but because she didn't honestly believe that there would be a man out there who would understand. It would seem that God would want her to be alone and enjoy only Him. When she ached for things that she could not have-a man's touch and someone to hold-she applied the truth of the Scripture and did her best to deal with it when it came.

  Her lungs finally got her attention, and she slowed to a walk. Five minutes later she caught sight of her house. Seeing its neat frame and perfect setting always made her smile. She jogged up the steps of her front porch and opened the door to the ringing of the phone. She dashed to get it.

  "Hello."

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  "Hello, Delancey? This is Rachel Brinker. Am I getting you at a bad time?"

  "No, this is fine." She worked to catch her breath. "How are you, Mrs. Brinker?"