What She Knew

by Barb Han

  Rylan motioned toward the coffee machine on the counter. “You want another cup?”

  “Yes, please.” Amber didn’t want to think about how right it felt to be in this man’s kitchen. There was a lot she didn’t know about Rylan, like what he’d been doing for the past eight years. “What did you do in the military?”

  He rolled massive shoulders. “Not much. I was a diver.”

  She’d known a Navy SEAL once who used that line. It also meant that he wouldn’t tell her much more. She glanced around the room. “You’re still getting settled in?”

  “Yep.” He turned the tables on her when he asked, “What have you been up to for the past eight years?”

  “I’m the one asking questions,” she shot back.

  “Why is that?” He picked up her coffee mug and walked toward the machine.

  “You’re the one who asked for my help, remember?” She wasn’t ready to talk about her past with anyone.

  “Is that how this works?”

  “It is if you want me to stick around,” she said playfully.

  “I do. So, I guess you’re in charge.” He poured a cup and started the second.

  “Be honest. How come you and my brother stopped talking?”

  Rylan froze for a split second but then recovered quickly and went back to work. “People change.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?” Amber didn’t see how two best friends could become so distanced in two seconds flat. She understood people growing apart or moving in different directions in life, but this had been like stepping in front of a bus.

  “It’s not important,” he said, dismissing the conversation. He turned around with two mugs in his hands. “But she is, and that’s my first priority right now.” He motioned toward the baby.

  He set the mugs down.

  Amber bounced the little girl, who cooed. It was satisfying to be able to help with Brooklyn. Maybe Amber wasn’t all thumbs at taking care of little ones after all. She was getting enough experience with her brothers recently, that was for sure.

  “There’s a cold front coming tonight,” Rylan said.

  “That does tend to happen this time of year.” Christmas was a few weeks ago. It had always been Amber’s favorite holiday. Except for the past few years. Since losing her parents, she hadn’t found her footing. Being with her brothers and their families had been the best part about it. Amber couldn’t help but notice the absence of her parents even more this time of year.

  “All I have is what’s in that diaper bag.” He took a sip of coffee. “She’ll freeze in what she’s wearing.”

  “Don’t be dramatic, Rylan. She’ll be fine. You’ll wrap her in extra blankets,” she said.

  “And what if she kicks them off? I’m a whirlwind sleeper. What if she’s the same?” His look of concern was endearing. Her stomach performed another somersault routine. “Let’s worry about getting some lunch first. Then we can think about sleeping arrangements later.”

  Rylan didn’t speak for a few minutes. He looked tired and concerned.

  “However this turns out will be okay, Rylan. You know that, right?” she asked.

  “No, it won’t.”

  RYLAN DIDN’T HAVE the first idea how to be a dad. He was probably going to damage the child beyond repair if she turned out to be his. Part of him was still holding out hope that there’d been some mistake. It wasn’t Brooklyn’s fault. The kid was adorable. He was the problem.

  Besides, a mother would have to be desperate to leave her child with someone she hadn’t seen in a year who’d never met the child. To make matters worse, he didn’t even remember the child’s mother. What kind of jerk did that make him?

  “Tell me what you’re thinking, Rylan.” Amber’s voice—a voice he’d thought about more than he should admit while he was overseas—cut through his heavy thoughts. Telling his best friend that he’d kissed his little sister before shipping off had been a disaster, especially after the mistakes Rylan had made. He didn’t blame Will for not trusting him. Rylan hadn’t deserved his friend’s confidence.

  Even so, Will’s reaction had set Rylan off. Will had blown up. Rylan had gotten offended. He’d been so hotheaded back then. Ready to fight the world and, stupidly, his best friend when his reaction wasn’t what Rylan was hoping for.

  There was more to it than that. Rylan had been pushing boundaries and heading toward dangerous territory. Will had tried to intervene and talk him down from doing stupid things. What had Rylan’s response been to his friend’s concern? He’d told him to get a life and had gone off and messed up royally.

  “I’m thinking that I’m in a whole mess of trouble.” The baby was one thing. Rylan had come back to make amends for his mistakes. Now, his life had just gotten a whole lot more complicated.

  “Well, it’s no use feeling sorry for yourself,” Amber said a bit more emphatically than he liked.

  He couldn’t help but smile. “That’s not what I was doing.”

  “What do you call it then?” There was a hint of mischief in her eyes, and he didn’t want to think it was sexy even though he did.

  He missed talking to Amber. With her, conversation wasn’t work like with most people. She had a quick wit and sharp sense of humor, but it was her intelligence that drew him in. Seeing her again was supposed to stop him from thinking about her. That, like many of his plans of late, had gone to hell in a handbasket the second he put eyes on the woman.

  She was still beautiful. More so now that she had a few curves. She had big eyes, not saucers because that description would be way too plain. And they were the most beautiful shade of brown. Her nutmeg-colored hair fell past her shoulders in that braid. She’d grown it out a little more, and it looked good on her.

  “Where do you think her mother could be?” Amber asked. She must’ve noticed that he’d been staring at her with the way her cheeks flushed.

  “That’s a great question,” he said.

  “A woman would have to be awfully desperate to convince a person to drop off an angel like this at a man’s house sight unseen.” Amber’s brow shot up. “Why’d you really come back to Jacobstown?”

  Rylan shrugged. He wasn’t ready to talk about the real reasons, and there were many. He settled on, “It’s where I’m from.”

  “I figured you’d end up in the city,” she admitted.

  “Fort Worth? Nah.”

  “No, I was thinking someplace farther than Fort Worth. Austin, maybe. San Antonio. I didn’t think you’d come back here,” she said.

  “Austin’s nice. I have work here, though,” he said. What he meant to say was that he had work to do. He had retribution to pay, and would never be able to get on with life as a man if he didn’t right a wrong. He didn’t want to go into the details until he figured out how to go about it.

  There was another reason why he’d come back to Jacobstown. He had nowhere else to go.

  “You came back for a job?” she asked.

  “Something like that,” he said. “Why all the questions? Don’t you think I should be here?”

  “I never said that,” she said quickly. “I’m just surprised. I figured you put this town behind you and didn’t want to look back.”

  “I served in the military. I didn’t sign up to live on Mars.” A big part of him didn’t want to look back at Jacobstown; facing this town again was harder than he expected. But he could never move forward until he made amends for the past. The Willow family deserved that and more.

  “Why not?” she asked with a smirk.

  “Mars doesn’t have a Jacobstown,” he quipped.

  “You always said you couldn’t wait to leave this town, to get out and make your mark on the world.” She took a sip of coffee, which wasn’t an easy feat with a baby in her lap. She managed to balance both without letting Brooklyn grab the cup.

  “I was fifteen
years old the last time I said that. What did I know?” He stood and walked over to the window. The wind had picked up, and he could see the oak tree in his backyard sway.

  “Your head was filled with ideas about what you were going to do when you turned eighteen,” she continued. She fell quiet for a few minutes, bouncing and playing with the baby on her lap. “Did you find what you were looking for out there?”

  Rylan didn’t answer.

  Instead, he took another sip of coffee and contemplated the storm.

  “It’s going to get a lot worse out there. You okay with being here if it really comes down?”

  Amber looked up at him and locked on to his gaze.

  “A storm never stopped me, Rylan.”

  Chapter Five

  “It’s important to get the exact brand of formula or she can get an upset stomach. Think you can find everything on the list all right by yourself?” Amber asked Rylan after giving him a few items to purchase from the store for an overnight with the baby.

  “Yes.” The one word answer gave more of a hint that he was so far out of his element he didn’t know where to begin.

  Amber couldn’t help but smile. Her heart pounded her ribs as she thought about spending the night alone with the former SEAL. She could admit to having had a childhood crush on her older brother’s former best friend. Speaking of which, she still had a lot of questions about what had happened between the two of them. Based on the earlier conversation with Rylan, she wasn’t going to get easy answers.

  “What’s so funny?” He stood at the front door, searching his pockets for his keys.

  “Not a thing.” Amber shouldn’t break what little confidence he seemed to have when it came to the baby. “But when was the last time you went shopping?”

  “Yesterday,” he shot back.

  “Your keys are on the kitchen table, by the way.” She couldn’t help herself from smiling again.

  Frustration came off Rylan in waves. He made eye contact, which did a whole bunch of things to Amber’s stomach. Unwelcome things at that.

  “Thanks.” He stalked into the next room, and she heard his keys jingle a moment later. “You sure you’ll be okay alone with her?”

  “Yes.” The fact that he was worried about the little bean caused Amber’s heart to squeeze. There was something incredibly sexy about a strong and outwardly tough man’s vulnerability when it came to protecting a baby.

  Amber reminded herself that Brooklyn had a mother out there who could walk through that door any second. The woman had obviously tracked Rylan down. She held the cards until the paternity test came back. Again, the thought of Rylan being a dad hit hard.

  “Where’s the list I gave you?” she asked an uncharacteristically frazzled-looking Rylan.

  He glanced around and checked his pockets again. This time, he came up with a crumpled piece of paper.

  “I should come with you,” she said.

  “No child seat in my Jeep. Remember?” For a split second she saw the relief in his eyes. It shouldn’t amuse her.

  “Fine. I’ll take her for a walk instead. She could use some fresh air.” Amber stood.

  “You sure it’s not too cold outside?” His concern was evident in his wrinkled brow.

  “Get out of here, Rylan. We’ll be fine. I’ll wrap her in a blanket if I have to.” She shooed him out the door and followed him onto the porch. “Call if you get stuck on something, you hear? I’ll have my phone with me at all times.”

  He nodded and then hopped off the porch.

  Amber glanced around at the land, land that was as much part of her soul as the ranch her family owned. Texas was everything to her.

  Rylan stopped before climbing inside his Jeep. He looked like he wanted to say something. It took a few seconds as he seemed to be searching for the words. “I owe you one for this big time, Amber.”

  “Go on, Rylan,” she urged. Figuring out a way to keep an emotional distance was difficult when he stood there staring at her. Her stomach decided to flip like a gymnast again, and she took a deep breath in order to calm it down. She needed to collect her thoughts and keep control of her mental game.

  He smiled one of those devastating Rylan smiles before backing out of the drive.

  There was a serious chill in the air. Amber decided on that blanket. She walked inside and moved into the master bedroom, ignoring the sensual shivers racing across her skin at being in Rylan’s personal space.

  “Where’s a blanket that won’t swallow you whole?” she said to the baby.

  Brooklyn smiled up at Amber.

  “You sure are a cutie,” Amber soothed, pleased that the little girl seemed to be happy. Amber was good with her nieces and nephews, but she’d had practice with them. This baby was little, and she couldn’t hold this bean without thinking of her nieces and nephews as well as the one she’d lost.

  More of those adorable dimples showed. Amber wiped a rogue tear and refocused. She couldn’t go there mentally with the one she’d lost. It still hurt too damn much even though it had happened years ago.

  The only blanket Amber could find was on the bed. She didn’t want to wrap Brooklyn in the one he used for sleep. She moved to the bathroom and opened the cupboard, looking for a good-size, thick towel. She noted the size of the bathroom was perfect for one person.

  In fact, the two-bedroom house was made for a single person. The space was in disarray, which was not Rylan’s fault, but it was no place for an infant. There were unpacked boxes in the bedroom, too. It looked like one of the walls had been marked for demolition. Old wallpaper hung from walls in the bathroom and bedroom. This place was a construction nightmare. Also, the carpet seemed as old as the house. It had probably been a nice color of beige at one point. Now it was stained and had ripples so big from wear a person could trip over them. There was no way a baby could safely crawl around on this germy floor.

  “How long did he say he’d lived here?” Amber said to Brooklyn because the little one seemed to like the sound of Amber’s voice.

  She located a towel in the hall cupboard, held it to her nose and sniffed it.

  “Clean,” she announced to the baby. “Are you ready to go outside for a walk?”

  Brooklyn stuffed her fist in her mouth. Drool dripped from her chin.

  “Are you an early teether?” Amber hadn’t seen any teeth so far, but that didn’t mean one wasn’t trying to peek out of her gums. Three months old was early to be getting her first tooth, but it wasn’t unheard of. Six months was the general rule of thumb, but with her nieces and nephews Amber had learned that while there were general guidelines, when it came down to it every child was unique.

  Without her nieces and nephews, Amber would be lost right now. She’d never been the babysitting type until her oldest brother Mitch and his wife, Andrea, had had twins. Rea and Aaron were the first Kent babies and kicked off a baby boom at the ranch that Amber wanted no part of personally. She loved every bit of being an aunt. But babies of her own after what had happened? Amber didn’t see herself going down that path again.

  Besides, she’d always been the outdoorsy type and loved working long hours on the ranch. A fact she blamed on having five brothers. She was also the youngest, which probably should’ve made her spoiled rotten, but she had too much of her father’s hard-working attitude for that nonsense. She’d never been one for inside chores. The only kind of cooking she was good at was for holidays or daily survival. The only remotely motherly thing she ever did was cook at Christmas, and that was because her mother had insisted. Lydia Kent had been revolutionary for her generation. She hadn’t seen cooking as women’s work, and Amber couldn’t agree more. Mother had made a point of having all of her children pitch in for holiday meals. Everyone had grumbled about it growing up. And now, Amber couldn’t be more grateful.

  Because of her mother’s ideals and stubbornness in the face of op
position, Amber and her brothers had been continuing the tradition of Crown Pork Roast with Cranberry Pecan Stuffing as a main course along with Make-Ahead Yeast Rolls and desserts like Apple-Bourbon Pie and Orange Bundt Cake. They baked molasses crunch cookies, staying up too late in the week leading up to Christmas after daily chores were done.

  The smiles on everyone’s faces once they quit grumbling about helping and started rolling up their sleeves and working easily made up for the lost sleep. Their mother would turn up the radio that was locked on to the station that played nonstop Christmas carols. She practically danced around the kitchen. She used to joke that Dad got the children most of the year after the age of five but Christmas belonged to her.

  She’d blocked out holiday memories in the years after losing her mother. Her father, a devoted husband, had joined his wife a few short years after her death.

  Amber’s mother was the bright light, the warmth, that everyone had migrated toward.

  Brooklyn stirred in Amber’s arms, and she ignored the pang in her chest as she stared at the little girl happily sucking on her fist. Amber put on her coat and then wrapped the baby in the towel like a burrito. She gathered Brooklyn in her arms and headed outside for some fresh air, reminding herself that she always got a little melancholy after the holidays.

  Rylan lived in town in a neighborhood with quarter-to half-acre lots. It was nice to walk around the area. Make no mistake, she loved living on the ranch but this was pleasant, too. It seemed like a change of pace, and she could see how a kid might enjoy having neighbors close by. Amber had grown up with brothers and around ranch hands. Her only respite was her cousin Amy, who was also Amber’s best friend.

  Speaking of which, she owed Amy a phone call. She had been the one to warn Amber that Rylan had come back to Jacobstown. Amber had been caught off guard that her cousin had felt the need to approach the subject with caution. When Amber had cornered Amy about it, she’d acted like it was no big deal. But her cousin always had a reason for her actions. She was probably warning of the fireworks to come between Rylan and Will.