How could Walter go off and leave them alone in that mine? They were curious young boys, and they couldn't be trusted in such an unsafe environment.
"What did you learn from disobeying your father?"
The boy sighed. "If I stayed where he told me, we would have gone to dinner and been home in bed hours ago. Now he's mad and tomorrow we'll be punished."
"More than anything, your father was upset. Your father feared you were dead," she said softly. "His sons are so important to him, and he loves you very much. It would devastate him if he lost his boys."
When Walter came up from the mine after locating the boys, his face had been filled with fear, terror-stricken. And she knew he thought of Natalie and losing her.
Timothy sighed. "Will you tell him I'm sorry and I understand why he is going to whoop us tomorrow."
"I'll tell him. Now try to go to sleep. You've had a rough day," she said, pulling the covers up.
He gazed at her. "I'm glad you married Papa and became our mother."
Her heart overflowed with love and she hugged him. "Me too. Goodnight, Timothy."
Ever the practical child who led his brother into trouble most of the time, she liked the way he accepted responsibility for not minding their father and his punishment. But she doubted their father would punish them. This experience taught them so much about the importance of obeying.
As she went down the stairs, she saw her husband drinking whiskey, gazing out the window.
"Timothy said to tell you he's sorry, and he accepts his punishment."
Walter whirled around to her, his face twisted in anger. "This is all your fault."
Stunned, she took a step back. "My fault? Why is that?"
"You insisted I spend time with the boys. If they hadn't been with me today, this would not have happened."
Why could their lives never seem to find an even keel? The twins called her momma and mother tonight and yet her husband appeared angry with her. No matter what, if someone wasn't mad at something she'd done, then she was in the wrong home.
"Excuse me. Did you walk away and leave them alone? They're five-year-olds, and they need to be watched every second. The last I heard, you weren't going to take them down in the mine because they were too young? So how can this be my fault."
His face appeared red and his hand shook. Never had she seen him so furious.
"Your job as their stepmother, their keeper, is to protect them. Not coerce me into spending time and watching over them."
An explosion of anger filled her and once again her husband made her think the only reason he married her was for her to care for his twins. Not because he was interested, or he could possibly fall in love with her. Only his sons.
"I'm not their father. I'm not the parent they so desperately want to be with. They're your boys and need your attention. How can they become men if you don't spend time with them showing them how a man behaves? How can they follow your example if you don't play and show them you love them?"
Fannie took a deep breath and then continued. "In the six weeks we've been married, you devote more time at that mine office working than being with your boys."
Walter glared at her and the doubts washed over her. All the happiness she felt since their night together vanished and like a beaten rag doll, she sagged. How could they continue if he blamed her for not taking care of his children when she had done her best. In some areas, they needed a man.
"You know why I've been spending so much time at the office," he said.
That seemed like a slap in the face.
"So, we're back to that are we. You're avoiding me so I won't force you into making love to me and possibly getting me pregnant," she took a deep breath.
"It's obvious that no matter what I do, I cannot create the loving home I hoped for. Your boys show me more love than you do and yet the other night I was so hopeful that finally we would be happy together. But I'm sure that's my fault as well."
The glare he gave her only made her angrier.
Turning on her heel, she started up the stairs.
"Where are you going?"
She didn't need to answer him, but she wanted him to feel her loneliness.
"To bed, alone, without you, so I can dream of the man I played cards with. The man I laughed and drank with. The man I thought I married. Not the asshole I see standing in front of me," she said.
"Fannie," he called.
"Goodnight, Walter. Sleep well."
Chapter Thirty-Four
The next day, Fannie went out to the ranch to see her mother. Daisy had gone to lunch with some friends and her father was out working with the horses.
When she walked in the door, her mother glanced up from her needlepoint. "Where are the twins?"
"Mrs. Barton agreed to sit with them. Since getting lost in the mine, they are on their best behavior," she said. "They're afraid their father will remember the spanking he threatened them with."
The boys weren't the problem in their home. Their father was, and she was at her wits’ end as to how to make this union work.
"Poor Walter. As a parent, I can't imagine thinking my sons wandered lost in a mine. But you've done a remarkable job with them."
"Thank you," she said with a sigh. "I never thought they would be the easy part of my marriage."
A worried look crossed her mother's face. "What do you mean?"
For the next ten minutes, she told her mother everything. All about how her husband refused to sleep with her and now he blamed her for what happened to the boys. The only thing she left out was their first time was in a whorehouse. That would have sent her mother to the grave.
"That's ridiculous," she said, laying down her needlepoint. "Your father spent every evening with you girls. Children grow up so fast and soon they'll be young men. Now is the time for him to become close with them and help them learn to make the right decisions. Just like you're doing."
A tear escaped down Fannie's face. "The worst thing is he doesn't want more babies. His way of keeping that from happening is to avoid me. You and Papa always appeared so loving in front of us girls. My husband avoids my touch."
Glancing around her home, she longed to return and be the girl who snuck out the window and rode her horse in the night and played cards in the gambling hall. Somehow she'd lost her need for fun and let her situation suck the pleasure right out of her.
Her mother stood and walked over and hugged her. "I'm so sorry, Fannie."
"Every time I think we're going to grow close, he pulls away from me," she said. "Until last week, the marriage could’ve been annulled, but now, we finally had sex, and once again he's pulled away. We sleep in separate rooms. What he wants from me, he could get from a nanny."
She watched as her mother tensed and sat in her chair. "Oh, Fannie, I've done you a terrible disservice. Instead of the perfect husband, I hurt my own daughter."
"What do you mean?" Fannie said, a tingling sensation spiraling up her spine.
What was her mother hiding from her? What did she know about Walter that Fannie hadn't learned?
Licking her lips, her mother shook her head. "When he asked to meet me, he offered you a job as a nanny. I told him none of my daughters would ever live or work as a servant in a man's house. If he wanted help with his boys, he would need to marry you."
Stunned, she stared at her mother, shock filling all the empty holes in her soul. "So he didn't want me for his wife. He only wanted a servant to watch his kids."
Everything she feared about Walter was true.
Wringing her hands, her mother said softly, "I should never have insisted on you marrying him. But when the two of you came out of that gambling hall, I believed you were in love. That he truly wanted you for you."
Fannie sat speechless. Her husband didn't and would never love her. All he wanted her for was a servant. How did she deal with something like that? How could they remain together?
Standing, she turned and glanced at her mother. "You always wante
d the best for your daughters. And I understand, but, Mother, this time you ruined my life. Married to a man who only wants me as a nanny. No wonder he didn't want marital relations with me."
Turning, she walked out the door, her heart shattered, not knowing what to do.
Chapter Thirty-Five
As Fannie rode toward town, her chest ached from the hurt and anger rushing through her like an avalanche. A tear slipped down her cheek at the thought of how she had grown to love Walter.
Yes, he could be a very cold man, but she'd also seen the laughing man who liked to have a good time. Who hadn't known how to relate to his children, who until the mining incident, had been learning to spend time with them.
No, he was not a perfect man, but someone who suffered a tremendous loss, and he wanted to protect her from suffering the way his first wife died. His intentions were often well intended, but poorly executed. Somehow he reminded her of her father.
Now, all the disillusionment from the time they married seemed to swell and overwhelm her. If he wanted a nanny, he should have hired one and not said I do with her.
Entering town, she pulled on the reins slowing her mare, her heart pounding as she rode down Main Street. How could she stay here any longer? No matter what time the next stage left, she would be a passenger heading out of Durango.
Time for Walter to hire a nanny and loose a wife.
Pulling up in front of his mining company, she slid off her horse, tied the reins to the hitching post and marched toward the fight. The poor man had no clue what was about to slam straight into him.
Like a whirlwind, she blew into his building and his secretary tried to stop her. "Mrs. Hersey, he's in a meeting."
With a flick of her wrist, she held up her hand. "Don't care if he's in a meeting with the pope. He's seeing me."
Pushing the door, she entered the office smiling at the man sitting and talking to Walter, whose brows lifted in surprise. "Excuse us. I must speak to my husband, alone."
"Stanton, get our guest some coffee while I talk to my wife," Walter said, his eyes flashing with irritation.
The secretary's face showed curiousness as he closed the door behind the man.
"Fannie, I will not tolerate this kind of interruption."
That's when her anger exploded. "Too bad, it can't wait. Tell me the truth. Did you only marry me because you were looking for a nanny?"
Walter swallowed and sighed as he leaned back in his chair. As she watched his face carefully, the painful realization it was true started an eruption of emotions. He didn't want her but for someone to babysit the twins.
"When I met with your mother, yes, I searched for a nanny. Your mother said no daughter of hers would live under a man's roof without being married to him. So I offered to marry you."
All the hurt and the rage swelled inside Fannie. Leaning over his desk, her face came within inches of his.
"You knew I didn't want to get married. You knew I wanted to join a man for love. And yet somehow when I showed up at the gambling hall that night, there you sat. Did you know my parents would be waiting outside? Did you tell them where I was going?"
"No," he said.
"But you didn't marry me for love?" she said. "Were you so desperate, you married me to watch your sons. To use me as your house manager, your babysitter. No wonder you didn't want sex with me. I'm just the hired help."
"No, it's not like that," he tried to interject, but she wouldn't let him talk.
"You're not interested in a real marriage, you only want me as your servant. Well, guess what? I'm no man's servant, do you understand?"
With a sigh, he gazed at her. "I'll admit, I made some mistakes."
A laugh resounded from her that sounded close to hysterical. "Oh yes. Because I would have been a wonderful wife for you. I fell in love with the kind man I married, but he turned out to be a cold-hearted bastard who only wanted me to care for his boys."
"Fannie, it wasn't like that," he said. "Both of us understood we weren't in love when we said I do."
That was true, but she had such high hopes, and now they were completely dashed.
With disbelief, she stared at him trying to come up with another reason why he wed her. Hate overwhelmed her, causing her blood to rush with pure anguish.
Shaking her head, she leaned back. "Yes, I understood you didn't love me when we said our vows, but I believed what my mother said. That eventually love would come and it did for one of us, just not both. Oh, how I wish this marriage could be annulled. Goodbye, Walter."
Tears began the moment, she stepped out of his office and climbed on her horse. All her dreams of a happy life dashed. Wiping her cheeks, she sighed and tried to pull herself together. After all, she was the wild child. The woman who took chances, who did outrageous things and didn't care what society thought.
She would start her life over. She didn't need a man.
Chapter Thirty-Six
As soon as Walter could get out of the office, he hurried home to try to mend his marriage, knowing he was wrong. After she left, he couldn't concentrate, and he understood this dynamic woman had entered his world and shaken it up for the better.
Somewhere along the way, he fell in love with her outspoken, outrageous, ways. The night they made love, he should have realized it then, but instead he let his foolish selfish pride get in the way once again.
Since the day they married, he'd been afraid. Afraid of letting her too close, because what if he lost her like his first wife? What if he told her he loved her, and then she died? How could he go through losing someone again?
And yet, his very formidable Fannie would not put up with him much longer. That was obvious. How could he be the type of father who raised strong boys if he was afraid to give his love to anyone?
As much as he hated Natalie dying, the time had come for him to move on and love again. Fannie was who he wanted. Who his heart had chosen.
Tonight he needed to apologize for all his craziness and tell her how he loved her with every fiber of his being. That he would hire a damn nanny, because he needed a wife, a lover, someone to stay beside him right up until he took his last breath.
He urged his horse on, wanting to reach his home and spend the evening with Fannie, the woman he loved. A sense of relief overcame him, and from now on, their life would be different. He would make certain she grasped every day how much he cherished her uniqueness and if she wanted to go gambling, he would take her.
When he drove up to the house, he handed his mare off to the stable boy, who didn't meet his glance. Urgency gripped him as he hurried in the door. A woman he didn't recognize stood in front of the twins, scolding them.
"Good evening, who are you?"
"I'm Miss James, your wife hired me to watch the boys," she said. "She said you would need me."
"Where is Fannie?"
Todd started crying. "She's gone."
Their overnight bags were at their side.
"The little rascals were trying to sneak out and follow her."
"Where did she go?"
The woman frowned. "You don't know?"
"No, she didn't tell me she was leaving," he said, and he remembered how she said goodbye. The woman he loved had enough of him and was giving up on their marriage.
Stunned, he sank down into his chair and his sons came running to him. "Fannie told us bye and said she would not be back. Gave us each a hug and said to behave. We want to go live with her. She's our momma."
The woman stood over to the side watching them.
"Papa, we're going to move in with her," Todd said. "Fannie's a great momma."
"Where did she go, Todd?"
"I don't know, but I'm going to find her."
His chest ached at the thought of his sons searching for his wife. "No, you boys stay here. I'll go find her and bring her home.”
The entire time Timothy didn't say a word. Until suddenly he doubled up his fist and hit him. "She left because of you. Why would she come back?"
> The anguish in his son’s eyes felt like his own. "You're right, Timothy. I've not been a loving husband. But I'm going to promise her I'll do better. I'm going to tell her I love her and that I want her here by my side."
"Take her some flowers," Timothy said. "Women like roses."
"I'll buy her an entire garden if she'll come home and let me try again."
"Yes," Todd said. "Maybe some candy too."
When had his boys become so smart? When had Fannie won the hearts of his boys?
With a glance at the woman standing off to the side, he said, "Miss James is going to stay with you while I look for her. Is that all right?"
"Bring her home, Papa," Todd said. "We love her too."
Chapter Thirty-Seven
When Fannie first left town, she was headed to Denver. But when the stage pulled into Central City, she saw the gambling and dance hall and hotel. Three unfilled items were still on her list, so she got off the rolling carriage and went to the dance hall, hoping to do the waltz at least.
Only, here, women danced on a platform while the men cheered. Not something she enjoyed, and the cowboys all stared at her like a prostitute searching for a client.
Oh, no.
So she went into the gambling hall. When the owner, realized she could play, he offered her a job as a dealer. Part of her would rather take a chance, but for now, this seemed like the place in the road where she could decide what she wanted in her life.
For three days, she had been dealing cards. Working until midnight and putting a little cash aside before she continued to Denver.
"Mrs. Hersey," a man said, sitting at her table. "I brought you a cigar."
One of her regulars knew she longed to taste a cigar.
"Thank you, Joe," she said. "Now tell me how I smoke this thing."
"I'm warning you," he said. "The tobacco might make you a little nauseous."
The Debutante's Gamble: Western Historical Romance (Debutante's of Durango Book 5) Page 11